I'm a 21-year-old woman and I care deeply for my boyfriend, who's 24, but I feel like I've messed things up.

Hello everyone, this is my first time participating in this community. English isn't my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes. I’d like to share a bit about my boyfriend, who I believe is the best partner in the world. There’s truly no one like him. He is incredibly caring, sweet, and supportive. He has stood by me through tough times, including depressive episodes, arguments, and a relapse into self-harm a year and a half into our relationship. We’re also classmates in college, and he has always been there to lift me up when I’ve struggled academically in our electrical engineering program. He constantly gives me compliments and, when I’m about to share something but hesitate, he’ll often ask, "What did you want to tell me?" He insists on tying my shoelaces for me every time and prefers to carry my bag, even when I insist that I can manage it myself. He has a remarkable way with animals and people of all ages—his kindness makes him an incredibly considerate person. He embodies everything that many girls dream of in a partner—the kind of man who genuinely cares and values loyalty. While he does have his flaws, there is nothing that would warrant a breakup. The issue I’m facing is my inability to manage my jealousy. I don’t want to dive into specifics, but I’m currently attending therapy. We’ve had numerous arguments about the women he follows on social media and the types of pictures he likes—especially bikini photos. He reassures me that he loves me and that I needn’t worry, but I often find myself questioning the implications of his actions. Although I don’t see him as the type to cheat, I can’t fully shake the fear that a girl from his past might have ulterior motives. I know everyone has a right to their past, but I still struggle with it. My therapist has given me many exercises to help with the intrusive thoughts, but I feel hurt that he seems to dismiss my feelings about him engaging with other women. After Valentine's Day, we posted a picture together on Instagram that received many likes from girls we know. I questioned why he follows a lot of women and whether that might lead to complications. My concerns escalated when I learned that he deactivated his Instagram account after our earlier conversation, which made me very sad as I never intended for that to happen. We had a rough time after that, marked by arguments and misunderstandings. Although we reconciled, feelings of sadness lingered, particularly around his sister's birthday, where I struggled to connect with him emotionally. Recently, we’ve had ongoing issues regarding his social media usage. I deactivated my own accounts because I wanted to move towards normalcy in our relationship. However, when I confronted him about his account, we ended up in another argument. He expressed that if I resumed using Instagram, he would deactivate his account again. I’m afraid of becoming the couple that spirals into constant conflict. In our last conversation, he suggested that I wanted him to break up with me, but I strongly asserted that I want us to return to how we were before. I love him dearly, but I’m scared of the pain we both experience. I often worry about my mental state, feeling overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts that are hard for me to control. It’s difficult to see him as the wonderful person he is while I navigate these feelings. I’m contemplating studying abroad to escape the emotional turmoil of being in the same city. I'm tired and seeking some clarity or even medication to help quiet my racing thoughts. I just don’t know what to do anymore.