Relationship advices: Sexual Problems and Intimacy

My girlfriend (21F) is interested in having group sex with other men, but I'm not comfortable with that. What should I do?

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for seven years, and she means the world to me. I can't fathom life without her. However, during a conversation about our future yesterday, the topic of sex came up, and she unexpectedly mentioned her desire to have a threesome with another guy. Initially, I thought she was joking since she's usually quite reserved, but it became clear that she was serious. I was taken aback because years ago, we had discussed this, and she had been adamant that she would never consider it. Now, she was expressing how incredible it might feel to be "filled" by other men and even said she fantasized about being "overwhelmed" by multiple guys. She was quite drunk at the time, while I had only sipped a little, as I've never been a fan of drinking. When she fell asleep, I found myself consumed by thoughts of what she had said. The idea of my future wife being with other men while I watched filled me with sadness and anxiety, and I could barely hold back tears as I sat there, my hands shaking. The next day, I asked her if she truly meant what she had said. I tried to approach the subject in an open manner, hoping she would feel comfortable sharing her thoughts. She confessed that she wanted to explore more experiences because we’ve been together for most of our lives, and neither of us has been with anyone else. This made me question whether she was dissatisfied with our sex life. I believe I perform well; we use toys, and she certainly reaches multiple orgasms. Yet here we are. The woman I envisioned as the future mother of my children is now expressing a desire to be with other men, and that’s something I cannot accept. Just last month, I secured a well-paying job and was considering buying her an extravagant ring, but now I’m reconsidering everything. I conveyed my feelings to her, but she seemed taken aback by my reaction. When she brought up the topic again during dinner, I lost my appetite entirely. This situation is incredibly challenging for me. I don’t feel like I have anyone to confide in, so I’m turning to this forum in search of some guidance.

Any guidance would be appreciated.

My fiancé, who is 33, has lost interest in being intimate with me, and even in sharing kisses. I've noticed she spends an increasing amount of time on her phone, which has made me feel uneasy. This evening, I walked into the bathroom while she was taking a bath, and she quickly turned off what I suspect was a conversation on her phone. I sensed something was off, and after pressing her with questions, she admitted she had been watching lesbian porn to see if it aroused her. She’s also been engaging with people online and asking questions about how to determine if someone is a lesbian. I can't shake the feeling that there's more going on. She's been secretive about her phone, and when I requested to see some pictures, she hastily deleted them, claiming they were just selfies of her face, which I find hard to believe. Our relationship used to be strong, but ever since the birth of our daughter, who is now three, there have been noticeable changes in her behavior. For instance, she's recently started getting waxing, staying late at work, and even went for an unexpected walk to the store one night. She has agreed to start counseling, but I'm not sure what steps to take next. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I'm uncertain about my feelings regarding my relationship.

I'm not going to elaborate too much, but the situation I'm facing is causing me to rethink a lot of things. For starters, I've been in several unhealthy relationships—one where someone assaulted me, others where partners tried to pressure me, and I either responded with a firm "NO" or ultimately capitulated. There were also relationships where my disinterest led to pettiness or sadness from my partner when they didn't get their way. While these experiences are not all equally severe, none of them contribute to a healthy relationship, that's for sure. Currently, I'm grappling with a similar issue again. I have several health conditions and take medication that significantly impacts my sex drive. The person I'm involved with is aware of this; it’s not new information to them. We've talked about how my lack of desire isn't a reflection of my feelings for them, but they seemed to interpret it as me simply not wanting them, which is incorrect. I had hoped our conversation would help alleviate their emotional responses when sex doesn't occur, but unfortunately, that hasn't been the case. They still tend to withdraw or sulk if things don't go their way. Moreover, when we do have sex, it's usually because I initiate it. I feel like I have to take the lead every time, which makes me question my worth. If they truly desire me, why don’t they check if I'm in the mood and respond appropriately if I say yes? There's no foreplay unless I instigate it, which adds to my frustration. Additionally, there's this unspoken expectation that after we have sex, oral will follow within that day or the next. If that doesn’t happen, it triggers a return to a low mood for them. To be honest, it's all becoming overwhelming. I do so much for this person, often without being asked, just because I want to. It wasn’t always like this; at the beginning, we could go weeks without sex and things remained stable. If anyone else is experiencing similar struggles, I genuinely empathize with you.

Do I still have it?

