Relationship advices: Long-Term Relationships and Marriage

My husband (34M) believes that I (33F) idealize him and tend to treat him like a parental figure.

My husband (34M) believes that I (33F) treat him like a parent, drawing from the adult/parent/child dynamic popularized by a leadership figure whose name I can't recall. He feels like I've placed him on a pedestal, and I worry that this is damaging our long-term relationship. I'm feeling stuck in a mental rut. I'm unsure how to change this mindset because I don't fully grasp what I'm doing wrong. Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you overcome it? What strategies did you implement, and what kind of mental shift did you need to achieve?

My partner (24 non-binary) and I (25 female) are considering moving in together.

We've been dating for around five months now, and we've both been saving up to move out of our parents' homes. Unfortunately, we haven't had any luck finding roommates, so I decided to take the plunge and ask if they would be open to the idea of moving in together. Even though we haven't known each other for long, our communication is excellent, and we both meet each other's needs so far. I especially appreciate how we reassure one another and express gratitude for each other's support. Feeling truly listened to is new for me, and it's the main reason I'm considering this step despite the relatively short duration of our relationship. We both recognize that moving in together is a significant decision, so we've agreed to have a more in-depth discussion in a few days after we’ve organized our thoughts and any concerns. I'm glad they're receptive to the idea and feel confident about our relationship so far. What topics should we discuss and what should we consider before making this move? Any advice, personal experiences, regrets, or insights you wish you had would be greatly appreciated!

My boyfriend (20M) is eager to marry me (20F), but I'm not interested in getting married.

When I was younger, I never envisioned getting married or having kids. When I met my boyfriend at 18, I made it clear that I didn’t want children or marriage, and that my mind wouldn’t change on the matter. Fast forward to now, and my boyfriend is considering joining the army. He keeps mentioning that if we were to marry, I would benefit financially, but I’ve firmly told him no. I thought that would settle the issue, but he hasn’t stopped bringing it up. He has even discussed it with his friends, who are now calling me hurtful names. My boyfriend believes that my reluctance to marry means I don’t love him, which couldn't be further from the truth. I love him deeply, but marriage simply doesn’t appeal to me, and if I were to marry, it wouldn’t be for financial reasons. He continues to pressure me and make unkind remarks. How should we navigate this situation?

Seven years without a ring.

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend (28) for seven years as of December 26, 2024. I set a deadline for him to propose by April 1, 2025, and made it clear that if he doesn’t take some action by then, I’ll be leaving. I want to have children, but I won’t do so until we’re married. Today, he asked me to extend the deadline because he needs more time to save up. To clarify, I’m not interested in a traditional wedding or reception; I just want to elope, possibly in Las Vegas. Despite this, I stood my ground and refused to change the date because I’m tired of waiting. Now, he’s giving me the silent treatment. I don’t feel like I’m asking for too much—we're both financially secure. I feel disrespected and like my time is being wasted. I need advice because I’m at my breaking point and ready to walk away today!

Is it possible to rekindle my relationship with my partner of 11 years?

