Family Conflicts • thunderexplorer42 • 22d ago

How can I prevent disappointing my mum (45F) or myself (26F)?

My relationship with my mom hasn’t always been great, but we’ve grown closer as I’ve entered adulthood. For some background, my parents divorced when I was two, and I primarily lived with my dad. My mom remarried and had two kids (a 16-year-old son and a 13-year-old daughter), but that marriage ended three years ago, and she’s struggled to adjust to being a single mother. As a result, she’s been reaching out to me more, even though I’m living independently and managing my own life. She also deals with a disability and is facing increasing financial difficulty. Recently, she asked if I would join her and my siblings on a vacation next summer. To be honest, I’m not keen on going. She sees this as a crucial opportunity, since starting in 2026, her income will significantly drop, and she’s worried that my brother might not want to participate in family vacations anymore as he transitions into adulthood. I’ve always found it hard to say no, as I don’t want to disappoint her, but I feel that I’ve reached an age where family vacations aren’t a priority for me anymore. My friends are eager to travel together, I want to spend time with my partner, and I have limited vacation days and budget to consider. Plus, I prefer to travel during the school holidays when prices are lower. In summary, I’m uncertain about whether I should go on this family vacation and how to communicate my decision if I choose not to. (For additional context: Both of us have ADHD, and I’m also autistic. Our family has a history of mental health challenges, which can make social interactions a bit difficult.)


benjaminsaturn • 22d ago
It’s understandable to feel torn between your own needs and your mom’s wishes. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your own life and plans. Communicate openly and kindly with her, expressing appreciation for the invitation while sharing your reasons honestly, such as financial limitations and personal priorities. Assure her that your relationship is still important to you. Set clear boundaries, and focus on quality time together in ways that feel good for both of you.
dylanlandon • 22d ago
It's tough to balance family expectations with your own needs. Be honest with your mom about your feelings and priorities. Maybe propose a compromise, like a shorter visit or a different kind of family time.
sophiacomet • 22d ago
It’s great that you’ve built a closer relationship with your mom! It’s okay to prioritize your own needs too. Maybe consider discussing your feelings openly with her. You can express your love and support while explaining that you have other commitments and budget constraints. Suggest alternative ways to connect, like special family outings closer to home or virtual catch-ups. Honest communication can strengthen your bond without compromising your own happiness!