Relationship advices

I (28F) am considering ending my relationship with my boyfriend (28M), but I'm unsure how to have a constructive conversation about the reasons behind my feelings in an effort to salvage our relationship.

**TL;DR: I'm contemplating breaking up with my boyfriend, but I'd like to have a conversation first to discuss our issues and see if we can resolve them.** My main concerns are that he requires too much of my time and attention, and his negativity is becoming overwhelming. We've touched on the first issue, but he tends to get hurt when I mention needing space. The second issue has been harder to address because I struggle with how to tell him that I'm tired of hearing about his unhappiness without coming off as insensitive, and discussions about his anger often turn into arguments about his yelling. I need help on how to communicate these topics effectively and navigate the potential end of our relationship, especially since we live together, share a lease, and have a pet. Thank you for your advice. Please understand that if I come across as cold, it's out of frustration. I've been in this relationship for three years and have lived together for two and a half. I still care about him, but moving in together may have been premature, and I'm thinking about breaking up due to feelings that have been building over time. However, I think it's only fair to talk things through before making a decision. This is my first relationship, so I'm not sure how to go about it. 1. **I need my own space.** When we first started dating, I felt differently, but by the end of the first year, I started feeling frustrated with constantly being together, and that frustration has been growing. My boyfriend doesn't leave the house much—his work hours are shorter than mine, and he’s often unemployed. Most of his activities happen online, and when he does go out, he usually wants me to come along. Our apartment is small, and his presence is always there. He also craves constant conversation. The moment I get home, he jumps up to fill me in on his day, and he communicates with me throughout the day, even if I’m busy. He wants to do everything together, from eating dinner to watching shows, and he talks a lot, which often makes tasks take longer than necessary. I rarely get a chance to express my own thoughts. I need peace and quiet, alone time, and privacy, none of which I currently have. Whenever I've tried to express this need, he feels hurt and suggests I might be trying to push him out of my life. I miss the early days of dating when we could enjoy each other's company without living together. I even proposed the idea of living apart, given our different preferences for where to stay, but he dismissed it, saying I wasn't making sacrifices for our relationship. 2. **His negativity weighs me down.** He often expresses dissatisfaction with work, money, and life in general, which affects our conversations. Although he can be persuaded to try new things, it often comes after a lot of resistance and grumpiness, and he doesn't seem to learn from those experiences. Additionally, he reacts defensively when I point out his anger or yelling. He insists he’s not yelling, even when it’s clear to me that he is. I feel frustrated that I'm unable to communicate these feelings without escalating into a confrontation. I'm nostalgic for the earlier, happier times in our relationship, and I wonder if we had taken more time to develop our bond before moving in together, we might have avoided some of these issues. Now, living together complicates matters; if we argue, there's no real escape, and if we decide to break up, what happens to our lease and our cat? Any advice on how to approach this conversation and handle the aftermath would be greatly appreciated.

21F and 21M. Is there a solution to this?

Hi, I’m a 21-year-old woman and I've been dating my boyfriend, who is also 21. A couple of days ago, we had a major argument. My boyfriend has expressed interest in threesomes and similar topics. He asked if I had a video of me with my ex, who is 22. I told him no because I genuinely believed I didn’t have any since I recently got a new phone a few months ago and hadn’t transferred much to it. I carry my old phone with me, but I only use it for music. After he kept asking, I finally agreed to check my old phone and ended up finding a video. I mentioned it to him, and he asked me to send it. Despite my instincts telling me this could lead to trouble, I sent it because I wanted to make him happy, as he claimed he was turned on by the idea of seeing me with someone else. Almost immediately after, he asked me to delete it from our chat and became upset about a lot of things, leaving me confused. I wondered why he even wanted to see it in the first place. I know I shouldn’t have sent it, but I did. He was really hurt about various issues, and I’ve tried to explain that I can’t change my past and that my focus is on him and our future together. It’s been a few days now, and his mood swings are really affecting our relationship. He even mentioned that sometimes when he looks at me, he feels like crying.

My partner (37m) is not providing support for my health issues.