**How can I improve my relationship?** I’m struggling to reconnect with my partner (F38) of 11 years, and I’m not sure how to move forward. I don’t want to lose what we’ve built over the last 11 years, but sometimes I feel like she doesn’t love me. I'm not sure if I'm just being overly sensitive or if there’s something more going on. We’re not married, and we don’t have children, and currently, we don’t live together. We cohabited for about four years before breaking up for roughly six months (a decision I made) because I felt there was some resentment on her part. During our breakup, she expressed a desire to get back together and promised to treat me better. We’ve been back together for five years (still not living together), and while things improved initially, I’ve been feeling unappreciated over the past year. Some of her behaviors come across as selfish and immature, but again, I’m questioning if I’m overreacting. Here are some examples: When there’s a shopping bag that needs to be carried, she refuses to do so if it doesn’t contain her items, insisting, “Why should I carry your stuff?” I understand the expectation is that, as the man, I should do the heavy lifting, but it feels like she’d prefer to watch me struggle rather than lend a hand. If I ask for her help, I often receive a snide remark. Societal norms suggest I should be the primary driver in our relationship, but I’m a nervous driver while she is quite confident. She frequently reminds me that she does most of the driving and even uses it as leverage sometimes, saying, “Well, if you want me to drive...” One time, when I was staying at her place, I received a late-night call about my dad's accident. As I anxiously called around hospitals for information, she offered no support or concern—only complained about the noise and the fact that I was keeping her up, waiting until the next day to gripe about it. Since my dad returned home from the hospital, she’s joined me for two visits. Each time, she kept her jacket on and didn’t engage with my parents. If I suggest visiting them, she makes insensitive comments about their home. I feel that, for my sake—someone she claims to love—she should make an effort, even if she finds it uncomfortable. After each visit, she insists I “owe” her for doing something she didn't want to. She seems to expect me to focus on my own activities when she’s busy, but when she’s free, she wants us to spend that time together. I’m not talking about social outings; I mean pursuing my own hobbies. I can’t shake the feeling that she’s unhappy, as her main pastime appears to be mindlessly watching TV. While she talks about “quality time,” that often just means sitting together in front of the screen. If I try to engage in my hobby while she watches, it seems to upset her. When it comes to children, we both felt ready to start a family a few years back, and we even visited a fertility clinic. We were told we needed to make lifestyle changes, which we both accomplished. However, when I bring up returning to the clinic, she declares she’s no longer interested in having children because she feels too old and wants to enjoy life without the responsibilities, which breaks my heart. I’ve always wanted to be a dad, and I’m struggling to understand how her feelings could change so drastically over time. Had she originally expressed this sentiment, it would’ve been a deal-breaker for me. Our sex life is also suffering, likely my fault, as I don’t have much of a sex drive. It’s challenging to feel desire when I sense a lack of love and intimacy from her. Despite being on medication for depression, she has once remarked she would prefer a “crazy and horny” version of me over a “sane but not horny” one. At this point, I feel lost, confused, and hurt. I don’t want to end an 11-year relationship, but I’m uncertain if I can make her happy or if she truly loves me. **TL;DR:** I'm a 35-year-old man in a distant 11-year relationship with a 38-year-old woman. I need advice on how to reconnect and improve our situation.

How can my boyfriend (44M) and I (25F) determine when the right time to get married is?

This is a bit of a long story with many details to consider, so please bear with me. My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years and moved in together six months ago, and we’re really happy. We’ve talked about our future, including our desire for marriage and kids, despite the age gap between us. Growing up in Utah, we know that a two-year relationship is considered lengthy, especially compared to the typical six months before engagement. This holiday season, we’ve faced a lot of pressure from our families to tie the knot, with repeated questions about our wedding plans. Coupled with the age difference (as he isn’t getting younger when it comes to wanting kids), the pressure feels even more intense. I personally feel ready for marriage sometime in the next year, but my boyfriend expressed that he wants us to be emotionally stable first. I agree with him, but I’m not sure what else we need to work on since I believed we were emotionally balanced. Today, he surprised me by saying he wants to address certain things before we consider marriage. I asked him directly if he still wanted our relationship and the future we had discussed. He admitted that if our relationship stayed the same indefinitely, he wouldn’t want that. However, he believes we can make progress. This was a total shock for me, as he hadn't previously mentioned any dissatisfaction, and I thought we communicated well and understood each other. We had already discussed specific plans regarding marriage and our future, so I felt blindsided. Logically, I know the solution is to continue improving our communication and understanding of one another, but I can’t shake the fear of not being married a year from now. I fear being stuck in a stagnant relationship. Marriage is important to both of us because we both want children. I have so many questions, and I’m feeling lost about what I thought was a solid foundation. I would really appreciate any advice. Thank you!

My female partner (34) isn't interested in marrying. What’s the best way to discuss this with her?

