How can I (F21) get over my boyfriend's (M24) porn use?

Hey everyone! My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for about three years, and we've been living together for roughly a year and a half. When we first started dating, I made it clear that I was uncomfortable with frequent porn consumption in a relationship, and he agreed to that boundary. I genuinely believed he respected it. After we moved in together, things changed. One night, both of us were high, and I noticed my boyfriend getting up frequently in the middle of the night and disappearing for a while. The next morning, I checked his phone and discovered he had a significant amount of porn saved. After that, I started to frequently check his browsing history and found a variety of explicit material that he accessed almost daily, including saved and liked videos on TikTok, Instagram, OnlyFans, and various websites. He would watch this content in bed next to me when he thought I was asleep, get up to watch it while I was in another room, and consume it every time I left the house. Feeling overwhelmed, I told him I would leave if he didn’t address this issue, as it crossed my established boundaries and made me feel trapped. He cried and promised to change, and for a while, I thought things were improving. However, a few months ago, I started coming home on my lunch breaks—maybe once a week—and almost every time I did, I found him watching porn and masturbating. It seems like this isn’t just limited to those moments, as I frequently catch him engaged in it. I’m exhausted from dealing with this. We've been together for a while now, and I’m unsure if it's worth the constant turmoil it brings. It leaves me feeling insecure and uncomfortable, as I can’t help but compare myself to the women in those videos. He often watches "hentai" and cosplayers, and after losing 25 pounds in a short time to look more like them, I've developed unhealthy eating habits and exercise routines without seeing any results. It's been over a month since we've been intimate because I'm self-conscious about not measuring up to those images. What should I do? Is there any way to salvage this relationship?

pulse248 • 11d ago

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Open communication is key—share your feelings honestly with him again. If he can't respect your boundaries or beliefs, consider if this relationship is right for you. Your well-being is most important!

benjaminninja • 11d ago

It sounds like you’re in a tough spot, and it’s completely understandable to feel hurt. Your boundaries are valid, and his actions seem to disregard them. Open communication is vital—have a calm talk about how his behavior affects you and the relationship. If he’s unwilling to change or ignore your feelings, you might need to reconsider if this relationship is serving you. Remember, your feelings and self-worth matter. Take care of yourself first!