Relationship advices: Trust and Jealousy

My partner (22F) seems to trigger my nervous system every time she does something. Do you have any advice?

Hey, I’m a 23-year-old guy, and I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend, who’s 22, for about eight months. We've experienced some significant highs and lows, primarily due to our differing attachment styles—I'm anxious, while she tends to be more avoidant. No matter what I do, I struggle to trust her and feel secure in our relationship. I think this stems from her fluctuating behavior; she can be incredibly warm one moment and then distant the next. Our busy schedules mean I can only see her once a week, which adds to my worries. Today, something happened that really triggered my anxiety. I was on VSCO and noticed she had reposted a picture of another guy's dog running on the beach. She's never mentioned knowing this guy, and it freaked me out, especially since she’s never shared any photos of me or reposted anything I've posted. I can’t help but wonder if it’s worth being constantly stressed over someone I care about. Another issue is that whenever I bring up something that bothers me through text, she tends to shut down and ignores me for days. This means I have to bottle up my feelings until I see her, which leaves me anxious throughout the week. I’d really appreciate any advice on how to work through this. Edit: I’m also concerned about looking foolish since I’ve invested so much time and let things slide that I shouldn't have. I want to stop feeling like I'm being walked all over, but I’m uncertain about how to change that.

I’m a 24-year-old woman, and I’m feeling uneasy about my boyfriend, who is 39, having a close relationship with a female coworker.

I'm a 25-year-old woman in a relationship with my boyfriend, who is 39. We've been together for about seven months and currently live in his apartment. He started a customer service job just over a month ago. During his probation period, he worked in an Airbnb office with some colleagues. After passing, he transitioned to work from home, now on the night shift from midnight to 8 AM every day. While working in the office, he frequently texted a female colleague, whom I'll refer to as 'J,' who is also 25. I only learned about her after he mentioned her being nice and supportive when others weren't. They met once during a work gathering, but I wasn't aware of how often they communicated until more recently. He minimized their connection, eventually describing them as 'close.' Noticing that he seemed uneasy whenever he texted her at home, I confronted him about it, as it triggered my trust issues. He insisted he wasn't trying to hide anything and said I could read their conversations whenever I wanted since his WhatsApp was always open on his computer. To satisfy my curiosity, I downloaded their entire chat history. I discovered that they exchanged messages throughout his entire work shift, during his commutes, and even late at night. Their conversations consisted of work-related topics, emotional support, office gossip, and a bit of personal sharing, without overt flirtation. They even discussed having meals together despite being in different places. I chose to keep my feelings to myself and supported him during his work hours, staying up late alongside him. I pointed out that he seemed to avoid texting her in my presence because he feared it might lead to conflict, and although he acknowledged this, his behavior didn’t change much. I noticed that they stopped texting each other goodnight and their communication patterns shifted. We had a small argument recently, and when I didn’t sit beside him until 3 AM, I saw they had exchanged messages since 1 AM. This made me feel that he used that time to reach out to her because I wasn’t there, which raised red flags for me. When I returned, he was replying with very short answers, almost as if trying to downplay their interaction. Now I’m caught in a whirlwind of uncertainty. I wonder if the only reason he toned down their communication was because I was around or if there’s something more going on. I’m also concerned about an upcoming Christmas gathering of colleagues, where he’ll attend with them, and another where I'll be invited. I want to know how to handle their close relationship and if I'm facing a slow breakup. What should I do?

I [25F] believe my boyfriend [26M] has forgotten that I have access to his location, and I discovered he wasn't being truthful.