Context: We are engaged and have been together for six years. We have a young child and own a home together. I’m currently in a highly stressful job that is causing me high blood pressure and frequent panic attacks. I feel like I’m on the verge of a breakdown. I'm finding it challenging to search for a new job that fits around childcare and my partner's ever-changing hours. I’ve reached a point where I feel I can't handle it anymore, and my partner is unwilling to support me if I choose to quit my job. I take care of household responsibilities, including cooking and cleaning. I prepare dinner for him every day. I’m not neglecting my own well-being or moping around the house, but the demands of my job are overwhelming me, and I'm genuinely concerned for my physical and mental health. I'm not sure what advice I’m seeking, but I’m struggling with the reality of marrying someone who seems to dismiss the commitment of “in sickness and in health.” I don't want to depend on him; I simply need some time to search for another job.

How can I express my regret without actually saying the words "I'm sorry"?

My boyfriend (19M) and I (18M) have a really close and fantastic relationship, and we just celebrated our four-month anniversary. However, there are times when he gets annoyed, irritated, or quiet if something goes wrong at work, home, or elsewhere. When I do something that bothers him, I often try to apologize, but he responds with comments like, "You should know by now I dislike apologies." This leaves me at a loss for words—I just don’t know how to respond beyond saying I'm sorry. It's a tough situation for me, and it tends to make me shut down. I've asked him what he'd prefer I say instead, but he also doesn’t seem to have an answer. Any advice would be appreciated!

21-year-old male / 21-year-old female girlfriend has a past with her male friend.

My girlfriend and I had been together for 10 months when she admitted to kissing a close friend of hers a few months prior to our relationship. She reassured me that she never had any romantic feelings for him, but it made me reconsider a previous instance when she mentioned wanting to buy something from him but ended up spending over an hour driving around with him, which struck me as odd at the time. Intrigued about their connection, I reviewed their text messages and found some unsettling exchanges. Before we started dating, she had invited him to spend the night, and at one point, they spoke frequently. She maintains that she never had feelings for him, regrets the kiss, and asserts that they never discussed it again. While I can't alter what occurred before we met, what frustrates me is that she continued to make an effort to see and spend time with him while we were together. I've already tried to end things twice because I view her actions as a form of cheating; it’s hard to believe a girl would invite a guy over for a sleepover without some underlying attraction. She became distressed, insisting she doesn't want to be seen that way and believes we can still make it work, but honestly, I feel foolish for sticking around. Should I break up with her because I see this as cheating, or should I stay and hope she proves that she won’t engage in this behavior anymore?

34F in a long-term relationship with my best guy friend, who is 29M, for 11 years.

I have a friend whom I've known for years; we met in 2015 at work. That's also where I met my ex. Throughout my relationship, my best friend was always my rock, offering support and a shoulder to cry on. When I finally broke up with my ex, things took an unexpected turn. My best friend started flirting with me, and I went along with it until he suggested we get a hotel room. That caught me off guard, and I ended up ghosting him, feeling like he was treating me as if I were just another girl. Fast forward to 2024, and we've reconnected. We text every day, he sends me good morning messages, and tells me I'm beautiful. We spend hours watching movies on FaceTime, and he's persistent in reaching out if I don’t reply. I've started developing feelings for him. However, there's a complication: he’s active on Hinge and has been dating a girl. He talks to me about their dates, and I give him advice as his friend, but he keeps mentioning that this summer I can come to his place for the weekend because he has a pool, and he often offers to do things for me. I asked him how he thinks our friendship will work if he ends up in a serious relationship, and he confidently told me that I'm not going anywhere in his life, even if he falls in love. I replied, "I guess we'll see," but it's becoming increasingly difficult for me to handle his connection with this girl. Hearing the details he shares is really hard, yet I haven't found the courage to tell him how I feel. Just last night, we were finishing a movie on FaceTime after he returned from a date. The moment I picked up, his first words were, "Wow, you look so pretty." I thanked him, and then he asked, "How are you not married yet?" That really caught me off guard and left me feeling quite shaken.

I'm seeking guidance.

I'm a guy (18M) and she's a girl (18F), and I need some advice. At first, everything was great, but she's changed a lot. She's started lying to me, and she doesn't give me much attention anymore. I often feel unsure; she acts like she doesn't like me, but at the same time, it seems like she does. When we hang out, she's usually on her phone or asleep, and I find myself begging for just a little bit of her attention. I'm wondering if she still loves me.

My girlfriend didn't seem to care about the one thing I requested for Christmas. Am I overreacting?

