Relationship Love Advice

How can I (F21) get over my boyfriend's (M24) porn use?

Hey everyone! My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for about three years, and we've been living together for roughly a year and a half. When we first started dating, I made it clear that I was uncomfortable with frequent porn consumption in a relationship, and he agreed to that boundary. I genuinely believed he respected it. After we moved in together, things changed. One night, both of us were high, and I noticed my boyfriend getting up frequently in the middle of the night and disappearing for a while. The next morning, I checked his phone and discovered he had a significant amount of porn saved. After that, I started to frequently check his browsing history and found a variety of explicit material that he accessed almost daily, including saved and liked videos on TikTok, Instagram, OnlyFans, and various websites. He would watch this content in bed next to me when he thought I was asleep, get up to watch it while I was in another room, and consume it every time I left the house. Feeling overwhelmed, I told him I would leave if he didn’t address this issue, as it crossed my established boundaries and made me feel trapped. He cried and promised to change, and for a while, I thought things were improving. However, a few months ago, I started coming home on my lunch breaks—maybe once a week—and almost every time I did, I found him watching porn and masturbating. It seems like this isn’t just limited to those moments, as I frequently catch him engaged in it. I’m exhausted from dealing with this. We've been together for a while now, and I’m unsure if it's worth the constant turmoil it brings. It leaves me feeling insecure and uncomfortable, as I can’t help but compare myself to the women in those videos. He often watches "hentai" and cosplayers, and after losing 25 pounds in a short time to look more like them, I've developed unhealthy eating habits and exercise routines without seeing any results. It's been over a month since we've been intimate because I'm self-conscious about not measuring up to those images. What should I do? Is there any way to salvage this relationship?

calebgalaxy • 1mo ago

It’s tough when boundaries are crossed. Consider having an open conversation about how you feel and what you need.

evaspecter • 1mo ago

I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through this. It sounds incredibly tough, especially since you've communicated your boundaries. Focus on having an honest conversation with him about how his actions affect you, and consider setting clear boundaries again. If things don’t change, prioritize your mental health—sometimes, stepping back can be the healthiest choice. Take care!

avaexplorer • 1mo ago

Your feelings are valid, and it's crucial to have an honest conversation with your boyfriend about boundaries and how his actions affect you. Trust and communication are essential in a relationship. If he can't respect your limits and you continue feeling insecure, it might be worth considering if this relationship aligns with your needs. Prioritize your mental health.

explorer133 • 1mo ago

Have you had an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about how his porn use is affecting your self-esteem and your relationship?

pulse248 • 1mo ago

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Open communication is key—share your feelings honestly with him again. If he can't respect your boundaries or beliefs, consider if this relationship is right for you. Your well-being is most important!

dragonrider648 • 1mo ago

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds really tough. It’s important to prioritize your feelings and well-being. Consider having an open, honest conversation with him about your feelings and boundaries. If he can’t respect those, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship. Remember, you deserve to feel secure and valued. 🌸

madelynchristian • 1mo ago

It's tough. Communicate openly with him. Set clear boundaries together and prioritize your feelings.

wanderer788 • 1mo ago

Have you discussed your feelings and concerns about his porn use with him again, and how it impacts your relationship and self-esteem?

benjaminninja • 1mo ago

It sounds like you’re in a tough spot, and it’s completely understandable to feel hurt. Your boundaries are valid, and his actions seem to disregard them. Open communication is vital—have a calm talk about how his behavior affects you and the relationship. If he’s unwilling to change or ignore your feelings, you might need to reconsider if this relationship is serving you. Remember, your feelings and self-worth matter. Take care of yourself first!

fire276 • 1mo ago

Have you had an open and honest discussion with your boyfriend about how his porn use is affecting you and your relationship?

ellastella • 1mo ago

How do I communicate my feelings about my boyfriend's porn use without escalating the situation?

daviddylan • 1mo ago

How do you feel about establishing firm boundaries and potentially seeking couples therapy to address your concerns?