Am I being unreasonable for feeling frustrated about not feeling well in bed with my boyfriend?

I'm finding that being intimate with him is either really painful or feels completely empty, so I often just lie there, making occasional sounds to avoid the awkwardness. When it comes to oral, it usually either feels like nothing at all or it hurts, partly due to his beard. He frequently offers to perform oral because he genuinely enjoys it, and I like the idea of it. However, when it actually happens, I end up doing it primarily for his pleasure and to help him finish since I don’t derive any pleasure from it myself. Fingering is problematic for me because of a medical issue that makes it hard for anything to go inside, no amount of lube makes a difference. When he tries to finger me, it usually just feels painful and uncomfortable, which can be really frustrating given how turned on I might feel otherwise. At times, it makes me want to shut down and just go to bed. Due to this situation, we haven't been able to have penetrative sex either, which adds to my stress. He often brings it up when I'm at his place and tries to make moves toward it during intimate moments. For example, he likes when I act bratty so he can "correct" me with kisses or light spanking. One time while we were making out, instead of going with the moment, he just pulled out his penis and attempted to enter me, which startled me and made me look at him with concern. This clearly made him feel guilty and killed the mood. We've tried anal a few times, but I don’t get much enjoyment out of it either. Sometimes it hurts, even though I’ve been able to do it painlessly on my own (and even with larger items than him). Unfortunately, he can be a bit rough, and I end up just lying there, listening to music and waiting for it to be over, which leaves me feeling used. It’s brought on a kind of depressive mood where I feel less excited about being intimate with him, even though I do want to be close and appreciate the idea of sex with him. I find that many experiences that should be pleasurable end up hurting instead, and I often just comply with his desires to ensure he feels satisfied, even if I’m not. It’s not that he’s selfish or dismissive; in fact, he’s very eager to please me. He even let me buy a vibrator to help, which I use often when I’m with him. However, when he tries to use it on me, it usually doesn’t feel as good, and when I try to guide him by saying, “Oh, a little to the left,” he often goes in the opposite direction or holds it in a way that doesn’t feel right, asking if I’m close to climaxing. I just want to scream, "No! Please stop going right when I asked you to go left!" Watching him masturbate in front of me brings up some jealousy because it seems so easy for him to feel good. For me, it feels like I'm trying to navigate a storm while dodging raindrops when I’m with him. Am I being selfish or asking too much? Is this typical for girls, or for guys his age? How can I start feeling better or at least less frustrated about my experiences? He’s not super experienced, but he's had more partners than I have since I'm still a virgin, and he’s the only one I’ve been intimate with. My parents are divorced and didn’t provide me with proper sex education; they even pulled me from classes in school, so I feel at a loss when it comes to understanding this. I have some girlfriends, but I wish I had friends with whom I could discuss these topics—not in a creepy way, but just to ask, “Is this normal? Does this happen to you?”