My wife of 30 years has given me the green light to explore a side relationship, as our intimacy has dwindled. She’s open to me having a little fun on the side, but only every couple of weeks, and she wants to choose the person without meeting her or having her come to our home. She even asked what kind of woman I’m interested in (age, etc.). As a 58-year-old straight man, I’m feeling overwhelmed and a bit anxious about this new territory. It’s definitely a big change for me!

I feel deeply torn about my 4-year relationship, which has a seemingly insurmountable issue, especially with a proposal anticipated in the coming years.

I'm really struggling with this situation. My partner (29M) and I have been together for nearly four years, and while she's always excitedly showing me rings and discussing wedding venues, I can’t shake the feeling that our intimacy has significantly dwindled since the honeymoon phase. I'm aware that these phases are temporary, but I've never felt such a stark contrast before. It’s like I'm with a completely different person now. Flirting used to be a big part of our relationship—she would initiate at any chance, regardless of the circumstances. Now, though, that seems like a distant memory. Despite my efforts to communicate my feelings and concerns over the past few years, nothing has really changed for the better. The closest we come to intimacy now feels forced, mostly when she senses that something’s bothering me but isn't sure what. What makes it so challenging is that I'm still very much in love with her. We have a great connection in pretty much every other aspect of our relationship. We laugh a lot, have lived together for two years, and we resolve arguments swiftly. We respect and support each other in our personal and professional lives. In many ways, our relationship is healthy and functional. She has a demanding job that has taken a toll on her mental health, disrupting the balance that allowed her to focus on fitness and self-image. It's clear that work has changed her, and she doesn't seem like the same person I fell in love with, although I still find her incredibly beautiful. After two years of feeling this way, I'm reaching out because I can feel the negative impact this situation is having on me, and I don’t want it to tarnish what we've built together. I used to approach our relationship with selflessness, going out of my way, but lately, I’ve started feeling resentful about my efforts. I work hard to provide for us, plan surprise outings, handle household chores, and bring home little gifts. I listen and strive to be a supportive partner. I promised myself I wouldn’t fall into the typical traps that guys sometimes do, but now I feel like it's all one-sided. Sometimes, I catch myself thinking about her challenges to remind myself that it’s not all about me, but I can't help feeling used when my needs seem overlooked. I find myself frustrated when I receive attention from other women because I wish I could get that same attention from her. The thought of leaving feels like a huge mistake, but I can't keep sacrificing my mental well-being for the sake of what I thought was a perfect relationship. Or am I being unreasonable? I don’t know. TL;DR: I feel unable to ask for advice without providing important context about my situation. Sorry for the length.

I (18F) playfully slapped my boyfriend (21M) during some lighthearted moments together, and now I'm questioning what might be wrong with me.

A few hours ago, I (18F) was hanging out with my boyfriend (21M), with whom I’ve been in a relationship for two years. We were just lounging in bed, joking around and having fun. I adore his face and his cheeks, and sometimes I playfully pinch his nose or hold his face in my hands and give him a light slap, similar to what you might do with a cute little kid. However, this time I may have gone a bit overboard and slapped him a little harder than intended—not to the point of hurting him, but definitely more forceful than my usual playful slaps. He laughed it off and seemed fine, but I started to panic, worrying that I had hurt him. He reassured me that it was all in good fun and that nothing was wrong. I know he's completely in love with me, which makes me anxious that he wouldn’t tell me if I did something wrong unless it was really serious. I don’t want to come across as aggressive in our relationship, and I’m worried about being a bad person. Am I just overreacting about my own actions, or is my concern justified?

Is it a concern if my boyfriend only touches me in a certain way?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over three months now. As teenagers, we're both pretty new to relationships, especially when it comes to physical intimacy. I know that three months is a short time to get physical with someone I’ve just met, but I really like him and enjoy being close with him. However, I’ve noticed that he only touches me in a sexual way. Sure, he’s touched my hair a few times, cuddled for about five minutes, and given me hugs, but they’re not the long, sincere ones I love. I’ve talked to him about this, especially since we both have strict parents and don’t meet up often. When we do see each other, I want to run up and hug him, but he often just stands there or pushes me away after a moment. He says he’s shy, which I understand, but when we get into an auto rickshaw, he immediately goes for more intimate physical stuff, even if I say no. I enjoy kissing him, but I’m not comfortable with intense make-out sessions in public. Holding hands seems to be something I have to initiate, and I wish he would be more affectionate, like patting my head or holding my face instead of forcing kisses with his tongue. Sometimes, I just want a sweet, romantic kiss. I’m beginning to wonder if I’m overreacting because he’s genuinely a nice guy—smart, funny, and handsome. He even shows vulnerability by crying in front of me, which I find really sweet. But there are times when I feel like he’s more interested in my body than in me as a person. He has put a lot of effort into our relationship, often prioritizing my desires over his own, buying me things I want. While there are many good qualities about him, this issue is weighing heavily on me. I could use some advice on how to navigate this situation. Can anyone help?

