Relationship advices: Communication Problems

29M and 29F: My girlfriend seems distant, yet insists that everything is okay.

**Background:** We've been in a relationship for four years, and we don't live together or share finances. **The Situation:** Over the past month and a half, her behavior has become increasingly odd. Most of the time, she seems to ignore me. I’ve tried to engage her in conversation, but I often receive little response—sometimes just a nod—and even simple questions get curt replies. For example, earlier today at her place, I asked where the kettle was because I couldn’t find it, and she snapped back, "Where do you think?" It felt quite unnecessary. During this time, I've asked her multiple times if something is wrong, and she consistently insists that everything is fine. The best explanation I’ve gotten is that she’s stressed at work, which I understand, but when it comes to her roommate, family, and friends, she’s warm, friendly, and talkative. At this point, I’m starting to dread visiting her. I’m feeling lost on how to address this situation and understand what’s going on. Chasing after someone who treats me like this is beginning to take a toll on my self-esteem. I would appreciate any advice on how to navigate this challenging situation.

My boyfriend, who is 34, is upset because I, 32, only said "I love you" after he expressed his feelings first. What do you think?

We've been together for nearly five years, living together, and it's been a challenging relationship for me. This is my first serious relationship, while he has had significant relationships prior to ours. I’ve come to realize that I have unresolved issues and tend to get defensive during certain conversations. Unfortunately, this defensiveness has hurt him on multiple occasions, and he feels he has been patient with me. He often expresses reasons for not wanting to be with me, saying that I need to change and improve in order for him to accept me. I agree that I need to do better because I want to stop being defensive. Whenever we encounter issues, he often threatens to break up with me but then we discuss it and try to find a way to move forward. During these discussions, he tends to critique my life and makes comments that sting, stating it's a reaction to the hurt I’ve caused him. My intention is never to hurt him; it usually stems from my past, where I find myself fighting old ghosts. When misunderstandings arise, I try to clarify, but he perceives my need to rephrase things as defensiveness, which makes him feel like I’m being confrontational. I become distant because I feel attacked, and I wish he would approach our conversations differently. This pattern has continued for a while, along with other issues we've faced, which I can explain later. This morning, while I’m away for the holidays, I texted him saying, "Hey baby, good morning." He replied that he didn't want to talk and needed space, without expressing love. Since he didn’t say "I love you," I didn’t either, as it felt hurtful. Although I tell him I love him, sometimes he doesn’t respond, and I take it to heart. Later, he messaged me, telling me to have a good day and added, "I love you." In response, I wished him a good day and reciprocated the love, but he became upset, saying I only said it because he did and that it was unnecessary to restate "have a good day" just to say "I love you." I explained that I misunderstood and thought he was encouraging me to respond that way. He reacted harshly, questioning my intelligence for believing I misinterpreted his message. As our conversation progressed, he said he was moving out and has blocked my number and all my social media accounts. I feel so lost right now. I understand how my responses might have come across as insincere, but I genuinely meant what I said. It's tough to be vulnerable with him when it seems like he doesn't want to communicate. I don’t know how to navigate this situation, and I often feel like a terrible person. I love him deeply, yet I'm feeling so lost. **TLDR;** We've had a lot of issues, and after he indicated he wanted to be alone today and didn’t say "I love you," I refrained from saying it too. When he later messaged me wishing me a good day and saying "I love you," I replied in kind and wished him a Merry Christmas. He got upset, claiming I only reciprocated because he said it first, and now he wants to break up and move out.

My boyfriend, who is 31, gave me a Christmas gift that I don't intend to use.

Hello everyone! I’m hesitant to share this, but I wanted to talk about a gift I received from my boyfriend of six years. He got me a KitchenAid stand mixer for Christmas—the largest model, in fact! While it’s a beautiful gift, it feels a bit impractical for us since it’s just the two of us (no kids), and we're both trying to stick to a budget. Baking can be expensive, and as a vegetarian, I don't cook with meat. We also rent our home, which means our kitchen has limited counter space and storage. My boyfriend mentioned he thought I could use it to make cookies and breads, but I’m currently trying to watch my diet. I can’t shake the feeling that he assumed it would be something I’d love, and since it’s my only gift from him, it’s hard not to feel disappointed. I’ve considered suggesting he return it, but I worry he would take it the wrong way; it might be better to keep it and let him enjoy using it since he seems so excited about it. I guess I’m just feeling a bit down about it all since it’s my only Christmas present from him, and it’s not quite what I was hoping for. Has anyone else ever felt guilty for not being thrilled about a gift? It’s been weighing on my mind, and I just don’t see myself using it as much as he would like.

What are some ways I can navigate challenging discussions with my boyfriend?

