Relationship advices: Sexual Problems and Intimacy

M(36) is seeking advice on how to discuss ways to enhance the intimacy in his relationship with his girlfriend(43).

I've been in a wonderful relationship with an incredible older woman for over a year. We met on a dating app, and things escalated quickly. At first, our chemistry was intense and full of adventure—we even attended a sex party together, which she surprised me with, and it was an amazing experience. However, as our relationship has progressed, some of the excitement and exploration in our intimate life seems to have diminished. Lately, I've been feeling a bit restless. I adore her and don’t have any intentions of cheating, but I'm quite sexual and have a strong desire to explore new things together. I’ve been considering suggesting threesomes (both MFF and MMF, if she’s open to it), attending another sex party, or simply using the toys and games I purchased months ago that we haven’t yet tried. There are also smaller things, like experimenting with different positions or rekindling the experience of finishing in her mouth, which I truly miss. We’ve explored anal a few times in the past, but it's been a while now. She knows how much I enjoy it and has expressed her interest as well, but I wish she would initiate it more or show that she desires it often. We discussed our fantasies when we first connected, so she’s aware of my preferences, and I would also love to help her explore her own fantasies or try new things that she may want from me, but finding the right moment to bring it up has been challenging. The main issue is figuring out how to approach this topic without making her feel like I'm dissatisfied or putting pressure on her. I want to frame the conversation in a way that highlights our growth together and the desire to keep the excitement alive rather than suggesting that I'm unhappy. How can I start this conversation? What can I do to ensure she feels comfortable and understands that I love and value her, regardless of how our intimacy evolves? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Why does my girlfriend (22F) get upset when I rub my feet on her while we're lying down? I'm 27M.

When we sit on the couch in the evenings, she positions herself at one end while I lie down with my head at the opposite end. Being 6'3", my feet reach her. I have a habit of "Cricketing" at night, which is the rhythmic rubbing of my feet together—something I often do without realizing it as I try to relax or fall asleep. She has brought it up several times and explained why it bothers her, and I genuinely try to be aware of it. However, I often don’t even realize I'm “Cricketing” against her leg. She also says I do it in bed, which I am completely oblivious to as well. Does anyone else experience this? Is there a way for me to stop, or perhaps a way for her to appreciate it?

What’s the best way to express my feelings to my boyfriend? I’m 32 and he’s 54.

My boyfriend is 54 and often tells me he desires me. A year ago, when I moved in, we were making love three times a week, but that has now decreased to once a week, and lately, it's more like every couple of weeks. I understand that the age difference might be a factor, but sometimes I can't shake the feeling that something else is replacing our intimacy. How can I express my feelings to him without making him feel blamed? He claims to desire me, yet I don't see that reflected in his actions. He often says that actions speak louder than words, and he doesn’t want to feel pressured or that it's a chore, so I’ve tried to stop asking. I’m always ready when he wants to be intimate, but when I initiate, it never feels like the right time. Am I wrong to feel this way? He often tells me it's just my insecurities.

My girlfriend (18) mentioned to me (19) that if she were a guy, she believes she would be more well-endowed.

My girlfriend mentioned that if she were a guy, she would have a bigger penis than me. She hasn't seen mine in person yet, but she has felt it through my pants. We haven't had the opportunity to be intimate because her family is usually around. Perhaps she made that remark out of frustration from a sarcastic joke I made that she took personally. Should I be concerned about this? Is it common in relationships? Just for reference, mine is over 6.5 inches.

How can I (F21) get over my boyfriend's (M24) porn use?