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about a year now, and I've noticed that she's not particularly great at giving gifts. It’s not about being materialistic; rather, she tends to lack thoughtfulness when it comes to choosing gifts or doing something meaningful for me, despite my efforts to be considerate with hers. This year, understanding that she's been low on funds, I told her not to worry about getting me anything. The only thing I truly wanted was for her to play my favorite video game with me. It's a cherished part of my childhood, and sharing that experience felt significant to me. She agreed, but when we finally sat down to play, she was negative the entire time, only lasted about 15 minutes, and then wanted to move on to something else. I tried to overlook it, but honestly, it was disappointing. It wasn't really about the game; I just wanted to share something important to me with her, and it felt like she couldn't even make an effort to engage for more than a few moments. When I mentioned it later, she brushed it off as if it didn’t matter. Now I’m left wondering if I’m overreacting or if this points to a deeper issue in our relationship. Would this be a deal-breaker for you?

My boyfriend who struggles with insecurity.

A few months ago, I entered a relationship with my boyfriend, and recently he has become increasingly insecure about my Instagram posts. He wants me to delete all of them because he thinks I look too attractive. I’m not revealing anything too provocative—just showing off my curvy body a little. Meanwhile, he’s posting what can only be described as his hottest pictures, with most of them being shirtless, and there aren’t many where he’s actually wearing clothes! He follows every girl on Instagram, and when I asked him about it, he said it was good for his reach. I requested that he stop, but he refused, explaining that he’s been doing this since he was single. I pointed out that he’s no longer single and that this behavior hurts me, but he’s focused on becoming an influencer and insists on following back every girl. I feel like I’m not his type since I have a curvy body, and he often sends me pictures of other girls, commenting on how cute or hot they are. He seems to find every lean girl attractive, which is starting to make me dislike my body. I’m about to turn 21, and I really need some advice on what to do in this situation.

I'm currently on a break with my partner and I'm unsure of how to act.

I experienced a significant burnout that left me feeling overwhelmed by anxiety and depression. The turning point came when my partner expressed how harshly I had been treating them and mentioned wanting to take a break. That conversation happened nine days ago. I returned to my home country to focus on managing my anxiety and depression, and now we're navigating a long-distance relationship. My partner is also struggling with depression, which has worsened since the break. They feel guilty for initiating it and are hesitant to express love or even allow me to refer to myself as their boyfriend, which I believe stems from their feelings of guilt. Despite this, my feelings for them remain strong. I want to show them how much I care and win them back, perhaps by doing some romantic gestures or being more affectionate. I worry that if I keep our interactions too casual, I might lose them completely. I'm uncertain about the best way to handle this break, but I genuinely love them and believe I can mend the hurt I caused. I truly see a future together. What steps should I take to address this situation?

My boyfriend was dishonest with me (20M) (19F).

I've been in a relationship with this guy for eight months, and he has truly been the best boyfriend I could ask for. He only focuses on me, showers me with love, flirts with me, and is incredibly patient when I have my moments. Plus, he’s dedicated to his studies and building a career; he really embodies what I would call a "man's man." Despite all the positive things I've experienced with him, there are some concerns that are troubling me. Recently, someone informed me that last year, my boyfriend allegedly harassed a female classmate and was in another relationship, neither of which he mentioned to me. When I tried discussing it with him, he flatly denied both claims, saying he was never in a relationship and that the girl was lying about the harassment because he rejected her. Now I’m wondering: should I trust him? The person who shared this information truly cares for my well-being and wants to help me avoid a toxic relationship. However, he has also told me things in the past that turned out to be completely false, including made-up stories about our mutual friends. Another point of concern is that my boyfriend often comes across as selfish; he tends to brag a lot, even about things he doesn't actually own, and he often lies to show off. At this point, these traits haven’t impacted our relationship, but I worry about how they might affect us in the long run, especially if we get married and have kids. I'm serious about him, but is this behavior sustainable for the future?

How crucial is it for you to fit your partner's "type"?