I'm a 27-year-old woman in a relationship with my boyfriend, who's 32. I’d like to discuss some feelings I've been having lately. While he’s been spending time with his family over the past few days, I’ve had a chance to reflect on our relationship and consider where I want it to go. Lately, I’ve noticed that he seems to have become a bit too comfortable and hasn’t been putting in the same effort that he did when we first started dating. I’m not expecting him to change because I know that it has to come from within, but I really want him to understand that I’m not feeling the level of love that I need. I believe in our relationship, but I can’t work on it alone. He knows I'm afraid of losing him, but I don’t think he realizes how close that fear is to becoming a reality. One challenge I face is that when we talk, especially if he gets upset, I tend to shut down. I struggle with PTSD from my childhood, which causes my mind to go blank, leaving me unsure of how to continue the conversation or find a resolution. I often consider writing down my feelings, but that approach feels insincere to me; I’d rather not read from a script, even though that’s typically what I would do in such situations. I’m looking for advice on how to have these conversations without freezing up. If anyone has suggestions for gently expressing my feelings without making it sound like I’m attacking him, I would greatly appreciate it.

My wife dislikes 'notes'.

My wife and I have been experiencing intense fights this past week, and it feels worse than any time before. We are both in our mid-40s and have been together for 11 years. On a separate note, I've discovered that I'm on the autism spectrum—a realization that came only a few years ago, as I always thought I was just a bit unusual. We both carry the weight of traumatic pasts along with significant baggage. We have an 8-year-old daughter who is also on the spectrum, but in her case, she faces more challenges with verbal communication and social interactions than I did, despite having a formal diagnosis. Parenting her requires the efforts of both of us, complicating our situation beyond just being "incompatible" and needing to separate. Last night, we managed to uncover what I believe is at the heart of our issues. She dislikes any form of feedback, commonly referred to as "notes." Over the years, there have been times when she's been cold and distant, but I didn't understand why until now—it's because I had given her notes. Take a recent example: I really enjoy it when she touches me. A simple rub on my head or scalp in the morning significantly improves my day. I mentioned this to her and asked if she could spend just 10-15 seconds each morning to do this as she walked by. She agreed and it was wonderful, but soon it diminished to every other day, then to every third day, and when I pointed it out, she stopped altogether. When I express appreciation for something she did, she often interprets it as criticism, thinking, "Oh, I've been failing by not doing this before." This makes it difficult for me to communicate any of my needs or desires without it feeling like an attack or a "note" to her. Conversely, she has no issues giving me feedback or asking me to do things for her. I actually appreciate her notes; they make it easier for me to meet her expectations. For instance, after she injured her back last summer and began experiencing pain in her legs, I have given her leg and foot massages nearly every single day for the last six months, customizing the treatments according to her requests. However, when she revealed that her lack of affection stemmed from my notes, I felt hurt and betrayed, as though I were being punished. In the past, when I brought up her coldness, she would attribute it to being tired or stressed, never revealing that it was my actions that bothered her. She disagrees with my perspective, arguing that it's natural to withdraw affection when upset with someone. However, I countered that when I’ve done the same to her, she labeled it as immature and hurtful behavior. For example, when I’ve been upset, I didn’t bring her coffee in bed, and after discussing it with her, I agreed to stop that behavior as it was deemed unkind. I'm seeking advice on how to handle this situation, especially since she is resistant to therapy—though she herself is trained in the field and feels she cannot take seriously anyone without a PhD and decades of experience. I am growing weary of constantly being expected to meet her needs while being unable to voice my own. We have additional issues, but this seems to be the main barrier to our progress. At this point, I’m contemplating whether to stop asking her for anything entirely and see how that impacts our relationship. I love her deeply and am fully committed to her. Any advice beyond suggesting a breakup would be greatly appreciated.

REPOSTING WITH PARAGRAPHS! Is it possible for my boyfriend (20M) and me (20F) to repair our relationship after being together for three years?