Hey everyone! My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for about three years, and we've been living together for roughly a year and a half. When we first started dating, I made it clear that I was uncomfortable with frequent porn consumption in a relationship, and he agreed to that boundary. I genuinely believed he respected it. After we moved in together, things changed. One night, both of us were high, and I noticed my boyfriend getting up frequently in the middle of the night and disappearing for a while. The next morning, I checked his phone and discovered he had a significant amount of porn saved. After that, I started to frequently check his browsing history and found a variety of explicit material that he accessed almost daily, including saved and liked videos on TikTok, Instagram, OnlyFans, and various websites. He would watch this content in bed next to me when he thought I was asleep, get up to watch it while I was in another room, and consume it every time I left the house. Feeling overwhelmed, I told him I would leave if he didn’t address this issue, as it crossed my established boundaries and made me feel trapped. He cried and promised to change, and for a while, I thought things were improving. However, a few months ago, I started coming home on my lunch breaks—maybe once a week—and almost every time I did, I found him watching porn and masturbating. It seems like this isn’t just limited to those moments, as I frequently catch him engaged in it. I’m exhausted from dealing with this. We've been together for a while now, and I’m unsure if it's worth the constant turmoil it brings. It leaves me feeling insecure and uncomfortable, as I can’t help but compare myself to the women in those videos. He often watches "hentai" and cosplayers, and after losing 25 pounds in a short time to look more like them, I've developed unhealthy eating habits and exercise routines without seeing any results. It's been over a month since we've been intimate because I'm self-conscious about not measuring up to those images. What should I do? Is there any way to salvage this relationship?

I’m feeling unhappy due to the lack of a sexual relationship.

Hello, I'm a 24-year-old woman, and my partner is 23. Lately, we've been facing some challenges in our relationship. I have a high sex drive, which wasn't an issue for him at the beginning of our nearly one-year relationship. However, we've been having much less intimacy lately—typically just once a week for a few minutes without any foreplay, leaving me unfulfilled. I've expressed my feelings to him multiple times, and while he says he wants to improve things, there hasn't been any change. The main issue seems to be that he struggles to maintain an erection. I try to approach the situation with sensitivity and respect for his feelings, but I'm starting to feel neglected. I'm at a loss about what to do. The lack of intimacy is making me quite unhappy, yet I want to stay with him. Whenever I try to initiate, I'm usually met with rejection, and just thinking about our intimacy issues saddens me. I don’t want to pressure him into sex, but I also want to find a solution. Does anyone have any advice on how I can help improve our situation?

Unusual sensation in that area.

I (FTM) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (CF) for nearly two years, but we face a challenge: she won’t perform oral sex on me. This wouldn't be such a big deal if it weren't for the fact that she really enjoys receiving oral sex herself. She mentioned that I have a 'weird texture' down there, which has made me feel incredibly insecure, especially as a transgender man. My girlfriend is cisgender, so she doesn't fully understand my feelings about this. Hearing her comment about the texture has triggered my pre-existing anxiety, leading me to obsessively clean the area in an attempt to change it. Every time I bring up the possibility of trying again, she immediately shuts me down. Although she talks about it in messages and calls, it often feels like she just isn’t in the mood when we’re together. I’ve scrubbed so much that I’ve caused irritation and swelling, yet I still feel unclean. I don’t have any issues with odor or hygiene—I use a loofah and warm water to wash regularly. Hair isn’t a problem either; I actually don’t shave because it makes her uncomfortable. I keep it trimmed, but I’ve noticed that I’m starting to lose hair in that area for unknown reasons. Am I doing something wrong?

I, a 20-year-old male, discovered that my girlfriend, who is 23, has been intimate with over 100 people and may be cheating on me.

Hi there, We've been in a relationship for six months, and recently she mentioned that she's not fully satisfied in our intimate life. She suggested that I should try using a sleeve, which was really upsetting to hear. I've always considered myself to be of average size, so I was surprised to learn that I hadn't met her needs. To make things more complicated, I found out that she's been with over 100 people in the past, and while she insists she’s never cheated on me, I discovered some texts that are making me question everything. What should I do?

Was I (19M) feeling nervous before being intimate with my partner (23F), or was it something different?