**(Summary: My partner is not interested in marrying me.)** To provide some context, both of us married at a young age and have experienced divorce. We've been in a relationship for three years and share a child together. We are deeply committed to one another and envision a lifelong partnership. Our love is evident, as we express our affection in many ways—except for the absence of a marriage proposal. I've mentioned my desire to marry him three times now, and each time he has expressed that he doesn’t believe marriage is necessary, arguing that a piece of paper doesn’t validate his love for me. He views marriage as unimportant and meaningless. During our last conversation about it, I conveyed that marriage holds emotional significance for me, as well as practical benefits and legal protections. He acknowledged my perspective but responded with a somewhat dismissive remark before changing the subject. I want to marry him not only because I love him, but also because I wish to fully experience life with him, including the commitment of marriage. I dream of calling him my husband, exchanging rings and vows—nothing extravagant, just a simple, intimate ceremony with our closest friends and family. I also worry about the potential implications for our assets in the event of unexpected situations, where legal considerations could complicate matters. Honestly, it hurts that he doesn't want to marry me. If he loves me as much as he claims, why wouldn’t he want to solidify our bond in as many ways as possible? In his previous marriage, he frequently expressed his love for being married and referred to his spouse publicly. Yet, when it comes to our relationship, public displays of affection are rare. I know I need to bring this up again soon and share my feelings honestly, despite how vulnerable it may make me feel. I'm concerned about building resentment over this issue and how it might create distance between us. This is the only significant issue in our otherwise healthy relationship. He treats me wonderfully, has supported me through many challenges, and has brought immense peace to my life as a loving partner and father. It’s just this one matter that weighs on me. Perhaps I am being overly romantic, or maybe I’m fixating on something that isn’t as crucial as I believe it to be. I would appreciate any insights, as I'm hesitant to discuss this with anyone in my life.

My girlfriend (20 years old) needs some time apart from our relationship (21 years old) to focus on her mental health and deal with her underlying depression.

About five months ago, I connected with this girl, and we really hit it off. I got her Instagram, and since then, we've been chatting and chatting on the phone every day. We've been together as a couple for three months now, even though we’re in a long-distance relationship—she's in America, and I'm in New Zealand. We have a strong trust between us. However, recently, she started to talk less, and while I understood it might be due to the Christmas and New Year season, it felt a little off. So, I reached out to her last night, and she opened up about how she’s been feeling. She mentioned that she’s going through a tough time and is afraid of slipping back into depression, something she’s experienced before, and it was really bad. She was very open about her feelings, saying that right now, she needs a friend more than a boyfriend. She wants to take some time to focus on herself because she often neglects that. In the past, when she faced similar challenges, she lost a lot of friends and feared losing me as well. That’s when she suggested taking a break from our relationship until she feels ready to reconnect. I assured her that I completely understand and that I’m willing to wait, as she is the only one I want to be with. While I trust her completely, I can't help but feel a bit hurt. I had hoped we could work through this together, but I realize I’m not a therapist, so I’m not sure if that’s the best approach. I would really appreciate any suggestions on how I can express my support and show her that I’ll always be there for her during this time.

Should I consider getting a cat even if my girlfriend isn't in favor?

I'm a 22-year-old male, and I've been in a wonderful relationship with my girlfriend (21) for the past year and a half. She is an amazing partner—loving, kind, and generally a great person. I care for her deeply. While we don't live together at the moment and have no plans to for a while, she is currently in graduate school, and I've just finished college and started working full-time. A bit of background: I've always had a passion for animals and have dreamed of having a cat ever since I could remember. Now that I have my own place post-college, I'm really looking forward to getting one. My girlfriend also loves animals, but she prefers not to keep them indoors. Early in our relationship, she made it clear that if we were to marry, she wouldn't want pets living in the house. I mostly agree with her—I'm a strong proponent of outdoor dogs—but I believe that cats can thrive indoors if cared for properly, as they are generally clean animals. We definitely differ on this opinion. Now I'm torn about whether to get a cat. I've been bringing it up frequently because I'm really excited, but I can sense that she doesn't share that enthusiasm. Whenever I mention it, her mood shifts and she seems a bit down. She's never outright told me not to get a cat, as she would never do that, but she has expressed concerns about feeling uncomfortable around cat hair. I've reassured her that I would keep my apartment clean to ensure she wouldn't notice any mess when she visits. Part of me wants to adopt a cat just to demonstrate that it’s possible to maintain a tidy home with a pet. However, I don’t want to jeopardize our relationship by bringing in a cat, but I really hope to have one. What should I do? Oh, and I should mention that I live in a one-bedroom apartment without a yard, so the cat would need to stay indoors.

Have I fallen out of love with my husband?

I'm seeking advice from those with experience in marriage or divorce. I'm a 30-year-old woman married to a 33-year-old man for eight years, and we've been together for twelve. We have three kids aged 11, 7, and 15 months. To provide some context, he is an amazing partner—he shares household chores, offers emotional and financial support, and spends quality time with our kids, though his night work makes that challenging at times. We have a strong friendship, often finishing each other’s sentences and sharing lots of laughter. However, I’ve noticed a significant lack of physical attraction for quite some time now. Although we do argue, I believe that’s normal in any relationship. I have struggled with low libido for many years since becoming a parent, and while I've often pushed myself to be intimate, I no longer feel compelled to do so, which is creating issues for him. I really care for him; he’s truly my best friend and has supported me through so much, yet I can’t shake the feeling that I might be ungrateful. It’s hard to describe, but I don't feel that initial spark or that I'm actively in love with him. I often think he deserves someone better because I know I can be emotionally challenging. Is this a common experience after being in a relationship for a long time, especially starting young, or should I consider seeking couples counseling or personal therapy?