Hello Reddit! I'm a 25-year-old woman (F) currently in a relationship with my boyfriend, who is 26 (M), and we've been dating for a little over six months now. We met on a dating app, and although our relationship is still relatively new, things have been going really well. It's starting to feel more serious, and we share similar values, interests, and future goals, which I appreciate. A few weeks back, we went on a trip to another city, and he suggested we share our locations temporarily, just in case we got separated. However, we both forgot to stop sharing our locations afterwards. Here’s some important context: my boyfriend is a regular at a bar across town, where he knows the staff and a group of regulars who have all become friends. His ex (let’s call her X) also frequents this bar. Although he introduced me to the friends there, he was initially hesitant to introduce me to X. From what I understand, their relationship was more of a "situationship," and she wasn't interested in anything serious. He told me he broke things off with her several months before we started dating. We've had multiple discussions about her, and he has consistently assured me that he doesn't have feelings for her and that I'm the one he wants to be with. I've made it clear that I’m okay with their friendship, although I’m not a huge fan of it. I think if they’re "just friends," she should know who I am, and there shouldn't be any reason for him to hide her from me. I did meet her, and I thought the situation was fine. Now to the issue at hand. I don't usually check his location, but while we were texting about our days, I noticed that it showed he was in the vicinity of the bar. I looked at his location and confirmed he was there. It felt a bit odd for a weekday, but I didn't think much of it at the time. Later that evening, he called me, and when I asked how his day went, he lied and said he’d been home for several hours, completely leaving out the fact that he had been at the bar. I regret not confronting him right then and there, but I panicked and continued the conversation as if everything was fine. He has no idea that I know he was at the bar. I'm puzzled as to why he felt the need to lie about it, and I'm worried he may have gone there to see X without wanting to tell me, which feels really off. At the same time, I’m trying not to jump to conclusions, and I want to address this with him. How should I bring this up and confront him about his lie, given that I went along with it in the moment? What could his lie indicate?

I'm a 30-year-old woman, and my husband is 32. He's struggling to accept my past in adult work, and it's causing tension between us. How can I help him move past this issue?

My husband is often triggered and holds resentment towards me (30/f) because I did adult video work many years ago when we were engaged, which he was aware of from the beginning. I took that step because we were in financial need at the time. The experience turned out to be quite different than expected; the second shoot at a studio called Facial Abuse was far worse than the first, and after two films, I decided to quit. Despite this, he constantly brings it up, often yelling at me and referring to me as "damaged goods." This treatment frustrates me so much that I feel like responding in anger. While he loves me, he still views me as less than because of my past choices. It always resurfaces during our arguments, and it's exhausting. I can’t change what I did, and it’s not like I’m the only person who has taken on this kind of work; he makes me feel inferior, as if I’m worse than illegal activities. Living with this situation has caused me a great deal of anxiety over the years. How can I get him to let this go?

I defended my friend's partner, and although I believe I made the right choice, I can't help but dislike how it feels.

I (22F) have a close male friend, J (22M), who has been in a relationship with N (22F) for the past few months. While I’ve known N for a few years, we’ve never been close, merely acquaintances within the same social group. Recently, during one of our conversations, I noticed J seemed a bit down. I suggested we meet up to talk. He opened up about feeling emotionally neglected in his relationship, sharing how he often feels like he’s giving endlessly without receiving comfort or understanding in return. It truly pained me to see him struggle, so I gave him a hug. He held onto me longer than I expected, and I could tell he was on the verge of tears. When we met again the following week, he shared that our time together had provided him with great comfort and that I was the only person he felt safe confiding in. While we were chatting on his bed, we ended up cuddling. However, I mentioned that we might be crossing a boundary and suggested we keep some physical distance. He agreed and moved away immediately. I believe this was the right decision; I wouldn’t want to be in a situation where my partner was cuddling with their best friend if I were in a relationship. Still, I can’t shake the feeling that I might be overthinking it, especially since I’ve been cheated on before. In the back of my mind, I also wrestle with the notion that it feels unfair for me to uphold a “girls support girls” mentality when N isn’t treating J well. I’m reminded of how the girls my ex cheated on me with never spoke up for me, even though they knew me. Did I make the right choice?

I'm trapped in this predicament.