A few months ago, I (40/F) connected with someone on a dating app, and we hit it off almost instantly from our very first message. We’ve grown quite close and developed strong feelings for each other. They’ve been an excellent communicator and listener, showing affection and attentiveness, and our conversations are filled with laughter and depth. Recently, we decided to make our relationship official. They’ve even told me on several occasions that they believe I’m their “Forever Person.” The physical chemistry seemed perfect, or so I thought. However, during a casual chat about attraction (I can’t recall the exact topic), I asked what initially drew them to my profile—specifically, whether they were physically attracted to me right away or if that developed with their feelings. I’m not sure why I asked, as I felt confident we were both attracted to each other. The response surprised me; they mentioned they sometimes like to go for something different than their usual type. When I sought clarification, they described what their typical attraction is, which sounded almost completely different from me, except for a few traits. I asked why they chose to be in a relationship with me if I’m not their usual type, and they said it was because of our vibe and conversations, and they didn’t want to lose that connection. This left me feeling that while they care for me, they might not be physically attracted to me. To be fair, they have called me pretty, but it left me wondering. They insisted that’s not what they meant, but I was too hurt to pursue the discussion any further at that moment. Now, I’m feeling apprehensive about where this relationship is heading. I’m contemplating taking a step back because I’m uncertain how comfortable I’ll be knowing I’m not their typical type. While I consider myself attractive, I’ve never worried about whether the person I’m dating finds me appealing. Is it worthwhile to continue this otherwise enjoyable relationship, or should I focus on the emotional connection, vibe, and bond we share? I’m genuinely torn and could use some advice.

Please assist me in getting out of this situation.

Today, I spent some time in my town center hanging out with friends. It's a Tuesday, and for the past few months, I've been lying to my parents about going to college when I'm actually not. While we were hanging out, I kissed one of my friends a few times and started flirting with her. When we got on the escalator, I lit up a cigarette, and suddenly I heard a guy behind me say, "Call Mamu Rashid" to Siri (that's my dad's name). I turned around and realized it was my cousin, whom I hadn’t seen in a year. It took me a moment to recognize him. I decided to ignore him because, honestly, who uses Siri to make calls these days? It felt like he wanted me to overhear him. I was panicking the rest of the day, worrying if he’d tell my dad about what he saw—whether it was me kissing my friend or smoking. When I got home, I noticed there were missed calls from him on my dad's phone at the same time he called out to Siri on the escalator. My cousin’s parents have always been difficult with my family, especially since they never approved of my parents' marriage. There’s a lot of tension between us, and I've always thought they were terrible people. Now, I’m at a loss about what to do. I don't want to come clean to my parents because I know they wouldn’t trust me again. Should I try to say it wasn’t me and that he mistook someone else for me? I could really use some advice on how to get out of this situation. Plus, my parents are homophobic and have no idea I'm gay, and they definitely don't know I smoke.

I'm not in a relationship, so why hasn't he asked me out?

I met this guy on Tinder, and after we exchanged Instagram accounts, we've been chatting for less than a month. He has suggested going out a few times, but something always comes up. He was the one who brought it up first; initially, his parents were visiting, then he had exams. Once he finished his exams, he wanted to know if I was free to meet up, and I said I was somewhat available. He mentioned he might go to his hometown for a family event but didn’t follow up to check when I was available. Today, I decided to ask him if he was free tomorrow, and he told me he's heading to his hometown. I wished him a pleasant trip, but I’m left wondering if this is just a case of bad timing or something else. He was really engaging and chatty at the beginning, but his communication has decreased since his exams. How should I interpret this situation? Is he genuinely busy, or is there something more going on?

Do you all know why she stopped having feelings?

I'm a 19-year-old guy, and I've been in a long-distance talking stage with an 18-year-old girl. Recently, she told me that she's lost her feelings and wants some space for a week. When I asked her why she felt this way, she admitted she wasn't sure. I'm considering what to say when she reaches out again because I can't shake the feeling that she might be interested in someone else while we've been talking.

The client's husband reached out to me via DM regarding their "affair," and he has since removed their text conversations.

