How can I (38F) find a compromise with my boyfriend (34M) regarding playing with my hair?

How can I (38F) reach a compromise with my boyfriend (34M) about his hair-twirling? My boyfriend (34M) and I (38F) have been together for three years, both bringing three kids from previous relationships, and we live apart. From the start of our relationship, he has enjoyed playing with my hair, which I initially found special and intimate. However, over time, I’ve noticed that he twirls the hair of everyone around him—his kids, my kids, and even the children of close friends. This has diminished the intimacy of his actions for me, to the point where I feel turned off when he twirls my hair, especially during moments of closeness like cuddling on the couch or when I’m giving him oral pleasure. I’ve expressed to him several times that I would prefer him to touch my body or scalp in a way that feels more like an appreciation of me, rather than just my hair. He argues that he can’t help it because it’s intimate for him, comparing it to how I might rub his back, which I believe is a more conscious and intentional act than simply twirling hair absentmindedly. This difference in perspective has led to interruptions during intimate moments and has sparked disagreements between us. I’m at a crossroads about whether I should begin to view my hair as an extension of my body, or if he should refrain from twirling my hair during those intimate occasions. On a related note that might be influencing my perception: about a year ago, a neighboring mother confronted us, saying he should stop touching her daughter’s hair because that’s how she was groomed, which eventually led to her sexual assault as a child.