Relationship advices: Infidelity

Looking for guidance.

I'm 17 (M) and my mom is 35 (F). To give you a bit of background, the relationship between my mom and dad (43) is quite complicated. They separated in the past but never finalized a divorce because my dad loves her deeply and would do anything for her. However, for the past three years, I've discovered that she's been chatting with other men, including flirting and sending pictures. My dad is aware of this and had her block all of them after they had an argument. Now that my dad is working abroad, I've become increasingly suspicious of my mom's behavior. Tonight, after she left, I decided to check her WhatsApp. I found the blocked contacts, but then I stumbled upon a chat with a schoolmate. In it, she mentioned that she made a boyfriend at the gym and described him in a very explicit way. When her friend asked if it was a one-night stand, I realized what was going on. My heart raced, and I felt a wave of pain hit me. I tried to message my girlfriend for comfort, but she was already asleep. I feel torn about whether or not to tell my dad, especially since he lives so far away, and I'm worried he might react poorly. Part of me wants my parents to divorce because my mom has made my life difficult since I was six. I’m really unsure about what to do next. I'd appreciate any advice you can give.

Calling all men! We’d love to hear your opinions.

I’ve noticed that many men have girlfriends or wives but also use dating apps on their phones. Why is that? If you’re not satisfied in your relationship, why not just end it and pursue what makes you happy? Why deceive someone else? As a 26-year-old woman, I’m really curious about this.

A young mother striving to provide the best for her three young children is married to a habitual liar who struggles to escape a tumultuous past.

My husband (27M) and I (24F) have been married for 3.5 years and have three children under the age of three. Throughout our relationship, he has repeatedly lied about various things. Recently, I had a nagging feeling that something wasn't right. Despite our many conversations—often ending in gaslighting—he never confessed the truth. So, I mustered the courage to check his phone, and I discovered he had been in contact with an ex throughout our entire relationship (texting and snapping) and is still clearly not over him. I also learned that he is bisexual and was previously married to this man for three years. To make matters worse, he downloaded Tinder when I was 36 weeks pregnant with our third child and has been messaging a girl from the app. As far as I know, he hasn’t been physically unfaithful, but it feels like he won’t be honest with me unless I present him with concrete evidence. He claims he’s sorry, plans to seek therapy, and insists he wants to fix things, but my trust in him has been shattered. I'm terrified at the thought of becoming a young single mother of three. I'm looking for any thoughts or advice on how to move forward for the sake of my children and myself.

I'm looking for some advice but can't discuss it with anyone in person.

I'm 30, and he's 38, and we have a young child together. Years ago, I had my first hint that he might be unfaithful when I received an anonymous Facebook message that included explicit photos of him and the words "he's a cheat." I never figured out the truth behind it, but he insists he was just looking at photos on a swingers website and ended up getting blackmailed or something along those lines. There have been other suspicious incidents, but I'll skip the tedious details. He claims to have a "corn addiction" and enjoys looking at pictures of other women, but insists he has never physically cheated. For many years, he worked away while I raised our son. He returned home a year ago, and we've been functioning as a happy family since then. However, I recently stumbled upon his list of blocked contacts, which included numerous numbers. I thought it was unusual, so I added them to my phone and checked them on WhatsApp. Many of the contacts were escorts, along with some other random women. He has admitted to cheating in the past and mentioned that one reason for his return was to address this issue. Seeing him now makes me feel physically ill. He has no family nearby, and we don’t have any savings to help him find a place to stay. I can manage the house on my own since I earn a decent salary and have plenty of family support, but I worry about what to do with him. How can I leave the father of my child without a home? He’s a wonderful dad, and our little boy adores him. He is generally kind and caring toward me, but I just can't trust him. Additionally, he posted in a local Reddit hookup group when I was just six weeks post-miscarriage. As you can see, we're currently "stuck" together, and it's debilitating for me not to have anyone to talk to for advice or support. I regretted reaching out the first time and it took my mother years to recover from that betrayal. Thank you for allowing me to express my feelings; any advice would be truly appreciated.

He [M21] betrayed my trust and continues to demonstrate that he has no qualms about lying to me [F19].