I’m a 29-year-old man in a relationship with my 22-year-old girlfriend, and we’ve been together for two months. To put it simply, the mix of positives and negatives in our relationship has left me feeling overwhelmed and unsure about the future. When it comes to finances, education, and life goals, she’s definitely in a different league than I am. She seems to have no real need or interest in me, yet paradoxically, she is incredibly enamored with me—her enthusiasm feels like a solid 95 out of 100. She constantly reaches out with calls and texts throughout the day, and on our days off, we spend hours on the phone. I don’t have to make an effort for this connection; she naturally takes charge in our intimate moments without me prompting her. While we do live some distance apart, she has invested significantly in our relationship, often handling transportation and hotel costs for our trips together. I offered to contribute whenever she visited me, but she consistently declined, and I never pressured her to cover my expenses. She frequently talks about me with her friends and has introduced me to her family as well. She makes the effort to come see me whenever she can and goes out of her way to invest in us. Up until now, everything has been remarkably wonderful. When we were together, I asked her if she wanted to commit to a relationship, and she said yes. I mentioned that I had one important rule: she needed to cut off contact with past partners and not engage with them on social media. She agreed without any hesitation. I imposed this rule due to prior experiences that caused me considerable stress. Her ex from a year ago had been messaging her, which she claimed to have blocked. However, after a few weeks, I noticed she hadn’t followed through. I confronted her about it, emphasizing how important this rule was to me, and as a result, we ended up breaking up temporarily. She was visibly upset and even offered to share her social media passwords with me, except for WhatsApp. I never logged into any of her accounts, but she reassured me that she had no lingering connections with anyone from her past, whether romantic or otherwise. I decided to trust her, and we continued our relationship. However, our arguments intensified over the next few weeks concerning this issue. She would cry often, and it took a toll on our sleep schedules, as I worried she might still miss her ex. She continually insisted that she checked her accounts regularly and hadn’t interacted with anyone from her past. But after a while, I discovered messages from a former casual partner she had told me were just friends. Following some conflict, she admitted they had a history together. This ultimately turned our arguments into a matter of trust instead of just focusing on her past relationship. Despite our daily conflicts over her ex, she struggled to remove her former partner from her accounts. It wasn’t until things escalated to the brink of a breakup that she finally deleted and blocked them. Lately, I’ve been feeling more mentally unstable than ever. One moment I’m filled with hope, and the next, I’m consumed by doubt.

My boyfriend struggles with trust.

I’m 22 (F) and my boyfriend is 23 (M). I ended a previous relationship just a week and a half before I met him. Initially, I wasn’t fully serious about our relationship because I was cautious about getting hurt again; my ex treated me poorly. I also have a habit of staring, and a few weeks into dating my boyfriend, he noticed me looking at other guys, which I totally understand is disrespectful. I never intended to harm our relationship—I was genuinely invested in him. I have a complicated history with men, and my body count is 26. I’ve made some minor lies in the early stages of our relationship, which has led him to feel that he can't trust me at all. He worries that I won’t be able to remain committed to one person for life, viewing him as just another number, “the 26 guy.” Yet, he's the first man I’ve ever truly loved, and it feels like my words carry no weight with him now. He seems to believe that I’ll cheat on him, even though I have never cheated on anyone myself—I've only been cheated on three times. We’ve been together for over six months, and I’ve been living with him for more than four months. To show my commitment, I deleted all my social media and currently, since we’re both unemployed, I’m with him all the time. Still, he suspects I’ve cheated at least once during our relationship. Is it fair for him to feel this way because of my past and the early days of our relationship? I consider myself a loyal person with a kind heart, and all I want is to be loved unconditionally, just as I would love them in return. Please help.

35-year-old man wants his girlfriend, who is 39, to end her friendship with her male best friend of 20 years. What are your thoughts?

I'm a 39-year-old woman currently in a relationship with my boyfriend, who is 35. We've been together for nine months, but recently we've had a lot of disagreements due to his concerns about my male best friend, who I've known for nearly 20 years. My boyfriend went through my phone and found some messages from 2017 that he interprets as flirty. In one exchange, I sent a photo of my Halloween costume, and the conversation included comments like "Hot" and "Garnet still would’ve been better though." He then asked if I got any numbers, to which I replied, "Meh nah." He also made a joke about the guys where I live, saying, "Your cleavage was too much for them." My boyfriend feels these messages are inappropriate and doesn't believe me when I say my friendship with him is purely platonic. He wants me to sever ties with my best friend, who is married and lives in my home country. I understand that he can be a bit loose with his words, but I assure him there's no flirting involved. I've also deleted all contacts of my exes and agreed not to travel home without my boyfriend in the future, but he still insists on cutting off my long-term friendship. He's been reading posts that label having a straight male best friend as a potential red flag, leading him to believe that there’s a risk involved. However, my best friend and I have maintained a platonic relationship for all these years, and I don't feel that the messages he found reflect anything inappropriate. What steps can we take to resolve this situation? Do you think the messages are flirty?

My girlfriend (21F) is upset after discovering that I (26M) wear height insoles. How should we handle this situation?