I've been chatting with this girl (24F) for a few weeks, and a few nights ago, she invited me over to her place after we finished playing games. I had never experienced anything like that before, so I was incredibly nervous even before I left my house. Everything went well at her place until we started to get more physical, but I struggled to get aroused. I'm trying to determine if it was just my nerves or if there was something else at play. I should mention that this was my first time being intimate with someone, and I think it was mostly anxiety, but I’m too anxious not to seek a second opinion.

My husband wants me to be intimate with others at his request.

**Summary**: My husband wants me to be open and accepting while allowing him control over my sexual encounters — specifically, who I hook up with and when. I’m 24, and he’s 26; we’ve been married for eight years and have kids together. We've had two threesomes (MFM), with one being enjoyable and the other less so. While I'm open to trying again, my husband’s approach is to spring it on me, which feels like he wants complete control, and that makes me anxious. I prefer to have discussions and boundaries in place, especially since I struggle with anxiety. I want to be more open to the idea, but I also want to communicate my boundaries effectively. I’m looking for advice on navigating this situation and how to express my discomfort when it comes to his demands.

Experiencing a decline in my feelings for my girlfriend.

I'm a 19-year-old guy in a relationship with my 19-year-old girlfriend. We've been together for just over two years, having met in high school. I genuinely care about her, and our families have been supportive of our relationship, helping each other with various life challenges. I’ve always been active and compete in martial arts, so I stay in good shape. When I first met her, I found her incredibly attractive. However, since starting university, she has gained some weight and feels self-conscious about her body. It’s reached a point where she prefers to wear a shirt during intimate moments, and I haven't seen her waist or hips in over a year, which I find particularly attractive in women. I understand that my feelings about her body are my problem, and I recognize that I haven't been very body positive. Despite my efforts to remain attracted to her, I find myself drawn to other fit girls who share my interests. While my girlfriend has started going to the gym, she hasn't made significant changes, and her appearance hasn't improved much. I'm unsure how to approach this topic with her, as I'm worried that if I mention her weight in a negative light, it might lead to a confrontation. I acknowledge that I'm not handling this situation well, and I understand any frustrations with my perspective. I'm looking for advice on how to discuss this sensitively without hurting her feelings.

My boyfriend spoke to me disrespectfully.

**Did My Boyfriend (18M) Really Mean What He Said About My Body (18F)?** My boyfriend and I are approaching our one-year anniversary soon. I've always struggled with insecurities regarding my labia. Last night, after a sweet moment where he was rubbing my feet—something he knows I love—our conversation took a turn. While we were still naked, he suddenly asked, “Have you ever thought about doing something about these?” while pointing to my labia. I tried to brush it off and admitted that I had considered it, mainly because sometimes the length makes cleanliness a challenge. I also explained that the surgery is risky and costly. Then he made a really hurtful joke comparing my labia to misformed, wrinkled balls, starting with “no offense,” which only made it worse. He has never commented negatively about my body before; he’s usually very affectionate and appreciative of me. The only thing he’s mentioned is that he finds my pubic hair a little uncomfortable due to its coarseness. So his comments about my labia caught me completely off guard. For context, I’ve battled severe body dysmorphia in the past and have even contemplated self-harm regarding my labia. While he didn't know the full extent of this, I had mentioned being self-conscious about it. Afterward, I explained how deeply his remarks affected me, and he sincerely apologized multiple times, expressing regret. He reassured me that he loves me as I am and wasn’t serious about suggesting any changes. He felt ashamed and wants to support my healing process. I told him I was hurt and needed time to come to terms with what happened. He has always been understanding and supportive, and considering that we are both neurodivergent, he is typically very accommodating to my needs. I genuinely want to forgive him, but I worry if he truly dislikes my labia and perhaps other aspects of my body. If he does feel that way, I’m unsure how I could feel comfortable being naked around him again. And if it was just a thoughtless joke, how can I move on, and how can he help me heal? **TL;DR:** My boyfriend made a hurtful joke about my labia after an intimate moment. He’s usually so kind and empowering, but now I’m concerned that he secretly dislikes my body. How can I understand his true feelings? If it was just a bad joke, how can I heal, and what can he do to support me?