Unrealistic expectations regarding a possible proposal

Hey everyone, I’m a 25-year-old woman, and I have this strong feeling that my boyfriend, who's 27, might propose soon. We've been together for over a year and have been living together for about a year now. He knows I feel he’s "the one," and we often discuss marriage and our future. His family frequently hints that they believe I’m the one he’ll marry. He knows my preferences for rings and my size. We’ve talked about proposals, and while he insists he has a specific plan in mind, he refuses to share the details—thank goodness, because I don’t want to know! Recently, though, he seems to be acting a bit differently. It’s not in a suspicious way or anything like that. It started when he mentioned that a coworker is proposing to his girlfriend on Christmas Day. I responded, “Wow, that’s exciting! They have kids together.” He then quipped, “You wish that was you, don’t you?” I replied that I absolutely want to marry him, but we already share a life together, and I don’t want to pressure him. I told him, “When it happens, it happens.” He went quiet for a bit, and in his usual joking manner, he said, “Oh, so you don’t want to marry me…” I laughed it off, but I’m unsure if he was actually offended or just being playful. Fast forward three days, and I had a dream where he proposed. This week has been filled with signs—like seeing couples getting engaged on social media. The other night, while we were looking at Christmas lights, we spotted a big inflatable ring. I’m quite spiritual and believe that the universe gives us signs, and my intuition keeps telling me he’s either planning to propose or has something in mind. Am I being unrealistic or overthinking this? I’m hesitant to bring it up with him because if he’s not planning anything, I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment or put pressure on him. I know that kind of pressure can strain a relationship over time. I’ve never felt this way about anyone else, but my best friend shares a similar hunch—though we like to joke that we might just be a bit delusional!

The other day, my boyfriend (35m) mentioned engagement rings.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now. Although we don’t live together, I spend five days a week at his place, and we see each other nearly every day. Recently, he asked me what type of engagement rings I like, claiming it was just out of curiosity. I truly love him and, for the first time in my life, I feel like I’ve found my soulmate. While I know no one can read his mind, I’m curious—would he bring up such a topic casually if he didn’t have serious intentions? I wouldn’t mind if our relationship moved in that direction, and we’ve discussed marriage loosely before. Is this just a playful comment, or does it hint at something more serious? How might this be interpreted in my situation? Thanks for your thoughts!

My partner and I do not share a common goal.

My partner (F26) and I (F26) have been together for six years. I’ve been open about my desire for marriage and children, but her responses are usually along the lines of “let’s do it now” or “I’m not someone who likes to plan everything, as we can’t predict the future.” Each time I bring up this topic, her replies make me question everything about our relationship. She’s a wonderful partner and my best friend, but sometimes I feel like she’s not ready to settle down with me. This thought makes me feel sad, regretful, and upset that we’ve been in this situation for so long. I don’t want to give her an ultimatum or pressure her into shaping our relationship according to my wishes, fearing it would lead to resentment. I'm scared to end the relationship, but I’m losing hope for our future together.

I love you?

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 13 months, and we've essentially been living together for that entire period. I own a house that has been on the market for 8 months, and we’ve agreed that I will fully move in with him once it sells. He is very caring, and his actions show that he values me, but he has never expressed his feelings using the "L" word. Recently, he referred to us as liking each other, which was a bit disheartening for me. I first brought up this topic in November, and he mentioned that he intended to say it during our trip in October, but it just didn’t feel like the right moment (that trip had its challenges!). It's been five weeks since that conversation, and still nothing has changed. Both of us have been married before, and I understand that the word carries significant weight for him. I worry about investing my time in someone who may not feel strongly enough about me. I’m 39, he’s 38, and I really want to have a child. Should I stay in this relationship, or do actions truly speak louder than words?

Is my boyfriend asking for too much, or am I not contributing enough?

