I, a 27-year-old female, asked my boyfriend, who is 28 and we've been together for 10 years, to organize a date since I've been feeling lonely, but he hasn't made any plans.

I'm a 27-year-old woman and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend, who is 28, for a decade. We started dating in high school, initially without much thought for the future, and we’ve now been living together for two years alongside two roommates (26M and 25M). Lately, I’ve been feeling neglected and bored; we rarely go on dates—usually just once a year or less. Our weeknights often follow a predictable pattern: I come home from work, maybe hit the gym, have dinner while watching a show with our roommates, he plays games on Discord with friends while I find my own activities, and then he takes a long shower before joining me just as I’m drifting off to sleep, often on his phone until I fall asleep. Weekends tend to be more of the same; I spend them doing chores and hobbies alone, while he mostly plays games. If we do anything together, it’s always with roommates or his friends, who I like but don’t consider my own. Recently, I decided to express my feelings by asking him to plan something for Valentine's Day. I told him I don’t care what it is—just want to spend quality time together, sans any questioning on his part. I genuinely tried not to raise my expectations to avoid disappointment, as I’ve been that way since childhood. Valentine's Day arrives, and while I'm okay going out with his friends (since crowded "date spots" aren’t my preference), I casually asked if we had plans. He assured me we did, but when I got home, he was acting strangely. He eventually broke down, saying he couldn’t think of anything special to do and felt unwell after lunch, so we ended up doing nothing. We did play some computer games together, which was enjoyable, but I still felt an overwhelming sense of disappointment. I feel guilty for being upset because he did seem to care, but the concept of "weaponized incompetence" keeps popping into my mind, and I’m at a loss for how to address this. Over the past year, I’ve told him I want to spend more intentional time together and have suggested going on at least one date a month, but that hasn’t happened. Whenever we consider dining out, he always asks if we should invite our lonely roommate, which makes me feel obligated to say yes, even though I sometimes wish he wouldn’t ask at all. I apologize for the lengthy message, but I’m seeking advice on how to handle this situation. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. **TL;DR:** I asked my boyfriend of 10 years to plan something special for Valentine's Day since we rarely spend quality time together, but he ended up planning nothing.