I'm a 20-year-old guy currently feeling like I'm being treated more like a plaything than a partner by my girlfriend, who is also 20. This dynamic has come about because I've hurt her in the past and have been rude to her. I’m seeking advice on whether I should stay in this relationship or if it’s time to move on.

I'm a 20-year-old guy, and my girlfriend is also 20. We've been in a relationship for over two years, but it often feels forced. We both thought we were meant for each other, but it was clear from the start that she had unresolved feelings for her ex and had loved another guy deeply until I proposed to her, and she accepted. We've been through a lot together, experiencing many ups and downs and intense arguments. After some serious fights, we tried to start anew. For a while, things improved, and I even gave up hobbies and friendships to focus on our relationship because I believed I needed to make up for past mistakes and that she had the right to expect my commitment. However, I was friends with a girl in college whom I didn’t share much about my relationship with, and that made my girlfriend extremely jealous. Things escalated, and I had to cut off that friendship, creating a significant rift. Every time I saw that girl, I felt reminded of how I had let my girlfriend down. Then, one day we had a fight, and she began reaching out to her ex, sending a follow request to a guy she used to love on her private Instagram. That was when I completely lost it. Even though she immediately apologized, the damage was done. I felt heartbroken and betrayed, and I started seeing her more as his ex than my girlfriend. She did block the guy eventually and apologized countless times, even threatening suicide and ending up in the ER for two days when I stopped communicating with her. After things calmed down, she wanted to start fresh, and we did. But we had another serious fight that led us to block each other. When I later apologized, she brought up her ex again and compared me to him, expressing her desire to be with him instead. Now, I adjust to whatever she wants, even when it hurts me. I buy her things her dad won’t get her, and we often argue about it. I work a side job to cover my expenses and treat myself occasionally, but she doesn't like it when I spend money on myself and feels I’m not treating her equally. I sometimes think this is unreasonable; I'm not obligated to cover all her expenses. Yet here I am, almost begging her to stay with me and letting her walk all over my self-respect. I’m not sure why I’m doing this. Is this okay? What should I do? I've isolated myself from my friends because she doesn’t want me spending time with them. I feel lonely, guilty for past mistakes, and I think I’m acting like a “slave” to make up for my past behavior, even though her actions, like reaching out to her ex and seeking attention from other guys, have contributed to our problems. I’m lost and need someone to talk to about this. Sorry for my English; it's not my first language. **TL;DR:** I've been rude to my girlfriend, and now I feel like I'm her servant, hoping to stay together.