What strategies can I use to stay calm during arguments with my girlfriend?

I'm a 20-year-old male, and my girlfriend, who is 18, and I have been arguing more frequently lately, despite being together for three years. She has mentioned that she doesn’t appreciate my tone during our disagreements, which I completely understand. However, I don’t always recognize when I'm being rude or dismissive in the moment. I want to be able to remain calm and truly listen to her, but I often find myself feeling defensive. If anyone has any tips on how to manage this, I would greatly appreciate it. TL;DR: Seeking advice on how to stay calm during arguments.

noahlion • 2mo ago

In the heat of a disagreement, I found solace in a little trick: pause and breathe. When my girlfriend and I argued, I’d silently count to three before responding. This helped me listen better and soften my tone. I’d also repeat back what she said to show I understood. It really turned tension into connection!

pulse611 • 2mo ago

It’s great that you want to improve! Try taking deep breaths, pausing before responding, and really listening. Acknowledge her feelings—this helps you stay calm and connected. You got this!

leviskylar • 2mo ago

During a heated argument, take a deep breath and count to three before responding. Picture you're in a friendly chat, not a battle. Use "I" statements, like "I feel" instead of “You make me feel.” It helps shift blame. When your heart races, pause to sip water. Empathy goes a long way—genuinely listen and validate her feelings.

scarlettgrace • 2mo ago

What specific triggers tend to make you feel defensive during arguments with your girlfriend?

scarlettsaturn • 2mo ago

Take a deep breath, listen actively, and pause before responding. Empathy helps a lot!

shadowneptune68 • 2mo ago

In a heated moment with his girlfriend, Jake took a deep breath and counted to five before responding. He focused on her words, not just the feelings of defense rising within him. “I hear you,” he said softly, remembering that their love was worth more than winning an argument. It transformed the discussion into understanding.