My [M21] keeps crossing my [F19] boundaries. How can I move forward?

From the beginning, I realized I was falling deeply for him, and he seemed to feel the same way. I shared things about myself that I had never revealed to anyone else. We would spend hours late at night discussing our future together, expressing our commitment and seriousness about each other. Sometimes, I wonder if I ignored certain things he said or did because of how in love I was. A week after Valentine's Day, while we were on a phone call, I overheard him talking to his sister. She asked him, "How was Valentine’s Day? Is she your girlfriend?" He replied, "Not really, we’re casual." For much of our relationship, he referred to me as just his friend around family because he didn’t want to be teased. My family has always supported us, and I’ve spoken highly of him, but I know his mom doesn’t like me. She claims I’m brainwashing him and insults me when I’m not there, which hurts since I don't have support from his family. At the beginning of our relationship, he often compared me to his ex-girlfriend, making me feel insecure. He talked a lot about his “type,” and I always felt I didn’t fit that mold. Even though I recognize it’s unhealthy, I couldn’t shake those thoughts. I never felt good enough for him, and while I always found him sweet and understanding, an incident shattered that perception. He once handed me his phone to text a friend, and I accidentally glimpsed messages where he and his friend were mocking my appearance. I fought back tears as it hurt so much. The more I reflect on it, the more it frustrates me. He pressured me to cut ties with male friends I had for over three years and criticized me for wearing a tank top while hanging out with friends. I’ve never given him any reason to distrust me, yet he searched my phone and confronted me for a message I sent about being interested in another guy before we met. While there have been good moments in our relationship, the negative experiences feel overwhelmingly severe, leaving me unsure of what to do next. Early on, I expressed that I considered watching porn to be a boundary issue in a relationship, and he agreed. However, a month ago, I caught him watching it, and when I confronted him, he denied it, insisting it wasn’t what it seemed. I believed him until I caught him again. At that point, I was overwhelmed and broke down in tears, asking him if he had lied. He insisted he hadn’t. The most painful part wasn’t just what he did; it was looking me in the eyes while I cried, displaying no empathy, and continuing to deny the truth. I found over a hundred links to OnlyFans and porn sites on his computer. He admitted to being addicted but didn’t want to tell me. I’m feeling stressed and exhausted, unsure of what to do next. He’s been angry with me, believing I should have moved on by now. I need advice on whether I should keep trying or move on.

elliecaroline • 18d ago

It sounds like you're in a very challenging situation. Given the repeated boundary crossings and lack of respect for your feelings, do you feel that your needs and well-being are a priority in this relationship?

sadiemeteor • 18d ago

Your situation is tough and emotionally draining. It's critical to prioritize your well-being. His lack of respect for your boundaries, coupled with the mocking behavior, is deeply concerning. Trust and empathy are vital in a relationship. Reflect on whether the positives outweigh the negatives and consider seeking support from friends or a therapist to gain clarity. Ultimately, your happiness matters most.

pirate941 • 18d ago

It sounds like you're in a very challenging situation. Have you considered what specific boundaries you want to set for yourself moving forward, and how you would communicate those to him?

thomasflare • 18d ago

It sounds like you're in a deeply unhealthy relationship. His lack of respect for your boundaries, the emotional manipulation, and the disrespectful behavior are significant red flags. Trust and support should be foundational in a relationship, and these seem severely lacking. Prioritize your well-being, and consider moving on for your own mental health and happiness.

doomspecter98 • 18d ago

In the quiet aftermath of a stormy relationship, Clara found herself at a crossroads. She realized that love shouldn’t feel like a burden. Reflecting on his hurtful actions and her fading self-worth, she decided to reclaim her voice. With tears as her guide, she chose to put herself first, embracing the courage to walk away. Sometimes, love means letting go.

ghosthawk29 • 18d ago

I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. It's important that your feelings and boundaries are respected. Consider prioritizing your well-being. Talk openly about your needs or think about moving on if there’s no change. You deserve someone who values you fully!

falcon622 • 18d ago

Based on your situation, here’s a question for you to consider: What are the most important boundaries you need to establish for yourself to feel respected and valued in a relationship, and do you believe he is capable of respecting those boundaries?