My girlfriend told me, "I'm not interested in being intimate with you until you figure out how to approach me. Please don't ask for it."

My girlfriend told me, "I'm not interested in having sex with you until you figure out how to approach me." Hi! I'm a 22-year-old femme lesbian, and I’ve been dating my girlfriend, a 36-year-old masc lesbian, for nearly four months. Just a couple of days ago, she asked me to officially be her girlfriend, which thrilled me! But this morning, when I tried to initiate intimacy, she declined, saying, "You always just want to have sex; you need to find different ways to express your feelings." That was a bit disheartening, but I didn’t let it show and made her lunch before she left for work. Later in our conversation, I asked her how I could turn her on or approach her differently. She mentioned that she didn’t want to have to explain it to me, which really upset me. We had a similar disagreement around Christmas, where I reacted the same way when she didn’t give me a gift. At that time, she said she didn’t think it was necessary since our relationship was still new, and I felt I shouldn’t have to remind her to show her affection. For some background, I’m recently divorced from a pretty toxic marriage. I met my current girlfriend while navigating that difficult time. Although I’ve moved on, it has been challenging to let go of my past, despite the abuse I experienced. My new girlfriend and I have worked through some of this, and I’m genuinely sorry for how it all unfolded. I don’t have much experience in relationships or being intimate, so it can be a struggle for me. I try to express my affection in other ways—cooking for her, giving gifts, cleaning her place, and occasionally dressing up in lingerie or cute robes. She has also borrowed $700 from me without paying it back yet! I want to be a good partner and contribute equally, but it feels like she expects more from me, while she isn’t as proactive in planning dates or giving romantic gestures. When I bring it up, she responds with comments like, "This relationship is so new; I haven’t had a chance to" or "I just need to take my time and be patient." How can I communicate with her effectively without it leading to an argument or disagreement?