I apologize for the lengthy message—this is my first time posting here, and I wanted to provide all the necessary context. At the beginning of January, my boyfriend cheated on me. While he didn’t sleep with anyone, he did send his ex texts saying, “let’s hook up,” among other things. I discovered this the same night it happened; I could tell something was off when he got home. I checked his phone while he was sleeping, which I had never done before, but I felt compelled to that night. After finding out, I left, but I returned the next morning to talk things over. Despite everything, I still want to make our relationship work because I love him and am six months pregnant with his child. I laid down some ground rules: he had to log into his Instagram accounts on my phone, I needed access to his location at all times, and most importantly, he shouldn’t be drinking since he claimed alcohol was his excuse for what he did. Although he hasn’t completely stopped drinking, he has asked if it’s okay to drink when I’m around. I agreed, but only if I have his phone. My main focus has been finding a way to trust him again, but he’s lied to me more than once since then. Today, I had to visit some family in another city while he went out with coworkers. I simply asked him not to drink. When I asked him afterward, he said he hadn’t, but I felt the need to check after I got home. After he fell asleep, I looked in his wallet and found a receipt proving he had lied. I’m so drained and unsure of what to do. How am I supposed to rebuild trust when he keeps lying to me? He’s asleep next to me now, and I plan to wait until he gets back from work tomorrow to address this, but I’m unsure how to approach the conversation. I don’t want to leave, but he gives me a plethora of reasons to consider it. I could really use some advice.

My boyfriend (23) was featured in a viral Facebook group dedicated to cheaters.

There’s been a Facebook group in my city called “Cheaters/Do You Know Him” that’s been making waves lately. Many women are posting about their partners, either to check if they’re unfaithful or to expose someone else’s cheating boyfriend. It’s all quite chaotic, as you can imagine. Recently, my boyfriend got posted on this page. The captions typically ask things like, “Is this your man or ours?” and “What’s the scoop on this guy?” The post only included his initials along with his profile picture. The problem is his Facebook name isn’t his real name; it’s some silly alias. To figure out his identity, someone would need to know his first and last initials. Even at work, his name tag only shows his first name—no initials. When I confronted him about the post, he claimed he had no idea who posted it or why. Unfortunately, the person who posted remains anonymous and hasn’t responded to my inquiries. I’m left wondering if this could be someone from his past checking in, a girl he’s cheating with trying to send me a message, or even someone he’s been talking to behind my back who doesn’t know about me. I doubt it’s just a random girl curious because she thinks he’s attractive. We’ve been together for over a year and live together, which only complicates things more. I’m struggling to decide whether to trust him or not. This situation is all very fresh, and I can’t shake the insecurity that he might be cheating. I would really appreciate any advice—I feel completely lost and unsure of what to do.

My boyfriend was unfaithful to his previous girlfriend and kept it a secret. I'm not sure how to feel about this.

I'm in a new relationship that has been going on for a couple of months. On our first date, he was very open with me and wanted to address any 'red flags.' He admitted to cheating on his ex-girlfriend but only revealed it to her after they broke up. Initially, I appreciated his honesty, but as someone who struggles with trust issues, this information is difficult for me to digest. Since then, he's shared more about the situation, and what I've learned is concerning. He was just 21 at that time, and while I understand that young people can make mistakes, he had been in a relationship with his girlfriend for roughly two to three years. He cheated with one of her closest friends, who lived with them. It started when they were alone together, had a few drinks, and things escalated from there. This incident happened a few more times because they wanted to explore if there were any feelings between them, which they ultimately decided there weren’t. As far as I know, they continued living together for a while after that. He chose not to tell his girlfriend about the cheating, fully aware of the likely consequences. He kept it a secret until he was 27, claiming he 'struggled with guilt for years' but assured me that he would never cheat again because he cannot bear that guilt. However, I recently found out that he only told his ex about the affair because she confessed to cheating on him and had developed feelings for another guy (who she is currently with). At that moment, he still didn't come clean until he sensed she was torn between the two of them and might choose to give their relationship another shot. He felt it was necessary to finally be honest with her, resulting in her ending things, which I completely understand. It seems that both of them contributed to a messy and toxic situation. She was almost ten years older and deeply entrenched in their relationship, while he was much younger. At least she was honest about her feelings, whereas he kept his secret for years, and that's something I struggle to reconcile. I also get the impression that he sees himself as the victim in their relationship. While it's true she left him for someone else, I can't help but think that if he had been upfront, she might have made a different choice sooner. He expresses frustration at her for not giving him a chance to fix things, which feels a bit like an excuse to me. So here I am, with a boyfriend who cheated when he was younger and kept it hidden for years. Now at 29, I don't want to hold his past mistakes against him, but I'm genuinely concerned, and it weighs on me. I've tried to communicate that this is challenging for me, but he seems to think he is being punished for something he did in his early 20s. While I can acknowledge that he made a mistake, his attitude surrounding it worries me. I really like him and want to give him a chance, and I believe him when he says he wouldn’t cheat again. But I can’t shake the fear that it will impact me in the future.

I could use some assistance.

