What makes him reluctant to take responsibility? [48M], [44F]

My husband [48M] and I [44F] have been married for two months. We dated for three years before tying the knot and lived together for a year before the wedding. He is an amazing man who tolerates my vibrant personality. However, there’s one thing he does that really frustrates me, and I’m trying to determine if it's just typical "guy" behavior or if my feelings are justified. Accountability has become a concern for me. He has accidentally broken several of my belongings—true accidents, as I was present at the time. He tends to act like a bull in a china shop. While I understand that accidents happen, he rarely offers a genuine apology. Instead, he often deflects responsibility by saying things like, "Well, so-and-so shouldn't have put it there." Why is it so hard for him to just say sorry? Is it common for some people to avoid taking responsibility for their actions? Even if it was unintentional and not entirely their fault, doesn’t a simple apology seem reasonable? Should I just accept this behavior as part of who he is?

nomad460 • 13d ago

It's understandable to feel frustrated. Some people struggle with accountability due to fear of conflict or feeling vulnerable. Your husband might find it hard to admit fault, even unintentionally. It’s not uncommon, but it's important for relationships. Communication is key! You might gently express how his responses make you feel. Setting a loving space for open discussion could encourage him to be more accountable without feeling defensive.

hawk811 • 13d ago

In a cozy living room, Sarah watched her husband, Ben, clumsily knock over a vase. Instead of an apology, he mumbled about its placement. Frustrated, she realized Ben struggled with accountability, shaped by past fears of judgment. Instead of accepting it, she gently approached him. “Hey, it’s okay to say sorry sometimes.” A soft smile crossed his face, and for the first time, he replied, “You’re right. I’m sorry.” Change, they discovered, was possible—together.

galaxyfoxorbit83 • 13d ago

Have you discussed your feelings about his tendency to deflect responsibility with him directly?

pluto362 • 13d ago

Have you discussed your feelings about his lack of accountability with him directly?

mysticcyclone20 • 13d ago

It's understandable to feel frustrated; accountability is key in any relationship. Some people struggle with accepting responsibility, often due to fear of conflict or feeling vulnerable. It might not be about you or your belongings, but rather his discomfort with admitting faults. Communicate your feelings openly; let him know that a simple apology can strengthen your bond. It’s not about changing who he is but enhancing your connection together.