Ending a relationship with a partner who has a porn addiction.

I'm not really sure where to begin... I'm a 22-year-old woman, and my 32-year-old ex-boyfriend just ended our relationship due to his porn addiction. We were together for nearly two years, and while we fought often, we managed to stay together. The highlight of our relationship was definitely the first month — we were intimate nearly every day, and it felt amazing. He was my first boyfriend, and since I was a virgin back then, everything was exciting and new for me. However, as time went on, our sexual intimacy became less frequent. We went from being intimate once a week to once a month, and eventually, we hadn’t been intimate at all for about five months. I initially thought it was due to stress from his new job, and when I brought it up, that’s what he said too. I tried to give him space and not pressure him, but it eventually made me really frustrated. I attempted to initiate intimacy countless times, even surprising him with sexy lingerie, but he said he felt pressured by that. I tried to touch him randomly and initiate sex, but it never worked out. He’d either say we would do it later and it would never happen, or he would claim he was too tired or give other excuses. I knew he was watching porn since I’d asked him about it before, and it started to make sense to me. When I confronted him, he admitted he wasn't addicted to porn, just to masturbating, which he claimed helped relieve his stress. This didn’t add up for me — if he was too stressed to sleep with me, then why could he find the mood to masturbate? I tolerated this for months, continuing to try and initiate intimacy until I reached my breaking point. Feeling rejected made me insecure, especially as I compared myself to the women in the porn he watched. I made the decision to leave him, and we took a month-long break during which I practiced no contact. Eventually, he reached out and confessed he was addicted to porn. He shared details about his past relationships and said this habit had started when he was a teenager but he had never seen it as a problem. He didn’t know why he couldn’t stop and promised to go to therapy, block all porn sites, quit masturbation completely, and focus on us. For about a month, everything seemed to improve. He kept me updated, went to therapy twice a week, and I felt happier than ever in our relationship. I saw him making an effort, coming up with new ideas for our sex life, and genuinely desiring me. We started going on dates more often and even signed a contract to move in together. But then things took a turn again; he stopped initiating intimacy. We were both going through a stressful time, so I told him it was okay if he was struggling, but he needed to communicate with me. I checked in with him often, reassuring him, and he always promised he wouldn’t go down that path again, insisting that he wouldn’t hurt me after losing me once. However, one day, after trying to spark intimacy and failing, I snapped. I confronted him, told him I had a gut feeling he was watching porn, and asked for the truth. He admitted he had jerked off to a picture of me the day before. Ironically, on the very same day we signed the contract to move in together, I ended our relationship. While he was out walking his dog, I looked at his search history on his computer and saw evidence of him watching porn multiple times a day, even on the days he attended therapy and the day he claimed to have masturbated to my picture. It shattered me. When he returned, there was a deafening silence. I asked him about it, and he said he couldn't tell me because he thought he could overcome it on his own. He admitted he was afraid of my reaction. I became furious because he had lied to me every time I asked about it, fully aware of how significant it was for our relationship. I ended things and left. It’s been five days now, and my heart is broken. Strangely, I still hold onto hope that things could work out and that it’s not as if he cheated or did something unforgivable. We had plans for the future — moving in together, starting a family — do you think he regrets it? Do you believe he might come back? Can a person change? I really didn’t want to give up; I truly love him. He always told me he had never gone this far for any girl, and that if we broke up, he would be alone forever. Today we saw each other briefly because I needed to give him something urgent. He brought back all my things and didn’t look me in the eye. He simply told me I deserve to be happy. I apologize if my writing has mistakes, and I hope I’m not alone in this experience. If anyone has thoughts or advice, I would really appreciate it. Thank you, and I hope you all have a great day.

My boyfriend doesn't appear to prioritize my pleasure.

My boyfriend (21M) and I (22F) have been dating for four months, but we were intimate for nine months prior to our relationship. I'm facing an issue: I’ve communicated clearly that I really enjoy foreplay—sometimes even more than sex itself—and I believe it's an essential part of our intimacy. However, he only engages in foreplay when I ask him to, and he often tries to skip right to intercourse without any buildup. To make matters worse, he typically lasts less than 30 seconds. I'm starting to question whether I should be reevaluating my desire to stay in this relationship just based on the sexual aspect. I'm not sure if he's experiencing low testosterone or if he genuinely doesn't care about my pleasure. I'm frustrated with feeling like I have to beg him to be attentive to my needs, and I would appreciate any advice on whether this is as significant of an issue as I'm perceiving it to be.

