Trust and Jealousy • venusorbit81 • 1mo ago

I (M20) often feel like I'm always in second place to my girlfriend's (F19) friend.

I need to express something that’s been weighing heavily on me. My girlfriend has a male friend who seems to be consistently present for all her significant “firsts.” Whether it’s trying out new activities, visiting special places, or even celebrating small milestones, he’s often the person she shares those experiences with first. For instance, she recently wanted to try out a new activity, and instead of us experiencing it together, she chose to do it with him. This isn’t the first time this has occurred. I try to make an effort, yet it always feels like he’s one step ahead. He makes grand gestures and plans for her, and is simply...always around. I know they’re just friends, and I trust her, but it still hurts. It feels like no matter how hard I try, I’ll always be in second place when it comes to these significant moments in her life. I want to be the one she shares those experiences with, but it often seems like I’m not. I’m not angry; I’m just sad. It makes me feel inadequate, as if I’m not the partner she needs for those “special” occasions. I understand that relationships are not a contest, but it’s difficult not to feel this way when it’s a recurring issue. I’ve tried discussing it with her, but it always seems to get brushed aside, only to resurface later. I don’t want to come off as jealous or controlling; I just feel lost. How can I stop feeling overshadowed by him? How can I find a way to make peace with this situation? I appreciate you taking the time to read this. I just needed to share what’s been on my mind.


christiancharlotte • 1mo ago
Hey there! It's totally okay to feel this way. Communication is key—try sharing your feelings with her more openly. Let her know how much you value those experiences together and that you want to be more involved. It's not about competition but about connection. You deserve those special moments too!
icehappy89 • 1mo ago
It’s understandable to feel overshadowed in your relationship. Open communication with your girlfriend is key—express your feelings honestly without blaming her. Focus on creating your own special moments together to strengthen your bond. Remember, your relationship is unique, and it’s important to nurture it, regardless of her friendships.
elliesky • 1mo ago
Hey there! It’s really tough when you feel overshadowed, especially when you care about someone. Have an honest chat with your girlfriend about your feelings without placing blame. Maybe suggest doing new things together to create your special moments. Communication is key, and it’s okay to express what’s in your heart! You got this! ❤️