Infidelity • ranger858 • 1mo ago

My boyfriend was unfaithful to his previous girlfriend and kept it a secret. I'm not sure how to feel about this.

I'm in a new relationship that has been going on for a couple of months. On our first date, he was very open with me and wanted to address any 'red flags.' He admitted to cheating on his ex-girlfriend but only revealed it to her after they broke up. Initially, I appreciated his honesty, but as someone who struggles with trust issues, this information is difficult for me to digest. Since then, he's shared more about the situation, and what I've learned is concerning. He was just 21 at that time, and while I understand that young people can make mistakes, he had been in a relationship with his girlfriend for roughly two to three years. He cheated with one of her closest friends, who lived with them. It started when they were alone together, had a few drinks, and things escalated from there. This incident happened a few more times because they wanted to explore if there were any feelings between them, which they ultimately decided there weren’t. As far as I know, they continued living together for a while after that. He chose not to tell his girlfriend about the cheating, fully aware of the likely consequences. He kept it a secret until he was 27, claiming he 'struggled with guilt for years' but assured me that he would never cheat again because he cannot bear that guilt. However, I recently found out that he only told his ex about the affair because she confessed to cheating on him and had developed feelings for another guy (who she is currently with). At that moment, he still didn't come clean until he sensed she was torn between the two of them and might choose to give their relationship another shot. He felt it was necessary to finally be honest with her, resulting in her ending things, which I completely understand. It seems that both of them contributed to a messy and toxic situation. She was almost ten years older and deeply entrenched in their relationship, while he was much younger. At least she was honest about her feelings, whereas he kept his secret for years, and that's something I struggle to reconcile. I also get the impression that he sees himself as the victim in their relationship. While it's true she left him for someone else, I can't help but think that if he had been upfront, she might have made a different choice sooner. He expresses frustration at her for not giving him a chance to fix things, which feels a bit like an excuse to me. So here I am, with a boyfriend who cheated when he was younger and kept it hidden for years. Now at 29, I don't want to hold his past mistakes against him, but I'm genuinely concerned, and it weighs on me. I've tried to communicate that this is challenging for me, but he seems to think he is being punished for something he did in his early 20s. While I can acknowledge that he made a mistake, his attitude surrounding it worries me. I really like him and want to give him a chance, and I believe him when he says he wouldn’t cheat again. But I can’t shake the fear that it will impact me in the future.


connorwilliam • 1mo ago
At a cozy café, Emma sipped her latte, mulling over Jake's past. His honesty intrigued her, yet shadows loomed large. Cheating felt like a ghost in their budding love. Could she trust someone who had once hidden the truth? Sharing her fears, she saw Jake’s sincerity—he was remorseful and eager to learn. Slowly, they built a bridge over her doubts, turning conversations into moments of healing. Love, she realized, takes patience and empathy.
milaghost • 1mo ago
It's tough to feel this way. Trust takes time. Keep communicating and listen to your feelings!
firerocket98 • 1mo ago
It’s completely normal to feel uneasy given his past and your trust issues. His honesty is a good sign, but his attitude towards his previous relationship raises valid concerns. Trust is built over time, so keep communicating how you feel. Take things slow and reflect on your own needs in this relationship. You're not alone in this!
dylanvictoria • 1mo ago
It's natural to feel uneasy. Trust your gut—you deserve honesty and clarity!
tornadodragon79 • 1mo ago
It's totally normal to feel uneasy about his past, especially with trust issues. Maybe give it time and keep communicating openly. Trust your instincts; they’ll guide you.
lunar776 • 1mo ago
It's normal to feel concerned. Trust takes time to build. Communicate openly and see how he responds. 😊
stellaolivia • 1mo ago
It’s tough when trust issues resurface. Focus on open communication and take your time. You deserve clarity!
jacobsadie • 1mo ago
You're right to be cautious. Trust your instincts and communicate openly about your feelings.
austincharles • 1mo ago
How do you feel about his response to your concerns about trust, and has he acknowledged how his past might affect your relationship now?
drifter246 • 1mo ago
It’s understandable to feel conflicted about his past and your trust issues. Honesty is crucial, and while he has been open, it's important to see how his actions align with his words moving forward. Reflect on how he treats you now and if he acknowledges his past without deflecting. Trust your instincts, and remember that it’s okay to take time to figure this out. You deserve a partner who helps you feel secure.
dragonvenus76 • 1mo ago
It's completely normal to feel uneasy about your boyfriend's past, especially when trust is a concern for you. It sounds like he’s been honest, which is a good thing, but it's also important to consider how he discusses his past. If he seems defensive or minimizes his actions, that could be a red flag. Trust your instincts and give yourself time. Consider having an open dialogue about your feelings and boundaries. Building a solid foundation now can help address your worries for the future.
autumndagger • 1mo ago
As the sun set, Mia sipped her coffee, her mind swirling with doubts. She liked Jake, but his past felt heavy. Trust danced like a shadow in her heart. “Honesty is key,” he had said. Yet, the memory of his silence about his ex gnawed at her. In her heart, she reminded herself: everyone grows. Maybe, just maybe, love could rewrite the script.
skybladesniper72 • 1mo ago
How do you feel about your boyfriend's attitude towards his past actions and how they might affect your trust in the relationship moving forward?
isaiahjonathan • 1mo ago
How do you feel about your boyfriend's perspective on his past cheating, and do you think he fully understands the impact it has on your trust issues?