Hi, I’m a 19-year-old female, and my boyfriend is a 19-year-old male. We’ve been dating for about two months, and things seemed to be going well. We’re both college students, and our dorms are right across from each other, so he often stays over in my room. One night, he went out with friends and accidentally left his iPad behind. Since I know the password, I felt compelled to check it out, driven by an instinct. While looking through his iPad, I discovered he was communicating with some girls and even asking for their locations. Just to clarify, I attend college out of state, and I was away for Christmas break around that time. This is my first serious relationship, and I genuinely like him. When I confronted him about the messages, he claimed these girls were just friends from middle school, and I didn’t think much of it at the time because there was no obvious flirting. A few days later, I found myself going through his phone again and stumbled upon the "recently deleted" section in iMessage. There was a girl’s name listed with "808 messages deleted." Out of curiosity, I restored the messages and discovered it was his ex. She had reached out to him, and he responded. I can't help but feel hurt and confused, especially after crying to him about my concerns just recently. Looking further, I checked his call log and found they had FaceTimed each other. I couldn’t hold back the tears as he sat beside me. I decided to investigate his camera roll, and while he rarely takes pictures of us together, I found multiple images of her and even some hidden folders containing several explicit videos of them. I’m feeling utterly lost, disgusted, and angry, but I still care about him deeply. I really need some advice on what to do next!

My husband's best friend, M (25), urged him to be unfaithful to me.

I recently went through my husband's phone while searching for something specific in our messages, and I stumbled upon his conversation with his best friend. In their messages, his friend—who is in his twenties and single—was openly encouraging my husband to cheat and have fun. This friend, who is divorced and struggling with high child support, seems unhappy and wants my husband to follow the same path he did. (And yes, we do have kids together.) Although my husband made a mistake by flirting with a coworker, we addressed that issue and resolved it. However, he still maintains his friendship with this male friend, which I find incredibly frustrating. Just seeing him makes my blood boil; I feel disrespected by what he’s suggested to my husband. It's wrong for my husband to continue this friendship, especially since there's a risk his friend might encourage him to cheat again. Whenever I ask my husband why he stays friends with someone who undermines our relationship, he usually shrugs it off, apologizes, and continues being friends with him. How should I respond when he dismisses my feelings like that?

I was unfaithful to my wife (29F), and now I'm seeking guidance on how to either rebuild or renew our relationship.

I'm feeling really low after making a huge mistake a month ago; I cheated on my wife by texting another woman on Christmas Eve. I had brought home a case of beer for myself, as I'm not really into the holidays. I made an effort to clean the apartment and get the kids involved to help out. Unfortunately, things spiraled out of control that night. After consuming two edibles and drinking ten beers, I was definitely not in the right mindset. I mistakenly thought my wife was in a Discord chat with friends, and I vaguely remember someone expressing love, which led to a conversation about breasts. From there, I ended up messaging this woman I didn't even know, asking for inappropriate pictures. I never received any pictures, but I spent the whole night complimenting her looks and expressing some rather crazy thoughts like wanting to be an "international husband." When I woke up the next morning and saw those messages on my phone, I was utterly heartbroken. I've never acted like this in the decade I've been with my wife. I tried to brush it off with the woman I contacted, saying I didn't mean what I said, and she just replied, "It's okay, you were drunk." I even ended up yelling at others in the group, though I can't remember any of it. Out of shame and disgust for myself, I kept this from my wife for five days, hoping it would just fade away. I didn't want to reach out to the woman again or engage any further; I was horrified at the thought of hurting my wife like this. Now, after a month of reflection, I've been digging into my childhood trauma and what led me to this point. I've been reading books on healing and trying to put more effort into my marriage. I want to be a better husband and make the necessary changes to move forward. I realized that my wife is truly amazing; my mistake was getting lazy in the relationship. I studied the concepts of personal awakening and am now focusing on self-improvement while also giving my wife space. I'm seeking therapy for my trauma, though it's quite expensive. I'm working on rebuilding myself, breaking down the walls I had up, and envisioning the man I want to be for my wife. Has anyone else experienced something similar and found help? Are you still together?

Betrayed once more

I'm at a loss for what to do or say at this point. I'm a 23-year-old woman and I've caught my 24-year-old fiancé cheating on me for the sixth time. This isn't the first time I've confronted him—it's just one instance in a long history I've tried to ignore until it's become unbearable. He leaves explicit pictures in his gallery, keeps his incognito mode open at night, and I've discovered messages spanning months from various people. He's even used a specific app to cheat. We have a 16-month-old child and two teenagers, and I truly love him. I've cut ties with my family due to their abusive behavior, all in an effort to protect our own family. Yet, despite everything I do for him, he continues to betray my trust, offering nothing but apologies and vague assurances that he's “working on it.” He can't even explain why he cheats, which only deepens my frustration. We even tried swinging, hoping it would lead to more honesty between us, but that seems to have made things worse. I'm hurt and frustrated—I've never messaged or flirted with anyone else throughout our nearly three-year relationship. I helped him pay off IRS debt, covered nearly $1,000 for his car repairs, and paid for daycare for our son. I thought things were finally looking up, but when I checked his phone recently, I had a feeling something was off, and unfortunately, I was right. Every time it seems like we're doing well, I discover more secrets, and it stings. I really need advice on how to move forward because I don't want to end the relationship, but emotionally, I can't keep handling the betrayal.