Hello everyone! I anticipate this will be a bit of a lengthy post, so I appreciate your patience. My boyfriend and I go way back to middle school when we met and quickly became best friends. He moved a few hours away to live with his dad during our freshman year and ended up dating someone who wasn't fond of me (yet would still message me about their problems?). He came back during our sophomore year, and we reignited our friendship. At that time, I was in a pretty toxic relationship with my ex, and my boyfriend really helped me navigate my way out of that situation. We started talking in July 2021 and officially began dating in April 2022. I know it seems like a long period of "talking," but I wanted to take the time to heal before jumping into another relationship; the last thing I wanted was to drag him down with me. From July 2021 to December 2022, he was absolutely amazing—always there for me, complimenting me, and making me feel special. It was like he was putting in extra effort to win my heart over again. In January 2023, we hit a rough patch and ended up breaking up after a series of arguments. I admit that when we argue, it can get pretty intense. I have bipolar disorder, which means I often react more strongly to situations than others might. After about a month, we got back together, but we've been a bit on and off since then—we'd have months where we were great, only to slip back into conflict. I want to clarify that neither of us has cheated during our time apart, but we would meet occasionally to catch up because we missed each other. Things were going well for months, but lately, we’ve been facing friction again. Since the election, our arguments have escalated over trivial political discussions, and talking politics with him feels like talking to a brick wall. We've been bickering over various topics, including plans to hang out and him not putting in as much effort as he used to. Just the other day, I walked into his room to find him on his phone, watching YouTube with an AirPod in, barely acknowledging my presence. It seems silly, but it genuinely upset me because he hasn't been the same for a while. While he’s still a wonderful person, it feels like he no longer feels the need to put in that same effort to chase me, even though I'm still trying to show him my affection. He does thoughtful things, but I often feel like I'm not his top priority. Two days ago, I asked him if he wanted to hang out the next day, and he agreed. (We live just three minutes apart.) When I called him yesterday morning to check in, he mentioned he and his mom were going to Walmart and that I could come over afterward, but they didn't leave until around 4 PM. I only found out they had gone when I passed them on my way to town. Despite being in touch throughout the day, he spent most of it playing Xbox. When he finally got home, he called to say he was taking a nap and that I could visit him afterward before he headed out with friends. I felt discouraged because I had been looking forward to seeing him all day, and it felt like he could make firm plans with his friends but not with me. This has been a recurring issue in recent weeks—he's often had time off or said he would be free, only to get called into work unexpectedly or have to stay longer. I've expressed that it feels like he doesn't want to see me, and he insists that's not the case and that things come up. After an hour of arguing, I suggested he take his nap and we could return to the conversation later. When he came over after his nap, he shared that he wasn't sure if he wanted to continue our relationship since we couldn't seem to stop fighting and he didn't know how to resolve things anymore. I urged him that if he could just put in a little more effort, it might help me do my part as well. I recognize I’m often the one who gets upset and instigates conflicts. He’s generally laid-back and lets me express myself without getting angry (he’s a stoner, which might explain his relaxed nature). But I get frustrated about his lack of effort. We ended up talking for a while and agreed that we want to work on our relationship because we're both tired of the constant strife. He expressed concern about worsening my mental health, given that I’ve been dealing with stress from other areas of my life, and he genuinely wants to see me happy. I love my boyfriend, and I know he loves me too; we’re just both exhausted from the conflicts. This turned out to be a lengthy rant, but I thought some context would be helpful. I’m at a bit of a loss and would love to learn how to communicate better and express my feelings without causing conflict. I feel positive and determined about wanting to fix our relationship, and it’s reassuring that we both share that desire. If anyone has tips on how we can navigate this more smoothly and reduce our arguments, it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this, and thanks in advance for any advice!

Non-Playable Character Boyfriend

I'm a 19-year-old female, and my boyfriend is 20. We've been together for a year, having met at university, and overall, our relationship has been wonderful. He’s incredibly sweet and genuinely cares for me. He’s emotionally mature for his age and is attentive to my feelings, often knowing when I’m upset and what to say to comfort me. However, I have concerns about the depth of our relationship. Despite being together for a year, I've only been to his dorm once and met his friends just once. I feel like we struggle to have meaningful conversations without them becoming awkward. During our interactions, he often responds in a way that feels dismissive, like saying "I see," which leaves me feeling unheard. It doesn’t seem like he’s trying to avoid conversation; it feels more like he just doesn’t have much to say. Additionally, he rarely shares his opinions on various topics. I believe it's essential for a future partner to engage in discussions about daily life, politics, and things we find interesting, but I often feel bored when we try to talk about these subjects. We’re not particularly close – I only see him once a week, and our time together mainly consists of going to the movies, sharing a meal, and some affectionate moments. I hadn’t realized how crucial intellectual intimacy was to me until this relationship. As it stands, I feel as though I can’t engage with him about the world without losing interest. We’re both each other’s firsts in terms of relationships and kisses, but I worry that if I continue in this relationship, I might end up feeling dissatisfied and trapped, simply staying out of fear of the unknown. Since he’s a year older, I think if I ended things now, he’d have more opportunities to meet others who might want a long-term relationship with him. He’s really an amazing person, and I don’t want to waste his time, especially since we both take dating seriously. He’s always willing to address issues and work on the emotional side of things, but I wonder if this particular challenge—his personality—can really be worked on. While he cares about my feelings, which is sweet, I yearn for more engaging conversations about deeper topics. Even after a year, the silences still feel awkward, and I don’t envision that changing. We recently watched a movie that touched on religion, which I thought would spark a deeper conversation, but he became awkward and struggled to express his thoughts. Often, he ends up saying "never mind," leaving me frustrated by his inability to communicate about life in a meaningful way. I question whether I truly love him and if this relationship can survive beyond our fun college years, especially when we face real-life decisions and the initial excitement fades. Since he’s often busy, our texting mainly consists of simple daily updates, usually amounting to about five messages a day, with our in-person meetings just once weekly. I tend to see him as sweet and caring because he tends to accommodate my desires, but I realize this is partly due to his lack of a strong personality or distinct opinions, which is something I find frustrating. So, my dilemma is this: Should I stay in a relationship that I don’t see having a happy future, or should I end it so we can both explore opportunities for deeper connections with others that could lead to lasting happiness?

