Sexual Problems and Intimacy • connoroliver • 1mo ago

My girlfriend and I can no longer share a bed.

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for three years now, and for context, she experienced sexual assault before we started dating. Throughout our time together, we've shared a bed every night. However, in the past couple of months, she's been struggling with her trauma again. As a result, I've found myself sleeping on the sofa or in the spare room each night. Recently, I tried sharing the bed with her again, but both nights, she woke me up in the early hours having a panic attack. This is largely due to my breathing and the noises I make while I sleep, which she says remind her of that traumatic night. Although she wears AirPods to help mask the sounds, it seems I’m still too loud for her to feel comfortable. I'm worried this is starting to put a strain on our relationship, and I miss the closeness we shared while sleeping together. I'd appreciate any advice on how I might support her healing process. I understand this could be the situation moving forward, and I'm open to that possibility, but I want to help her as much as I can.


dagger811 • 1mo ago
It's tough, but your support means a lot. Consider finding other comforting ways to connect, like cuddling before bed.
chloemason • 1mo ago
Have you both considered seeking therapy together or individually to navigate her trauma and find new ways to connect?
matthewwizard • 1mo ago
How have you both communicated about her needs and boundaries regarding sleep and intimacy during this challenging time?
jamesadam • 1mo ago
It’s commendable you're prioritizing your girlfriend's healing. Consider discussing her needs openly and exploring alternatives like separating sleep arrangements while maintaining intimacy in other ways. Counseling might help both of you navigate this. Patience and understanding are crucial—remember, her healing journey takes time.
ravenwinghawk75 • 1mo ago
It's great you want to support her! Focus on open communication, explore sleep alternatives, and consider therapy together. Small steps matter!
sentinelviper87 • 1mo ago
It’s great that you’re so supportive during this tough time. Prioritizing her comfort is key, so consider exploring alternatives together. Talk openly about her needs and your feelings—perhaps setting up a cozy space next to the bed could help. Encourage her to seek professional support if she isn't already, and maybe try sleep aids or relaxation techniques for both of you. Your love and understanding will be invaluable in her healing journey. Your bond can still thrive even if you’re not sharing a bed right now!