My boyfriend, 22, and I, 21, have been together for over four years. I'm currently a first-year university student, while he works as a pilot with a demanding schedule. For the past three years, we’ve navigated long-distance periods, which have been challenging. He felt very unhappy in his previous town, isolated from family, friends, and me, leading him to move closer to me earlier this year. At first, he proposed that I move in with him, and I considered it. I initially agreed but, after thinking it through, I realized I wasn't ready. My parents, who are funding my education and living costs, were also hesitant, and I later found out his parents didn't support the idea either. This caused some intense disagreements, as he believed that living together would save us money and allow us to spend valuable time together after being apart for so long. While I understand his viewpoint, I felt overwhelmed by the magnitude of the decision. Our arguments became heated, and he even said some hurtful things. Later, he expressed that he felt I wasn't fully committed to our relationship. Since my university break began, I've spent the last month staying at his apartment, cooking and cleaning for him while he puts in long hours at work. By the time he returns home, he's understandably tired and unable to make time for dates or quality moments together. Although I’m happy to help, I often feel overlooked and as though I'm contributing more to the relationship, which I suspect is tied to his disappointment over me not moving in. For instance, on our fourth anniversary, I surprised him with a special dinner, cake, and decorations, but he didn’t plan anything for me, which hurt, even though I tried to brush it off. It seems that physical intimacy has been our only consistent form of connection lately, and even that sometimes feels empty. I’m also very close to my family. My sister is a single mom who just left an abusive relationship, and my parents are facing health issues. Because of this, I prioritize spending time with them, especially during the holidays. My boyfriend has mentioned that this makes him feel less significant, which is tough to hear because I do care deeply for him. However, I don’t think it’s fair for him to expect me to always be around when he’s not there most of the time, and I don't want to miss precious moments with my family when I actually have the opportunity to be with them. I recently informed him that I’d like to spend most of December with my family, but would drive four hours to be with him on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. This sparked another fight, during which he suggested I reconsider our relationship. He told me he feels I still have a lot of growing up to do for prioritizing my family, and that he sometimes feels “too mature” for me, implying I should just stay home with my “mommy and daddy.” To complicate matters, my parents are worried about me driving long distances on dangerous roads, and financially, I can't afford to make multiple trips. They've told me to choose where I want to spend Christmas, supporting my decision even if it's not with them. Unfortunately, my boyfriend has also expressed that he feels lonely because I'm not with him this month. He's even downloaded Bumble (the friends version) to meet new people. He continually reminds me that he moved closer for me after I declined to move in. This morning, he asked if I'd consider leaving my family and studies behind to move to another country with him for his job while continuing my education overseas. We've discussed the possibility of moving abroad, and I'm open to it, but it all feels too rushed. I haven’t even finished my degree yet, and the idea of leaving behind my family, education, and stability is unsettling, especially given our recent arguments. The ongoing conflicts and his recent suggestion that I reevaluate our relationship have left me feeling emotionally drained and detached. Being at home has given me the space to reflect, and despite our love for each other—and acknowledging that we both have our flaws—I’m starting to question if this relationship is worth sacrificing so much for, particularly my time with family, which I might regret missing. I would really appreciate any advice or perspectives on my situation.

How much are you prepared to overlook for the sake of love?

Hey everyone! I'm a 19-year-old female, and I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend, who's also 19, for over a year now. We met when we were both 17 and started dating when he was 17 and I was 18. A bit of background: I didn’t have healthy relationship role models growing up, just what I saw in movies and on TV. Because of this, I never really understood what a healthy relationship should look like—just the idealized version in my mind. I often turn to AI for advice on relationships, which is kind of funny. As an only child, I grew up pretty independent. My boyfriend, on the other hand, has had a mother and stepfather for most of his life, but there’s a noticeable emotional distance in his family dynamic. From what he's shared about his past, it seems there isn't much emotional closeness among them. Now, regarding our relationship: we've had our fair share of arguments and have had to make positive changes. We've both learned a lot and experienced some unhealthy phases, too. This is both of our first serious relationships. While I've dated a bit, it's never lasted due to my commitment issues, and he hasn't dated much either because he was homeschooled and primarily interested in flirting with girls online. Every challenge we face brings us closer together, and I'm proud to see our growth. He has a lot to learn about emotional intimacy since he was diagnosed with autism at a young age, and I sometimes feel like his parents didn’t provide enough support. This has resulted in me doing most of the emotional labor because he’s more emotionally immature than I am. Despite the challenges, he’s dedicated to me and is committed to improving, just as I am. Right now, things are going pretty well. So, here’s my question, and my TL;DR: If you're young and a bit immature—perhaps making mistakes—but very committed to the person you love, how much would you be willing to forgive? I'm looking for a general perspective since I’ve never modeled a healthy relationship, but I want to build one of my own. I know we're both young and bound to slip up—what’s a reasonable amount of forgiveness to expect in the name of true love? What constitutes a healthy and constructive approach?