What’s the best way to approach him?

Looking for guidance on how to talk to my husband as a pregnant wife. 😭 Here’s some background: About a week ago, I was cutting his hair when he received a call from a number that seemed familiar to me (though I can’t quite put my finger on why). He dismissed it, saying it was nobody important, and since he generally avoids phone calls, I decided to let it slide despite feeling uneasy. Moving ahead to last night, while he was in the shower, I had an urge to check his watch (he takes his phone with him in the shower). I noticed a text from that same familiar number, which made me think of last week. It contained two screenshots of a Messenger conversation, but the pictures were too small for me to discern much. I then looked at his call log and saw numerous entries involving that number—calls he made, calls they made, missed calls, and even blocked ones. Curious, I researched the number through Cash App and another app, which revealed a female name of someone he works with on weekends. He had mentioned her in a strange story about his shift, but I had no idea they were connected, especially since I couldn’t find anything on social media. Checking our cell usage details, I found that ever since I first noticed the number, he’s been averaging 20-30 minute conversations with her since the 20th. Two of these calls even occurred around times when he called me “just because he missed me,” which is unusual for him, and another coincided with my attempt to reach him but he said he was on the line with an "angry old customer," a situation he often encounters at work, so I didn't question it then. We had a baby appointment on Friday, and I noticed calls he missed or blocked from that day that hadn't registered with me before. It’s clear to me that she knows about me, he’s hiding something, and it feels like there’s definitely something going on. I need to confront him for my own peace of mind since I’m experiencing significant anxiety, which I know isn’t good for the baby. I’m just unsure how to approach the conversation. We already have one child, and another on the way, and I’m so scared and saddened at the thought of everything falling apart. I’m really stressing out—please, no judgment, just constructive advice.

I'm still with my boyfriend despite his infidelity, but I can't stop dwelling on it.

Five months ago, I shared a post about my boyfriend (then 21), who went out with his friends to the club and got completely plastered. He ended up making out with a random girl, whose identity I still don't know because I can't bring myself to ask him. I wasn't in the country at the time and was actually headed home the next day, so that was just wonderful for me. Despite this, I chose to stay with him because he promised he would change. Now, I find myself in need of advice. He genuinely seems to be a different person since that incident, and in the seven months that have passed, he hasn't done anything that extreme again. I can see the effort he's putting into improving, but whenever he goes out with his friends, I can't help but think about the time he cheated on me. Am I overreacting, or is my concern justified? What should I do? For some context: the betrayal felt even worse because one of his friend's girlfriends had to message me to tell me she saw him kissing someone else. It was only after I confronted him that he admitted to it, claiming he meant to tell me in person so I wouldn't panic. I'm feeling overwhelmed and don't know how to move forward.

Should I return to what I'm familiar with or begin something new?

I'm a 22-year-old woman facing a bit of a dilemma, and since I'm still young, I’d really appreciate some unbiased advice due to my past mistakes. I have an ex, a 22-year-old man, with whom I’ve shared a lot. He made some mistakes, including breaking up with me once because of our long-distance relationship, but he returned when I began to move on and showed that he had changed. We ended up living together, but during those two years, I discovered that he and my best friend, a 23-year-old woman, were exchanging explicit messages. I’m unsure if anything physical happened between them, but despite his assurances that he had changed, I continued to find evidence of his disloyalty on his phone and through his actions. We ultimately broke up about six months ago. Since then, I’ve started to move forward and met a wonderful guy, a 27-year-old man. He’s very mature and seems to have his life together; we’ve been dating for a few months and have shared many experiences together. Now, my ex is trying to re-enter my life. He hasn’t directly expressed a desire to reconcile, but I sense it. We’ve had our fair share of bad times, but also some truly great moments, and he was my best friend. Letting go of that bond is challenging for me, despite the universe seemingly pushing us apart repeatedly. The new guy is fantastic, but I find myself feeling anxious about the uncertainty of something new. I'm torn between the connection I had with my ex and the potential for a brighter future with the new guy. What should I do?

Did I mix things up?

