Relationship advices

Managing finances together as I [26M] begin working and she [26F] continues her studies.

Hey, I could use some advice. I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a year and a half. We moved in together last November, and both of us still receive financial support from our relatively well-off parents, while I have a part-time job. Initially, since I had more disposable income from my job, I treated us to dinners out and similar expenses. After I completed my degree in medical school and stopped working, we began splitting our expenses 50/50. Now that I’ve graduated, I’m about to start earning significantly more than before, while she’s still on the lookout for a student job. If I wanted to, I could easily cover all our current expenses and even save some money. However, since we haven’t been together for very long, I’m concerned about feeling resentful about spending my first earnings. I'm uncertain about how to handle this situation in a way that feels fair but not overly generous. I’ve considered the idea of splitting rent while I cover all the grocery costs and occasional dinners out. I believe this could significantly enhance both our qualities of life without creating any imbalance.

I’m a 26-year-old woman, and my partner, also 26, and I have been in a relationship for nine years. Recently, he went out for drinks and returned home expressing doubts about our relationship.

I’m a 26-year-old woman, and I’ve been with my boyfriend, who’s also 26, for almost a decade. Recently, he’s been acting distant and quiet. When I asked him about it, he kept saying he was fine, but I could sense that something was bothering him. One day, he went out after work and got drunk for the first time ever. He didn’t contact me until just three hours before he was supposed to be home, which was really upsetting for me. When I confronted him about it, he admitted he was feeling stressed and unhappy—not just with himself, but also with our relationship. He expressed that even after nearly ten years together, he feels like we don’t really know each other. I was in tears but tried to communicate my feelings, suggesting couples counseling to help us reconnect. He mentioned that he would seek therapy for himself instead. He struggles to open up and confessed he sometimes wonders if there’s something better out there for him. Although he loves me and doesn’t want to break up, he wished we had met later in life rather than starting a relationship when we were so young. We agreed to try to work things out, with him focusing on his therapy. However, he also mentioned wanting to see what life would be like without me. He’s been avoiding physical affection because it feels dishonest to him. We’re currently living together, and I started packing my things after he asked me to leave, but then he got upset, saying my actions would make it feel like a clean break, even though that’s what he had requested. I asked him again if he wanted space and to experience life without me, and he nodded in agreement. That was yesterday, and now we’re both at home, unsure of how to move forward. I recognize that we’ve both neglected the relationship. Has anyone gone through something similar? I’m curious to know how it turned out for you.

What approach can be taken to help a woman [37/f] navigate an emotionally intense situation with her partner [36/m]?

I’m a 37-year-old woman who's been in a relationship with a 36-year-old man for a year and a half. Everything seemed fine overall—sure, we had our bumps along the way, but nothing major. Then, out of the blue, he cut off all communication with me right after my birthday. A week later, he reached out to say that my having a child (an 11-year-old son) is a dealbreaker for him. This shocked me because my son lives with his father and stepmom in another state—we have shared custody, and I'm just caring for him over the summer. We all get along well, so his sudden reaction left me reeling. I told him that this was a huge issue and that if I had known my child could be a reason for him to walk away, I wouldn't have invested my time. He then mentioned having bad experiences in the past with women who had kids, feeling unsure since he’s never felt such a strong connection with someone before. Our three-hour conversation left me even more confused, as nothing was resolved. He had always been straightforward with me until this point, but I decided it was best to move on since uncertainty is also an answer. What's baffling is that he’s known about my child since our first meeting, so it wasn’t a surprise to him. I consider myself a good mom, educated, employed, kind, and fit—my life is drama-free, so I can't understand why it took him a year and a half to mention this. Fast forward to yesterday, when my car broke down two hours away from home; it lost power steering and smoke was billowing from under the hood. I honestly thought it might explode. Swallowing my pride, I called him for advice since he’s great with cars. He showed up three hours later with a trailer to tow my car back home and even researched how to replace the motor. Now, I’m finding it hard to reconcile all of this. I had decided to have no contact with him before the car incident, but now I’m unsure of what to do. I deeply believe he’s my “person,” but I don’t want to be in a position of trying to change his mind. I just need different perspectives because I feel genuinely lost. His choices and feelings seem so disconnected, and I’m really devastated by the whole situation.

I’m a 38-year-old woman considering divorce, but my 40-year-old husband is pleading with me to stay. I don’t want to hurt him, but I also don’t want to remain in the marriage out of pity. Is there a way to handle this situation appropriately?