Should I stay or leave?...

I'm a 32-year-old man in a 4.5-year relationship with a 28-year-old woman. When we first began dating, I didn't experience the “butterflies” that I had felt in previous relationships. Despite this, I chose to move forward because we share similar values, political views, interests, a mutual physical attraction, and have great chemistry in bed. On the surface, it seems promising, right? Now we're at a pivotal point—it's either time to get married and start a family or break up and begin anew. She is deeply in love with me and experienced those butterflies from the very beginning. In many ways, she is the ideal partner—loving, nurturing, would be an excellent mother, and is financially stable. We have much in common, including a passion for psychology, visiting museums, and enjoying nature. Both of us desire families and children. However, I find myself grappling with doubts about whether she is truly the right match for me. I've grown fond of her and cherish the time we spend together when work isn't wearing me out. I feel stuck at a crossroads. I never envisioned being my age and contemplating starting over. The thought of becoming an older dad is daunting if I choose to begin again now. While I love and care for her deeply, and she would undoubtedly make a wonderful mother, I can't shake the concern about the absence of those initial butterflies. I'm anxious that this lack of excitement might lead to problems in the future.

Should I take a job I don't enjoy and live with my girlfriend, or pursue a job I’m more passionate about and do long-distance? (21M)

**My Situation**: I’m nearing the end of my senior year in college and have received job offers in both New York and California. I would prefer the position in California, as it’s closer to my family—just a 30-minute drive from where I will be working. In contrast, while the New York job isn’t terrible, the city feels incredibly overwhelming for me when I visit. **Our Situation**: My girlfriend and I have been in a long-distance relationship since the end of high school, totaling 3.5 years. Naturally, we want to live together, but she plans to work in New York for a year before pursuing graduate school for 4-5 years. This means we could only live together for that brief year, assuming she secures a job there (which I’m also worried about). I’ve shared my preference for the California position, which has upset her, and now I feel confused about how to move forward. On one hand, I’m eager to live with her in New York, but if it’s only for a year, what happens when she goes to grad school? I’d be left in New York without her, which feels like a major reason to accept that job in the first place. Meanwhile, the California opportunity seems promising career-wise and would put me closer to my family, but that distance could strain our relationship, potentially leading to a breakup. I need advice on how to navigate this situation, as I have to make a decision in **three days.**

Am I indifferent or confident?

**Summary:** My marriage is facing significant challenges, yet I remain surprisingly calm. How can I tell if I'm genuinely secure in our relationship or simply indifferent? I'm a 32-year-old woman who has been on a personal journey this year after experiencing a minor mental breakdown in May. With the help of a therapist, I’ve been addressing various issues in my life. Initially, I believed that my marriage was the sole positive aspect of my life. Now, six months later, I’m recognizing several aspects of my marriage that bring me unhappiness, which I’ve been suppressing. My husband and I have been together for eight years, married for four. I’ve begun discussing the areas I want to improve with my husband, who is 40. He has reacted calmly, but he has also brought up some of my behaviors that hurt him. I can understand his perspective, though I wouldn’t have reacted the same way. I apologized for causing him pain and am committed to making changes. However, we're delving into serious issues—like a lack of intimacy, feeling uncared for, and feeling unsupported—yet I feel remarkably numb about it all. For instance, when I woke up at 3 a.m. to realize he hadn’t come home, I had to consciously decide to check on him instead of just going back to sleep. I can't determine if I am simply secure and confident we’ll find a way through these problems or if I’m indifferent and accept the possibility of divorce. I would appreciate any guidance on how to navigate this situation.

Lack of dynamics in a long-distance relationship.

I'm 18 years old and in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend, who is 19. We broke up four months ago due to our immaturity. Recently, she reached out to me, and I feel that we've both grown up a bit, so I really want to give our relationship another shot. However, I’d like to ensure we have fun and keep things engaging, even through chat. The problem is that our conversations have become a bit monotonous—just talking about our days, what we did, and how much we miss each other. So, my question is: how can I make our relationship more dynamic and interesting?