My boyfriend, who is 30, may have a tendency towards pornography addiction. I'm 28.

My partner and I have been together for over five years. Recently, we bought a home together, and it feels like we're living the married life. Our relationship has always been very intimate; in the early days, we were intimate about four to five times a week, usually two times per session. I know that things can change over time, but the only significant shift in our relationship is that we now live together. We both still have the same jobs and schedules, with no additional stressors that could be affecting his sex drive. However, over the past few months to a year, our intimacy has drastically decreased to maybe twice a month, if I'm lucky. I've talked to him about it, asking if he thinks it could be related to his testosterone levels or if I’ve done something wrong. He insists that it’s not either of those things. I’ve caught him multiple times browsing porn sites and other adult pages, so I know he’s still engaging in self-pleasure. I've jokingly mentioned that he can find time for that but not for us, and he usually just laughs it off, saying we’ll make time tomorrow. I can't help but feel overlooked and unattractive, almost like a toy that has been put away. It’s puzzling to me that he would choose to watch a couple of videos instead of sharing a real intimate experience with me. It really hurts and frustrates me to be in this situation right now. I'm worried that this could be a glimpse of what happens in marriages, or worse, that he might have fallen out of love with me or is interested in someone else (though I believe I would notice that). Normally, I'm good at reading his feelings, but I’m completely lost right now. What should I do?

Obvious object of desire: when to walk away.

I'm a 34-year-old woman and my boyfriend is 35. We've been together for two years, and I’m currently pregnant. Unfortunately, my sex drive has completely diminished, and intimacy has become painful for me. Despite knowing how I feel, my boyfriend insists on having sex. I used to give in and just lie there, but it left me feeling degraded and less attracted to him, as if I were merely a sexual object. Recently, I've been firm about saying no. We've had open discussions about it, and he admits that he feels frustrated and deprived. I told him that I've never felt obligated to have sex in a relationship before. He seemed surprised that my previous partners didn’t cheat on me. Now I'm left wondering if I should end this relationship. I’m expecting a child with him and I also have another child from a previous relationship with whom he shares a close bond. Should I stay for the sake of the kids and hope he changes his mindset? I’ve raised concerns about what would happen if one of us faced an illness that prevented sex, but he just brushes it off. His perspective seems immature to me, and I don’t want to be with someone who views me solely as a sexual partner, nor do I want a relationship that centers around sex.

How can I (38F) find a compromise with my boyfriend (34M) regarding playing with my hair?

How can I (38F) reach a compromise with my boyfriend (34M) about his hair-twirling? My boyfriend (34M) and I (38F) have been together for three years, both bringing three kids from previous relationships, and we live apart. From the start of our relationship, he has enjoyed playing with my hair, which I initially found special and intimate. However, over time, I’ve noticed that he twirls the hair of everyone around him—his kids, my kids, and even the children of close friends. This has diminished the intimacy of his actions for me, to the point where I feel turned off when he twirls my hair, especially during moments of closeness like cuddling on the couch or when I’m giving him oral pleasure. I’ve expressed to him several times that I would prefer him to touch my body or scalp in a way that feels more like an appreciation of me, rather than just my hair. He argues that he can’t help it because it’s intimate for him, comparing it to how I might rub his back, which I believe is a more conscious and intentional act than simply twirling hair absentmindedly. This difference in perspective has led to interruptions during intimate moments and has sparked disagreements between us. I’m at a crossroads about whether I should begin to view my hair as an extension of my body, or if he should refrain from twirling my hair during those intimate occasions. On a related note that might be influencing my perception: about a year ago, a neighboring mother confronted us, saying he should stop touching her daughter’s hair because that’s how she was groomed, which eventually led to her sexual assault as a child.

Four months in, and there's still been no intimacy.