I no longer find any joy in this marriage—neither intellectually, physically, nor spiritually. While it’s convenient from a practical perspective, that’s where it ends. He still has feelings for me and wants to give it another shot, but the idea of trying again fills me with dread. I know others have faced similar situations. Is there a graceful way to exit? Lifelong commitments simply aren't for me.

Feeling burned out and uncertain about the future of my relationship. What advice would you give? (F26/M35)

Hi Reddit, I'm feeling a bit stuck in my relationship, and it's weighing heavily on me at times. I really love my partner, and I know he loves me too. We share a wonderfully romantic life together, and it's not often I feel this way—it's like we're soul mates in many aspects, sharing similar views, values, and tastes. However, every relationship has its challenges, and ours is no exception. Lately, these issues have become increasingly overwhelming, making it difficult for me to cope. To summarize, our physical relationship is lacking. We hardly have sex, and it’s taking a toll on my self-esteem. I find myself imagining him with other girls just to feel okay during moments of intimacy with myself, which isn’t what I want. I often long for him to initiate sex, but when that doesn't happen, I’ve caught myself justifying it in unhealthy ways. While journaling, I’ve become more aware of my feelings. Recently, he's started creating adult content for other women, something I’m not comfortable with at all. When I share my feelings, he gets upset and accuses me of hindering his ability to make a living. He wants my help with promoting it, but I just feel jealousy and resentment, so I hesitate to get involved because I don't want negativity to affect his work. He claims it’s hard for him to be intimate with me because of how protective he feels. He’s promised to address this, but I haven’t seen any real change, and in the meantime, he spends his free time watching other women. This topic is a sensitive one for us. We’ve tried to talk it out during drunken discussions, which ended in a breakup for a day and a lot of tension. When sober, he reassures me that he’ll make an effort to improve our sex life. I recently told him that I would have to consider ending the relationship if things don’t change, despite my deep feelings for him. He seemed hurt by this and reiterated his willingness to work on it, but a month has gone by with little progress, and I feel myself slipping back into a depression. Another issue is my desire for more independence. He tends to be very protective when I want to go out alone, believing that I’m vulnerable and at risk. I'm unsure how to approach this situation. I don’t have many friends to confide in, and my family is distant, so I’m reaching out to a broader audience in hopes of finding someone who has been through something similar. How did you navigate these challenges? Sorry if this sounds a bit like a rant; I'm just trying to share my perspective! Thank you!

I’m an 18-year-old female and I intend to move in with my boyfriend, who is also 18, but I have a desire to explore and travel.

Hey everyone! I’m an 18-year-old female considering moving in with my 18-year-old boyfriend and his family once I graduate. Honestly, I’m feeling pretty anxious about it because I’ve never had a relationship where love feels mutual, and I can’t shake this underlying fear that things could go wrong at any moment. Although I'm not too worried about the act of moving in itself—since I know I can always find a place to stay if things don’t go as planned—I'm more concerned about how living together might change our relationship. We already spend nearly every day together and do almost everything as if we’re living together, except for sleeping over. Our relationship is strong, and we’ve been together for about a year now, but I can’t help fearing that this change might somehow negatively affect his feelings for me. I’d really appreciate advice from anyone who has experienced similar feelings or anxiety about moving in with a partner. What strategies helped you cope with your worries? How did you come to feel completely confident about the decision? I’ve tried looking for guidance on TikTok, but much of it adds to my stress, even if it’s mostly positive; the negative stories really hit hard. I just want to avoid reaching a point of comfort, only to feel abandoned or see a shift in his feelings. Just a quick note: I understand we’re young and that this situation might seem unconventional to some, but it makes sense for us. I get along well with his family and practically live at his house already. I'm looking to make this change to escape a difficult home life. It’s only about a 10-minute drive from my current place, so visiting my dad isn’t far if I feel the need. Moving out of state doesn’t appeal to me since I want to stay close to my friends and my boyfriend’s family. We both work full-time and have talked about the need for personal space, so we’ve covered the basics. What I’m seeking advice on is how to overcome my anxiety and become fully comfortable in this new, nearly permanent situation, especially given my past trust issues. I don’t want to delve too deeply into it, but I’ve been through some tough relationships where I faced emotional and sometimes physical abuse, and infidelity. Because of that, I tend to worry that something similar could occur again. I know my boyfriend is not like that at all, but my mind often wanders to those fears—it's just how overthinking goes. This change isn’t huge, aside from the fact that I won’t be making that daily 10-minute drive to his house, and we’ll actually be sharing a bed on his non-working nights. Thanks for any insights you can share!

