My partner, who is 36, started off as a close friend, but now I'm feeling a sense of aversion.

My lover turned close friend, but now I'm feeling the ick. I've been caught in an emotional whirlwind with a man I truly care about. We had our first drinks together last Halloween, and I had already admired him for some time after watching him coach my son over a year ago. Our chemistry was instant—physically, emotionally, and socially. He blended in perfectly with my inner circle. Although we weren’t exclusive and didn’t use protection due to my IUD and medical condition, he never mentioned it. Early in our connection, he lost a coaching job he’d held for over 20 years. I encouraged him to start his own club and offered to help with his resume for professional opportunities. However, rather than leaning into our connection, he withdrew, avoiding me for three weeks and limiting our conversations to logistics and his resume. I assumed he’d lost interest, which led me to have a brief, disappointing hookup with an old fling who was passing through town. Not long after, he returned, confiding in me about his personal struggles and asking for help to regain his job. I made a conscious decision to stay true to our connection and support him through this. I leveraged my network to assist him while maintaining a balance; we were lovers and friends but still had our own separate lives. Unfortunately, he started retreating again, expressing feelings of being a “charity case” and not contributing enough to our relationship. While I was focused on my job and my kids, he remarked that “sometimes connections turn into flings.” In my eyes, we were far from just a fling. We communicated daily, spent quality time together, and shared vulnerabilities. Yet, he insisted he wasn’t on my financial level and that his past made him unworthy of a relationship. He also suggested that I desired more commitment than I was willing to openly express, dismissing the fact that I was content with what we had. Then came "the flea incident." My cats caught fleas, and when I informed him, he accused me of infesting his space. He canceled plans and went to stay with his mother. After I offered to leave repellant in his mailbox, he called me “pushy” and ordered me to respect his space, even though he wasn’t home. His disrespect made me furious, prompting me to end things and ask him not to contact me again. The following day, he reached out, and after some back-and-forth, we decided to discuss our relationship—but only after the holidays. When I asked if he had been with anyone else since we started dating, he said it was none of my business but admitted he was still flirting with women at bars and on dating apps. After I told him about my brief hookup, he reacted explosively, accusing me of being reckless, implying I had STDs, and demanding no contact until after the holidays. The next day, I got tested (as I always do), and when I informed him, he brushed it off: “I already got tested, so I know I’m clean. Thanks though.” Following that, we didn’t contact each other. After the holidays, I reached out to discuss what we had postponed. He was cold, claiming there was nothing to discuss. I tried to reconnect a couple more times, but he ignored me, so I blocked him and moved on. A week later, he contacted me, and we met on January 7th. We cleared the air, apologized, and planned to continue our conversation. That afternoon ended with an intimate, meaningful encounter, and I thought we were back on solid ground. But later that same night, A went to a bar we had frequented together and pursued a waitress who happened to be my friend. He even left to get his car and returned after midnight just to see her, asking her to go home with him, only for her to reject him. I found out about this only a few days ago—six weeks after the fact—from her texts. Since then, our emotional bond has grown deeper. We talk almost every day, collaborate on projects, and support each other. I assisted him in reinstating his job, and he finally began his own coaching club, something I had encouraged all along. He has also been there for me during difficult times, and I genuinely appreciate his presence in my life. However, discovering that he was pursuing my friend on the very night we shared such a profound and intimate moment has made me question if I even want to remain friends. He now seems careless and selfish, and it has given me the ick. Currently, A claims I’m the most important person in his life, yet he keeps me at a distance. He maintains that he’s “not on my level” and feels unworthy due to his past. We’ve remained physically affectionate and did intimate things, but he has refused to have sex without a condom—not for safety, but to “protect his feelings.” Despite reminding him of my medical condition that makes condom use unsuitable, it seems like another means of creating distance. We were supposed to meet for lunch to discuss my feelings, but I didn’t follow up. He reached out today, yet I’m hesitant to respond. When asked about my feelings, I admitted I couldn’t move on because I love him, yet now I feel humiliated and disposable. I realize we never finalized our last conversation to set clear boundaries, and I’ve let things unfold naturally over the past six weeks. But with what I now know, I’m unsure how to proceed. Reddit, what would you do in my situation? (I’m posting this for a friend who doesn’t have Reddit)