I'm a 19-year-old male, and my girlfriend, also 19, and I are facing some challenges in our relationship. We're looking for some advice.

I have a strong connection with my partner, but recently we've been facing some challenges, especially in our intimate life. We've been together for almost two years, and our sex life was generally fine until about two months ago. Lately, it feels like she no longer enjoys being intimate with me, even though she insists otherwise. I've noticed her body language suggests something different. Eventually, this led to us not being intimate at all. I've made an effort to communicate openly about our situation, expressing that intimacy is an important need for me and that it helps strengthen our bond. She bravely consulted a doctor, which I know wasn’t easy for her. The doctor provided her with tips and exercises to improve the situation, but she has hesitated to implement them. I've also tried to add excitement to our relationship—planning more dates, giving massages, and surprising her with her favorite coffee—hoping to rekindle some spark. When I asked her if she felt ready to be intimate again, she said, “I don’t think I am ready for sex anymore.” Hearing that was tough, but I respect her feelings. Unfortunately, it seems she has lost her libido altogether. I care for her deeply, and it’s been challenging to have my desires unmet. Are there any strategies or advice that could help us navigate this situation? We're both good communicators and truly believe we can work through this together. Any insights would be appreciated. Thank you!

Experiencing difficulties with oral intimacy.

I'm a 22-year-old man in a relationship with a 19-year-old woman. To give you some context, I'm recently out of the Marines, and my cousin's wife introduced me to her coworker. This is my first relationship and her second, and we've been together for almost five months. I lost my virginity to her, and we've been intimate several times since. Overall, things are going really well, and I feel happier than I ever have before. However, something happened tonight that got me thinking. She’s currently on her period but still wanted to engage in oral activities, something we've done before without any issues. Still, since I can't reciprocate while she's on her period, I found myself feeling a bit turned off, and we ended up just cuddling. She reassured me it was fine and not to worry, but I can't shake the feeling of guilt. If the roles were reversed and I had erectile dysfunction, I'd feel self-conscious too. I want to work through these feelings but am struggling to understand why I'm feeling this way and how to address it. I’d appreciate any advice or insights on this, as well as suggestions on how to improve the situation. The night went well overall, and I truly value our relationship. However, I don’t want to disrespect her privacy by sharing too much, even in an anonymous context. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

I could really use some advice.

I'm a 23-year-old male currently in a relationship with a 23-year-old female, and we've been together for seven months. I've fallen deeply in love with her. Recently, she expressed a desire to wait until marriage to become sexually active again, despite the fact that we were sexually active for the first five months of our relationship. She has been dealing with some family issues and has mentioned that she’s been getting closer to her faith. Prior to me, she had relationships with three other guys. I know she loves me too; she’s incredibly faithful, which is important to me since I've been cheated on before, and I've made it clear that I need a partner who is completely loyal. I genuinely believe she would make a wonderful wife. However, my dilemma is that I’m unsure if I can wait until marriage for intimacy, especially since we’ve already been intimate and she's not a virgin. I also worry about my own happiness in this situation. So, I'm reaching out to see what you all think… If you were in my position, what would you do? Thank you in advance for your insights. I'm grateful for any advice you can offer.

My girlfriend told me, "I'm not interested in being intimate with you until you figure out how to approach me. Please don't ask for it."

My girlfriend told me, "I'm not interested in having sex with you until you figure out how to approach me." Hi! I'm a 22-year-old femme lesbian, and I’ve been dating my girlfriend, a 36-year-old masc lesbian, for nearly four months. Just a couple of days ago, she asked me to officially be her girlfriend, which thrilled me! But this morning, when I tried to initiate intimacy, she declined, saying, "You always just want to have sex; you need to find different ways to express your feelings." That was a bit disheartening, but I didn’t let it show and made her lunch before she left for work. Later in our conversation, I asked her how I could turn her on or approach her differently. She mentioned that she didn’t want to have to explain it to me, which really upset me. We had a similar disagreement around Christmas, where I reacted the same way when she didn’t give me a gift. At that time, she said she didn’t think it was necessary since our relationship was still new, and I felt I shouldn’t have to remind her to show her affection. For some background, I’m recently divorced from a pretty toxic marriage. I met my current girlfriend while navigating that difficult time. Although I’ve moved on, it has been challenging to let go of my past, despite the abuse I experienced. My new girlfriend and I have worked through some of this, and I’m genuinely sorry for how it all unfolded. I don’t have much experience in relationships or being intimate, so it can be a struggle for me. I try to express my affection in other ways—cooking for her, giving gifts, cleaning her place, and occasionally dressing up in lingerie or cute robes. She has also borrowed $700 from me without paying it back yet! I want to be a good partner and contribute equally, but it feels like she expects more from me, while she isn’t as proactive in planning dates or giving romantic gestures. When I bring it up, she responds with comments like, "This relationship is so new; I haven’t had a chance to" or "I just need to take my time and be patient." How can I communicate with her effectively without it leading to an argument or disagreement?