I'm a 26-year-old woman feeling overlooked and unsupported by my 28-year-old partner. Should I consider moving on?

My partner and I have been together for five years. About five months into our relationship, we moved in together and spent four years as roommates until he decided to move out to focus on his startup. I understood his decision, as I also hold a demanding leadership position, and we both want to advance our careers before considering marriage. He relocated just 15 minutes away, and for the first six months, we spent weekends together, as well as time during my periods. However, things began to shift when his work travel intensified. He has never been the best at texting, but during his trips, his responses became almost nonexistent, even after I expressed how much it upset me. I stayed up late for calls, but he always prioritized work instead. While he chats enthusiastically with friends, he barely acknowledges my messages, even when he's online. In person, he’s often glued to his phone or laptop; while he listens, it feels like he’s not fully present. I’ve conveyed my feelings about this, but there hasn’t been any change. For my birthday, I like to throw big parties (which I cover the costs for). Last year, when I requested his help with the guest list, he told me to handle it myself, despite the fact that I take care of his birthday plans every year without complaint. He hasn't given me a gift since our first year together, and he doesn't acknowledge our anniversary. I've come to expect minimal effort—perhaps just dinner. It’s not about money—he earns more than I do, and I’ve never anticipated financial support from him since I treat myself to what I want—but his lack of initiative is painful. Our intimate life has dwindled as well. I stopped trying to initiate after facing frequent rejection due to his low libido, even when we were living together. Now, I often feel sad after moments of intimacy. He rarely visits me, and when I go to his place, he sometimes calls me a distraction. Recently, after a light-hearted joke about him not opening the car door for me, he snapped at me to “get the f*** out of his house.” I still have feelings for him, but each meeting leaves me feeling heartbroken. He is kind, intelligent, and genuinely cares for me, always putting his work aside when I'm going through a tough time. However, I’m exhausted from asking for the bare minimum: flowers only when I request them, and dates only when I organize them. I don’t see the point in staying when I feel I receive so little in return. He claims these are just our growth years and insists things will improve after marriage, but I’m beginning to doubt that. He was so affectionate when we first started dating, and I can’t quite understand what has changed.

I'm a 27-year-old man in a long-distance relationship with a 26-year-old woman, and I've noticed that she tends to avoid sending pictures. This has begun to bother me. Any advice would be appreciated!

I’m a 27-year-old male in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend, who is 26, and we’ve been together for nearly a year. Although we’ve exchanged photos in the past, she hasn’t felt comfortable sharing any new ones since then. To clarify, I’m not looking for anything out of the ordinary—just typical, casual pictures, like selfies or snapshots of her daily life. This seems like a normal aspect of a relationship, especially in a long-distance situation where connecting visually can help bridge the gap. Whenever I bring it up, she either expresses reluctance to share photos or changes the subject, suggesting we revisit it later. I’ve been trying to honor her boundaries, but after almost a year, it feels a bit unsettling. I’m starting to wonder if I’m overreacting or if there’s something more significant at play. Am I being unreasonable to want this? How can I approach the situation in a way that doesn’t make her uncomfortable? I’m unsure if it’s a trust issue on my side or if she’s simply not as open. In summary: My long-distance girlfriend hasn’t shared any photos with me in the past year, and she tends to sidestep the topic when I ask. I’m conflicted about whether I should be concerned or just let it go. How should I address this?

How to Request Simple Photos (Non-Nude)

I'm an 18-year-old male in a long-distance relationship with my 19-year-old girlfriend, and we've been together for about five months. I believe it's important to share pictures regularly—not necessarily anything explicit, just everyday photos to keep each other connected and updated. However, I've noticed that she rarely sends me pictures compared to how often I send them. I really enjoy seeing her, so I'm wondering: what’s the best way to ask her politely for more photos?

My girlfriend (24) and I (28) are planning to move in together in the next few months. What logistical considerations should we keep in mind?

As a straight man, I’ve only lived with one girlfriend in the past, and our move-in experience was lacking in communication. We made the decision to live together due to leaving university, and it ultimately led to a lot of resentment. Now, with my current girlfriend, we’ve been together for 1.5 years and have chosen to live separately the whole time—she’s in a house share, and I’m living with a friend. Our relationship is very healthy, with open and honest communication. I want to make sure that I consider any differences that might arise from changing our current living situations, as I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes as before. My goal is to reach a point where our journey together culminates in a ring and a shared future.