It's typically those who are "obsessed." [22F]/[21M]

My boyfriend, 21M, and I, 22F, have been together for five months. He is completely smitten with me, expresses his love daily, and can be incredibly considerate. However, I’ve noticed some things that raise concerns about his trustworthiness. Before meeting him, I had just emerged from a traumatic relationship where I discovered my ex was hiding an entire marriage. Meeting my current boyfriend felt like a dream come true; he was incredibly patient, assured me he only wanted me, and waited for me to fully heal emotionally before we started dating. But my trust in him began to waver in January. While at the beach with friends, I asked to borrow his phone to play some music. He suddenly "forgot" his password and was locked out. I was taken aback—how do you forget a password you enter numerous times daily? When I brought it up later, he apologized profusely, acknowledged it seemed suspicious, and even offered me his phone to check. At that point, I declined because whatever might have been there could have already been deleted, but I did remember his passcode. Then, two weeks ago during our camping trip, I looked through his phone while he was asleep. Initially, I found it suspiciously clean—no notes, cleared search history, and his texts with his best friend only dated back two weeks. When I checked his Instagram Explore page, it was filled with OnlyFans girls. His link history revealed he had been viewing their profiles, and I discovered a second Instagram account I had never seen, though it had no followers. What upset me the most is that we had recently discussed this. I had told him that I didn’t mind if he watched porn since I do as well, but OnlyFans feels entirely too intimate. When I confronted him discreetly, he denied searching for those accounts but promised to "minimize" his porn usage. Later that night, I checked again. His link history had been wiped clean except for a few new searches for more OnlyFans models and a girl's VSCO account, which he had visited multiple times. The biggest red flag, however, was when I checked his "hide story from" list—there were 122 people blocked, most of whom were girls. At the beginning of our relationship, I expressed my discomfort with him following so many OnlyFans models and e-girls. He reassured me by unfollowing almost all women—whether they were OnlyFans creators or not—but they still follow him, and now he’s blocking them from seeing his stories? And his main posts? Me. I realize this is a lot to unpack, and I’m unsure how to address it. This situation isn’t like my past relationship where I caught blatant cheating and could simply walk away. This feels too close to cheating for comfort. It breaks my heart because the very person who claims to love me more than anything seems to be acting in secretive ways.

Can a relationship survive after deceit? [26M] [25F]

I’ll keep this brief since it’s a lengthy story and we’ve been discussing it for the past two days. I discovered that my wife was dishonest about something early on in our relationship. What’s really hurting me isn’t the lie itself, but the fact that I had to extract the truth from her, despite giving her several opportunities to be honest during our conversations. Now, I can’t help but wonder what else she might have lied about. Still, I love her and find myself seeking advice from strangers. What’s the biggest lie you’ve encountered in your relationship, and how did you work through it? I’d especially like to hear from those currently in relationships, but I appreciate all responses! Thanks in advance!

Should I, a 34-year-old man, consider breaking up with my 26-year-old girlfriend over a recent issue related to autism?

Sometimes it seems that Reddit can be quick to advise people to simply break up, so I'm seeking thoughtful and careful feedback regarding my situation. At 34, I feel as though my window to find a partner for marriage and family is closing. Should I invest in this relationship further, or is it better to cut my losses? **Background on the relationship:** We've been together for nearly two years and have been living together for about a year. Overall, the relationship has been strong until recently. We hardly argue and generally share similar life goals. However, there are a few significant issues I'd like to address: * My partner consistently believes that I have autism, which I do not have. Over the past two years, there have been 3-5 occasions where her frustration with my behavior led her to attribute it to alleged autistic traits. * The most recent incident raised concerns for me, as her reaction to my behavior seemed unwarranted and inappropriate. * Despite multiple assurances from me that I do not have autism, she remains convinced otherwise. * The behaviors she identifies as "autistic" appear to me as entirely normal, but she insists they are not. * Her belief that I have autism, along with the fact that a family member (my nephew) is on the spectrum, has caused her to feel uncertain and uncomfortable about having children in the future. * Her feelings fluctuate, and it appears much of her anxiety stems from a fear of not being able to manage an autistic child. * While she expresses a desire to have kids, her apprehensions about autism weigh heavily on her. * I've explained that the research regarding familial links to autism is inconclusive, and the likelihood of our situation being affected remains quite low. I appreciate any thoughts or insights you may have. Overall, the relationship has been wonderful aside from the autism-related concerns. Of course, we all have flaws, but these issues warrant serious consideration. Are they red flags or potential dealbreakers?

