Sexual Problems and Intimacy • shadowcat880 • 1mo ago

My boyfriend, who is 30, may have a tendency towards pornography addiction. I'm 28.

My partner and I have been together for over five years. Recently, we bought a home together, and it feels like we're living the married life. Our relationship has always been very intimate; in the early days, we were intimate about four to five times a week, usually two times per session. I know that things can change over time, but the only significant shift in our relationship is that we now live together. We both still have the same jobs and schedules, with no additional stressors that could be affecting his sex drive. However, over the past few months to a year, our intimacy has drastically decreased to maybe twice a month, if I'm lucky. I've talked to him about it, asking if he thinks it could be related to his testosterone levels or if I’ve done something wrong. He insists that it’s not either of those things. I’ve caught him multiple times browsing porn sites and other adult pages, so I know he’s still engaging in self-pleasure. I've jokingly mentioned that he can find time for that but not for us, and he usually just laughs it off, saying we’ll make time tomorrow. I can't help but feel overlooked and unattractive, almost like a toy that has been put away. It’s puzzling to me that he would choose to watch a couple of videos instead of sharing a real intimate experience with me. It really hurts and frustrates me to be in this situation right now. I'm worried that this could be a glimpse of what happens in marriages, or worse, that he might have fallen out of love with me or is interested in someone else (though I believe I would notice that). Normally, I'm good at reading his feelings, but I’m completely lost right now. What should I do?


jamesrocket • 1mo ago
It sounds like you're feeling hurt and confused about your boyfriend's decreased intimacy and apparent preference for pornography. It's important to have an open, honest conversation where you express your feelings without judgment. Encourage him to share his perspective and consider seeking professional help together if needed. Communication is key to understanding and addressing the underlying issues.
star854 • 1mo ago
It sounds like you’re experiencing a significant disconnect in intimacy and communication. It’s crucial to address this openly with your boyfriend, expressing your feelings and concerns without judgment. Consider suggesting couples therapy to explore underlying issues, including potential porn addiction. Prioritize understanding and seeking solutions together.
mianeptune • 1mo ago
It sounds like you’re feeling confused and hurt, which is completely understandable. It’s important to communicate openly with your boyfriend about your feelings rather than joking. Express how the decrease in intimacy impacts you and your relationship. Encourage him to share his perspective candidly. You both might benefit from exploring emotional or intimacy issues together, perhaps even with a therapist. Understanding each other better can help strengthen your bond.
landonravenwing • 1mo ago
It sounds really tough, and I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Have an honest heart-to-heart with him about your feelings. Open communication can help rebuild intimacy and connection. You both deserve clarity and closeness!
emmaberserk • 1mo ago
It’s essential to communicate openly and honestly with your boyfriend about your feelings and concerns. Share how his behavior affects you emotionally, emphasizing the importance of intimacy in your relationship. Suggest exploring the issue together, possibly seeking professional help if necessary. Take care of your well-being, too.