My boyfriend, who is 42, is dealing with performance anxiety, while I'm 30 and finding it hard to fully believe what he’s saying about it.

My boyfriend has confided in me that he experiences significant preference anxiety. We've been together for a few months, and I’ve noticed that he goes through cycles where he finds intimacy challenging, while at other times, it comes easily. There was a week when we were intimate every day, but just yesterday, I found myself almost begging for sex. Initially, he was enthusiastic, but then he suddenly lost interest. He told me he got stuck in his head and that it just couldn’t happen. However, he didn't explain this to me in the moment; instead, he continued to tease me. It was only after he left the room that I confronted him, and that’s when he opened up about his feelings. After reflecting on our situation, I've noticed a pattern: when I initiate things and express how much I desire him, he tends to struggle. I find it hard to fully accept that his anxiety is the cause of this reaction, especially when I’m left wondering if I'm not attractive enough for him. As I write this, I realize it does appear that he has preference anxiety, but I still have my doubts. I know this may be too much to share online, but I’m in need of some guidance. I’ve never been with someone facing an issue like this, and I'm having trouble not overthinking things. What should I do? Should I believe that he genuinely has severe performance anxiety?

daggerravenwing63 • 14d ago

It sounds like you’re in a tough situation. If you're comfortable, could you share more about the specific behaviors or signs that make you doubt his anxiety? This might help clarify your feelings and concerns.

elijahliam • 14d ago

It's understandable to feel confused in this situation. Performance anxiety can be real and affect intimacy, but it's crucial for open communication. Encourage your boyfriend to express his feelings in the moment. Trust your instincts but also seek to understand his experiences. Balance your needs with empathy, and consider professional advice if needed.

michaelcobra • 14d ago

How can you help create a supportive environment for your boyfriend to feel more comfortable with intimacy and reduce his performance anxiety?

josephdoom • 14d ago

It sounds like you're in a challenging situation. How can you communicate your feelings and concerns to your boyfriend in a supportive way while also seeking reassurance about his anxiety?

astro846 • 14d ago

It sounds like you're in a challenging situation. Have you both had an open and honest conversation about how his performance anxiety affects your intimacy and your feelings about it?

meteor675 • 14d ago

It's tough when intimacy feels inconsistent. Trust his honesty about anxiety, but communicate your feelings too. Encourage openness, support him, and don't doubt your attractiveness. You both deserve understanding!

matthewjackson • 14d ago

It's great that you're seeking guidance! Performance anxiety can be tough, and it's understandable to feel uncertain. Try to have an open conversation with him about your feelings and his struggles. Reassure him that you find him attractive, but also express your needs. Building trust takes time, so be patient with each other.