I'm a 25-year-old male, and I'm looking to enhance the social aspect of my sex life with my girlfriend, who's 26 and we've been together for six years. I want to support her in exploring her sexuality. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Am I being unrealistic in what I'm hoping for?

I’ve been with my girlfriend for six years, and I love her more than anything. She’s the person I want to spend my life with. Up until now, we’ve had a fairly typical sexual relationship, and I’m still as attracted to her as I was when we first met. However, there’s one challenge in our relationship that’s entirely my own issue—it's not her fault at all. A bit of context: my girlfriend didn’t go through the typical adolescent phase where most explore their sexuality. She never learned to touch herself, developed fantasies, or figured out what arouses her. In contrast, I did, albeit in an unhealthy manner. I watched a lot of porn, created my own sexual fantasies, and was well aware of what I liked and didn’t like. Before her, I had a few short-term partners, but this current relationship is my first serious long-term commitment, and it is hers as well. It took us two years before she experienced her first orgasm. Initially, when I asked if she had, she thought she did, but I was determined to help her truly understand what it felt like. After three hours, she finally experienced it. Since then, I’ve been able to help her reach that point through oral sex, which I’m always happy to do. The issue I face, though, is her lack of energy in bed. We tend to stick to the same position (missionary) and routine, which becomes repetitive. I’ve suggested ways to mix things up, but she seems uncomfortable with them and quickly reverts back to our usual way. I even asked her to watch porn with me, but she was very uneasy and only half-heartedly participated. When I had an open conversation with her about this, it didn’t initially go well—she became insecure and her self-confidence took a hit. She claims to enjoy our sex life and doesn’t feel bored, but I have my doubts. At a young age, she was diagnosed with mild autistic tendencies, which were so subtle that I didn’t notice until her dad mentioned it to me after a year and a half. It seems to affect her reactions during sex; even when she says she enjoys different positions, her facial expressions betray her true feelings. She often doesn’t smile, rarely makes eye contact, and doesn’t express herself verbally—I feel like she approaches intimacy as if it's always her first time and is uncertain about her desires. I’ve been trying to share my sexual fantasies with her, but I wish she would also explore her own. Recently, I had an idea that I’m eager to discuss with her: I want us to include other people in our sex life. Now, before jumping to conclusions, hear me out. I thought about taking her to a sex club, which she has shown some openness to. It would be a place for us to observe couples together, seeing real people rather than adult film stars. Ideally, we could even meet a couple online who would be comfortable with us watching them while we engage as well. I hope that witnessing normal intimacy could help her feel less insecure and more willing to experiment with me. It’s important to me that she's aroused by more than just me. She never initiates sex or tries to seduce me; she doesn’t wear makeup or perfume, even though I find her beautiful. While she appreciates me, I miss the energy of desire and playfulness from her side. I feel her love, but not her sexual longing, which makes our connection feel somewhat PG-13. Ultimately, I want her to discover that there’s more to sex than she realizes. I’d love to help her explore her own likes and curiosities. I trust her completely and believe she wouldn’t cheat on me, just as I would never betray her. I seek her consent before introducing any new ideas—I’m not interested in an open relationship unless she shares the same sentiment. Has anyone here experienced a similar situation? Or am I being unrealistic and unfair in requesting changes in our sex life?

Why doesn't my boyfriend, who is 22, want to be intimate with me, a 21-year-old woman?