I'm a 25-year-old male, and my girlfriend, who is 20, and I have been together for four months in a committed relationship. Despite our connection, we have not yet had sex, and I find myself growing increasingly frustrated. I’m trying to be understanding, as she is a virgin and I have had multiple partners in the past. In my experience, even when I was 15, I was intimate with a girlfriend who was also a virgin, and it only took us about a week and a half of dating to take that step. Normally, I wouldn’t wait this long, but I genuinely like this girl and see a future with her, which is why I haven’t ended things. I’ve discussed my feelings with her, and she understands my frustrations. She has mentioned wanting to be more open-minded, yet there hasn’t been much change. I feel torn; I don’t want her to feel pressured, but I’m also frustrated by the continual rejection. We’ve had some sleepovers, but aside from light kissing, nothing advances further. She has expressed that she wants her first time to be with me but isn’t ready and isn’t sure when she will be. I plan to have a heart-to-heart with her about this tonight, as it hasn’t been addressed in a while. What are some suggestions for what I should say or ask during this conversation?

Am I being dramatic?

Last night, my boyfriend (28/M) and I (23/F) were just about to drift off to sleep when our neighbors started making a lot of noise during their intimate moments. When I heard her scream, I noticed my boyfriend was getting aroused. I didn’t say anything, and we ended up being intimate too because he was turned on. I get that it’s a natural response, and I should just move on, but honestly, it left me feeling uneasy and ashamed about my reaction. Any thoughts?

20F I recently lost my virginity to a 19M and have started being more active sexually, but it's still a bit awkward. Any tips on how we can improve?

My boyfriend (19M) and I (20NB/F) recently lost our virginity to each other, and it was genuinely enjoyable! Initially, I thought everything would be straightforward, but when we started, lining up our bodies was a challenge, and things didn’t always go or stay where we expected. We were surprised by some unexpected sounds and even ended up slipping off the bed— it was actually pretty funny, and we shared a lot of laughs. During foreplay, he’s very enthusiastic about making sure I’m satisfied and is open to suggestions! However, he sometimes gets a bit too eager while going down on me— he can be a little rough, especially when he’s stimulating my clitoris, which can go from pleasurable to overly sensitive very quickly. He’s also been a bit intense when we kiss, but with some guidance, he’s been getting softer during those moments, which is encouraging. On our first encounter, things progressed so rapidly that my immediate reaction was to fake an orgasm to redirect him, which I know sounds bad. I left feeling a little upset that it had to end in that way, and I felt guilty for not expressing my feelings in the moment. So, the next time we were getting intimate, I suggested we show each other how we usually prefer to be touched. I guided him to be gentler with his hands and explained how I like to be touched. When he tried going down on me again, I was nervous about how things might escalate too quickly, so I had to keep guiding his head away. Additionally, since we were in a cold AC room, I found myself drying up from the chill, which made things even more challenging. How can we navigate this without losing the moment? Also, while I think my boyfriend is well-endowed lengthwise, I tend to respond better to girth. Are there particular positions that would highlight his girth more effectively while we’re in motion? We enjoyed the lazy doggy style position when we tried it, as it felt incredibly intense. Furthermore, I’ve found that practicing riding positions on my own is much easier than doing so on a small bed with another person involved. Even though I'm quite flexible, it can be surprising to find the right rhythm and balance. Do you have any tips for building my endurance and stamina for those positions? Any insights into managing the various factors I’ve mentioned would be greatly appreciated. Overall, my boyfriend has expressed some insecurity about his ability to please me, and I find myself torn between not wanting him to feel inadequate as we both learn together and understanding that I need to assert what I need to ensure a positive experience. I don’t want to enable any bad habits that might become harder to address later on. I’m here seeking any advice, suggestions, or guidance you all can provide. Edit: I realize that if I’m asking for advice on communication and the response is simply “communicate,” it kind of feels like we’re going in circles, doesn’t it? LOL.

Am I taking up his time unnecessarily?