What in the world is happening?

My girlfriend encouraged me to buy a house a year earlier than I had planned. I wanted to wait because I felt it would be better to reduce my credit card debt and increase my savings first. Additionally, I was curious about the raise I might receive this year. When I expressed this, she got upset, saying she was tired of living in our apartment. As a result, I ended up covering all the costs for the new house. Later that evening, I took three of our cats to the vet for their vaccinations. She didn’t want to stop by the apartment before heading to the new house to start assembling the furniture I had paid for because her car was broken, which was a separate issue altogether. I had taken a look at her car, gave her my opinion about the problem, but she chose to trust someone at work who claimed to know more. When we arrived at the house and started putting together the furniture, one of our cats stayed close to me, while the other two were hiding. Eventually, we found them jammed into a small space next to the fridge. I put them in a separate room to give them a safe place to hide, but she let them out again, and they returned to their hiding spot. After four hours, I was thirsty, and I noticed the cats were stressed, so I suggested we return home for drinks and to let the cats settle down. She told me she was too tired to make the trip, but I insisted I would take the cats back since they were uncomfortable. She managed to convince me to help her assemble a couple more chairs, but we discovered the legs were mismatched. Even after that, I reiterated my plan to leave, and she suggested just picking her up later. Eventually, she understood and came with me, but then she blamed me for leaving an upstairs light on, which I ignored while turning off the porch light that I hadn’t touched all night. We drove home in silence. Now, she’s gone to bed early and isn’t talking to me. What did I do wrong?

My boyfriend (18M) has been acting distant lately, and I'm unsure how to handle it.

We've been together for almost six months now, but lately, he's been acting distant and unresponsive. It feels like he suddenly stopped expressing his affection—no more "I love you" or "I miss you," and his compliments have faded away. When I ask if he’s okay or if he still loves me, he reassures me that he does, but at times it seems like his feelings have changed. He doesn't initiate kisses like he used to, and instead, he just lies in my bed and falls asleep. When I check in on him, he simply says he’s tired. I'm a bit of an overthinker and I tend to need a lot of reassurance. Since I’ve been hearing "I love you" less often, it's really been weighing on me. I want to support him and I’m not ready to walk away, but I’m not sure how to address these feelings.

What did he give me?

So, based on what he said, they are: “Technically tangible.” It’s an experience. We're heading to a place that's not particularly exciting, and it's on the Las Vegas Strip. Sort of. We’ve never talked about it before, so I’m puzzled as to why he believes I'll be thrilled. What did he get for me? Curiosity can be dangerous.

My Girlfriend (45F) Keeps Giving Me Wedgies (18M)

For context, she is my mom’s former colleague, and we began chatting after I turned 18, so there's nothing inappropriate about our relationship. Over the past six months, she's taken to sneaking up behind me and giving me wedgies, which means she pulls my underwear up into my backside. I've asked her to stop multiple times, but she hasn’t listened. I realize it may sound trivial, but she’s significantly taller and stronger than I am—5’11 compared to my 5’4. What would be an effective way to express that this bothers me?

I (21 M) feel terrible every time I discuss my emotions with my girlfriend (21 F).

I've been dating my girlfriend (21F) for the past two months, and I’m feeling really exhausted. From the start, we both agreed to be open and honest about our feelings. Initially, we faced some typical relationship challenges, but we worked through them together. I put in a lot of effort to make her happy. However, just one month in, she started getting upset over what I consider minor issues, shutting down communication, and disappearing. Here are a few examples: * I told her multiple times that I was tired and planned to go to bed early, but it still upset her. * While we were watching a movie, I went to grab some water and she sent me an Instagram video that I didn’t check out because I wanted to focus on the movie. * I spent time chatting with my friends. Last week, I finally shared my feelings about her behavior, explaining how her reactions made me feel awful, but I also reassured her that I was open to discussing things. Unsurprisingly, she didn’t take it well. Yet, the next morning, we talked as if nothing significant had happened. Today, she sent me a video saying, *"When I try to express my feelings and he responds with 'I hear you, baby,' instead of 'Why do you have to make a problem out of everything?'"* She added, *"Unfortunately, you made me feel like the second part."* It appears that I’m somehow at fault for not fully understanding her feelings. Sometimes she claims it’s merely *"her attitude,"* which I don't think is a valid excuse. Every time I try to express my feelings, I end up feeling like I'm doing something wrong or saying hurtful things to her. This situation is becoming overwhelming, and I don’t feel at peace in our relationship. I find myself overthinking every little action, which I really dislike, but I still love her. I’m not sure if this is just because it’s my first relationship, but I worry that if I choose to end things, I might come across as someone cruel who hurt someone just trying to be understood.