My girlfriend and I have been together for six months. During this time, I’ve been wearing height-increasing insoles that boost my height by two inches. With them, I reach 5'5", while she is 5'3". I chose to wear them for a confidence boost when I’m with her. However, now she’s upset after discovering the insoles, feeling as though I've deceived her. How can we move forward from this?

I discovered that my boyfriend is featured on 'Are We Dating the Same Guy,' and I suspect my roommate might be connected to it.

I (F27) recently shared my concerns about some troubling behavior from my roommate (F28). I've come to realize that she and a few people I once considered close friends have been speaking negatively about my boyfriend (M32) behind my back. It seems like she might want something to happen that would lead to our breakup. Given my concerns about my roommate potentially trying to interfere in my relationship, I checked her Facebook page and found a post about my boyfriend from a few days ago. With everything happening, I feel like I need more substantial evidence beyond an anonymous post. It’s hard for me to believe it, and I suspect I won’t fully accept it unless I can confirm it’s not someone I know. Maybe I’m being unreasonable, but I did reach out to the original poster for proof of their conversations, but they only responded that they met on Hinge and have been talking on Snapchat. I might be in denial, but my intuition is telling me something isn’t right. I'm feeling lost about what to do next.

Is it acceptable for my boyfriend to invite a female friend as his plus one to a work Christmas party that we both attend? I’m 35, and he’s 34.

My boyfriend and I have been officially dating for four months, though we've been involved longer than that. The main challenge in our relationship stems from his many female friends—some of whom I know and some he claims I don’t, simply because the topic hasn't come up. I feel that in a committed relationship, it’s concerning for my partner to have an abundance of female friends with whom he texts, FaceTimes, and spends time privately. He disagrees, insisting he should be free to be friends with whomever he chooses. I'm not saying he can't have those friendships; I just find it troubling and worry it could lead to misunderstandings or unwanted feelings. We both work together and are attending our office Christmas party, where we’re allowed to bring a plus one. He mentioned it would be fine to bring a female friend, and I find that disrespectful and inappropriate. When I shared my feelings with him, he asked how that could be disrespectful and pointed out that I seem overly concerned with what others think, calling me insecure and childish. I struggled to articulate why it bothers me so much. Ultimately, I asked if he could give me a heads-up about whether he planned to bring a female friend. He responded by saying, "Why should I have to tell you? Why does it matter? I can bring whoever I want." What do you think about this situation?

I'm a 21-year-old guy, and I have a long-distance girlfriend who's also 21. I can't shake the feeling that she might be involved with someone else.

After being apart from my girlfriend for 12 weeks, I finally visited her. On the first day—after we were intimate—I sensed that something felt off. While driving, I noticed she dimmed her phone’s brightness to send a text and then brightened it again for navigation. Although this isn't definitive proof, it reminds me of subtle signs I’ve picked up in past relationships that hinted something might be amiss. I'm going with her for the holidays to meet her family (whom I've met before) and her friends (whom I haven't met yet). How should I approach this topic?

I'm a 20-year-old female professional belly dancer, and my boyfriend, who is 19 and we've been together for a year, is asking me to give it up.

I've been practicing belly dancing since I was five, and I now perform at various events, parties, and even private gatherings. However, my boyfriend isn't supportive of it; he feels insecure and has asked me to stop because it makes him uncomfortable. Dancing is my true passion, and it plays a significant role in my life. We've been together for a year and share a physical connection (we have sex nearly every other date). I care for him deeply, but his insecurity is starting to put a strain on our relationship. Should I give up dancing to make him happy, or should I prioritize my passion and consider ending the relationship? I'm really torn about this situation. What would you do?

I withheld something from my partner.