I just discovered that my partner [22M] messaged someone without my knowledge five years ago. TL;DR

How would you approach this situation, considering it’s been five years since it happened? My boyfriend and I have been living together for three years and have been sharing expenses since 2022. Recently, I discovered that while we were together for just over a year, he messaged a random girl on Discord back in 2020, asking her for revealing pictures of her body. There was no conversation or compliments—just repeated requests for her to send specific images. He sent her pictures of himself, including a sexual image, in an attempt to persuade her to send something back. I checked the timeline to see if we were having any issues at that time, but we were in a good place; in fact, he was texting me while he was messaging her. I had invited him over that day, and we spent time together shortly after his conversations with her. I’ve never suspected him of cheating or flirty behavior, so I was completely blindsided by this revelation. If it had occurred in 2019, when we were going through a rough patch, it might not have shocked me as much. But finding out it happened in July 2020, when we were seemingly solid, made me feel sick. I know it wasn’t emotional cheating, but it still felt like a betrayal given that he was actively seeking explicit exchanges with someone else. The girl messaged him multiple times and he only replied five days later with a casual “What’s up?” indicating he didn’t feel guilty soon after. I confronted him today, and he expressed genuine remorse about his actions, recognizing their seriousness. However, I wanted an explanation, and he admitted he couldn’t provide one because he didn’t remember the details, suggesting it was “insignificant” to him at that time. It felt dismissive to hear him imply he was just trying to relieve himself and that it meant nothing. While we both agree to allow each other to watch porn, the act of going out of his way to exchange intimate pictures with a random person is a different matter. He tried to rationalize his behavior, attributing it to being toxic and young, but he wasn’t excusing it. He urged me not to view him differently because of this, but it’s tough for me to separate that moment from our relationship now, especially since it happened right before he came to see me. He mentioned wanting to keep the lines of communication open to find a resolution, but after hearing that he couldn't explain his actions, I felt it pointless to continue the conversation. While his visible remorse eased my feelings somewhat, I’m still at a loss for what to do next.

My boyfriend [M20] and I [F19] had a disagreement, and his parents witnessed me in tears.

To put it briefly, my boyfriend and I had a pretty intense argument in his bedroom (he still lives with his parents and siblings), and he was yelling loudly enough for everyone in the house to hear, especially since the rooms are so close together. I repeatedly asked him to stop yelling out of respect for both me and his family, as I believe it's disrespectful to argue in someone else's home. He didn’t listen and eventually told me to leave. However, I had to pass through the kitchen where his dad was to exit the house. I was really upset as I walked down, trying to hold back tears after the argument, but his dad noticed I was leaving and asked why I was in such a hurry. I ended up breaking down a bit, my voice shaky as I told him I wasn't sure if I was leaving. He asked about the situation between my boyfriend and me, and all I could say was that we had an argument and I needed some space to cool off. He mentioned he would talk to my boyfriend, so I assume he caught some of the commotion. I feel really embarrassed about this; I didn’t want his family to know about our issues, especially after they saw me crying. My boyfriend also said he heard my conversation with his dad and called me a snitch, which leaves me feeling a bit confused about the whole situation.

I'm a 18-year-old male and I'm feeling uncertain about my girlfriend, who is also 18.

I deeply care for my girlfriend, and we’ve been together for five months as high school sweethearts. I do my best to ensure she feels included and loved, especially since she’s dealing with family issues; her father left when she was around 15 or 16 due to constant fighting between her parents, which created a toxic environment that led to their divorce. This experience has left her feeling as though anyone might leave her at any time. It’s been a few months since we graduated, and she often expresses her loneliness, feeling that she has no friends, or that the friends she did have have drifted away. While I’m more than willing to support and comfort her, I sometimes find myself questioning our current situation and what the future holds. I make the effort to see her almost every day, even though she lives about 7-8 miles away and I don’t have a license. My love for her drives me to do this. However, around four months into our relationship, after the initial honeymoon phase, I’ve encountered some challenges. We’ve had a couple of major arguments that, despite my apologies for everything—even things she did that hurt me—I feel have not been truly resolved. I’ve noticed her sensitivity makes it difficult for me to express my feelings without causing her distress. She tends to cry often, and it pains me to be the reason behind it. Lately, I’ve found myself thinking that I could be with someone who would make me feel more like an equal and wouldn’t place me in uncomfortable situations. I catch myself comparing her to others based on societal beauty standards, which isn’t who I want to be, and it brings me frustration and self-hatred because I genuinely love her and envision a future together. Ultimately, I want this relationship to thrive for both of us. We’ve made mistakes, but all I want is to be a source of support for her without these troubling thoughts clouding my mind. I dread the idea that we might break up simply because we struggle to address our issues in a mature way. Right now, my biggest concern is whether we can overcome these challenges together and not let something small jeopardize everything we’ve built. I need guidance to ensure we can move past this and strengthen our relationship.