I'm a 19-year-old woman and I find myself getting upset with my 18-year-old boyfriend over both minor and major issues. How can I manage this more effectively?

Recently, I've noticed that my boyfriend seems to be pulling away from me, and I believe it’s linked to how I manage conflict in our relationship. I get upset not just over minor issues but also about ongoing concerns that really bother me. For instance, I've asked him to stop making insensitive comments about my appearance, frequently checking out other girls' Instagram profiles, and treating me as if I'm inferior in certain situations. These behaviors genuinely upset me, and when they occur, I react with anger because I feel disrespected. I'm also exhausted from having to repeat myself and continuously ask him to make changes. However, when I do get upset, I struggle to move past it and often end up having what some might call a tantrum. Even in times when we could resolve the issue, I tend to prolong the argument, which escalates to a point where I start to feel guilty for overreacting. I recognize that this behavior causes him to withdraw, and I don't blame him; he’s a good boyfriend in many ways, and I can see how my anger and tendency to hold onto grievances are impacting him. I want to learn how to express the things that hurt me without losing my temper or making him feel more distant. What strategies can I use to manage these conflicts in a healthier way so we can strengthen our bond? In short, I find myself getting really angry at my boyfriend over both minor irritations and persistent issues I've requested he address, like making jokes about my looks, obsessively browsing other girls' Instagram pages, and treating me as though I'm less significant. Although my feelings are valid, I tend to prolong arguments until I feel guilty, even though he is a good boyfriend overall. How can I share my frustrations more constructively without escalating situations or harboring resentment?

My boyfriend (21m) mentioned to my best friend (18f) that he thinks I’m being too distant. I’m a 19-year-old female, and I’m not sure how to address this. What can I do to improve the situation?

I’m a 19-year-old female, and about a week ago, I had a really traumatic experience. Since then, I've noticed that I’ve been acting differently—more reserved and less outgoing—as I try to come to terms with what happened. This situation is even harder because it coincided with some personal struggles I was already facing. I kept my boyfriend, who is 21, informed while everything was happening, and he was aware of the issues I was dealing with. Whenever we met, I apologized for my quieter demeanor and reassured him that I truly enjoy our time together. He always reassured me that it was alright. However, I found out two days ago that he had messaged my best friend, expressing concerns about my distance and suggesting that he thinks I might be losing interest in him. This really upset me for several reasons: A) He reached out to my friend instead of checking in on me, B) He knows I’m going through a lot and I’ve made it clear that my feelings for him haven't changed, and C) While he claims I don’t text or call him as much, he’s never made the initiative to contact me first. On top of the traumatic event, I'm also a college student preparing for finals, and with the holidays approaching, there’s a lot on my plate. After learning about his message to my friend—who he asked not to tell me—I reached out to him again, expressing my apologies once more for being quieter and explaining the reasons: the trauma, school, and holiday stress. He said it was fine, but today in class, after I hadn’t replied for about 10-15 minutes, he started spamming me about wanting to change his schedule at work to spend more time together. It’s just frustrating because he claims I don’t initiate communication, yet I’m the one who reaches out first every day. I talk about wanting to see him and making plans, and despite my apologies and explanations, it feels like it’s never enough. What hurts even more is that instead of checking on me, he chose to confide in my best friend. I’m at a loss on how to address this situation. I really like him, but this constant feeling of being suffocated is overwhelming, and it seems like no amount of communication can resolve the issue of him feeling I’m too distant. In short, I feel like I’m not getting this right. My boyfriend thinks I’m too distant, and I’m not sure how to fix it. Any advice?

What strategies can I use to stay calm during arguments with my girlfriend?

I'm a 20-year-old male, and my girlfriend, who is 18, and I have been arguing more frequently lately, despite being together for three years. She has mentioned that she doesn’t appreciate my tone during our disagreements, which I completely understand. However, I don’t always recognize when I'm being rude or dismissive in the moment. I want to be able to remain calm and truly listen to her, but I often find myself feeling defensive. If anyone has any tips on how to manage this, I would greatly appreciate it. TL;DR: Seeking advice on how to stay calm during arguments.

Looking for assistance with communication.

