My relationship can be unhealthy at times, but I have no desire to end it. In fact, I can’t imagine anything worse than leaving him. I feel really embarrassed about this. For some context, I'm a 24-year-old woman and he's a 30-year-old man; we've been together for 5 years. Does anyone have any advice?

At times, when my partner is extremely angry, he can hurt me or impose some form of punishment that, I must admit, I sometimes enable. It's important to note that this behavior only occurs when he is very upset, and it’s always in reaction to something I've actually done. He doesn’t just come home from work and start an argument every night. It also doesn’t happen when he’s upset about matters beyond my control. He is incredibly caring and supportive, and he has endured a lot of stress that I have contributed to over the past couple of years. However, I recognize that this dynamic is unhealthy. I’ve attempted to discuss it with him multiple times, but those conversations have only made things more difficult in the short term. Even though I know this isn’t a positive situation, I have no desire to leave him—I want to spend the rest of my life with him. It worries me that I might be overlooking the seriousness of his behavior. I would appreciate any advice, as I feel embarrassed, ashamed, and needy for enabling this situation while loving him so deeply. I honestly believe he loves me, and at times I interpret his outbursts as a sign of his passion for our relationship, thinking it reflects our deep love. Yet, I know logically that this isn’t the way to view the situation. If anyone has suggestions for how I can improve our relationship, I would be very grateful. Thank you in advance for your help. For context, I’m a 24-year-old female, and he’s a 30-year-old male, and we've been together for five years.