Last year, I (28F) was traveling when I met a local guy (25M), and we ended up dating for a month. Toward the end of that month, he mentioned he wanted to ask me to be his girlfriend. I don't think we took it too seriously, so we didn't really talk about it in depth—I honestly don't remember discussing what it meant for us. To be frank, I had no plans to return, and I didn't want to make promises. I figured we could just be 'boyfriend and girlfriend' until one of us decided to end things. He expressed that he wasn’t interested in dating anyone else, which gave me the impression that we were exclusive. He repeatedly told me he wasn’t looking at other girls either. Fast forward seven months, and I returned because things had developed into something really meaningful for me. I had started taking our relationship seriously, believing we were exclusive. It turns out that during the first two months of my travels, he didn’t realize we were exclusive at all. It was only after I got back that he understood the relationship was becoming serious, and around that time, he had stopped seeing other girls. Naturally, I was upset when I found out he had been dishonest, leading to our breakup. Recently, I was looking through old messages and was puzzled by how he could not have realized we were exclusive. I discovered a message I sent him the day I left, where I said, “It's okay if you change your mind and want to see other girls. Just let me know.” Now, I'm uncertain about what to do. I don't want to analyze his actions too much; he did what he did, and I don’t need to reflect on that. I believe he should have been honest, but I'm more focused on my feelings. At this point, our relationship is a year long, and I’m quite in love, but I can't help but feel like this qualifies as cheating. Am I overreacting? Considering the circumstances, was it a mistake for me to send that message? My intention was to express understanding that long-distance can be challenging and that it’s okay if he changed his mind. However, he interpreted it, along with his experiences with backpackers (since he worked in tourism and had seen a lot of that behavior), as an indication that our relationship was casual and open. He preferred not to discuss it further because he felt open relationships worked best for him when there were no clear expectations. TL;DR: Did sending the message “It's okay if you change your mind and go with other girls. Just let me know” create confusion about exclusivity in a travel romance?

I had a night with my best friend, even though they are in a relationship.

I (25F) recently went on a trip with some friends, including my best friend (24M). Up until then, everything felt completely normal, and I had no romantic feelings towards him. However, during the trip, he started showering me with kindness—cooking for me, looking after me when I was drunk, bringing me flowers that matched my dress each day, serving me breakfast in bed, teaching me to drive, and caring for me when I wasn’t feeling well. It was everything I had ever wanted from a guy while being single. One night, after a few drinks, I mentioned to him that I was starting to feel attracted to him because of everything he was doing, and suggested he might want to ease off since he has a girlfriend. To my surprise, he admitted that he had liked me for a while and had intended to break up with his girlfriend because things weren’t working out. He told me he wanted to confess his feelings before the trip but was too scared, thinking I would never like someone like him. Things progressed quickly after that. We both acknowledged that what we were doing felt wrong, yet we ended up sleeping together while sober. Now, I feel awful about the situation, and I think we both do. He mentioned he had been feeling conflicted for months, and when I asked what he wanted, he seemed unsure but admitted that his heart was drawn to me. He stated he knew it was wrong but didn’t want to stop or hurt his girlfriend, although he plans to tell her eventually—it just might take some time for him to sort out his feelings. The complicating factor is that we work together, so we’ll be seeing each other every day. What should I do?

I was dishonest, betrayed, and caused pain to my partner.

I deceived, betrayed, and caused pain to my partner. I was in a long-distance relationship with a 26-year-old woman, and our separation ended poorly. During that time, I was struggling with depression while trying to balance school, work, and our relationship. I was sleep-deprived from our nightly calls, and although I wanted to support her, it became exhausting, and I found it hard to say no. Our relationship faced challenges. One night, she told me to leave, and later explained that it was her trauma speaking—she feared I would abandon her. She apologized and focused on self-improvement. I didn’t realize how my actions affected her, but it hit me hard. Feeling overwhelmed, I chose to take a break and went silent for three months, a decision I now regret as it caused her deep pain. Even after a month of silence, she reached out to check on me, but I couldn’t respond—not even on her birthday. During those three months, I met someone on Reddit. We connected, shared our locations, developed feelings, and began a relationship. She was more clingy than my ex. Eventually, I reached out to my ex to apologize and give her some closure. I still had feelings for her, and she didn’t deserve the hurt I had caused—she had done nothing wrong. She still had love for me and wanted to give our relationship another try. We decided to rebuild, but I knew I wasn’t in a good mental state. I wasn’t the person I aspired to be, yet I proceeded anyway. Weeks later, she confronted me, sensing that something was wrong. She discovered the app where I had shared my location with the other woman. I tried to maintain my lies but ultimately couldn’t. Seeing her cry shattered me, but she continued to talk to me. She asked if I loved the other woman. After a moment of hesitation, I confessed, “I love her, and I love you too.” Those words devastated her. I know I failed her. She deserves someone much better. I lied, hurt her, and betrayed her trust, and now I carry immense guilt for my actions. What should I do next? She deserves an apology, but I don’t want to reopen any wounds. I know she’s trying to heal from the trauma I caused, and I deeply regret what I did.

Discovered explicit photos in my boyfriend's email that he claimed had been deleted.