My girlfriend (19) has developed feelings for a security guard (32) she just met. Should I wait for her to make a decision?

Sure! Here’s a rewritten version of your text: --- This is a lengthy situation, so I'll do my best to summarize it. **Summary:** My 19-year-old girlfriend is feeling confused and is contemplating ending our 10-month relationship for a 32-year-old security guard with two kids whom she met just four days ago. I'm invested in her family and our future together. I believe in our communication and our ability to work through this. What should we do next? **Background:** My girlfriend and I have been together for 10 months. I had been single for quite a while before we started dating, and I didn't realize that she had just ended her first serious relationship three weeks prior. Up until recently, I’ve been very happy in our relationship; it feels mature and healthy. As both introverts, we spend quality time at home cooking and gaming. I’m deeply in love, and she expresses the same feelings. I was genuinely healing from my past traumas, including being cheated on multiple times, and she has been incredibly supportive and communicative because of this. I also understand that she has her history of abuse, so I strive to be patient and understanding. She appreciates my efforts, which gives me confidence that I'm supporting her well. Initially hesitant to commit, I grew more serious about our relationship when her family made me feel valued and included. She's been clear about wanting marriage and children, and I’m now considering those possibilities seriously. **Current Situation:** Everything changed when I returned from a four-day trip on Wednesday. My girlfriend had just started a new job at a vape store, working closing shifts, and expressed concern about walking home alone late at night. I provided her with mace for protection and indicated that I could pick her up or pay for an Uber if she felt unsafe. She began her new job on Friday, and by Saturday night, she was enjoying it. On Sunday, I shared a dream I had where she confessed her love for a fictional woman, and we ended up discussing the idea of an open relationship. I told her I wouldn't mind if she explored attractions to other women or potentially even participating in a threesome with someone we didn’t know. We agreed to be honest about any attractions to others. However, later that night, she called me in tears. After discussing her feelings about a flirty security guard at her job, she confessed that she felt guilty for finding him attractive, despite being in a committed relationship. She reiterated that she was attracted to his assertiveness and made it clear she valued our relationship but was conflicted. When he walked her home, she expressed to him that while she felt attracted to him, it felt wrong since she is with me. I reassured her of my love and support, emphasizing that I trust her judgment but was uncomfortable with anything happening between them, especially considering how new their relationship is. We agreed to pause the discussion until I returned home. When I got home, I found her in tears, troubled by her attraction to the security guard. During our conversation, she continually asked if I wanted to break up or take a break. I was taken aback, as I thought we were navigating this together. I reassured her of my lack of blame for her feelings; we even discussed experimenting with others, but I reiterated that my concern was specifically about this guard, given his age and their new acquaintance. Later that night, while with her, I made a choice I regretted and checked her phone out of curiosity. I found messages revealing her struggles and a detailed note in her app that poured out her thoughts and feelings. The note expressed her guilt over feeling attracted to the security guard and her realization that I treat her well, but she is drawn to different qualities in a partner. She shared her confusion about wanting to be single to discover herself while fearing she would regret leaving me. **Final Thoughts:** I'm at a crossroads. I see her as a potential life partner and want us to work through this. I want her to feel comfortable and fulfilled in our relationship and be open to exploring new experiences together. At the same time, I don’t want to feel like I need to control her for us to stay together. I also fear the consequences of opening our relationship fully. Thank you for listening. **Summary:** My 19-year-old girlfriend is contemplating ending our relationship for a 32-year-old security guard she just met days ago. I’m committed to our future, and I believe we can work through this confusion together. How should we move forward?

I [32M] feel like I'm not permitted to express any negative emotions when I’m talking to my girlfriend [30F].

My girlfriend and I both work for the same company, but in different regions. She is currently applying for a Vice President position on our national Board of Directors, while I am seeking a Director role for a remote position overseas. Throughout this process, I’ve noticed that whenever I'm feeling down or stressed, she becomes very judgmental and seems to lack understanding of my perspective. When I express my feelings of stress or sadness, she often starts crying, and I find that seeing her upset affects me deeply, often leaving me feeling guilty. It seems that in this relationship, I am discouraged from expressing negative emotions. While I recognize the saying "be a man and tough it up," that doesn't resonate with who I truly am. I want to be open about my stress and share my feelings with her. How should I approach this situation?

