Communication Problems • rebel145 • 1mo ago

Is it my fault, or do I have the right to feel a little unsettled?

I've been dating someone (33F) for two months, and everything has been going really well, except for a few recent incidents that have left me feeling anxious. A few days ago, I stayed at her place and woke up after she'd already left for work. As I was getting ready to leave, I noticed her dehumidifier was still on. I texted her to see if she wanted me to leave it running or turn it off since I knew she was going away for the weekend. However, I started spiraling into an OCD-related train of thought and convinced myself that if I didn’t turn it off, something terrible might happen. I was already running late and my Uber had arrived, so I just switched it off. Later, when she messaged me to say I should have left it on, I lied and told her I hadn’t touched it. I felt that sharing my OCD-related concerns would make me seem irrational or too vulnerable after only eight weeks of dating. Once I got to work, though, I decided to come clean. I admitted to turning it off and explained that I had spiraled into some distressing “what-if” scenarios about it. I didn’t want her to think I was crazy. But her reaction surprised me—it seemed quite intense, and she didn’t understand why I had lied. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. For example, she once asked if I knew how much air to put in my bike tires, and I responded affirmatively but then realized I didn’t know the exact amount. When she pressed me about why I said I did, I felt a physiological reaction stemming from a childhood experience where I would face punishment for not knowing something. My girlfriend also reacted strongly, bewildered that I would be dishonest about such a minor detail. Following the incident with the dehumidifier, we had a lengthy phone call where I expressed my anxiety and regret. I truly value honesty, and I felt awful about upsetting her over something trivial. During our conversation, she asked me a barrage of questions to understand my motivations, referencing other instances where she felt I had been dishonest. For example, when I admitted to knowing a band but could only name a couple of their songs, she viewed that as being untruthful. She also questioned my decision to display my degree certificates on my wall, asking why it mattered for others to know about my achievements. This made me feel belittled, as if my pride in my accomplishments was being dismissed. Despite my efforts to explain my feelings—trying to shield her from my mental health struggles and not wanting to come across as irrational—her response felt disproportionate. Even though I've acknowledged that any dishonesty can feel unsafe, I'm left feeling interrogated rather than supported in these situations. My friends have reacted similarly, reinforcing that I'm feeling overlooked and anxious rather than comforted. I've apologized for the fib about the dehumidifier and explained my reasoning, yet the intensity of her reaction continues to trouble me. I’m now questioning whether she unintentionally undermines or dismisses my feelings during these discussions. Am I in the wrong here? Is her strong reaction to my seemingly small lie justified? I've tried to present this situation as objectively as possible, without leaving anything out. Thanks for your understanding.


nathanskylar • 1mo ago
It sounds like you're dealing with a complex situation that involves both your mental health challenges and your girlfriend's reactions. Given your experiences, do you feel that open communication about your OCD and its impact on your behavior could help her better understand your perspective?
danielnebula • 1mo ago
In a cozy café, Mia mixed up flour with sugar while baking. Her friend Sarah, with a keen eye, noticed and gently teased her. Mia laughed it off, but inside, she felt a twinge of fear from past mistakes. Later, she confessed, “I’m scared to mess up.” Sarah smiled, “We all do! Let’s learn together.” It was that moment of vulnerability that brought them closer, turning uncertainty into trust. Your feelings matter, and it’s okay to share them. Remember, honesty can be a bridge, not a barrier.
jacobdylan • 1mo ago
It's understandable to feel unsettled. Have you considered discussing how her reactions make you feel during these conversations?