Why has my boyfriend of five years suddenly lost interest in sex? We used to be intimate about four times a week, and sometimes even twice a day. Now, it’s down to once or twice a week, and recently even just once a week. Last Tuesday, we had sex twice, and since then, nothing. He used to be the one to initiate things, but that hasn’t happened at all recently. Last Saturday, after a night out, I asked him if we could be intimate, but he claimed he was too drunk and tired. I accepted that and didn’t bring it up again. It’s now been nearly a week of hanging out together, and he still hasn’t made any moves. I don’t mean to sound boastful, but I know I’m attractive; I get attention from other men often. When we are intimate, he always comments on how great it feels and questions why we don’t do it more often, yet he seems to completely forget these moments and doesn’t want to engage more frequently. It doesn’t make sense to me. What’s going on? **TL;DR:** My boyfriend of five years has drastically reduced our sex life, despite expressing that he enjoys it. Why?

I'm a 22-year-old man in a relationship with a 21-year-old woman. We've been together for 8 months, but she recently told me that she no longer feels sexually attracted to me and that I make her feel uncomfortable. What should I do next?

My partner and I have been facing some challenges recently. On Boxing Day, she expressed that she no longer feels sexually attracted to me, and that my kisses and cuddles make her uncomfortable. She mentioned that there are certain behaviors of mine that have contributed to her feelings of attraction diminishing. One of the main issues seems to be my need to communicate more openly with her. Although we generally have good communication, she has been feeling this way for the past three weeks and only brought it up a week before my birthday. Some of her frustrations include my level of cleanliness—while my house isn't excessively messy, she feels I could do a better job, particularly in organizing my room and desk. Additionally, she feels I’m not being my true self and that I tend to go above and beyond for her, buying her gifts and fulfilling her requests, which she believes might give off the impression that I lack standards. I want to address the concerns she raised, but I'm struggling with how to process her statements about not wanting to be intimate. How do I move past feelings of rejection and discomfort on a mental level?

I'm a 31-year-old female and I'm noticing that I'm feeling less attracted to my boyfriend, who is 30. I recently discovered that he watches porn every day. Can anyone offer some advice?

I'm a 31-year-old female doctor working full-time (more than 54 hours a week) and I’m the primary income earner in our relationship. My partner, who is 30, left his full-time job in May, and I supported his decision since it was a toxic and underpaid environment. Since then, he’s tried various ventures, but none have worked out. I’m currently covering all our expenses, including bills, the mortgage, car payments, and date nights, while he’s still trying to pay off tax debt from his previous job. I’m aware of his current low earning potential, which has become a point of tension in our relationship that we’re trying to address. However, I can’t help but feel like I'm losing respect for him because it appears he doesn’t have his life in order. I work long and often exhausting shifts, and when I come home, I’m both emotionally and physically drained. We’ve both gained some weight recently; I’m actively working on losing some and have already shed 6kg (yay!). However, I find myself put off by his appearance, particularly his hanging belly, even though I love him. Due to the stress from his job situation and these physical changes, my interest in sex has dwindled, which I know is affecting him. We talked about it, and he mentioned he feels rejected and has stopped making an effort to initiate intimacy, though I believe he isn’t trying as hard as he used to. I understand his point, and I don’t want him to feel rejected. He also shared that he watches porn daily for masturbation, which upset me for reasons I can't quite pinpoint. I know he finds me attractive and that we share a strong emotional bond, but I’m struggling to process my feelings regarding his daily porn use. It makes me feel as though he’s given up on us, and I’m losing my emotional and physical attraction to him as well. Aside from this issue, our relationship is really good, and I want to work on fixing this aspect. Any advice would be appreciated.

My girlfriend, who is 19, shows no interest in being intimate with me, a 20-year-old.

I'm a 20-year-old college student in a wonderful relationship with an amazing woman, who is 19. However, I’m facing a challenge I never expected: my girlfriend doesn't want to have sex and doesn't seem to feel any sexual desire. When we first got together, she was dealing with trauma from a past assault and expressed a desire for intimacy. At that time, she was on birth control and trying to overcome her experiences. However, she has since decided that she doesn't want to force herself to engage in sexual activities anymore, and I completely respect that. She’s very open about her lack of interest, and I would never want her to feel pressured to "push herself." Additionally, she has changed her birth control twice, and now she rarely feels aroused. I love her deeply, and everything else about our relationship feels perfect, but we haven't been intimate in nearly three months, which is something I desire. When we've been intimate, it tends to be short-lived, and she’s not comfortable with certain aspects—like performing oral sex or engaging with me physically in ways I’d like. I consistently make an effort to please her, often spending a significant amount of time ensuring she enjoys herself. Although she claims to feel attracted to me, I struggle with self-esteem issues due to an eating disorder, which leads me to worry that she doesn’t find me appealing at all. This doubt is damaging my self-image, and I’m unsure how to bring this up without making her feel further pressure. I wish she wanted me the way I want her; it sometimes feels like our connection is primarily emotional rather than physical. I don’t even mind the lack of sex as much as I fear she might find me unattractive. She has mentioned that during intimacy, she doesn't really feel me but just a sensation of pressure. I’ve never felt insecure about my size or ability to please a partner before, but for the first time, I feel inadequate and worry that she might view me as unappealing. I’m not angry with her—understanding her trauma makes it difficult for me to talk about my feelings. The last thing I want to do is make her feel guilty or worse about her experiences.