I kept something from my partner. I'm a 22-year-old woman, and I've been with my partner, who is 21, for over three years. Recently, I decided to come clean because she was starting to become suspicious. She generally feels uncomfortable around drugs and alcohol, and a few months ago, I tried a couple of zyns over the course of a couple of months since a friend was doing it. It wasn't a frequent occurrence, and I stopped after that. I hesitated to tell her because I didn’t want to upset her, especially since I’m not addicted or anything. She has previously expressed that she just wants me to be honest with her, even if it makes her uneasy at the moment. In hindsight, I realize that if I had just admitted it right away, it might not have been as big of a deal. I found myself caught in a dilemma about whether it was better to be honest or protect myself, and I now see that lying was the wrong choice. I know this situation isn’t just about me, but I am truly heartbroken. She means the world to me, and I can’t understand why I made such a poor decision. Now, I’m dealing with the fallout after six months of keeping this secret. I acknowledge that what I did was wrong, and she has every right to feel hurt or betrayed. I just don’t know how to move forward. It’s frustrating because if I had just owned up to it sooner, I would have avoided complicating things. My instincts to protect myself over my relationship led me here. Now she’s having a hard time trusting me, and I can’t shake the feeling of disgust toward myself. I pride myself on being honest in our relationship, so this lapse in judgment is particularly troubling. She doubts that this is the only thing I’ve kept from her, which is understandable. I’m at a loss for how to support her through this. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What can I do? Thank you for any advice. TL;DR - I lied to my partner about something relatively insignificant over an extended period to save face, and now I’m grappling with the consequences.

My new boyfriend mentioned he wants to reconnect with his ex.

I could really use some advice. My boyfriend (M, 28) and I have been dating for three months now. He was in a year-long relationship about ten months ago, and his girlfriend ended things, explaining that their futures didn’t align due to career goals. I find that puzzling because he’s very dedicated to his work—maybe there were other underlying issues. Since we started dating, he mentioned that she reached out to him, looking to reconnect. She’s aware that he’s in a new relationship. He declined her request to meet up, attributing it to us, but I can’t shake the feeling that he might have wanted to see her. He even confessed to me last night while drunk that he had considered it. This has made me feel insecure, especially since our relationship is still new, and I’ve experienced cheating in the past (F, 28). His past relationship left him deeply hurt and struggling with depression for a while. I find it a bit surprising that she wants to meet up now, considering what he went through and the fact that he’s seeing someone new. It feels like a bit of a convenient excuse to me. He insists that they remained friends because she has a lot of trauma and that he was there for her and her family during their relationship, and they still check in occasionally.

Regarding relationships

This Saturday is my girlfriend's friend's (who is a guy) birthday party, and she wants to go. However, I’m not entirely comfortable with her attending. I care about her and tend to overthink things, so I don’t want to come across as overly possessive. We've been together for six months, and we both love each other deeply, but I can't shake this uneasy feeling. Should I let her go? I’d appreciate any thoughts on this!

Does this qualify as cheating?

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year while still in high school, and he’s involved in a lot of extracurricular activities, like sports. However, he recently became very busy and has had less time for me. He keeps apologizing but hasn’t made any changes to address the situation. One day, I noticed he was talking to someone he called a friend. I asked him about it, and he assured me it was nothing. I chose to trust him. As the months went by, the issue of him not having time for me persisted. Then I heard from someone that he attended an event I wasn’t aware of, where they played a game that involved confessing crushes. Apparently, he and this friend both admitted to having feelings for each other, all while we were still together. What should I do?

I was eavesdropping.

M26 So, bear with me—I realize I shouldn’t have been checking her phone, but it drew me in like the Green Goblin mask. I picked it up and opened Snapchat, where I noticed she had a conversation with a guy from two weeks ago that I’ve never heard of. I opened it, but there was nothing there, so I scrolled through and found a bunch of videos of this guy that she had saved. They were all from before we started dating, but it unsettles me that she was in contact with him so recently. I know I shouldn’t have snooped, but given that we’ve been together for over six months, should I be worried? What do you think I should do next?

How can I request my boyfriend to stop bringing one of his friends around me?

I've been dating my boyfriend (24M) for 8 months, but our relationship is somewhat complicated due to our past from a situationship 6 years ago that lasted for 2 years before I cut off contact. We reconnected about 9 months ago, allowing me to reestablish friendships with some of his friends as well. Approximately 5 years ago, one of his friends (24M) asked me to accompany him to a party since he didn’t have a date. We were friends at the time, and I agreed under the condition that nothing inappropriate would happen. He assured me of that, claiming he’d never disrespect my boyfriend. However, later that night, while I was asleep, he decided to act differently and attempted to rub his erect penis against my back. I immediately rolled away, left before he woke up, and ended our friendship by removing him from all social media. When I confided in a girlfriend about this, she shared a similar experience with him, which helped me feel more determined to sever ties. Years later, I still had feelings for my current boyfriend and reached out to him. He was thrilled, and we eventually began dating. Early on, he mentioned his friend, which made me uneasy. I didn’t want to elaborate, so I simply expressed that I didn’t particularly like one of his friends. My boyfriend said he didn’t want to know any more details, so I left it at that. The friend moved abroad for a time, but he’s recently returned, and I’ve had to interact with him a few times. It’s been awkward; he acts as if we’re close despite our history. My boyfriend mentioned him in front of a mutual friend of ours who also had a negative experience with this guy, and when he suggested they would get along, my friend quickly said, “No, we don’t like [his name].” However, my boyfriend didn’t pick up on the hint and continued to speak highly of his friend. My friend believes I should tell my boyfriend the truth—that his friend isn’t as great as he thinks. I'm unsure how to approach this topic. I worry about potentially upsetting my boyfriend or making the conversation take a turn that could hurt me as well. I feel guilty for withholding this information, but I'm at a loss about what to do. Any advice on how to handle this situation?