This is lengthy because the guidelines require it to be comprehensive and precise. I, a 42-year-old woman, and my husband, a 32-year-old man, are in the process of getting a divorce. He works as a tattoo artist and had a client who raised red flags for me from the beginning. She spent a considerable amount of money and time with him, frequently giving him gifts like books, vapes, and food, along with generous tips. When I expressed my concerns, he brushed them off, claiming that her feelings didn't matter since he didn’t feel the same way and was merely benefiting financially from her patronage. A few weeks later, I received a direct message on Instagram from this client, admitting that they had been intimate and that she regretted damaging both her marriage and ours. I showed the messages to my husband, and he was visibly terrified—I've never seen him so panicked. Initially, I thought he was worried I'd believe her claims, but now I'm uncertain. He immediately tried to call her, but she rejected his calls and blocked him. He then informed the shop owner, who described her as unstable, mentioning that she had threatened to harm herself and had a history of overdoses (she works as a nurse). He also contacted another tattoo artist who confirmed that the client had reached out to her and seemed very disturbed. Later that night, as we were settling down for bed, I reassured him that I didn't believe he had cheated but that this entire situation made me very uncomfortable and would take time for me to process. I explained that I would likely have questions and would seek comfort during this time. He appeared to understand and accept this. I asked to see their text messages, but he told me he had deleted them. When I inquired why, he said he didn’t want reminders of her and what had happened; I was taken aback by this response. After trying to discuss it further, he eventually told me to stop bringing it up, suggesting that since I seemed to think he cheated and didn't trust him, I should just leave. So, I stopped bringing it up. Now that we're going through the divorce, I've been journaling about the ways he has hurt me. As I was writing down examples, I noted “not respecting my wishes or trusting my instincts,” which triggered those feelings all over again. I confronted him about it the other night, and he told me he deleted the messages to prevent his words from being misinterpreted. I countered that you can’t misinterpret written words, but that ended the conversation again. I'm left with two main thoughts: either she was inappropriate and he didn’t put a stop to it, or there was something inappropriate in their communications. I feel I deserve more clarity, but it seems unlikely I’ll receive any. What do you think? Consider the possibilities: he cheated, failed to shut down inappropriate behavior, or engaged in mutual inappropriate conversation. If it were the second option, I might reconsider my decisions, but I know that if the roles were reversed, he would have left me. It’s extremely frustrating that, alongside my reasons for choosing to divorce, this situation keeps resurfacing in my mind. I feel like I'm losing my grip on reality—he has a pattern of causing me pain while somehow portraying himself as the victim. Perhaps the answer is glaringly obvious, and I'm overthinking it. Still, I would appreciate hearing the perspectives or experiences of others. Thank you for taking the time to read this. TL;DR: My husband deleted a text conversation with a client who claimed he cheated on me. His justifications seem weak, and I'm left questioning everything. I'm uncertain: did he cheat, neglect to address inappropriate comments, or was there a mutual exchange of inappropriate messages?

My ex-boyfriend is insisting he was abducted into an underground fight club—how should I deal with my skepticism?

My ex-boyfriend (25M) once shared a harrowing experience from his teenage years when he was kidnapped by gang members and coerced into fighting in an underground ring. He described how some kids participated willingly, but others, like him, were threatened and had no choice but to fight. He recounted eerie scenes involving masked bettors, weapons, and how they were even forced to take MDMA to dull the pain. He once took me to a location he claimed was where the fights occurred, but I could only see the top of the building, not the underground area. He appeared visibly anxious, and during a conversation about a "final fight" that he had to win to escape, he became overwhelmed with emotion and broke down in tears. A few months later, he showed me an email from someone who allegedly organized the fights, stating, "We want you back." I've been wrestling with this in my mind—could events like this really take place? If so, how frequently does it happen? And if not, what could have motivated him to share such a story? This has been heavy on my mind, and I'm struggling to process it. Any insights would be greatly appreciated, as I've felt awful for him, but since our breakup, the whole narrative seems inconsistent.

My best friend's struggles with jealousy

Hello everyone! I'm new here (20f), so I apologize if my post is a bit off-topic or not suitable for this thread. I'm seeking advice on how to help my friend navigate her feelings about entering a relationship. Recently, my friend (20f) started developing feelings for a guy she likes (22m). Although they’re not exclusive yet, she’s mentioned that they both want to be. However, she’s been struggling with jealousy issues that seem quite intense, especially considering they haven’t officially started dating. Today, she was really upset to find out that he liked another girl's profile picture on Facebook. For some context, we come from a small town where it’s common for everyone from high school to like each other’s posts, so it was really just a casual interaction. Nevertheless, she’s reacting strongly to this, experiencing anxiety and even losing her appetite. She has a history of being cheated on, and it’s been two years since that happened. I genuinely want to see her happy, but I’m unsure how she can approach this potential relationship with a positive mindset and build trust. I'm reaching out to anyone who has experienced similar feelings of jealousy or has dealt with issues of trust after being cheated on. What strategies or insights have helped you overcome these challenges? Personally, I haven’t faced jealousy to this extent, so I’d appreciate any advice you can share. Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts! I truly want my friend to find happiness, but I’m worried that something as minor as this could throw her into a downward spiral before the relationship has even begun. Much love to all x

My girlfriend and I, who have been together for a year and a half, are taking things slower.