My boyfriend is watching content creators and engaging in private activities in bed while I’m asleep.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a decade; we met in high school and have been living together since we were 18. Now at 23, we occasionally watch porn together or separately. Lately, I've noticed that he's been watching the same OnlyFans content creator and other similar content more frequently. I’ve previously mentioned that I'm okay with him watching porn, but his search habits have expanded significantly. He’s moved from YouTube ASMR videos to Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram—platforms I thought were just for keeping in touch with friends and family, but now they're filled with explicit content. I brought up my concerns with him, explaining that it bothers me. While porn is explicitly meant for erotic purposes and occasional viewing of random videos doesn’t bother me much, there’s a difference when he consistently watches the same girls and visits their pages often. When I watch porn, I tend to focus more on imagining intimate moments with him rather than the individuals on screen. However, seeing him actively seek out content featuring specific women makes me uneasy. It leads me to compare myself to them and question what I might be lacking. Rather than addressing my feelings, he started deleting his search history, which only made me more anxious. It felt like he believed that hiding his actions was a solution instead of changing them. In another conversation, he admitted to this and owned up to what he had been watching. I had noticed new searches appearing whenever I got home from work or woke up in the morning after sleeping next to him. He explained that he felt bored or curious while I was sleeping, at work, or in the shower, and that led him to look at this content. This realization hit me hard; the fact that I was right there yet he chose to seek out other women felt really hurtful. Most of the women he’s interested in don’t even resemble me, which makes it painful to accept that he could find pleasure in images of them while I’m in the same bed. I told him that I find this worse than watching porn because it’s not just a video with a clear erotic context—he’s deriving pleasure from mere pictures, imagining sexual experiences with women who aren’t me. Since that discussion, I’ve expressed that I feel uncomfortable being intimate with him, and I’m not sure how to move past these feelings. Am I overreacting?

Seeking advice on marriage and intimacy for a couple (M46, F46).

Hey everyone, I'm at a crossroads in my life and could really use some advice. My wife and I are quite different, and as we age and our three kids grow, I'm starting to worry about our future together. Our libidos have always been mismatched, and I had hoped it would improve after getting married and moving in together, but that hasn’t been the case. Despite having multiple discussions and even attending relationship counseling, we still struggle to find common ground. My main concern is that we don't share many interests. I enjoy exercising, staying fit, eating healthily, and spending time in nature, while she tends to prefer sitting down to watch TV or scrolling through her phone. She indulges in binge drinking once a week and generally doesn’t follow a healthy diet. I want to honor our marriage and care for her, but I'm finding it increasingly difficult. I sometimes feel lonely, as my efforts to engage her in activities together often go unnoticed. I usually take her out for dinner once a month for some quality time, but I don’t feel that I’m getting much in return. While she actively plans outings with her friends, I can’t help but feel that she puts more effort into those friendships than into our relationship. She often seems exhausted and lacks energy, and after initially trying to encourage her to exercise, I've run out of ideas. We do manage to keep things running smoothly with the kids and housework, which is a positive aspect of our partnership, but it only adds to my disappointment in other areas. I'm not exactly sure what I’m hoping to achieve here. Should I lay down an ultimatum? I really don’t want to disrupt our home, but I also feel that this situation is taking a toll on my mental health. The ongoing sexual frustration is something I dislike, and although I make efforts for intimacy, the response is minimal. I appreciate any thoughts or advice you might have.

M(36) is seeking advice on how to discuss ways to enhance the intimacy in his relationship with his girlfriend(43).

