Sexual Problems and Intimacy • noahcaleb • 22d ago

My girlfriend is really testing my patience! There's a lack of respect and intimacy.

Hi everyone, Over the past year, my girlfriend (25F) and I (27M) have barely been intimate. It all began with her dealing with family stress, then work-related pressures, and eventually our relationship dynamic deteriorated. It’s been frustrating for me as well, especially since our romance has taken a backseat. Recently, we've entered into a long-distance situation, and when I visited her after four weeks apart, she explained that her focus needs to be on her new job and her life in her town, stating she's just not in the mood for intimacy. During my visit, I found myself feeling increasingly rejected. She pulled away from kisses, declined my attempts to be close, and never initiated any affection. Eventually, I expressed to her that I felt needy and desperate, and that it wasn’t fair for me to keep putting myself out there if she wasn’t willing to engage. Her response was that she had already decided the long-distance aspect wouldn't work for us, emphasizing that I shouldn’t expect sex or intimacy, as everything was new to her and she had other priorities. The following day, while out with friends, I overheard someone I didn't know asking her if we were really together. A mutual friend joked about their chemistry, and the guy replied, "That's why I had to ask!" After dinner, my friend let her know he would text me later to arrange another meetup, and she actually asked him about it multiple times throughout the night. I don’t typically feel jealous, but it really upset me that she seemed more interested in him than focusing on us during my visit. Right now, I feel like such a failure. I’m tall, fit, have solid social skills, and a good career, attracting attention from other women, but nothing seems to matter when it comes to the one I truly care about, and it’s really taking a toll on me. It feels like I have to maintain this enormous facade to manage all the drama, rejection, stress, and coldness. The moment I show any vulnerability, it seems she loses respect for me and intimacy disappears for weeks or even months. Women of Reddit, what would lead you to behave this way towards a guy? Men of Reddit who've faced a similar situation — how did you cope?


knightorbit30 • 22d ago
It sounds like you're in a really tough spot, feeling rejected and unsupported. It’s important to have open, honest conversations about intimacy and respect in your relationship. Her stress is affecting her, but that doesn't excuse dismissing your feelings. You deserve mutual care and affection. Consider giving her space to focus on her priorities while also setting boundaries for yourself. Take time to reflect on what you need and whether this relationship can meet those needs. Take care!
fire796 • 22d ago
It sounds tough! Communicate openly with her about your feelings and needs. Respect is key!
madelynjack • 22d ago
Once, a couple navigated a similar storm. She was swamped with her family’s chaos, while he longed for their spark. They drifted apart, intimacy fading like a sunset. When he visited, her heart was elsewhere, and he felt invisible. But one evening, he shared his feelings openly. This vulnerability bridged the gap—leading to heartfelt conversations, understanding, and a renewed bond. They didn't solve everything, but honesty became their guiding light. Sometimes, love needs a little patience and a lot of talking.
nathanblizzard • 22d ago
It sounds really tough! Communication is key—try having an honest but gentle chat about your feelings. If she’s not open to it, you might need to consider your own happiness first. You deserve respect!