My boyfriend [25m] has a much higher libido than I do [24f].

To get straight to the point, my boyfriend (25) has a very high libido, while I (24) have a much lower one. This has been the only source of conflict in our five-year relationship. He’s always ready for sex and feels frustrated if it's been 3 to 5 days since we last were intimate, while I can comfortably go for months without it. We’ve talked extensively about our differences, but we end up going in circles, both understanding that neither of us is at fault—this is simply how we are. We've tried incorporating toys, explored new kinks and fetishes, and even considered an open relationship, but he hasn’t found anyone yet. We went to couples therapy, but the therapist stopped seeing us, saying we were "the most healthy couple she's ever seen." Both of us have done individual therapy as well, but while it provided some temporary relief, it hasn’t led to lasting solutions. I can't use sexual stimulants because I have a gene that could trigger certain cancers. We feel like we’re at our wit's end; we want to get married, but not if we’re going to spend our lives struggling with this emotional issue regarding sex. I feel like I’m living the dream—he's the most understanding and amazing partner I've ever had, my other half, and we don’t want to lose each other over this. I would appreciate any advice, if there’s any to offer at this stage.

I [27F] feel lost and believe I have nothing left to contribute to my marriage with my husband [29M].

I recently went through an abortion, as I was uncertain about the paternity of the baby. I don’t know if my husband can have children, and the other person I was involved with wouldn’t want to raise a child with me. I haven’t confided in my husband about this, as I fear he would leave me for my infidelity. I’m struggling to find a way to move forward in our relationship when I feel so shattered inside. He’s unaware of what I’ve been through, so I can’t lean on him for support. He notices that I’m not putting in much effort into our relationship, but I feel empty and unable to give more. For years, I managed everything—paying our bills, keeping the house tidy, preparing meals, caring for our dogs, and handling grocery shopping. Yet, I was still expected to be available for intimacy whenever he desired. Now, he’s taken on some of those responsibilities and seeks praise for his efforts, wanting me to show my appreciation through affection and intimacy. I’m completely drained, though. We’ve been together for nine years and married for three, but things began to deteriorate toward the end of last year. How can I give when I feel so depleted? How can I reconnect with my husband?

My boyfriend (31) and I (35) are facing significant challenges, and I take full responsibility for it.

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years, sharing a home, a car, and a dog. We’re also planning to get married in the near future. However, recently, we’ve been facing some serious conflicts. He tends to decide when we can discuss our issues, which has made it difficult for us to communicate effectively. Due to concerns about my drinking—since I work at a bar—we came to an agreement that I would stick to seltzers. I've been following this for two months, but I had two cocktails last night. When he picked me up, he pointed it out, saying, "You remember the no liquor agreement, right?" I explained that I tried a new flavor and didn't think having just two drinks was a big deal. It's important to note that this agreement wasn't made because I'm disruptive or careless; I was simply drinking too much, and he feels it's better for me to drink at home. I tend to be a social drinker, so I rarely drink excessively outside. I genuinely believe we have communication problems, and I suggested we try couples therapy. He reacted with anger, accusing me of wrongdoing and insisting that therapy isn’t necessary. I apologized but explained that when he’s upset, he doesn’t communicate as if I’m an equal partner. He believes he needs to "punish" me, thinking that will help me understand his perspective. Unfortunately, when I attempt to express how I feel, especially if it casts him in a negative light, he shuts down the conversation. I’m at my breaking point. He frequently gets upset with me, and when I try to discuss my feelings, they often go unheard. This pattern has only developed this year, and I’m feeling lost about how to move forward. I love him dearly, but I feel like I’m falling apart. I don't want our relationship to end, but it seems like we’re headed toward a critical juncture.

My husband believes it's acceptable to masturbate in front of our child.

I'm feeling really disturbed after what happened in the bathroom. I walked in and found my 4-year-old bathing while my husband was sitting on the toilet touching himself and watching inappropriate content on his phone. I find this behavior incredibly troubling, yet he seems to dismiss it as insignificant. When I confronted him about doing something inappropriate in front of our daughter, he responded with, "It wasn't a proper one." I’m unsure how to handle this situation. I'm feeling repulsed and worried that this may not be an isolated incident.

I, a 31-year-old woman, feel like I'm nearing my limit with my 36-year-old boyfriend.