I'm a 30-year-old woman, and I recently discovered that my boyfriend, who is 32, had been sexting and chatting with other girls behind my back. We worked through it, and he deleted their contact information. However, while looking for tickets in his email for an upcoming event, I stumbled upon photo attachments of those girls he had sent to himself. I chose not to confront him for a month, but when I finally did, he said he didn’t care because I had waited to bring it up and that it was strange for me to look through his things. Am I wrong for waiting to address this, or did he really mess up and I was just avoiding facing the truth?

Am I (20F) overreacting about my boyfriend's (19M) actions?

I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half, and we started talking a year before we officially became a couple. Generally, he’s the sweetest guy, so what he did really surprised me. Back in July, I went out with my best friends to smoke some weed, and then I returned to his place because I didn't want to go home. I was really out of it and couldn’t think clearly; everything felt blurry. During that time, he took advantage of me and had sex with me despite my uncertainty when he asked. After that incident, I broke up with him for about a month, but we got back together when he promised it wouldn't happen again. Now, about six months have passed, and every time I see him or think about our relationship, bad memories resurface. I find myself questioning things and struggling to move on. I’ve talked to him about how I feel, and he apologized, expressing regret and assuring me it wouldn’t happen again. Despite this, I can't help but spiral into negative thoughts. I'm torn about whether breaking up is the right choice. I genuinely believe he loves me, and this was out of character for him. Still, I've started to feel resentment, which he isn't aware of, and I haven't confided in anyone except my best friend. She suggested I end the relationship, but I'd like a different perspective since she's never liked him much. What should I do?

How can I inform a girl that the guy she was involved with was cheating on her with me and is not a good person?

I've (F26) been involved with a guy (M36) who has a situationship (F27) in another country. For the first couple of months of dating, he repeatedly claimed he would end things with her because he didn't have feelings for her and she was more invested. However, he lied about several things, and I found her Instagram. She has pinned photos of them that look very much like a couple, which contradicted his claims. After a big fight, he told me he ended things with her, but we didn’t talk for two weeks before we started seeing each other again. Recently, he went back to the US, and I saw on his story that she shared a picture with him sitting on his lap, captioned by her friend: "stop being happy 🤮." This made me question everything. I’ve been contemplating whether to inform her about what I know and to end things with him for good. I wrote her a detailed message explaining the entire situation, including screenshots of him arranging dates with me while he was with her and his intentions to end things from the start. I'm unsure how to approach contacting her, considering she blocked me after viewing her story during our fallout. He later claimed he broke up with her around that time. I would need to reach her through Facebook Messenger since we're not friends, but I’m worried she won't believe me or that he has misled her about the situation. I want her to know the truth, especially since I've moved on for good and don't want any further involvement with him. I even noticed he was chatting with other girls and still talking to her within 24 hours while I was at his place. I didn't confront him about this at the time, though he did ask me to be exclusive that night, which I declined due to my mistrust. He has been disrespectful to both of us, and I fear he never truly ended things with her or was in a real relationship. I considered reaching out to one of her friends to see if they could tell her instead, but they don't accept message requests from people they don’t follow on Instagram. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I just want to ensure she knows the truth and that he doesn’t get away with treating people poorly.

My boyfriend, who is 32, and I, a 20-year-old female, have been having some disagreements recently. I'd appreciate an outsider's perspective on our situation.

