Sexual Problems and Intimacy • tigernomad14 • 20d ago

Do you have any suggestions for how I, a 28-year-old woman, can support my boyfriend, who is 29, with his frequent porn consumption and his struggles with depression?

My boyfriend (29M) and I (28F) have been together for a year and a half. I'm reaching out for advice on how to support him with his depression and his tendency to watch porn frequently. Does porn truly impact a guy's sex life? He is currently struggling with depression and takes a lot of medication, which affects his libido. I understand this and try to be patient, but I have a high sex drive and often feel horny. Recently, our sex life has declined, which is starting to affect my self-esteem. While I know his depression plays a role in his lack of interest, it's disheartening when I initiate intimacy and he tells me he’s not in the mood. However, I notice he frequently watches porn. I’ve expressed how this makes me feel, and suggested he might consider limiting his porn consumption, perhaps waiting to initiate intimacy until I’m home or not working. He insists that porn doesn’t impact his desire for me and that the two aren’t connected. Don’t get me wrong—if he wants to watch porn, that's fine, but it hurts my feelings that he chooses it over being intimate with me. I’ve found myself pointing out that when he does engage in self-pleasure, he seems uninterested later in the evening when I try to initiate intimacy. When I ask him whether he has masturbated, he often lies about it, which makes me feel like I'm losing my mind and leads me to accuse him of dishonesty. I've even resorted to checking the trash for evidence—something I’m not proud of, but his lies are driving me to question my own sanity. One night, after flirting with him throughout the day, I came home and tried to be intimate again, but once more he said he wasn't in the mood. When I asked if he had masturbated, he replied, "No, but whatever I say, you won’t believe me." Shortly after, I found a used tissue in the trash, which led me to inspect it further just to reassure myself that I wasn’t imagining things. The next morning, I messaged him about how upset I was for feeling lied to. When I brought it up when I got home, we argued. I confronted him about the tissue, and he denied ever seeing it, leaving me feeling confused and questioning whether I was imagining it. He suggested I was overthinking things. We recently had a conversation where I expressed my feelings of inadequacy, believing I couldn’t satisfy him. He reassured me of his attraction to me and his love, admitting that while he struggles with a porn addiction, it doesn’t affect how he feels about me. He emphasized that I always turn him on. Thanks for taking the time to read my situation. I appreciate any advice you might have!


adamviper • 20d ago
Support him by encouraging open talks about feelings. Suggest therapy for both of you. 💖
plutoinferno31 • 20d ago
It's tough seeing someone you love struggle. Maybe frame your support as a team effort. Encourage him to talk about his feelings, and maybe suggest couples therapy. Open the door to intimacy with fun activities that build connection—cuddling, games, or shared hobbies. It's not just about sex; it's about nurturing your bond!
cyclonestormeagle44 • 20d ago
It's tough to navigate this. Open communication is key—maybe suggest a heart-to-heart where both of you can share feelings without judgment. Explore activities that boost his mood together, fostering closeness. Encourage him to seek professional support for depression. Remember, it’s okay to express your needs, too; balance is crucial.
loganblizzard • 20d ago
It sounds like you're in a challenging situation. Have you both considered seeking couples therapy to address the communication and intimacy issues while providing him support for his depression and porn consumption?