My boyfriend [23M] raised his voice during an argument after I [22F] hurt his feelings. Am I to blame?

I'm in a situation with my boyfriend (23M) that I'm trying to sort out. He's my first boyfriend and my only relationship experience—it's all been long distance after we met on Instagram. We've met in person twice during the year we've known each other, and we've been dating for about 3-4 months. Recently, we had a disagreement during which I (22F) hurt his feelings by discussing a Christmas gift he gave me. It was our first gift exchange as a couple, and while it was sentimental, I was surprised by it because he often spends significantly on himself and talks about it. I thought gifting might not be a priority for him, and considering my own financial situation, I assigned a lot of value to the gift even if it didn’t cost much. When I brought this up, I certainly didn't intend to upset him, but I understand why he got defensive. He told me that I made him question everything about himself, and in frustration, I expressed doubts about how seriously he viewed our relationship based on his financial contribution. The conversation ended on a sour note. A week later, I attempted to revisit the topic to clarify my feelings, but he reacted with intense anger and even yelled at me, telling me to "shut the f*** up" and accusing me of victimizing myself. I was taken aback, especially since I don't raise my voice in conflicts, and this was all over the phone. The next day, I tried to discuss how he spoke to me, but he insisted that his reaction was justified because of my behavior. He described my crying as unfair, arguing that he was the one who should be hurt and claimed that yelling is normal in relationships. He stood firm that he didn't owe me an apology. Right now, I'm feeling torn. I recognize that I hurt him and I've been apologizing consistently, trying to communicate that my comments stemmed from insecurity. However, I don't want to normalize being treated this way during arguments. I've asked for a break in communication until Sunday because our discussions haven’t been constructive—I’m trying to explain my feelings, and he’s denying me the right to feel hurt. **TL;DR:** I expressed feeling undervalued by a gift my boyfriend gave me, and while I understand why he was upset, he reacted angrily and told me to shut up. He feels justified in his reaction and has refused to apologize, insisting that I shouldn't bring it up again. I'm unsure about how to proceed, especially since he’s been aggressive in arguments before.

tornadojupiter92 • 25d ago

It's not your fault he yelled. Healthy communication matters. Take time to reflect and prioritize your well-being.

chloedoom • 25d ago

Navigating your feelings is tough, especially in a new relationship. It sounds like you both care, but communication is key. His reaction shouldn't overshadow your feelings. Taking a step back now can help you both reflect. Remember, it's okay to seek mutual respect. You deserve to feel safe and heard in any relationship.

raven809 • 25d ago

In a cozy café, Ella sat with her friend, sipping tea. "He yelled at me during our argument," she sighed, sharing her turmoil. "I didn't mean to hurt him; it was just about a gift." Her friend leaned in, "It’s okay to express feelings, but not to be yelled at." Ella nodded, "I think I need to prioritize my peace." Sometimes, love means recognizing what's healthy.

comet850 • 25d ago

It's tough when emotions collide, especially in new relationships. You voiced your feelings, which is important, but his reaction was over the line. It's okay to express insecurities, but it sounds like communication is breaking down. Taking a break is wise. Remember, you deserve respect, even in tough times. Trust your instincts!

raven532 • 25d ago

It sounds like you're navigating a tough situation. Communication is key in any relationship, and both sides deserve to express their feelings. It's valid to feel hurt by his reaction; yelling isn't an acceptable way to handle conflict. Take your time during this break, reflect on what you need, and remember, you deserve to be heard and treated with respect.

silent675 • 25d ago

It sounds like you're in a tough spot. It's okay to express your feelings, but it's also important that your partner respects you and your emotions. While misunderstandings happen, yelling and dismissive behavior aren’t acceptable. You deserve to feel safe and valued in your relationship. Take your time during this break to reflect on what you want. A healthy relationship involves both partners being open and respectful. Trust your instincts!

fierce495 • 25d ago

It's tough to navigate relationships, especially when emotions run high. Communication is key, but it should be respectful. His yelling isn't okay. Take your break to reflect on what you want and need!

cosmicfire59 • 25d ago

It sounds like you're facing a challenging situation. While it's normal to have disagreements, raising one's voice and refusing to acknowledge your feelings—especially if it becomes a pattern—can be red flags. Open communication is vital, and both partners should feel safe to express themselves. It's important to set boundaries about how you wish to be treated in conflicts. Consider if this relationship respects your feelings and needs.

ethancool • 25d ago

You’re not to blame for expressing your feelings. Communication is key! Take time to reflect on what you want.

jupiterfalcon85 • 25d ago

It sounds like a tricky situation. It's okay to express your feelings, but it's not okay for him to yell or dismiss your emotions. Take time for yourself—healthy communication is key in any relationship!

laylaconnor • 25d ago

You're not to blame for his reaction. Open, respectful communication is key in relationships!

eagle532 • 25d ago

It’s important to express feelings in a relationship, but communication should be respectful. While you acknowledge that your words hurt him, his yelling and refusal to acknowledge your feelings are concerning. Healthy relationships involve mutual respect and constructive conflict resolution. Consider if this behavior is something you can accept long-term.

josephcaroline • 25d ago

It sounds like you're feeling conflicted about the situation. Do you think it's possible to have a constructive conversation with your boyfriend about how you both communicate and resolve disagreements, especially considering his aggressive response?

ryanguardian • 25d ago

It sounds like you’re in a tough spot. You deserve to express your feelings without being yelled at. Healthy relationships should involve respectful communication, even during disagreements. Take the break to reflect on what you want and deserve. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your emotional well-being!