My boyfriend and I have been together for nine months. When we first started dating, I sensed that things progressed too quickly; we went from getting to know each other to being in a relationship in just two weeks. After only a week of dating, he told me he loved me, but I felt it wasn't right to reciprocate at that moment. I wanted to truly mean it before saying those words, which upset him and made me realize how fast our relationship was moving. When we met, he had just come out of a toxic eight-year relationship with his ex-girlfriend, who had cheated on him multiple times. He assured me he had never cheated, but I couldn't help but wonder if he was truly ready for a serious commitment after such a painful experience. As our relationship deepened, I often felt that his feelings for me were more obsessive than genuine love. He had liked me for a while before gathering the courage to ask me out. I thought his fixation might be partly due to our age difference—I'm 20, and he's 32. When he learned about me through my mom's boyfriend, he was told I have a good job and that I'm a bit reserved. While I believe a woman's worth isn't defined by such traits, I felt he saw them as advantages that shaped his view of me. In our relationship, I was consistently a supportive presence for him, but he rarely listened to my thoughts or feelings. He would often interrupt me, showing little engagement with the emotional aspects of our connection. To his friends and family, I sometimes felt more like a trophy than a true partner. Given his history with a toxic relationship, I never thought he would betray my trust. However, a few days ago, I felt an odd urge to check his phone, and I discovered messages to another girl in which he seemed to be pleading for her to meet. At that time, we had been dating for three months. When I confronted him, he adamantly denied sending those messages. To verify, I texted the girl from his phone, posing as him, and asked if she recalled their last encounter. She replied that it had happened about six months ago during warm weather, but he insisted she was lying. This isn’t the first time a situation like this has arisen; previously, it turned out to be false. He argues that this instance is just the same, claiming she’s lying about someone taking his phone. When he called her, asking why she was being dishonest, she said, "Don't involve me in your issues. You know what you did. You’re being unfaithful and don’t want to face the consequences. Just leave me alone." I have a big heart, and when he lost his home last December, I didn’t want him to be left homeless, so I invited him to stay at my house. Now we’re living at my mom’s place together, and I’m feeling lost. I see him every day as he cries and insists he’s innocent. I want to believe him, but deep down, I suspect he’s not telling the truth. It’s confusing because he’s starting to make me doubt my own instincts. I even question if the previous instance of suspected dishonesty was real. All I want is for him to be honest with me. Each day is filled with tears and anxiety, mainly because he insists everything is fine, even when the evidence suggests otherwise. He promised to find the person who texted her, but after four days, there's been no proof. He wants me to disregard what I know, but I can’t shake the feeling that he’s lying. He finds ways to twist my thoughts, redirecting my focus to the good moments we’ve shared, which makes me feel guilty for questioning his feelings. I feel trapped in this situation. While I know I’m not literally confined—no one can force me to stay—it’s perplexing to realize I’m being manipulated and still find myself affected by it.

What should I do? I've been in a relationship with this girl for three years, and I'm uncertain about my next steps.

My girlfriend, who's 19 and has been with me for three years, has been working as a server and recently got involved with the cook. I'm not sure how to respond to this. She feels guilty about it, and she means everything to me. I did cheat once early in our relationship, and I'm left wondering if this is an act of revenge or something else. I'm feeling lost and uncertain about what to do next. She gave me a second chance, and I told her I would also give her one opportunity, but this really hurts. If you've been in a similar situation, how did it turn out for you? Did it continue?

I (35F) recently discovered that my boyfriend (39M) has been chatting with and receiving pictures from his ex every day throughout our relationship. Are there any alternatives to breaking up?

**Summary:** My boyfriend insisted he was different from my ex, who would get overly attached and text female colleagues. He got upset whenever my ex was mentioned, but it turns out he’s been secretly texting his ex daily. Can we work through this, or is breaking up the only option? We met on Hinge in October and immediately clicked, moving in together by November. He emphasized how crucial it is for partners to maintain appropriate boundaries with the opposite sex. He compared himself to my ex, who had been too emotionally involved with female colleagues, assuring me he was an open book. We made a point of discussing the importance of transparency in our relationship, with him regularly expressing disdain for hypocrisy and lack of respect. However, he has become upset at the sight of messages from my male friends, even though they were harmless. He also reacted strongly to notifications about memories involving my ex, suggesting I should turn those off. This context makes what I discovered yesterday all the more painful. Despite everything he said, he has been texting his ex—whom he claimed to have broken up with five months ago—almost daily while we’ve been together. They discuss her life, and he expresses pride in her accomplishments. His ex has been fixated on him, trying to win him back, and has even sent him explicit photos. Although he reportedly avoided giving in to her advances, he never mentioned me to her. I only found out due to his unusual behavior, which prompted me to directly ask if he was talking to other women. It turns out his ex had recently found out about me, confronting him before he blocked her after their argument. He claimed he was only messaging her out of concern for her mental health, insisting she’s unstable. When I pushed back on that excuse, he admitted he was looking for validation as he feels insecure about our relationship. He acknowledged he messed up and expressed a desire to earn my trust back, even though he understands it might not be possible. I’m in shock and feel betrayed. His behavior contradicts everything he preached about fidelity and respect. I like him, but I can't overlook this breach of trust and I’m uncertain how I can ever feel secure with him again. While he hasn’t engaged in anything explicitly inappropriate, the situation has left me feeling blindsided and foolish. Can we rebuild from this, or is breaking up the only path forward?

I just met my girlfriend's boyfriend.