I'm uncertain about how to handle my feelings and I can't determine which choice is more immature.

I've been in a relationship with my 18-year-old girlfriend for six months now. A little while into our relationship, I discovered that she still has feelings for her ex, who is in classes with her at school. Two months ago, I asked her directly if she still liked him, and she replied no, saying she just misses what he could offer her compared to what I can right now. Then, about a month ago, her ex came to school looking sharp with a new haircut, and she admitted that she was attracted to him. It's important to note that he's been a friend of hers for most of her life and is a twin. I'm torn between letting my insecurities and trust issues influence me or having a conversation with her about how I feel. The thought of her still having feelings for him while they talk nearly every day really bothers me, especially since he was somewhat toxic in their past. I know my age might be impacting how I view this situation, but it still hurts to hear that she likes another guy. Should I confront her about it, or just keep trying to navigate through these feelings?

The other day, I found myself looking through my wife’s phone...

My wife, 24, and I, 24, have been married for three years. Recently, I decided to check her phone. Before anyone jumps in with comments about privacy and boundaries, let me clarify: our relationship is strong, and this wasn’t driven by suspicion or a desire to find something. We have an open phone policy, which means we can use each other’s phones freely. While browsing her Snapchat, I came across saved messages from some of her past hookups and friends-with-benefits from college (there were 44 in total). I found some photos and videos she had sent, as well as her former premium Snapchat account where she shared nudes to earn extra cash during her college years. Surprisingly, this didn’t bother me; in fact, it was somewhat arousing. She has no idea I went through her phone or what I discovered. Now I’m unsure whether to bring it up or keep it as my secret. TLDR: I found old nudes of my wife that she sent to other guys.

I (M20) often feel like I'm always in second place to my girlfriend's (F19) friend.

I need to express something that’s been weighing heavily on me. My girlfriend has a male friend who seems to be consistently present for all her significant “firsts.” Whether it’s trying out new activities, visiting special places, or even celebrating small milestones, he’s often the person she shares those experiences with first. For instance, she recently wanted to try out a new activity, and instead of us experiencing it together, she chose to do it with him. This isn’t the first time this has occurred. I try to make an effort, yet it always feels like he’s one step ahead. He makes grand gestures and plans for her, and is simply...always around. I know they’re just friends, and I trust her, but it still hurts. It feels like no matter how hard I try, I’ll always be in second place when it comes to these significant moments in her life. I want to be the one she shares those experiences with, but it often seems like I’m not. I’m not angry; I’m just sad. It makes me feel inadequate, as if I’m not the partner she needs for those “special” occasions. I understand that relationships are not a contest, but it’s difficult not to feel this way when it’s a recurring issue. I’ve tried discussing it with her, but it always seems to get brushed aside, only to resurface later. I don’t want to come off as jealous or controlling; I just feel lost. How can I stop feeling overshadowed by him? How can I find a way to make peace with this situation? I appreciate you taking the time to read this. I just needed to share what’s been on my mind.

I'm unsure if my girlfriend is keeping something from me...

