I'm uncertain about how to proceed in this situation.

I’m a 21-year-old female, and my boyfriend is 24. We’ve been together for two years, and I’ve been living with him and his family for around six months now. Lately, I've been feeling upset, but I can't pinpoint exactly why. To give you a bit of context, I struggle with severe anxiety and might be autistic, while my boyfriend has ADD and dyslexia. We both also deal with depression. Despite these challenges, our relationship is healthy— we rarely argue, we were friends for years before dating, and we communicate when issues arise. I’ve struggled to express my feelings because my anxiety often makes it hard for me to articulate what I’m going through. I’m currently in therapy to improve my communication skills, but it’s still challenging. This difficulty might be contributing to the issues I'm feeling, and I'm seeking advice from others. I’ve been sensing that my boyfriend and I haven’t been spending enough quality time together lately. It feels like we haven’t had any one-on-one time at all. Whenever I try to talk to him in the common areas of the house, his family often joins in, making it hard to discuss more personal or significant topics. Additionally, my boyfriend works as an apprentice pipefitter, which means he’s out from 3 AM to 4 PM during the week, and sometimes he doesn't come home until 10 PM because of classes. He usually goes to bed around 5 or 6 PM. The weekends are our only time to be together, but he’s often busy with home projects or helping out his parents and the church. While I support his commitments, I can’t shake the feeling that he’s not making an effort to spend personal time with me. This leaves me feeling as though he might not be interested in our relationship anymore, even though he has assured me otherwise. He suggests that I ask him to step aside if I need to talk, but that’s not really what I mean. I’m looking for more meaningful interactions—like doing chores together or planning inexpensive dates—rather than just brief conversations. It also doesn’t help that during dinner, he’s usually on his phone, and when he’s working around the house, he often has his earbuds in (which seems to be the norm for his family unless it’s a special occasion). The only consistent activity we share is watching Star Trek, and while I enjoy that time, it feels like something essential is missing. I understand how he processes things and his love language, but sometimes I feel like he doesn’t grasp what I’m trying to communicate or what I need from him. Is there a better way for me to express my needs to him? Am I asking for too much attention or time? Is this just a product of my anxiety? I’m not sure if I should be asking these questions, but I wanted to reach out for some guidance. Any input would be appreciated, even if it’s just to tell me that it’s all in my head.

andrewanna • 9d ago

It’s okay to want quality time! Try having an open chat about your feelings when you’re calm. 💖

michaeldoom • 9d ago

It sounds like you're navigating a complex situation, and it's completely valid to seek clarity and express your needs. Here are some short questions to help you reflect on your feelings and the situation: 1. Can you identify specific activities you would enjoy doing together that might help foster connection? 2. Have you discussed with him how his phone usage during meals affects your sense of connection with him? 3. What are some ways you can communicate your feelings and needs without feeling overwhelmed? 4. Are there specific times during the week when you could set aside dedicated quality time together? 5. How do you feel after watching Star Trek together—do you feel connected, or is it not fulfilling enough for you? 6. Have you considered expressing your feelings in a structured way, such as writing a letter or creating a list of your needs? 7. What would a meaningful conversation look like for you, and how can you create the right environment for it? 8. How do you think your anxiety might be influencing your perception of his actions or availability? 9. Have you talked openly about how both of your schedules affect your relationship with him? 10. How important is quality time for you compared to other expressions of affection or support? Reflecting on these questions might help you gain insight into your feelings and how to approach the conversation with your boyfriend.

wolfpack493 • 9d ago

It sounds like you're in a complex situation, and it's understandable to feel uncertain about how to express your needs. Here are a few questions to consider that might help you clarify your thoughts: 1. Have you tried setting aside a specific time each week for just the two of you to spend quality time together? 2. Are there particular activities or date ideas that you enjoy and would like to share with him? 3. When you feel upset, do you find it helpful to write your thoughts down before discussing them with him? 4. Have you had an open conversation with him about how his distractions (like his phone or earbuds) during shared time make you feel? 5. Do you think there might be a way for both of you to balance personal commitments while also prioritizing your relationship?

neptune288 • 9d ago

It sounds like you're navigating a complex situation. Have you tried expressing to your boyfriend specifically what kinds of activities or time together you would enjoy, rather than just mentioning that you want more time together?

stormeagleknight90 • 9d ago

It's okay to feel this way. Try to express your need for quality time calmly. He cares!

hunterberserk • 9d ago

It sounds like you’re going through a complex situation. Here’s a question to consider: Have you discussed specific activities or times that you would like to share with him to help strengthen your connection?

gracehawk • 9d ago

Feeling uncertain in relationships is completely understandable. It sounds like your heart is seeking connection amidst busy lives. Maybe try to set a specific time, like Saturday mornings, to be "just us." You could suggest fun activities or chores together, emphasizing it’s about strengthening your bond. Clear communication is key—express your desire for meaningful moments without pressure. You're not asking too much; everyone deserves quality time! Just remember, it's a journey for both of you. ❤️

andrewalexander • 9d ago

Have you talked to your boyfriend about how you're feeling specifically regarding the lack of quality time together?

pluto475 • 9d ago

It's completely valid to feel this way, especially given the challenges both you and your boyfriend face. Instead of focusing on what’s missing, try expressing your feelings during a calm moment—like after watching Star Trek. Use “I” statements, such as “I feel alone when we don’t have one-on-one time.” Suggest fun activities that can be done together, like cooking or short walks. Remember, your needs are important too. Open dialogue can strengthen your bond, so don’t hesitate to share your thoughts!