I’m looking for an unbiased opinion. So, I'm a 20-year-old female and he’s a 21-year-old male; we’ve been high school friends. We spent the first two years of our relationship together, but the last two years have been more on and off. Now, things are getting serious again, and we’ve talked about intimacy. He often asks when we will take that step, but I’m not ready for it. Just to clarify, I haven't had any sexual experience, and I don’t have any trauma; it’s just where I am right now. I’m hesitant to share this with him because I really value our relationship and I’m afraid of losing him. He’s a wonderful person, but I worry that he might want more than I can give.

Adult content in a relationship

I know this might sound silly to some, but I really need some advice. My boyfriend (21M) and I (21M) have been together for three years. We didn’t have sex for the first two years, and even now, our intimacy is quite sporadic. To clarify, he is definitely not ace. Recently, I found out that he’s been subscribing to OnlyFans, looking up girls on Instagram and TikTok, and following or liking their posts, though he hasn’t made any overt moves on anyone. When I confronted him about the OnlyFans subscriptions, it hurt my feelings. I’m open to sex and willing to explore new things, but I don't see myself as conventionally attractive; I’m a bigger girl, which can be more of an acquired taste for some. The girls he’s been following are entirely different from me—they're either skinny gamer girls or fitness enthusiasts. Since discovering this about six months ago, I’ve tried to lose some weight and have lost about 20 pounds. When I first brought it up, he promised to stop and acknowledged that it contributed to our intimacy issues. However, four months later, I found out he hasn't stopped. He admits it feels like an addiction, expresses guilt, and insists that this time will be different. I discovered this again about a month ago after asking him directly; I’m not sure if he was being truthful about whether he continued until just before I asked or if he was nervous about getting caught. He’s begging me for another chance, and I’m willing to give it to him, but our intimacy hasn’t improved much after that initial promise, which raises concerns that he may have slipped back into his old habits. Should I bring it up again or try to trust him? I can’t shake the feeling that he’s looking at other girls or watching porn, which has left me feeling insecure. I didn’t feel unattractive until I discovered this six months ago, and it’s been weighing on me. How can I learn to trust him again? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Struggling with Sexual Challenges in My Relationship - Seeking Guidance

