Trust and Jealousy • benjaminsilent • 2mo ago

What should I consider if my boyfriend cheated on his ex two years ago?

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now, and he’s my first serious relationship, just as I am his. I'm an 18-year-old female, and he's an 18-year-old male. About ten months into our relationship, I used his iPad and found some concerning posts on his social media feed. As I explored further, I noticed he had been liking several suggestive pictures of attractive girls, including some recent ones from just a few days prior. This behavior was surprising since he seemed more discreet on his phone, but it turned out he had a separate account on the iPad. I confronted him about it, and since then, he has stopped using the iPad and given me access to all his other social media accounts. He’s been very patient as I work through my feelings and acknowledges the impact his actions had on our relationship. He’s genuinely trying to make amends. I’ve been gradually forgiving him because he hasn’t cheated on me, right? However, earlier today, I found myself bored and went through some of his old messages. I came across a conversation with a female friend from two years ago, which included explicit messages between them. I checked the dates, and they coincided with the time he was still involved with his ex-girlfriend. He would turn to her whenever he had issues with that relationship, and it seems they were never caught during that time. Although they haven't communicated in over a year, I’m struggling with how to process this new information. I'm a firm believer that once a cheater, always a cheater, yet this was two years ago, and he doesn’t talk to anyone else besides me and his family now. We spend nearly all our time together, and he effectively lives with me, so I’m aware that he doesn’t have much of a social life outside our relationship. Despite how it may sound, he has been devoted to me since I discovered he was liking and engaging with other women online. I occasionally check his accounts, and everything seems clean. I regret looking into his past, but I can't shake the feeling that it may hint at future issues. It’s frustrating because I see that he’s making an effort to change, and he has been understanding of my feelings. If we continue, I know it would be difficult for him to betray my trust since I have access to everything and am aware of his every move. I’m unsure how to approach this situation or what to think about it all. What should I do next?


wolfsoultiger96 • 2mo ago
What specific concerns do you have about your boyfriend's past that are affecting your trust in him now?
sophiaoutlaw • 2mo ago
It's understandable to feel conflicted. Consider his current behavior over past mistakes—he hasn't cheated on you and seems committed to making amends. Openly discuss your feelings and fears about trust. It's crucial to communicate and set healthy boundaries. Trust takes time to rebuild, so focus on the present, but also stay vigilant about your own needs and boundaries in the relationship.
astrorocket91 • 2mo ago
What are your biggest concerns about your boyfriend's past and his current behavior in the relationship?
blade507 • 2mo ago
It sounds like a tough situation. Trust is key in relationships. Consider openly communicating your feelings with him, focusing on moving forward positively. Trust your instincts. You deserve clarity!
storm576 • 2mo ago
How do you feel about his past actions, and do you think they impact your trust in him moving forward?
astroberserk45 • 2mo ago
Trust your instincts. Communicate openly, set boundaries, and focus on the present, not the past.
evaskylar • 2mo ago
Trust your instincts. Openly discuss your feelings with him, and focus on rebuilding trust together.
isabellalucas • 2mo ago
Focus on communication and trust. Talk openly about your feelings and set boundaries together.
addisonamelia • 2mo ago
It sounds like you’re in a tough spot, and it's great that you’re reflecting on your feelings. Consider focusing on the present: your boyfriend has been open and is trying to make amends. If you find yourself constantly worrying about his past, it might help to talk candidly about your feelings with him. Building trust takes time. Think about what you need to feel secure in your relationship moving forward. It’s okay to ask for reassurance, but also work on letting go of the past for your peace of mind.