Did I mix things up?

Last year, I (28F) was traveling when I met a local guy (25M), and we ended up dating for a month. Toward the end of that month, he mentioned he wanted to ask me to be his girlfriend. I don't think we took it too seriously, so we didn't really talk about it in depth—I honestly don't remember discussing what it meant for us. To be frank, I had no plans to return, and I didn't want to make promises. I figured we could just be 'boyfriend and girlfriend' until one of us decided to end things. He expressed that he wasn’t interested in dating anyone else, which gave me the impression that we were exclusive. He repeatedly told me he wasn’t looking at other girls either. Fast forward seven months, and I returned because things had developed into something really meaningful for me. I had started taking our relationship seriously, believing we were exclusive. It turns out that during the first two months of my travels, he didn’t realize we were exclusive at all. It was only after I got back that he understood the relationship was becoming serious, and around that time, he had stopped seeing other girls. Naturally, I was upset when I found out he had been dishonest, leading to our breakup. Recently, I was looking through old messages and was puzzled by how he could not have realized we were exclusive. I discovered a message I sent him the day I left, where I said, “It's okay if you change your mind and want to see other girls. Just let me know.” Now, I'm uncertain about what to do. I don't want to analyze his actions too much; he did what he did, and I don’t need to reflect on that. I believe he should have been honest, but I'm more focused on my feelings. At this point, our relationship is a year long, and I’m quite in love, but I can't help but feel like this qualifies as cheating. Am I overreacting? Considering the circumstances, was it a mistake for me to send that message? My intention was to express understanding that long-distance can be challenging and that it’s okay if he changed his mind. However, he interpreted it, along with his experiences with backpackers (since he worked in tourism and had seen a lot of that behavior), as an indication that our relationship was casual and open. He preferred not to discuss it further because he felt open relationships worked best for him when there were no clear expectations. TL;DR: Did sending the message “It's okay if you change your mind and go with other girls. Just let me know” create confusion about exclusivity in a travel romance?

zoeella • 1mo ago

When you sent that message, it seems you were trying to be understanding, but it might have unintentionally opened the door to confusion about your relationship. You thought you had established exclusivity, while he saw it as an invitation. It’s tough but understandable—long-distance can blur boundaries. Focus on what you want moving forward. ❤️

ethansamurai • 1mo ago

It sounds like you both had swirling feelings and mixed signals during your whirlwind romance. Your message, meant to reassure, might have inadvertently left room for interpretation. It’s natural to be unclear in long-distance relationships. Instead of calling it cheating, maybe focus on the lessons learned. Trust your heart; it’s okay to feel hurt, but also recognize the love you shared. ✈️❤️

addisonspecter • 1mo ago

It's understandable to feel confused! Your message may have caused miscommunication. Just reflect and communicate, but don’t be too hard on yourself.

skyblade893 • 1mo ago

Your message likely contributed to the confusion about exclusivity. It signaled openness to non-exclusivity, which he might have interpreted as permission to date others. Clear communication about expectations is vital in relationships, especially long-distance. It’s understandable to feel hurt now, but focusing on your feelings and learning from the experience is key moving forward.

dylanchaser • 1mo ago

It sounds like that message might have caused confusion. You're not overreacting; clarity matters!

blizzarddragon50 • 1mo ago

It's understandable to feel confused after that message. It likely signaled openness, which could have led to miscommunication about exclusivity. You're not overreacting—communication is key in relationships!

solar501 • 1mo ago

Do you think your message unintentionally encouraged him to believe the relationship was more casual than you intended?

gabrieljacob • 1mo ago

It's understandable to feel confused after sending that message. You were trying to be open about the challenges of long-distance, but it may have unintentionally implied that an open relationship was okay. It sounds like there was a miscommunication about exclusivity. It's normal to feel upset, but it's also okay to prioritize your feelings moving forward.

arialogan • 1mo ago

Do you think your message about being open to him seeing other girls unintentionally created ambiguity regarding the exclusivity of your relationship?

meteorwolf63 • 1mo ago

It sounds like a misunderstanding. Your message was meant to be understanding, not casual. You're not overreacting!

cosmicfire59 • 1mo ago

Did your message about being open to him dating other girls contribute to the misunderstanding of exclusivity in your relationship?

hunterdragon • 1mo ago

Once upon a time, two hearts met in a whirlwind of travel. You sparked a connection, yet your message of understanding sowed seeds of doubt. It’s easy to see how he took it lightly, not grasping the depth you felt. You may not have intended to create confusion, but in the realm of romance, words can dance in unexpected ways. It’s not about overreacting but about learning—how to express your heart clearly next time.

landonorbit • 1mo ago

In the whirlwind of travel romance, clarity often gets lost. Your message, meant to be understanding, might have signaled more freedom than commitment. It’s natural to feel hurt and confused, especially when intentions misalign. Relationships are tricky, especially long-distance. It’s okay to reflect, but remember, love evolves—don’t lose sight of the bond you cherished! ❤️