Subject: Seeking Guidance on a Challenging Relationship Hey everyone, I hope you're all doing well. I'm reaching out for some advice and support, as I've been feeling quite lost and confused lately. I’m a 29-year-old man in a relationship with my partner, also 29, for the past 2.5 years. This is my second serious relationship, while it's her fourth. I truly love her; she’s kind, supportive, and an overall wonderful person. However, we’ve been having some significant challenges in our sex life that are affecting me emotionally. To provide some context, my partner has been diagnosed with vaginismus, which was confirmed about a year ago after she consulted a gynecologist. While we suspected it for some time, it took her more than a year and a half to seek medical help, despite her initial promises to do so. Our conversations on the topic often ended in frustration, and it was only after I opened up about my deep feelings of depression that she finally visited the doctor. Unfortunately, since her diagnosis, there hasn't been much follow-up care, even though she was advised to return after 15 days. When I try to discuss it, it typically leads to arguments, and my therapist has suggested that I refrain from pushing the issue. Here are the main challenges we’re facing: - She never takes the initiative when it comes to sex, and we seldom discuss it, even though it’s one of the key issues in our relationship. - She appears to lack interest in sexual activities altogether. For instance, she only started masturbating four years ago and doesn’t seem engaged with it currently. She also doesn’t enjoy watching porn or participating in anything like dirty talk, which I’ve minimized because she finds it uncomfortable. - During our intimate moments, she often seems uneasy with certain actions. For example, she is not comfortable with oral sex, whether giving or receiving, and I usually have to request it, even after I’ve just showered. - There’s a noticeable lack of engagement with my body during intimacy; aside from some kissing, there’s little reciprocation, which leaves me feeling unfulfilled. Emotionally, I’ve been grappling with: - About six months into our relationship, I started experiencing issues like erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. The stress reached a point where I even considered breaking up, but we reconciled after she promised to seek help, which was 1.5 years ago. Unfortunately, aside from her one gynecologist visit, there hasn’t been any real progress. - We’ve recently been doing long-distance, and while I miss her dearly, she hasn’t shown much interest in deeper conversations. I long for physical intimacy, but it feels like she has lost interest in that aspect of our relationship. Engaging in activities over video call is uncomfortable for her, and it feels awkward for me to seek pleasure alone, so I’ve stopped pursuing phone sex. - While I’ve suggested alternatives like outercourse, she often prefers to skip those moments. There seems to be a lack of exploration into other forms of intimacy despite my encouragement. - We attempted couple's therapy in hopes of addressing our sex life, but ended up focusing on non-sexual issues, leading us to discontinue since she dislikes discussing our relationship with a third party. - Additionally, she is resistant to seeing a sex therapist, which leaves me feeling trapped. I’ve invested time researching ways to support her, but she often finds fault with each suggestion. Other difficulties: I don’t know much about her progress with dilators, as she’s reluctant to discuss it, despite having had them for a year. We’ve only engaged in penetrative intercourse when she initiates, and I’ve reassured her that I'm comfortable in the relationship without it for the time being—though I can’t envision this being the case indefinitely. I genuinely want this relationship to work, but there hasn’t been much change in our sexual dynamics over the past 2.5 to 3 years. I’m feeling conflicted about whether I should stay or move on. I’m experiencing significant feelings of depression and uncertainty about how to proceed. I love her and want to provide support, but these ongoing issues are becoming increasingly hard to manage. I’m worried that discussing this will make me seem like a bad partner, but I truly need guidance on how to move forward. Has anyone faced a similar situation? How did you navigate it? Thank you for taking the time to read this. I would greatly appreciate any advice or support you can offer. **TL;DR:** I’m a 29-year-old man in a 2.5-year relationship with my partner, who has vaginismus. Although she is a fantastic partner in many ways, we struggle significantly with intimacy and communication regarding our sexual life. Despite her initial promise to seek help, little progress has been made, and she's against seeing a sex therapist. I feel emotionally drained and uncertain about the future of our relationship. I love her, but I feel lost and conflicted—any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I'm a 21-year-old guy, and I'm struggling to help my girlfriend, who is also 21, understand that it’s not that I don’t love her. It’s just that I’m not comfortable cuddling while I’m sleeping.

My girlfriend and I share many similarities, especially when it comes to our preferences. For instance, we both strongly dislike when people invade our personal space. Handshakes are uncommon for us, and we only feel comfortable giving hugs to those we've known for a long time. When we first started getting to know each other, we became comfortable enough to let each other into our personal spaces—we embraced, kissed, and held hands. However, I've always had a hard time sleeping next to someone. The only person I shared a bed with as a child was my grandma, and since my mom gave me my own room at seven, I've been more or less alone at night. This led to fears of both sleeping alone and needing a light on. I've had relationships where I stayed over, but I’ve never really been able to fall asleep while cuddling. Spooning and the heat can make me feel itchy and restless, preventing me from sleeping well, and I tend to squirm away, which can be frustrating for my partner. I’ve always been fine sleeping with pillows, a habit I developed as a child with my teddy bears (even if I had to give them up at 13 for being ‘not manly’). But having another person so close while I sleep has never been comfortable for me. My girlfriend, on the other hand, thrives on affection and often craves my touch. Sometimes she wants to be right next to me for extended periods, and while that doesn't diminish my love for her, I occasionally need space to feel like myself. I enjoy cuddling on the couch or during a movie, but when it comes to sleeping, it’s a different story. Despite having a king-sized bed, I often find myself near the edge or waking her up because her instinct is to pull me closer while I automatically try to move away, leaving me teetering off the bed. She sometimes playfully accuses me of not caring because I don't want to cuddle while we sleep. It’s exhausting to repeat that I'm just not used to it and that I find it uncomfortable, much like anyone else might have their own discomforts. While I know she’s mostly joking, this issue arises every time she stays over, and it leaves me feeling uneasy.

My girlfriend and I can no longer share a bed.

