I'm a 21-year-old guy, and I'm struggling to help my girlfriend, who is also 21, understand that it’s not that I don’t love her. It’s just that I’m not comfortable cuddling while I’m sleeping.

My girlfriend and I share many similarities, especially when it comes to our preferences. For instance, we both strongly dislike when people invade our personal space. Handshakes are uncommon for us, and we only feel comfortable giving hugs to those we've known for a long time. When we first started getting to know each other, we became comfortable enough to let each other into our personal spaces—we embraced, kissed, and held hands. However, I've always had a hard time sleeping next to someone. The only person I shared a bed with as a child was my grandma, and since my mom gave me my own room at seven, I've been more or less alone at night. This led to fears of both sleeping alone and needing a light on. I've had relationships where I stayed over, but I’ve never really been able to fall asleep while cuddling. Spooning and the heat can make me feel itchy and restless, preventing me from sleeping well, and I tend to squirm away, which can be frustrating for my partner. I’ve always been fine sleeping with pillows, a habit I developed as a child with my teddy bears (even if I had to give them up at 13 for being ‘not manly’). But having another person so close while I sleep has never been comfortable for me. My girlfriend, on the other hand, thrives on affection and often craves my touch. Sometimes she wants to be right next to me for extended periods, and while that doesn't diminish my love for her, I occasionally need space to feel like myself. I enjoy cuddling on the couch or during a movie, but when it comes to sleeping, it’s a different story. Despite having a king-sized bed, I often find myself near the edge or waking her up because her instinct is to pull me closer while I automatically try to move away, leaving me teetering off the bed. She sometimes playfully accuses me of not caring because I don't want to cuddle while we sleep. It’s exhausting to repeat that I'm just not used to it and that I find it uncomfortable, much like anyone else might have their own discomforts. While I know she’s mostly joking, this issue arises every time she stays over, and it leaves me feeling uneasy.