[38m] my circumstances with a complicated arrangement.

In December 2024, I connected with a woman on Facebook Dating who was in an open marriage, and we ended up booking a hotel together. I had only managed to have sex three times before, and in each instance, I struggled to maintain an erection. I even tried taking Cialis, but it didn’t work for me and I ended up being sick afterward. The pressure I felt around my performance led me to say some regrettable things, resulting in her deciding not to see me again. She thought I was overthinking the situation, and during our conversation, she asked if I was fully erect when I masturbated, which I had to admit I wasn’t able to maintain due to medication I’ve been taking for years. At 38 years old, I’ve only had four opportunities for sex and couldn’t follow through with any of them. After our encounter, I had blood work done and discovered I have borderline low testosterone. I pinpointed some medication that was affecting my libido and attempted to wean off it, but it was too difficult, so I resumed taking it. I also tried a supplement from a sex shop that made me nauseous and later experimented with BlueChew, which actually worked for me, although I still need some time and stimulation to get going—it’s not instant. I’ve been considering using a penis pump and erection gel, but it all feels futile since I lost the chance with someone who genuinely liked me, despite the complications. I feel a deep sense of shame over my situation and have been seeking therapy. I’ve been on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication since I was 20, and my struggles with depression began from feeling distressed about not having had a girlfriend or sex by that age. It feels as though I carry the weight of twenty years of shame. While the BlueChew does help, I’m wary of becoming dependent on it or any similar solutions. I keep wondering why I can’t just succeed at this—it seems like such a natural human experience! If it’s all in my head, I’m not sure how my thoughts could be so overwhelming. I’ve also thought about exploring testosterone replacement therapy (TRT) to address these issues, but I’m still uncertain about that path.