I've been with my boyfriend for four years, having met during a phase when I was a hopeless romantic. We connected over our jobs and shared interests. However, about two years ago, he lost his job, and I've taken on the financial responsibility, lending him money and covering vacations. Last year, I lost my job too, which forced me to cash out my 401k and tap into my savings. We went through that money in just six months while I searched for new employment. He still hasn't found a job, and I'm left footing the bill for everything. Lately, I've noticed a shift in my feelings toward him; it feels more like I'm his mother than his partner, and we argue frequently. We both have anger issues, and while we manage to reconcile each time, it’s becoming exhausting. We’ve talked about my feelings, but despite our conversations, nothing seems to change. Now, I'm completely out of savings and struggling to make ends meet. I'm at my breaking point, and I often find myself daydreaming about different outcomes. Should I try to work things out or consider walking away?

How can I, a 19-year-old female, inform my parents about my boyfriend, a 22-year-old male, considering that they don't approve of him?

I'm using a burner account to share this. We began as coworkers and friends, but eventually realized we had feelings for each other and started dating. He has joined me on several family trips, always presenting himself as “just a friend.” On one of those trips last year, he had some weed, which my parents strongly disapproved of, and it almost led them to make me stop seeing him. However, after some time, we were able to spend time together again, and we've been officially dating since then. He has joined my family on another trip recently, and everything seems to be going well. My parents are aware that we hang out alone and that we have plans for an upcoming trip with friends. I really want to tell them that I’m dating him because I feel mature enough to do so, and he has been supportive of my family and me. However, I'm unsure of how they will react since he attends community college while I’m at a university, which seems to be an issue for them. It seems like they’ve moved past that previous incident, and he has shown he’s responsible since then, but I’m still feeling conflicted. After that situation, they seemed to think we might be dating and were very much against that idea. What should I do? Keeping this a secret has been challenging for me at times.

Value discrepancies [20M] [20F]

I'm feeling uncertain about what to do. My girlfriend and I have significant differences in our values that could impact our future together. To put it simply, she isn't particularly interested in adopting my last name, which is something that's very important to me. She’s also unsure about when she wants to get married and feels that her family might not allow her to until she reaches her 30s. She even asked me what I would do if I sought her mom's blessing and her mom declined—almost as if she expects that outcome. I'm just feeling lost right now. Being the youngest of three, she mentions that her family tends to be protective of her, and it seems her mom has a major influence over her life choices. I really don’t know what to think or how to proceed.

I'm a 40-year-old man seeking assistance with my 39-year-old wife's gaming habits.

My wife and I generally have a good relationship, but occasionally we experience intense arguments that can leave us feeling miserable for days or even weeks. It typically unfolds like this: my wife will say something, and my non-verbal reaction—like scoffing at her suggestion to apply for a job that requires experience after being out of work for over a decade—comes across as insulting. I eventually recognize how my body language could be hurtful and apologize, stating, "I didn’t mean to imply that you couldn’t get that job. I think you're very capable, and I'm sorry if I upset you." While she believes my apology, it often doesn’t fully mend things. The fact that I gave her "the look" seems to warrant some punishment in her eyes, and she needs time to "heal." She’ll say, “Just leave me alone,” so I respect her space. From that point, the situation could either escalate her anger, or I might find her crying in the bedroom. I get the impression that she sometimes gets frustrated with herself for wanting to be alone when she truly desires comfort. However, I refuse to engage in what feels like emotional games. She might say something like, “You know I don’t want to spend Friday night alone; come talk to me and help me come out of the bedroom,” but I’m not willing to play that game. She could easily choose to come out and act as if she's calmed down, getting a warm welcome back, but she doesn’t. Things seem to be deteriorating. She recently mentioned, "I'll leave you," and while I suspect it’s more empty threats, I’m at a loss as to how to address this. We’ve sought counseling, but she often puts on a façade, making everything appear fine in front of the counselor. My patience is wearing thin. To add to the frustrations, my wife has a rather indifferent attitude toward intimacy, often withholding affection, especially sexual intimacy, until I approach her humbly, apologizing for being a "bad husband" (which I don’t believe I am). This seems to feed into her narrative of feeling mistreated and sets her up for future conflicts in her favor. I’m nearing my breaking point. I appreciate direct and honest conversations, but they usually lead to her losing her temper. It seems as though she tries to escalate our emotions, hoping I’ll lose my cool so she can label me as abusive. However, I’ve become wise to her tactics and remain calm, which only seems to frustrate her more. While she can be incredibly sweet at times, there are moments that leave me questioning if there's a narcissistic tendency within her. I could really use some guidance on how to handle this situation.

I'm a 26-year-old man and I often feel left out of my girlfriend's social circles.

