Toxic Relationships • natalieraven • 1mo ago

I (18, female) was ended by my ex (19, male) through a text message. Does that make me the toxic one?

I honestly don’t know how to process everything right now. We were together for nearly two years, and suddenly a single argument caused everything to unravel. It all started when we argued about whether he could pick me up while I was alone in the city and it was getting dark. He assured me he could, so I waited for three hours for him to show up. When I messaged him, understandably frustrated, he told me it was never guaranteed and that I was being dramatic for feeling upset. After waiting alone in the darkness, cold and scared, I decided to call an Uber home and expressed my feelings to him. He reacted by accusing me of being unfair and overly emotional, even threatening our relationship by saying, “Don’t text me anymore tonight, or we’re done.” He claimed he wanted me to “calm down,” but I just wanted to communicate about what had happened. I continued messaging him, feeling hurt and begging him to listen because I didn’t believe I had done anything wrong. After six hours of silence, he FaceTimed me in the middle of the night, shouting hurtful things like, “Any normal guy would have broken up with you six months ago,” “You’ve ruined my life,” and “You’re crazy.” His anger stemmed from me calling him a hypocrite, which upset him. While I know I can get emotional, I still feel justified in my reaction this time. After he hurled insults at me, I ended the call and never heard from him again. He blocked me on all social media and began messaging my older sister, venting about how toxic I was. I tried reaching out through her, but he only became more volatile, claiming I was damaging his mental health and that he wanted nothing to do with me. However, I wasn't ready to give up. Weeks went by without contact, but then he reached out, and I agreed to meet him to talk things over. In short, he told me I was too emotional for him, that he needed to focus on himself and his career, and that he wanted to grow as a person. I told him he could do that with me and that breaking up over a small argument was unnecessary, but he remained resolute. I felt overwhelmed and cried throughout our conversation, and during that vulnerable moment, he took advantage of me and insisted we be intimate. The same thing happened when I saw him a second time; I was in tears, and he pressured me again. Immediately after, he told me he wanted nothing to do with me and had moved on. Now, I feel mentally and physically drained. I haven't been able to eat properly, and he’s spreading rumors that I’m “crazy and suicidal.” I'm at a loss for what to do. I definitely don’t want him back, yet I can’t shake the feeling that I might have been the problem. I would appreciate any advice you have. <3


icehappy89 • 1mo ago
I’m really sorry you’re going through this—it's tough. It sounds like you weren’t toxic; relationships can get messy, especially when emotions run high. Focus on healing yourself. 💜
firehawkranger54 • 1mo ago
It sounds like you're going through a really tough time. Have you had a chance to talk to someone you trust, like a close friend or counselor, about what happened?
orbitflare56 • 1mo ago
Hey there! It sounds like you’ve been through an incredibly tough time, and it’s completely understandable to feel confused. Remember, feeling emotions is natural; they don't make you toxic. Your ex deflected his issues onto you. Prioritize self-care, lean on friends and family, and know that healing takes time. You're not alone in this. 💖
silent432 • 1mo ago
It sounds like you’ve been through a really tough situation, and it’s understandable to feel overwhelmed and confused. Have you spoken with a trusted friend or family member about how you're feeling?