I’m a man in my 50s, and I’ve been married to my wife, who’s in her mid-40s, for 20 years. Like many couples, we've experienced our fair share of ups and downs. Overall, we’re somewhat content—I wouldn’t call it happiness, but we’re not unhappy either. I sense that she’s more at ease with our situation than I am; I wish we could spend more time together, but neither of us is contemplating a separation. However, I’m beginning to feel overwhelmed by the way we communicate. She often tells me that I have a tone she finds displeasing. I try to be mindful of this, but I can’t deny that it happens. When we argue, she tends to raise her voice and interrupts me before I can finish even a single thought. She jumps in with her own assumptions, completely disregarding what I was trying to articulate. It feels like she’s not listening at all—she doesn’t engage to understand; she only hears enough to react. When I attempt to discuss our communication issues in a calm moment, she seems frustrated and often cuts me off. In the two decades we’ve been together, I can recall her apologizing to me only three times. I acknowledge that I’m not perfect, but I’m starting to feel emotionally drained. I’ve attended individual therapy, where I’ve gained insights into my communication style and my reactions to her words. Unfortunately, she’s not willing to pursue individual therapy and stopped attending couples counseling as soon as the discussions turned serious. I’m at a loss for what to do. I want to make her happy, but I’m unsure how to achieve that anymore. I struggle to find a way for her to listen long enough to grasp my perspective. I feel lost and need guidance. Thank you for your assistance.

Facing Challenges in Expressing My Feelings as a 21-Year-Old Female in My Relationship with My 21-Year-Old Boyfriend, While Aiming to Be Understood Without Sparking Conflict

I’m a 21-year-old female who struggles to express my feelings when I’m upset, both in my relationship and with others. This often leads me to become emotional or use a tone that can come off as condescending, which is not my intention and makes communication difficult. Recently, I went through a challenging week after a medical procedure that left me feeling physically and mentally exhausted. My boyfriend, who is 21, was aware of this, but I felt he didn't offer the support I needed. A few days later was my birthday, and I shared with him that I was disappointed about having to work all day. I had hoped he would do something special for me, especially since I went all out for his birthday just two weeks earlier. I even made him his favorite childhood pie from scratch, surprised him with a celebration when he came home from school, complete with candles and gifts. However, after my shift on my birthday, I came home to no surprises. He even asked me to get snacks when I hadn’t eaten and then brought back food just for himself, saying he "forgot the flowers." For context, we had decided at the last minute to see each other after I finished work because I wanted to spend time with him, and he had already given me my birthday present a couple of days ahead of time. I tried to lift my spirits, but later that night, he became irritated when I attempted to talk while we were watching a movie—one we had seen before. The next morning, we went to the mall and tried on clothes; I even purchased perfume for both of us for Christmas so we could pick out scents for each other. Afterward, I drove 30 minutes to pick him up from hanging out with friends, paid for his meal, and took him home. The following morning, I mentioned the flowers again, and he dismissed it with, "How long is your birthday going to last?" When I tried to explain why my birthday is important to me and how I wanted to feel celebrated by him, his response was just, "I apologize," followed by him turning away. This pattern of reacting to my concerns by simply apologizing and then ending the conversation without further discussion is becoming frustrating. Although this makes my relationship sound troubling, there is a lot of love between us. He puts in effort in other ways, like always wanting to spend time with me. We've been together for two years, and this is his first serious relationship, so I recognize that he’s still learning. I care for him deeply and want us to grow together, but I also need my feelings to be acknowledged and validated. I'd genuinely appreciate an outside perspective. How can I approach this situation better, or is this dynamic a potential red flag? I prefer not to discuss this with my friends as I know they would automatically take my side, and I don’t want them to form negative opinions about him. Honest feedback would be really helpful—thank you for taking the time to read this!

25M (me) 22F - Do you think texting every day is essential?

Hello everyone, My partner and I have been together for about 8 months now, seeing each other 2-3 times a week. I love her, but there are some days when we don't message at all. I'm curious about how other couples handle this. Do you communicate regularly throughout the day? Does it make you uneasy if you don’t talk to your partner for a whole day? I’ve brought this up with her before, asking how often she prefers to message, and she said she’s fine with daily communication but also comfortable with not messaging every day. I don’t want to come across as clingy by insisting we need to talk every day. She usually reaches out first if we haven’t spoken in a day or two, checking in on me. Is anyone else here in a similar situation? How do you feel about not speaking every day? Is daily communication essential for you?

My boyfriend hasn't been keeping anyone updated recently.

Hello! I’m a 20-year-old female, and my boyfriend, who is 21, and I have not communicated for a month. This situation began when he started struggling in his IT classes last semester. For some background, he was previously the class valedictorian and graduated with the highest grades in his school's history. He switched his major from Computer Science to Information Technology and transferred schools looking for a "fresh start." He chose this field primarily for financial reasons, having read about it on Reddit. Unfortunately, instead of improving, he seems to have given up. I've heard he even skipped his practical exams, leaving his groupmates in a tough position and barely able to pass. This behavior is very uncharacteristic of him. I’ve tried my best to support him, as have his friends, but he has withdrawn into isolation, fearing that he might “hurt others.” He used to have a carefree attitude and would often get into conflicts, but he has become more reserved over time, particularly after we started dating, which helped him move past his gambling addiction. Both his friends and I are really concerned about him. While I want to be there for him, my grandfather was hospitalized, and I’ve had to prioritize that. I’ve continued to reach out and keep him updated, but he hasn’t replied. He’s isolating himself from everyone. I even contacted his father when he missed an event he was supposed to host, but they dismissed it, saying he was just “tired.” I’m genuinely at a loss for what to do. Breaking up isn’t an option for me; I don’t want to add to his struggles during this difficult time.