Tips for relationships

I'm in need of some guidance. My boyfriend (23) and I (24) have been together for just 10 months, and I experienced a whirlwind romance that led us to move in together. However, I think I might have rushed that decision. After moving in, I've come to realize that we have significant differences regarding crucial topics like career aspirations, family values, politics, and even our levels of maturity and public behavior. I’m not sure how I missed these red flags earlier—perhaps I was simply blinded by love. Now that I'm aware of these discrepancies, I find myself questioning our relationship more than ever. What once seemed minor now feels frustrating to me, and I’m surprised by how much annoyance I’ve started to feel. Initially, I thought my lack of libido was due to hormonal issues, but I've realized that it's not about a lack of desire for intimacy—it's more about my lack of desire for intimacy with him. When I try to discuss these concerns, he tends to downplay them. For instance, when he made a borderline racist joke in a store, I felt uncomfortable and embarrassed, telling him it wasn't appropriate. His response was that it wasn't a big deal since the person he was joking about didn’t hear. That’s really not the point for me. Here's the thing: he treats me incredibly well and makes me feel special in ways I can’t complain about. Despite his immature humor and sometimes questionable behavior, he is fundamentally a kind person. The idea of hurting him makes me truly sad. What should I do? Since we just moved in together, I know we could break the lease if necessary. Is it too soon to consider couples counseling? How do I express that I feel a lack of attraction to him and that he has room to grow, without coming across as trying to change him? I really don’t want to be the “bad guy,” but I also feel like my love for him is fading, and I feel terrible about it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I’m a 25-year-old man, and after five years, I no longer feel attracted to my partner, who is 24. Should I consider ending the relationship?

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for nearly five years, and she truly is a wonderful person. We share many interests; she’s athletic, excels academically, and possesses a kind, caring nature. Like any relationship, we've experienced our highs and lows, including some significant disagreements, but I believe these conflicts are fairly typical. However, this is my only relationship, so I may not have the full perspective. I realize that part of my struggle comes from a fear of loneliness and the idea of giving up on someone who has been such a positive presence in my life. I feel torn because deep down, I believe I should be exploring other options at this stage in my life to understand different perspectives and determine my preferences for a serious relationship. Compounding this is my high sex drive, which has created tension in our relationship, as I'm not very affectionate otherwise, except when it comes to intimacy. There are times when I feel guilty for only initiating physical touch in that context. I genuinely enjoy discovering new experiences with her, and I cherish the time we spend together, whether traveling or engaging in activities we both love. I have many wonderful memories with her. Nonetheless, there are periods when I contemplate whether we should break up, contrasted with times when I feel immensely grateful for her presence. Just yesterday, I felt frustrated when she walked through the door and I wasn’t attracted to her at all. It seems we're approaching a stage where marriage and children are on the horizon. I often think she would make a fantastic mother and life partner, yet I also struggle with my current lack of attraction, which is affecting my feelings toward her. For some context: - We don't live together; she resides with her parent and siblings while I still live with my own parent. - She is currently studying, whereas I just completed my studies this year.

My girlfriend (22F) wants me (26M) to move back out of state. Is there a way to resolve this?

