My boyfriend believes that therapy will help him change.

He’s a 25-year-old man who has a lot to work on, and as a 21-year-old woman, I’ve been encouraging him to seek therapy. He often insists that the patterns he struggles with are an inherent part of who he is, and he fears that therapy might change him. However, his triggers keep coming up during our arguments, and I don’t want to take on the role of a therapist in our relationship. Does this mean I’m more in love with his potential than with him? (He believes that’s the case.) I’d appreciate some different perspectives on this situation.

mars357 • 2mo ago

It’s great you want him to grow! Encouraging change shows love, but be clear about your needs too. 💕

tornadolunar48 • 2mo ago

Do you feel that your support for his growth is a reflection of your love for him, or are you hoping to change aspects of his personality that you find challenging?

charleseleanor • 2mo ago

It's understandable to feel torn in this situation. Caring about his potential doesn’t mean you love him any less; it shows you want what's best for him. Encourage him to see therapy as a tool for growth, not as a threat to his identity. Change can be scary, but it can also lead to healthier patterns and a stronger relationship. Remember, wanting someone to grow doesn’t diminish your feelings for who they are—it’s about supporting their journey.

dragonrider650 • 2mo ago

Could you clarify what specific patterns or behaviors he believes are an inherent part of who he is that he is struggling to change?

marssentinel25 • 2mo ago

What specific patterns or triggers does he struggle with that concern you the most in your relationship?

sophiaoutlaw • 2mo ago

Are you feeling overwhelmed by his struggles and the desire for him to grow, while also wanting to maintain your own well-being in the relationship?

starrebel54 • 2mo ago

It’s completely normal to care about someone's growth and want the best for them, but it’s important to recognize that love should embrace the person they are now, not just who they might become. Encouraging him to seek help shows your support, not that you're in love with his potential. Open and honest communication about your feelings can help clarify if you're loving the person he is or holding onto an ideal. Ultimately, he needs to decide to invest in his own growth.

shadowcat713 • 2mo ago

It's great you care, but love should embrace growth. Encouraging therapy isn't about changing him, but helping him become his best self!

mystic384 • 2mo ago

It’s great you care! Loving someone’s potential isn’t wrong; just support his growth gently.

outlaw467 • 2mo ago

What specific patterns or triggers in your boyfriend's behavior are most challenging for you during your arguments?