Hello everyone, I'm new to this subreddit! :) This past weekend, my girlfriend and I had our biggest fight in our relationship, which has lasted a year and seven months. Until now, we’ve rarely had any disagreements—what we previously experienced wouldn’t even be classified as fights. After a few days of limited communication, we finally had an intense conversation about what went wrong and how we can improve. I realized that I made some mistakes, and we discussed our issues openly. During our talk, she suggested the idea of being friends, which really hit me hard because I thought I might be getting dumped. We then acknowledged that we had become too reliant on each other—almost in an unhealthy way. We weren't functioning as our own individuals anymore, so we decided to press the "slow down" button. We're both going to take some time apart to focus on personal growth and independence. She mentioned that she still loves me and has feelings for me, but she needs to figure out if our relationship can work in the long run. I don’t want to get caught in a situation where I’m just being strung along, but I’m determined to not lose her. Is it common to try this for a month or two before deciding on the future, or does this seem like a step in the right direction? Has anyone else faced a similar situation? This is my first long-term relationship, and while I feel hopeful, I also have some anxiety about it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! :)

What are some effective ways to move on from someone more quickly?

"I'm having difficulty getting over my last relationship, even though it's been weeks. Is there anything I can do to help these feelings fade more quickly?"

I'm a 20-year-old woman and I have a wonderful, caring, and respectful boyfriend. Despite that, I find myself subconsciously trying to distance myself from him. What can I do to address this, aside from seeking therapy?

We met around November, and everything is going well. However, I think I developed feelings for him when we met in person, but I find myself pushing him away when we text. I'm currently working on starting therapy. Thank you for your advice! xx

My (23M) girlfriend (21F) messaged an ex. Should I be worried?

My girlfriend and I, who have been together for seven months, ended up going through each other's phones (I know, not the best idea). After some thorough searching in late December, I discovered that she had texted an ex about hanging out back in October. When I confronted her about it, she explained—despite our previous discussions on this topic—that she felt I wasn’t that into her during that time, and she genuinely thought I might leave her since we had a tough month. To cope with those feelings, she reached out to him for attention, knowing he was always eager to engage with women. I found these messages by texting him from her phone, asking “Hey, I forgot where we left off” and “I deleted our messages; could you refresh my memory?” He was very eager to meet up with her in person and eventually sent me screenshots of their October conversations, where she mentioned hanging out on Halloween and made similar plans a week earlier. He remarked that she would ask to get together but would then completely ghost him. So, does this mean her texts were purely for attention, or was there something more serious behind them? This situation really made me reflect on how I had made her feel.

Have I made a mistake?

I (18M) was in a talking stage with an 18F who identifies as bisexual, which I'm totally okay with. At the beginning of our conversations, she said she would call me to chat, but she never followed through. I didn’t think much of it until two days ago when she got really drunk and, based on her messages, she told her dad she's bisexual, and he reacted with anger. I wanted to be supportive, so I suggested, “We can always talk about it if you want since you still owe me that call, lol.” She replied, “I don’t owe you anything.” I quickly apologized, clarifying that I was just joking. She read my texts but has since deleted her Instagram and blocked me on TikTok. I tried reaching out via text, but she hasn’t responded. Did I do something wrong? Also, it’s worth mentioning that just 10 minutes before this, she was flirting with me, saying she could “beat my cute ass” in a fight and called me "baby" with a heart emoji. I'm just really upset about the whole situation.

