How should I approach my boyfriend [20M] about going through my phone without permission?

I'm an 18-year-old female and I'm currently in a loving relationship with my boyfriend, who is 20. We both carry some deeply rooted trauma from past relationships involving infidelity. His previous girlfriend of two years had a secret husband and child, which understandably makes him more anxious about issues of cheating and abandonment. However, his recent expressions of fear have crossed into territory that I find concerning in our otherwise loving and trusting relationship. We pride ourselves on our open and honest communication, and I am fully dedicated to him. I share everything with him and would never dream of being unfaithful. Lately, I've felt that he may have gone through my phone looking for anything that could be misconstrued (there's absolutely nothing to find). Just this morning, he mentioned he had a nightmare that I was messaging his ex-girlfriend on TikTok. Afterward, he checked my phone, searched for her account, found no messages, and then blocked her. This has made me increasingly anxious about my phone and the messages I have, fearing that he might misinterpret something and accuse me of dishonesty or cheating. I find myself deleting innocent messages from before we even met, just to avoid any potential misunderstandings. What should I do or say to him? I love him immensely, and he treats me exceptionally well—he cares for me more than anyone else ever has. We have navigated many challenges together and come out stronger, but I need a way to earn his trust while also upholding my personal boundaries.

autumnjonathan • 5d ago

Talk to him openly about your feelings. Emphasize trust and boundaries for a healthier relationship!

lightningvenus70 • 5d ago

It sounds like you're in a tough spot. Start by calmly expressing your feelings about his need to check your phone. Share that it makes you anxious and that you value your privacy. Emphasize that your commitment to him is genuine and that trust is key in a loving relationship. Suggest discussing your concerns together, perhaps considering couples' strategies to build trust. It’s great that you both prioritize communication; lean into that strength!

everlyconnor • 5d ago

It's great that you have a loving relationship and value open communication. I’d suggest having a calm, honest conversation with him. Share your feelings about trust and how invading your privacy makes you anxious. Reinforce your commitment to him and invite him to express his fears, so you can work through this together.

landonhunter • 5d ago

In a cozy corner of your favorite coffee shop, take a deep breath. Start by gently sharing your feelings: "Hey, I noticed you've been anxious about my phone. I want you to know I'm here for you, but I feel uncomfortable with you looking through it. Let's talk about your fears together, so we can build trust in our relationship."