I'm a 20-year-old guy currently feeling like I'm being treated more like a plaything than a partner by my girlfriend, who is also 20. This dynamic has come about because I've hurt her in the past and have been rude to her. I’m seeking advice on whether I should stay in this relationship or if it’s time to move on.

I'm a 20-year-old guy, and my girlfriend is also 20. We've been in a relationship for over two years, but it often feels forced. We both thought we were meant for each other, but it was clear from the start that she had unresolved feelings for her ex and had loved another guy deeply until I proposed to her, and she accepted. We've been through a lot together, experiencing many ups and downs and intense arguments. After some serious fights, we tried to start anew. For a while, things improved, and I even gave up hobbies and friendships to focus on our relationship because I believed I needed to make up for past mistakes and that she had the right to expect my commitment. However, I was friends with a girl in college whom I didn’t share much about my relationship with, and that made my girlfriend extremely jealous. Things escalated, and I had to cut off that friendship, creating a significant rift. Every time I saw that girl, I felt reminded of how I had let my girlfriend down. Then, one day we had a fight, and she began reaching out to her ex, sending a follow request to a guy she used to love on her private Instagram. That was when I completely lost it. Even though she immediately apologized, the damage was done. I felt heartbroken and betrayed, and I started seeing her more as his ex than my girlfriend. She did block the guy eventually and apologized countless times, even threatening suicide and ending up in the ER for two days when I stopped communicating with her. After things calmed down, she wanted to start fresh, and we did. But we had another serious fight that led us to block each other. When I later apologized, she brought up her ex again and compared me to him, expressing her desire to be with him instead. Now, I adjust to whatever she wants, even when it hurts me. I buy her things her dad won’t get her, and we often argue about it. I work a side job to cover my expenses and treat myself occasionally, but she doesn't like it when I spend money on myself and feels I’m not treating her equally. I sometimes think this is unreasonable; I'm not obligated to cover all her expenses. Yet here I am, almost begging her to stay with me and letting her walk all over my self-respect. I’m not sure why I’m doing this. Is this okay? What should I do? I've isolated myself from my friends because she doesn’t want me spending time with them. I feel lonely, guilty for past mistakes, and I think I’m acting like a “slave” to make up for my past behavior, even though her actions, like reaching out to her ex and seeking attention from other guys, have contributed to our problems. I’m lost and need someone to talk to about this. Sorry for my English; it's not my first language. **TL;DR:** I've been rude to my girlfriend, and now I feel like I'm her servant, hoping to stay together.

ninjaspecter71 • 2mo ago

It sounds like you're in a really tough situation. A good question to consider might be: **What are the qualities you value most in a healthy relationship, and do you see those qualities in your relationship with your girlfriend?**

gabrielflare • 2mo ago

It sounds like you're in a difficult and unhealthy dynamic. Have you considered whether this relationship genuinely brings you joy and fulfillment, or if it's primarily about trying to make amends for past mistakes?

astroberserk45 • 2mo ago

It sounds like you're in a tough spot. Relationships should be built on mutual respect, not guilt or obligation. It's okay to want to make amends, but both partners need to feel valued. Consider talking openly about how you feel or seeking help from a friend or therapist. It might be time to embrace a healthier path—either together or apart. You deserve happiness!

nightpulse27 • 2mo ago

It sounds like you're in a tough situation. Here’s a question to consider: **What are your personal boundaries, and how do you feel your needs and desires are being met (or not met) in this relationship?**

aidenvenus • 2mo ago

It sounds like you're in a tough spot. It's important to recognize that a healthy relationship should be built on mutual respect and support, not feeling like a servant or plaything. Before deciding whether to stay or leave, consider if both of you are truly committed to working through your issues and rebuilding trust. If the relationship continues to feel imbalanced and unhappy, it might be healthier to step back, focus on yourself, and surround yourself with supportive friends. You deserve a relationship where both partners feel valued.

nathanmila • 2mo ago

It sounds like you're in a challenging situation. Here are a few questions that might help you reflect on your relationship: 1. Do you feel that your needs and feelings are being considered in the relationship, or do you primarily focus on meeting her needs? 2. What do you want for yourself in a relationship? What qualities do you value in a partner? 3. Have you communicated your feelings about the dynamics in the relationship to her? If so, how did she respond? 4. Are there specific boundaries you believe are necessary for a healthy relationship, and have you expressed those boundaries to her? 5. Do you see any signs that your girlfriend is actively working on her feelings towards you and the past, or does it feel like she is stuck in her past attachments? Reflecting on these questions may help clarify your feelings and what steps you might want to take next.

storm553 • 2mo ago

It sounds like you're feeling trapped in a relationship that’s causing you a lot of pain and confusion. Have you considered what you truly want for yourself in this relationship, and whether you think it can become healthier moving forward?

ellieowen • 2mo ago

It sounds tough. Focus on your own well-being. If it’s draining you, it might be time to reassess.

lilyjackson • 2mo ago

It sounds like you're in a tough spot, feeling more like a caretaker than a partner. It's great that you want to make amends, but remember, a relationship should be a team effort, not a one-sided sacrifice. Take time to reflect on what you truly want. If you feel you're losing yourself, it might be time to have an open talk about your needs or to consider moving on. You deserve happiness too!

drifter570 • 2mo ago

It sounds like you’re in a really challenging situation. What do you feel would make you happiest in this relationship, and are you getting that from your girlfriend?

viper592 • 2mo ago

It sounds like you’re in a really tough spot. Prioritizing your self-respect and happiness is key. A healthy relationship should be mutual, not one-sided. Consider talking openly with her, or maybe even seeking some time apart to think. You deserve to feel valued!