I'm a 34-year-old man, and I recently met my girlfriend's boyfriend, who is 24. Here’s the situation: my girlfriend graduated from college today. Yes, there is an age difference between us, but we’ve talked about it, and she’s comfortable with it. We were introduced by a mutual friend who is 26. A little background: I've done a lot of work on myself regarding childhood trauma, relationships, and trust issues stemming from my upbringing in group and foster homes. As a result, I’ve focused heavily on communication in our relationship, which we sometimes struggled with. She had mentioned that her friends and family were in town for her big day and that they would help her move out of her apartment. Since her graduation was a ticketed event, I couldn’t attend, and we had agreed that I might not see her while her family was visiting. I didn’t consider this a red flag, as I’ve worked hard to not impose my past trust issues onto her. I wanted to surprise her with flowers, so I called her to let her know, but there was no answer. Thinking she would be at her celebration, I decided to drop off the bouquet anyway. When I arrived, I was surprised to see lights on and people around her apartment. Dressed up and holding the flowers, I knocked, and a guy opened the door, looking perplexed. I asked if my girlfriend was there, and he went to get her. When she came out, she looked extremely displeased, almost as if she had seen a ghost. I was confused because I thought she would appreciate the flowers, especially since I had helped her pick out a nice dress for the occasion. We exchanged words, and she was upset that I had shown up unannounced, while I was simply trying to be a supportive boyfriend. We agreed to discuss it later. As I was leaving, the guy who opened the door and I ran into each other. He revealed that he was her boyfriend, and I introduced myself as her boyfriend as well. Both of us were shocked. He asked when we had last been intimate, and I told him it was just two days ago, right before he arrived for her graduation. We exchanged numbers and agreed to sort everything out later. TLDR: My girlfriend has a boyfriend from her hometown, while I’m her boyfriend in the city where she currently lives, and we accidentally crossed paths in front of her family. Now, I’m unsure of how to proceed. Should I seek closure, or should I confront her? I really like this girl—it felt like a love-at-first-sight connection. Initially, I attributed some communication gaps to my own insecurities from past problematic relationships. I feel bad for the guy, as he was completely unaware of my existence. They were supposed to spend a long weekend in the mountains together, which she had originally described as a "friends trip." We had discussed the challenges of long-distance relationships and made plans to see each other once a month, as well as move together to a new city in six months. However, I’m at a loss. The guy and I have talked briefly, but she hasn’t responded to my messages. He did mention that she admitted to him that I exist. I'm frustrated, especially since she shared her past trauma and trust issues with men. I’ve genuinely tried to meet her halfway and help her overcome her beliefs about men, only to find myself in this situation. It’s disheartening. 😫🤦🏽‍♂️

Am I about to lose the love of my life?

I’m a 34-year-old woman seeking advice or maybe a reality check. My partner, a 33-year-old man, and I have been in a relationship for three months, but we've worked together for the past two years. We were friends before, both married, so we never crossed any boundaries. Earlier this year, we both ended up separated from our spouses and grew closer while sharing our experiences. It started off with just casual texting, but it escalated quickly, and we became quite serious before we even realized it. I tend to fall hard and fast, but this feels completely different. I've never experienced such deep mutual love, understanding, or chemistry with anyone else, and he claims to feel the same. Currently, we are both separated. My situation is progressing to divorce, which will be finalized in January. I have a 14-year-old daughter with my ex-husband, and though things were rocky at first, we've established a peaceful custody agreement. My partner's relationship with his spouse has always been tumultuous, with reports of verbal and emotional abuse. They have two children, ages 6 and 5, and over the years, his wife has used the kids to manipulate him. This past summer, she took the kids to her hometown without informing him, and he feels threatened that she might permanently relocate with them. Recently, there seemed to be a truce where he was allowed more time with the kids, which was not the case at first. I have urged him numerous times to utilize our company’s Employee Assistance Program for legal advice, but he hasn’t taken that step. Recently, he called me in tears, expressing his desire to do what’s right for his kids and to provide them with a life he never had. He insists on giving his marriage one more shot for their sake. This has left me heartbroken, and he seems to be struggling too. This isn't the first time such concerns have surfaced; it happened around Thanksgiving, but nothing changed then. Now, he’s talking about moving back in with his wife after Christmas. Although I can’t share every detail without this becoming overwhelmingly long, there’s one more important aspect: I had an affair earlier this year, which he strongly disliked. I initially kept it from him but admitted it a few weeks into our relationship because I wanted to be honest. He has repeatedly expressed how much this bothers him and how it makes him feel like a rebound or merely “next in line.” I’ve done everything possible to reassure him that it was a mistake I deeply regret. I was with that other person for a short period, but it ended well before my partner and I got together. I’m not sure why he’s still so affected by it, especially since I’ve emphasized that it’s in the past. He has brought it up several times, and I can't help but wonder if he’s using it as an excuse to justify pursuing his wife again. I’ve told him I would love and care for his kids as if they were my own and that I would always be respectful towards their mother. He feels conflicted, torn between his responsibilities as a father and his feelings for me. He feels empty without one or the other and struggles to see a way to have both. He’s worried his wife might leave with the kids for good this time. My heart is shattered; I’ve never loved anyone like this before, even after a 15-year marriage. It feels profound, on a soul level, and he says he feels the same way. I can see the pain he’s in, but I’m unsure of how to move forward.

Pages: 1 2 [3] 4