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for three years now, and for context, she experienced sexual assault before we started dating. Throughout our time together, we've shared a bed every night. However, in the past couple of months, she's been struggling with her trauma again. As a result, I've found myself sleeping on the sofa or in the spare room each night. Recently, I tried sharing the bed with her again, but both nights, she woke me up in the early hours having a panic attack. This is largely due to my breathing and the noises I make while I sleep, which she says remind her of that traumatic night. Although she wears AirPods to help mask the sounds, it seems I’m still too loud for her to feel comfortable. I'm worried this is starting to put a strain on our relationship, and I miss the closeness we shared while sleeping together. I'd appreciate any advice on how I might support her healing process. I understand this could be the situation moving forward, and I'm open to that possibility, but I want to help her as much as I can.

Do you have any suggestions for how I, a 28-year-old woman, can support my boyfriend, who is 29, with his frequent porn consumption and his struggles with depression?

My boyfriend (29M) and I (28F) have been together for a year and a half. I'm reaching out for advice on how to support him with his depression and his tendency to watch porn frequently. Does porn truly impact a guy's sex life? He is currently struggling with depression and takes a lot of medication, which affects his libido. I understand this and try to be patient, but I have a high sex drive and often feel horny. Recently, our sex life has declined, which is starting to affect my self-esteem. While I know his depression plays a role in his lack of interest, it's disheartening when I initiate intimacy and he tells me he’s not in the mood. However, I notice he frequently watches porn. I’ve expressed how this makes me feel, and suggested he might consider limiting his porn consumption, perhaps waiting to initiate intimacy until I’m home or not working. He insists that porn doesn’t impact his desire for me and that the two aren’t connected. Don’t get me wrong—if he wants to watch porn, that's fine, but it hurts my feelings that he chooses it over being intimate with me. I’ve found myself pointing out that when he does engage in self-pleasure, he seems uninterested later in the evening when I try to initiate intimacy. When I ask him whether he has masturbated, he often lies about it, which makes me feel like I'm losing my mind and leads me to accuse him of dishonesty. I've even resorted to checking the trash for evidence—something I’m not proud of, but his lies are driving me to question my own sanity. One night, after flirting with him throughout the day, I came home and tried to be intimate again, but once more he said he wasn't in the mood. When I asked if he had masturbated, he replied, "No, but whatever I say, you won’t believe me." Shortly after, I found a used tissue in the trash, which led me to inspect it further just to reassure myself that I wasn’t imagining things. The next morning, I messaged him about how upset I was for feeling lied to. When I brought it up when I got home, we argued. I confronted him about the tissue, and he denied ever seeing it, leaving me feeling confused and questioning whether I was imagining it. He suggested I was overthinking things. We recently had a conversation where I expressed my feelings of inadequacy, believing I couldn’t satisfy him. He reassured me of his attraction to me and his love, admitting that while he struggles with a porn addiction, it doesn’t affect how he feels about me. He emphasized that I always turn him on. Thanks for taking the time to read my situation. I appreciate any advice you might have!

In a caring relationship with an asexual partner, I'm experiencing a growing sense of apathy.

I’m [21], and she’s [20]. We’ve been together for about a month. I’m feeling really down about some recent developments. I’m in a relationship with a girl who was my best friend for years, and she recently shared that she identifies as asexual. Initially, I thought it wouldn’t be an issue since I truly love her. However, after discussing it again a few days ago, I’m feeling incredibly uncertain about whether I can really handle a non-sexual relationship. I genuinely want to make it work, but I’ve been feeling so apathetic about everything. It’s as if a part of me wants to shut down to avoid getting hurt, and I can’t shake the feeling that everything is on the verge of falling apart. What should I do? We’ve talked things through and are trying to figure it out, but this sense of apathy is consuming me. I don’t want to become distant or unaffectionate just because my mind is trying to cope. I'm not someone who thinks in the short term—I worry about the future. Can I see myself being okay with this in 5 years? 3 years? 1 year? It’s making me feel so miserable.

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