Relationship advices: Long-Term Relationships and Marriage

I could use some assistance in helping my boyfriend reconnect with his affectionate side.

I've been in a relationship with my partner for over four years, following three years of an on-and-off dating period. We made the decision to fully commit to each other, introduced our families, and even talked about getting married in the near future. For a long time, he felt like my best friend, and I believed I was his as well. Like any couple, we've had our share of minor disagreements, but nothing significant—until recently. Lately, I've noticed a shift in our dynamic, and I'm struggling to understand what's going on. A recurring issue relates to his friends. I've often felt that they take their jokes too far, making me uncomfortable. He brushed it off and said they meant no harm. However, during a trip with them a few months ago, one of his friends called me "difficult." I don't see myself that way—maybe I'm just not the typical "submissive" person. His silence in that moment really hurt me. After returning from the trip, I expressed my concern to him: if he couldn't defend me in front of his friends, how could I expect him to support me with extended family in a similar situation? (Just to clarify, I have a good rapport with his immediate family; my worries were primarily about the extended members.) Since that conversation, he's become emotionally unavailable. When I ask him what's wrong, he shifts to different issues: first, he didn't want me distancing myself from his friends; then he cited our families being too different; he has mentioned struggling with depression; and ultimately, he’s claimed that I’m the source of his unhappiness. He talks about how we are too different and even brings up past conflicts, saying they weigh too heavily on our relationship. I’ll admit that I wasn't easy to deal with at the start, as I wasn't ready for commitment back then. But that was long ago, and we had moved forward. This sudden change is bewildering to me. For over four years, we've genuinely enjoyed our time together and navigated our differences. How does someone just switch like that? I've been doing my best to restore what we once had, and there were moments when it seemed like he was starting to come around. However, whenever I express a desire for mutual effort, he pulls away and claims he doesn’t think we’re working anymore. It seems like whenever I try to delve deeper, he becomes uncomfortable, and then he tells me he feels unloved, even though he's not allowing me to show him love. I recognize that at the beginning, I made things difficult for him because of my reluctance to commit, and I hurt him during that time. He forgave me, though, and I thought we had moved beyond that. How can he now use that as a reason to consider leaving? I suspect he might be going through a depressive episode and is projecting his feelings onto our relationship, which is an aspect of his life he can control. However, when I brought this up, he dismissed it and insisted that I’m the reason for his unhappiness. For context, he's more introverted and non-confrontational while I'm the opposite; I prefer to discuss and sort through issues. Being in this situation where I feel I have to tiptoe around him is incredibly frustrating. I acknowledge that he used to handle much of the emotional work in our relationship. He has been an amazing boyfriend and more than I ever could have asked for, and I might have taken that for granted, assuming we would always be together. But I’ve been actively working to improve that dynamic. He is my person, and I genuinely want to make this work. However, he's now resurfacing past grievances and using old reasons as excuses, leaving me confused. I'm committed to finding a resolution and supporting him because I know he’s a wonderful person, but I need some reassurance from him as well. He often claims that things are getting better when I bring up the subject, yet whenever I express concerns about reciprocity, he suggests we should break up (which is where we currently stand). How do I remind him of what we have together? Why has this change occurred? Any advice would be appreciated. How can we reach such a turning point after everything we've been through together?

My girlfriend (29F) and I (30M) no longer watch shows together.

We’ve been together for nearly a decade now, and our relationship has been quite stable. We don’t argue much and spend a good amount of time together, typically engaging in activities like watching YouTube. Sometimes, one of us will be occupied with our hobbies while the other is present—she might watch something while I play video games, or I might give her back rubs as she enjoys music or plays a mobile game. However, we’ve really stopped watching any structured shows together. In the beginning, we shared almost everything, so it feels strange for me to watch something solo now. Over time, her interest in watching shows has diminished significantly. These days, we only catch about one or two shows a year, and she’s even dropped a few mid-series. I’ve hesitated to start many shows that I’m interested in, not wanting to get too far ahead in case she decides to pick them back up. Gradually, I've come to accept that she simply isn’t interested, so I’ve started to watch them on my own. She doesn’t explicitly say she doesn’t want to watch anything, but she rarely seems in the mood and often prefers to do something else—anything else, really—though it isn't as if she avoids spending time with me entirely. I’ve pinpointed two reasons behind this shift, both of which I believe are contributing factors, but I’m unsure how to address them. The first is that she can hold onto grudges for a long time without expressing them. I think she felt hurt when I struggled to enjoy some intense dramas she was passionate about. I made it through several long series—despite her sometimes tearful insistence to watch more—but eventually, I had to tell her that they just weren’t for me. She dismissed the shows I enjoy as "stupid," and I snapped, saying at least they have coherent plots and budgets. Despite apologizing and trying to compromise by watching more of her shows, I get the sense she’s decided not to engage with anything I like, even if many of those shows were ones she wanted me to watch initially. The second reason relates to her aspirations as an artist and writer. She has ambitious ideas for books and comics, but it seems she struggles to take the next steps toward realizing them. She’s been brainstorming since before we met and has accumulated countless sketches, concept art, and story lore that haven’t progressed beyond the initial stages. Although she has immense talent, she’s held back by fear and self-doubt, despite encouragement from both me and her mother. In the last few shows and movies we watched together, she found it difficult to enjoy them, becoming frustrated that she felt unable to pursue her ideas after seeing them portrayed onscreen. I reminded her of the “Simpsons did it” concept from one of her favorite episodes of South Park; I asked if that was why she struggled to move forward with her projects, as she would often feel the need to start over if something resembled her vision. She admitted that this reluctance to compare her work was indeed part of the problem. I tried explaining that many renowned authors and artists openly acknowledge their influences, highlighting how they draw inspiration from other works without claiming their creations are entirely original. Even truly unique ideas are often a response to missed opportunities or existing clichés. Unfortunately, she seemed uninterested, and I’ve noticed her growing frustration while watching shows. I can tell when she’s dismissing something out of concern for how it might relate to her future work, as if she feels the need to critique it to protect her own ego. In short, my girlfriend is reluctant to watch shows with me because of my lack of enthusiasm for some of her favorites, and she finds herself comparing these shows to the stories she struggles to develop.

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