Disagreements between husband and wife

My husband feels that I disrespected him, but he won’t allow me to clarify what I meant. I never intended to offend him. We used to share jokes in a lighthearted way, but I realize now that I chose the wrong moment to make a joke, especially given the changes in our lives. I didn’t realize it would upset him; it seems like no matter what I say, it ends poorly, and if I stay silent, that's not right either. I’ve noticed that even my good intentions often lead to misunderstandings. He has disrespected me on several occasions, and I’ve chosen to keep quiet because he has been grieving and working on his mental health. He’s previously told me that I'm just expected to handle everything when he's having a tough time, despite my own struggles with postpartum depression for the past two years. I’ve been trying to support myself while managing the demands of homeschooling our four-year-old and taking care of our two-year-old and six-month-old. Now, he’s saying it’s my fault for not speaking up, accusing me of being selfish for staying quiet. He claims he doesn’t want a silent partner, and I’ve been unsure how to communicate without triggering an argument. I often felt it was better to keep my thoughts to myself to avoid causing him more stress. Despite all this, he won’t let me explain my perspective. He insists that there’s no need to discuss things further and claims he’s not surprised by my disrespectful comments. He says he needs space but then avoids talking about our issues. When we do communicate, it seems my explanations don’t satisfy him and he perceives me as blaming him. I’m at a loss for what to do. He refuses to go to therapy and disapproves of me talking to others about our issues. What should I do now?

SEEKING ADVICE: I (21F) find myself comparing my social life to that of my outgoing boyfriend (21M), and it's leading to feelings of resentment toward him because I feel lonely. How can I express my feelings to him in a way that helps me move past this resentment?

**(Summary: I'm struggling to make friends while my boyfriend has many, which has led to some unfair resentment due to my own insecurities. I'm looking for advice on how to share my feelings with him in a way that fosters understanding for both of us.)** I created a burner Reddit account because I'm embarrassed and really need some guidance. Please bear with me as this is a bit lengthy. Socializing has always been tough for me, and I've repeatedly had difficulties forming and maintaining friendships, leaving me with a significant insecurity. I've always felt quite awkward, adding to my social anxiety. Currently, I'm undergoing cognitive behavioral therapy to help with this. In contrast, my boyfriend is very outgoing and sociable. It's impressive how easily he connects with others and leaves every conversation with new friends. Everyone adores him, and he truly lights up any gathering. He’s my best friend, and I genuinely admire him. We’ve been together for four years. As we're both in university, he’s made numerous friends, while I haven’t built any connections on my own. The friends I do have are those he introduced me to, as they were his friends initially. Here are the roots of my insecurities: - People regard my boyfriend as his own individual, whereas I feel perceived only as his girlfriend, rather than by my name. - When he walks into a room, people greet him warmly. In his absence, others ask me where he is, but I don’t receive the same engagement. - I struggle to engage in fun conversations with our friends like he does. When I contribute to group discussions, the mood tends to drop, in stark contrast to how people respond to him. - I often feel that my connection with our friends exists solely because they’re associated with him. - My boyfriend is really the only person I spend time with or confide in. I enjoy being with him and feel more self-assured around him. However, in group settings, I often feel overshadowed by his extroverted presence, becoming almost invisible. - He spends a lot of time with others, which leaves me feeling alone. Although I appreciate my alone time, it stings knowing I have no one to turn to when I seek social connection. Lately, I’ve begun to feel resentment towards my boyfriend, and I recognize that this isn’t fair to him. I know I need to make changes myself, rather than expect him to change, but it’s challenging to suppress those feelings. He is aware of my loneliness and the pain I’ve experienced from lacking genuine friendships. At times, he can sense when I’m feeling down and encourages me to share what’s bothering me. I find it difficult to express my emotions to him. I often bottle things up to avoid burdening him with my struggles, and I hate the idea of making him feel guilty about my situation. There have been nights when I've cried myself to sleep next to him, trying to keep quiet. Sometimes I find myself sobbing during the day, but he’s unaware because I turn away. When I do express my feelings of loneliness, he genuinely tries to comfort me, yet I often end up feeling worse afterward. He doesn’t grasp what I’m experiencing — he’s never known what it’s like to lack friends. I sometimes push him away, fearing I’ll take my emotions out on him, yet I’m also frustrated with him for not understanding my feelings. I love him deeply and don’t want him to feel guilty; I know this isn't his fault, but mine. I hope that by improving my communication with him, I can stop feeling resentful. How can I express my feelings to him without making him feel guilty or pressured? What’s the best way to share my emotions so that I feel understood and heard? And how do I manage my feelings overall?

Pages: [1] 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26