My boyfriend struggles with emotional regulation, and it's beginning to impact me.

To provide some context, I'm a 22-year-old woman and he's a 21-year-old man; we've been in a happy relationship for three years now. From the beginning of our relationship, we've had frequent arguments due to his behavior. He tends to be very impulsive and struggles to manage his emotions, often becoming extremely angry when he's feeling overwhelmed or overstimulated. Since we’re both neurodivergent, I’ve always tried to understand him, but it’s been challenging to witness his anger escalate every couple of days. About two or three months ago, he started seeing a therapist to address this issue, and I’m really glad he’s taking this step. While he’s improving in managing his anger, I can't shake the feeling that he’s doing it more for me than for himself. He actually admitted that he sought therapy primarily to avoid losing me, rather than for his own personal growth. This confuses me because, in my opinion, therapy should be about self-improvement rather than simply trying to please someone else, and I worry it might not be effective in the long run. Even though he's not as frequently angry, he still struggles significantly with handling frustration and sadness. Recently, he accidentally broke my laptop and became incredibly upset, crying heavily. I wasn’t angry at him; I could see how distressed he was. While I tried to fix my iPad, he started to hurt himself, and I had to intervene. This crying episode went on for at least an hour, and it heightened my own stress. I attempted to reassure him multiple times, letting him know I wasn't upset and that it wasn't his fault. However, he kept asking, "How are you going to manage now?" which felt very strange to me—it’s just an object, after all, and his reaction seemed disproportionate. He acted as if he had just witnessed something truly tragic. The next morning, I expressed my concern about his reaction and how it felt excessive to me, but he didn’t seem to understand. To him, his response was entirely reasonable and there was nothing wrong with it. I’m starting to question whether I can stay in this relationship if this is how he will respond to life's challenges. Additionally, his extreme reactions sometimes make me feel like I have to suppress my own emotions just to be in a position to support him, rather than allowing myself to process what I’m feeling.

My boyfriend has been acting distant and unresponsive since our argument, and I’m unsure of how to handle the situation.

My boyfriend (19) and I (19) have been together for six months, and we celebrated our half-year anniversary on December 2nd in Downtown Toronto. He surprised me with an Airbnb that he decorated beautifully. Unfortunately, since then, we've had a significant argument. It all began when I reached out to a close friend (let's call him Steve, also 19) to talk about some troubling things my roommates (who are also my friends) were saying behind my back. I really needed someone to confide in, and since my boyfriend wasn't responding because of our argument, I thought it best to give him space. I messaged Steve for support, as I was very upset and needed to reassure myself that I wasn’t a bad person. Later that day, my boyfriend finally reached out, and I honestly told him I'd spoken to Steve and invited him over to talk things out. My boyfriend was hurt that I contacted Steve instead of him. I tried to explain that I was worried he wouldn't reply, but he wouldn’t hear me out. Two weeks have passed since that incident, and my boyfriend has been distant and cold. We’ve discussed the situation several times, and I've apologized, assuring him I won’t reach out to anyone else when I’m feeling down and will message him instead, regardless of his mood. Despite this, he continues to be uncharacteristically quiet, and while he interacts normally with his friends, he hardly touches or speaks to me and only called me “baby” during intimate moments. The last time we genuinely connected was on Sunday after he returned from a night out with friends for a birthday celebration, but since Monday, he’s gone silent again. I’ve tried discussing what’s bothering him repeatedly but to no avail. Today, he finally expressed that he’s upset about me reaching out to Steve, regardless of my apologies. He also mentioned he was hurt by a dream I shared that involved his ex, even though he had asked me to tell him about my dream when I hesitated. This conversation escalated into another argument. When I asked if he was falling out of love with me due to his behavior over the last couple of weeks, he insisted that he wasn’t. I’ve come to terms with what happened with my friends and decided to approach them openly, learning from the experience. However, I’m unsure how to navigate my relationship with my boyfriend now. I love him deeply, see a future with him, and my parents have just become more accepting of our relationship. This connection means a lot to me, and I don’t want to walk away from it. We’ve had moments where he has thrown my past at me, and he’s even suggested breaking up, which I’ve consistently resisted because I don’t want others to view us as toxic. Right now, I feel lost and drained. I’m not even crying about the idea of a breakup unless it’s mentioned during an argument—I'm just too exhausted emotionally for that. The only time I cried was today when I attempted to communicate with him and was met with silence. What should I do? Will he come around and start talking to me again? Should I give him space for now? I just want his love back to how it was.

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