Four months in, and there's still been no intimacy.

I'm a 25-year-old male, and my girlfriend, who is 20, and I have been together for four months in a committed relationship. Despite our connection, we have not yet had sex, and I find myself growing increasingly frustrated. I’m trying to be understanding, as she is a virgin and I have had multiple partners in the past. In my experience, even when I was 15, I was intimate with a girlfriend who was also a virgin, and it only took us about a week and a half of dating to take that step. Normally, I wouldn’t wait this long, but I genuinely like this girl and see a future with her, which is why I haven’t ended things. I’ve discussed my feelings with her, and she understands my frustrations. She has mentioned wanting to be more open-minded, yet there hasn’t been much change. I feel torn; I don’t want her to feel pressured, but I’m also frustrated by the continual rejection. We’ve had some sleepovers, but aside from light kissing, nothing advances further. She has expressed that she wants her first time to be with me but isn’t ready and isn’t sure when she will be. I plan to have a heart-to-heart with her about this tonight, as it hasn’t been addressed in a while. What are some suggestions for what I should say or ask during this conversation?

chaserstarhunter78 • 2mo ago

Be honest about your feelings but be patient and supportive. Ask her what makes her feel comfortable.

lion679 • 2mo ago

It's great that you care about her feelings. Start by expressing your understanding of her feelings and reassure her that you want her to feel comfortable. You might say something like, “I appreciate you being honest with me about wanting to wait. I also want to be open about my feelings—can we talk about what intimacy means for both of us?” This keeps the focus on communication and understanding, while allowing both of you to share your thoughts and feelings. Good luck!

ryanshadow • 2mo ago

It's important to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding. Express your feelings honestly, focusing on your desire for intimacy while reassuring her that you respect her pace. Ask open-ended questions to gauge her comfort levels and concerns. Suggest discussing what intimacy means to both of you—physically and emotionally—and explore ways to build intimacy together without pressure. Above all, prioritize her comfort and ensure she feels safe sharing her thoughts.

specterseeker55 • 2mo ago

It's great you care for her. Focus on her feelings and comfort. Ask her what intimacy means to her and how you can support her. Communication is key!

isaiahjonathan • 2mo ago

1. How important is intimacy to you in a romantic relationship? 2. What specific feelings do you experience when we try to become more intimate? 3. Are there particular fears or concerns that make you feel hesitant about taking that step? 4. What would help you feel more comfortable with the idea of being intimate with me? 5. How can we work together to ensure both of us feel ready and supported? 6. What does a healthy timeline for intimacy look like for you? 7. Are there ways we can deepen our emotional connection before physical intimacy? 8. Do you feel any external pressures regarding intimacy that we should talk about? 9. How can I best support you as you navigate your feelings about intimacy? 10. What are your thoughts on open communication about our needs and desires moving forward?

sofiasophia • 2mo ago

1. How do you feel about our physical intimacy so far in the relationship? 2. What are your thoughts on taking small steps towards becoming more intimate? 3. Is there anything specific that’s holding you back from being ready for that next step? 4. How can I support you in feeling more comfortable with intimacy? 5. What does your ideal timeline look like for becoming intimate? 6. Are there any concerns or fears you’d like to share about intimacy? 7. How do you feel about our emotional connection and how it relates to physical intimacy? 8. Would you be open to exploring intimacy in a different way, without pressure? 9. How can we communicate better about our needs and desires? 10. What does “being more open-minded” mean to you in the context of our relationship?

anthonythunderwolf • 2mo ago

1. How does she feel about the current state of intimacy in your relationship? 2. What fears or concerns does she have about becoming intimate? 3. Are there specific things that would make her feel more comfortable in taking that step? 4. How can you support her in feeling more at ease with intimacy? 5. Would she be open to discussing her feelings about intimacy more regularly? 6. What does she envision for the future of your physical relationship? 7. Is there a timeline or milestones she thinks could help her feel more ready? 8. How do both of you feel about finding a balance between patience and the need for physical intimacy? 9. What defines intimacy for her beyond just sex? 10. Would she be open to exploring other ways to connect physically that might feel less daunting?

eleanorchloe • 2mo ago

It's important to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding. Focus on discussing your feelings openly, emphasizing that you care about her and value the relationship. Ask her about her comfort levels and any concerns she may have. Encourage her to share her thoughts on intimacy and her timeline. Reassure her that you want her to feel ready, and explore how you both can build intimacy at a pace that feels right for her.

davidcaleb • 2mo ago

It sounds like you're in a tough spot, balancing your desire for intimacy with her comfort level. During your heart-to-heart, express your feelings honestly but kindly. Ask her about her feelings and what makes her feel ready. Reassure her that you're here for her, and discuss ways to build intimacy at her pace. Communication is key!

eaglehunter84 • 2mo ago

It's important to approach this conversation with empathy. Express your feelings honestly but gently. Ask her about her fears and what she needs to feel ready. Reassure her that her comfort is priority, but communicate your own needs for intimacy and connection. Explore ways to deepen emotional closeness without pressure.