My girlfriend (22f) has expressed a desire for me (26m) to move back out of state. I'm seeking advice on how to navigate this situation. I met my girlfriend online and quickly fell deeply in love with her. When we first connected, she was in an unfulfilling relationship with someone who lacked ambition, which made me stand out to her. She eventually ended that relationship, and we began dating. I would drive 13 hours to see her every couple of weeks, but the emotional toll of long-distance caught up with her. To support her, I made the decision to move in together. I’ve always enjoyed traveling and experiencing new places, so I didn’t mind the change. Unfortunately, just as we were settling into the new arrangement, my car broke down, and she drives a manual, which I can’t operate. She’s not comfortable letting me learn on her car. Over time, her past traumas began to weigh heavily on her, and I had to help her seek professional help. I worried that this would strain our relationship, but it had the opposite effect; she was able to access therapy and became more introspective. While her family began to take her mental health seriously, she still struggled with anger and body image issues. Throughout this period, I reassured her of my support, no matter what challenges arose. While her situation has improved, I’ve noticed that my own self-esteem and motivation have taken a hit. It's disheartening to feel less independent, and I started comparing myself to the man she had left behind. I regret to say that my insecurities caused me to become overly suspicious about her phone use and privacy, which I’ve since acknowledged and worked through. However, I fear it has damaged her perception of me. Our sex life, which was once vibrant with her frequently initiating intimacy, has dwindled since early November. My anxious behavior led me to constantly question her about our intimacy, which only pushed her further away. A few days ago, she shared that she wants space, feeling more like an accessory in a relationship rather than an individual. She also hinted at a shift in her attraction, expressing a stronger preference for women. From what she has conveyed, she seems to identify as pansexual, valuing personality and attitude over appearance in her attractions to men. I feel like I've lost a part of myself, and it's unsettling to realize that her lack of attraction might stem from my change in mentality rather than just physicality. Our living situation has become cluttered due to my inability to drive and the lack of laundry facilities, adding to both of our stress. Financial strain has also been a factor, as I’ve been managing bills for both of us. I believe that many external issues are influencing her decision, many of which could be addressed. I can’t just leave as I have nowhere to go and lack resources. I love her deeply and want to find a way to restore balance to our relationship. I’ve consciously stepped back from my previous behavior, and I genuinely want to maintain our relationship and home together. I’d even be willing to forgo physical intimacy if it meant preserving our connection, as I believe romance and individuality can coexist. I'm looking for guidance on what steps to take next and how to approach our upcoming couples therapy session on the 18th. Any advice would be appreciated.

36-year-old man seeks advice to prevent losing his family.

I'm 36, and my partner is also 36; we’ve been together for 11 years. We have two children: a 13-year-old daughter whom I didn't father biologically but have been a dad to for most of her life, and a 4-year-old son that we share. Recently, my partner told me she doesn't want to get married, which honestly hurt. We've faced many challenges over the years, yet we always seemed to rebound. I'll admit that I cheated on her two years into our relationship, something I regret deeply and promised myself would never happen again. Since then, I’ve worked hard to be a supportive partner and father for my family. However, lately, it feels like we’re just going through the motions. The spark we once had seems to have faded, and we're mostly coexisting rather than truly connecting. Things took a turn after a significant argument about her spending habits and a lack of intimacy (it’s been three months). Additionally, I did become close with a co-worker. While it was purely platonic, I confided in her about my relationship, which I now realize was a huge mistake—my partner found out. Since then, she has been acting differently; she takes longer to reply to my messages, goes out with friends more often, and seems distant overall. When we discussed it, she assured me that she still loves me and always will, which I believe. Yet, when I approached the topic of marriage again, she told me she wasn’t interested, which caught me off guard. I recognize that I should've proposed a long time ago, but now I'm left wondering if she's emotionally checked out. I even suspect she might be seeing someone else since she's been staying out late. If she's ready to move on, I can understand—maybe it's karma for my past mistakes. Still, I want to do everything I can to make this work, and I think we owe it to each other to have an open and honest conversation. I'm planning to take her out to dinner soon to discuss everything and understand the future direction of our relationship. I would appreciate any advice on how to approach this without pushing her further away or making matters worse.

I'm a 18-year-old female and my boyfriend, who is 19, wants us to get married, but I'm unsure if I'm ready for that step.

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now, and we've recently begun discussing marriage. At first, I was super excited, but then a flood of doubts crept in. What if he isn't the right one, and we end up divorced? I find myself questioning whether I'm truly ready for marriage, and I'm unsure if I'll ever feel prepared. I love him and envision a future together, so I suggested we get our own place first and then consider marriage. He insists he wants to marry me and spend his life with me, which sounds amazing, but I still have my reservations. I haven't finished school yet, we don’t have our own home, and I’m not in my dream job. I’d prefer to feel more stable before taking such a big step, but I worry that I might never feel ready. I tend to overthink everything, and I might be doing that with this situation as well. I genuinely love him and can picture a life together. We share the same values, want similar lifestyles, and agree on how to raise our future kids. He feels perfect for me; we both embrace our quirks, and I appreciate his kindness and willingness to improve. Still, I grapple with the uncertainty of whether I'm ready for marriage and fear he might leave if I’m not. I desire independence and want to experience life on my own, but I also long to share those experiences with him. My emotions are all over the place. I care deeply for him and fear losing him, but I’m conflicted about whether I'm truly ready or just overthinking everything.

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