I've been in a wonderful relationship with an incredible older woman for over a year. We met on a dating app, and things escalated quickly. At first, our chemistry was intense and full of adventure—we even attended a sex party together, which she surprised me with, and it was an amazing experience. However, as our relationship has progressed, some of the excitement and exploration in our intimate life seems to have diminished. Lately, I've been feeling a bit restless. I adore her and don’t have any intentions of cheating, but I'm quite sexual and have a strong desire to explore new things together. I’ve been considering suggesting threesomes (both MFF and MMF, if she’s open to it), attending another sex party, or simply using the toys and games I purchased months ago that we haven’t yet tried. There are also smaller things, like experimenting with different positions or rekindling the experience of finishing in her mouth, which I truly miss. We’ve explored anal a few times in the past, but it's been a while now. She knows how much I enjoy it and has expressed her interest as well, but I wish she would initiate it more or show that she desires it often. We discussed our fantasies when we first connected, so she’s aware of my preferences, and I would also love to help her explore her own fantasies or try new things that she may want from me, but finding the right moment to bring it up has been challenging. The main issue is figuring out how to approach this topic without making her feel like I'm dissatisfied or putting pressure on her. I want to frame the conversation in a way that highlights our growth together and the desire to keep the excitement alive rather than suggesting that I'm unhappy. How can I start this conversation? What can I do to ensure she feels comfortable and understands that I love and value her, regardless of how our intimacy evolves? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Why does my girlfriend (22F) get upset when I rub my feet on her while we're lying down? I'm 27M.

When we sit on the couch in the evenings, she positions herself at one end while I lie down with my head at the opposite end. Being 6'3", my feet reach her. I have a habit of "Cricketing" at night, which is the rhythmic rubbing of my feet together—something I often do without realizing it as I try to relax or fall asleep. She has brought it up several times and explained why it bothers her, and I genuinely try to be aware of it. However, I often don’t even realize I'm “Cricketing” against her leg. She also says I do it in bed, which I am completely oblivious to as well. Does anyone else experience this? Is there a way for me to stop, or perhaps a way for her to appreciate it?

What’s the best way to express my feelings to my boyfriend? I’m 32 and he’s 54.

My boyfriend is 54 and often tells me he desires me. A year ago, when I moved in, we were making love three times a week, but that has now decreased to once a week, and lately, it's more like every couple of weeks. I understand that the age difference might be a factor, but sometimes I can't shake the feeling that something else is replacing our intimacy. How can I express my feelings to him without making him feel blamed? He claims to desire me, yet I don't see that reflected in his actions. He often says that actions speak louder than words, and he doesn’t want to feel pressured or that it's a chore, so I’ve tried to stop asking. I’m always ready when he wants to be intimate, but when I initiate, it never feels like the right time. Am I wrong to feel this way? He often tells me it's just my insecurities.

My girlfriend (18) mentioned to me (19) that if she were a guy, she believes she would be more well-endowed.

My girlfriend mentioned that if she were a guy, she would have a bigger penis than me. She hasn't seen mine in person yet, but she has felt it through my pants. We haven't had the opportunity to be intimate because her family is usually around. Perhaps she made that remark out of frustration from a sarcastic joke I made that she took personally. Should I be concerned about this? Is it common in relationships? Just for reference, mine is over 6.5 inches.

How can I (F21) get over my boyfriend's (M24) porn use?

Hey everyone! My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for about three years, and we've been living together for roughly a year and a half. When we first started dating, I made it clear that I was uncomfortable with frequent porn consumption in a relationship, and he agreed to that boundary. I genuinely believed he respected it. After we moved in together, things changed. One night, both of us were high, and I noticed my boyfriend getting up frequently in the middle of the night and disappearing for a while. The next morning, I checked his phone and discovered he had a significant amount of porn saved. After that, I started to frequently check his browsing history and found a variety of explicit material that he accessed almost daily, including saved and liked videos on TikTok, Instagram, OnlyFans, and various websites. He would watch this content in bed next to me when he thought I was asleep, get up to watch it while I was in another room, and consume it every time I left the house. Feeling overwhelmed, I told him I would leave if he didn’t address this issue, as it crossed my established boundaries and made me feel trapped. He cried and promised to change, and for a while, I thought things were improving. However, a few months ago, I started coming home on my lunch breaks—maybe once a week—and almost every time I did, I found him watching porn and masturbating. It seems like this isn’t just limited to those moments, as I frequently catch him engaged in it. I’m exhausted from dealing with this. We've been together for a while now, and I’m unsure if it's worth the constant turmoil it brings. It leaves me feeling insecure and uncomfortable, as I can’t help but compare myself to the women in those videos. He often watches "hentai" and cosplayers, and after losing 25 pounds in a short time to look more like them, I've developed unhealthy eating habits and exercise routines without seeing any results. It's been over a month since we've been intimate because I'm self-conscious about not measuring up to those images. What should I do? Is there any way to salvage this relationship?

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