I'm a 20-year-old female, and my girlfriend, also 20 and female, and I both share our TikTok content. Throughout our one-year relationship, we've been open about checking each other's phones. Recently, I was about to switch to her secondary TikTok account (she has one where she posts regularly and another that she doesn't use), when I noticed a different account that I was already aware of from months ago. At the time, it had no posts or followers. However, when I checked it again, it had gained around 500 likes and some followers. I was intrigued, but the only post on that account had been set to private. It followed a trend called "seeing the TV glow." One comment sought clarification on the meaning of the TikTok, and someone replied that it was related to being transgender. My girlfriend liked those comments that connected to being transgender and dismissing it. One of her comments mentioned that it took her a lot of courage to share the post. The content seemed to express that while she feels comfortable with who she is now, she still occasionally experiences that "glow." What puzzles me is that she never mentioned any of these feelings to me, yet she chose to share them on TikTok. I was planning to approach it casually by asking, "Hey, I noticed your account has 500 likes but no posts. Why didn’t I see anything?" However, when I tried to look up her account to take a screenshot of the likes and followers, it didn’t appear. The username I used was correct, which implies she may have blocked me from seeing the account before she posted anything. If I'm not mistaken, I think I used to follow that account too. Now, I'm at a loss on how to bring this up with her. She has gotten upset with me in the past for checking my phone, but I'm not angry; I’m just confused. Why wouldn’t she share something like this with me, and why block me? I thought we were completely open with each other about everything, even the things we found hard to say. It feels odd that she felt unable to talk to me about this. I’m not entirely sure what I'm seeking in terms of advice, but any thoughts or perspectives would really help.

There's a big conflict, and I'm unsure how to handle it.

I (17F) recently had a major fight with my boyfriend (17M) of one year, and it was pretty intense—definitely the most serious argument we've ever had. At one point, I even accused him of cheating because he's been spending time with a classmate I don’t particularly like. I can't quite put my finger on why she makes me feel jealous, but whenever I hear about their interactions, I lose it. I've never experienced jealousy like this before and I know I need to address it. Our argument lasted the entire weekend, from Friday to Sunday. He mentioned that he didn’t want to talk, and I respected his space, but as an overthinker, I couldn’t shake off the worry that he might want to end things. Eventually, I reached out to tell him I love him and I was sorry because I wasn’t sleeping anyway. He left my message unread in the morning, which only heightened my anxiety, so I messaged him again asking for a response. We finally had a conversation where I apologized, and it seemed like he forgave me. However, the atmosphere between us still feels tense and everything seems different now. This is my first relationship, and I'm worried things won’t go back to how they used to be. Is this a normal part of relationships? Are we going to be okay? I feel like crying and I’m not sure how to handle this. I don’t have much experience with relationships, and this situation just feels off to me.

As an 18-year-old woman, I can't shake the feeling that my boyfriend, who's 19, still loves his ex more than me. Am I just overthinking this, or is there something more going on?

We began to get to know each other while he was still in an on-and-off relationship with his ex-girlfriend. At that time, we were just friends with no romantic intentions. After they broke up for a while, we started spending more time together and officially became a couple four months later. Initially, everything felt great, but soon I realized that things weren't quite what I had anticipated. We used to have so much fun together, but once we entered a relationship, we began to notice each other's flaws and became more considerate of one another. One day, while going through his playlists, I stumbled upon a newly created one that included a description expressing his feelings of missing his ex and asking for a second chance. When I brought this up to him, he explained that it was just a moment of stress and admitted it was foolish. I chose to overlook it, and we continued dating. As time passed, I began to notice that his expression of love for me was quite different—not in a positive way—compared to how he treated his ex. In my opinion, the best way to request something is to treat people as you wish to be treated, without appearing needy. I shared my feelings on social media, wrote him heartfelt messages, and even made playlists for him, but he didn’t reciprocate in the same way. He hadn’t even completed the gift for our anniversary or saved the playlist I created. He had done those things for his ex, but not for me, and it's difficult to bring this up with a partner. His ex also mentioned that he wrote her emails during our situationship, but he claimed they were generic messages meant to spare my feelings, and I chose to trust him and continue our relationship. Despite having numerous arguments in just three months, we still managed to work through them. However, I later discovered that he had been texting his ex, saying he wouldn’t leave her alone, but I kept that information to myself. Throughout our relationship, he has sometimes hurt me, but I tend to blame myself for taking his jokes too seriously or for being unaware in certain situations, despite trying my best to make him feel seen and loved. I often find myself thinking about his ex, reflecting on our love, and wondering if I'm somehow at fault for his behavior. We're only a few months into the relationship, and already there are problems, which leads me to worry a lot. I love him and don’t want this to become a long-term issue. Is there anything I can do to improve our situation?

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