I'll try to be brief. We're both 26 and have been together for over a year, living together and having met each other's families and friends. She studies in my city. Whenever I'm with my girlfriend, I often feel overlooked. She has several social circles spread across different cities, and this dynamic seems consistent in all of them, whether it’s her family, friends, or relatives. They laugh and chat without me while I find myself sitting quietly off to the side, waiting to go home. While there are some friends of hers I connect with well and a few situations that feel normal, about 95% of the time, I feel excluded. This is unique to her and her groups. I'm an extrovert and generally sociable, easily making friends in various environments and cultures. I've navigated countless social settings and have never encountered this issue before, yet it persists with her friends, who also come from diverse backgrounds. Lately, she’s been distant and even labels me as antisocial. I’ve tried discussing my feelings with her, but she often brushes me off and doesn’t take steps to improve things. I engage in conversations, share opinions and jokes, but it feels as though no one pays attention. It’s disheartening that neither her friends nor she makes an effort to include me, even after I’ve expressed my feelings. When we are alone, her attitude shifts, as if I’m a backup option for her. This has been the case since we first met her social circles. My family noticed a lack of respect when our families met; it was just a brief exchange before everyone went back to their groups, leaving us in uncomfortable silence. This pattern isn’t limited to her family; it occurs with many of her friends from various places, even those who don’t know each other. I’ve no reason to think they dislike me, and she claims her family appreciates me. For instance, this week we visited a restaurant with some of her old friends, many of whom I know. For two hours, they reminisced about high school while I and a close friend of hers barely managed to say two words. My girlfriend was engrossed in conversation with her sister and a high school friend, frequently turning her back to me at the table. Despite her sister’s behavior, my girlfriend stopped mentioning it. I attempted to join their discussions about shared memories, but they just smiled politely before returning to their chat. When the topic shifted to politics—something I’m knowledgeable about—I tried to contribute, but they continued talking over me. Later, my girlfriend seemed upset that I wasn’t more involved. I told her that, despite my attempts, no one made the effort to include me, so I didn’t feel engaged. She didn’t accept that, so I shifted the topic by mentioning I was hungry. This encapsulates many similar experiences I’ve had repeatedly over the past year. I’m seeking advice—am I at fault, is it her fault, both of us, or something entirely different? In short, I feel invisible around my girlfriend's family, friends, coworkers, and relatives, a stark contrast to how I interact with other groups where she isn’t present. I have no reason to believe they dislike me, and I genuinely make an effort to be myself. What’s going on?

[38m] my circumstances with a complicated arrangement.

In December 2024, I connected with a woman on Facebook Dating who was in an open marriage, and we ended up booking a hotel together. I had only managed to have sex three times before, and in each instance, I struggled to maintain an erection. I even tried taking Cialis, but it didn’t work for me and I ended up being sick afterward. The pressure I felt around my performance led me to say some regrettable things, resulting in her deciding not to see me again. She thought I was overthinking the situation, and during our conversation, she asked if I was fully erect when I masturbated, which I had to admit I wasn’t able to maintain due to medication I’ve been taking for years. At 38 years old, I’ve only had four opportunities for sex and couldn’t follow through with any of them. After our encounter, I had blood work done and discovered I have borderline low testosterone. I pinpointed some medication that was affecting my libido and attempted to wean off it, but it was too difficult, so I resumed taking it. I also tried a supplement from a sex shop that made me nauseous and later experimented with BlueChew, which actually worked for me, although I still need some time and stimulation to get going—it’s not instant. I’ve been considering using a penis pump and erection gel, but it all feels futile since I lost the chance with someone who genuinely liked me, despite the complications. I feel a deep sense of shame over my situation and have been seeking therapy. I’ve been on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication since I was 20, and my struggles with depression began from feeling distressed about not having had a girlfriend or sex by that age. It feels as though I carry the weight of twenty years of shame. While the BlueChew does help, I’m wary of becoming dependent on it or any similar solutions. I keep wondering why I can’t just succeed at this—it seems like such a natural human experience! If it’s all in my head, I’m not sure how my thoughts could be so overwhelming. I’ve also thought about exploring testosterone replacement therapy (TRT) to address these issues, but I’m still uncertain about that path.

Did I experience grooming? [20F] [40M]

I apologize if this isn’t the right place for this, and feel free to remove it, mods. I’m feeling scared and uncertain about what to do. I’m a 20-year-old female working at a laid-back job where most of my coworkers are around my age (15-early 20s). We all get along really well. My boss, a 40-year-old man, is somewhat lonely and awkward, and a lot of us casually text him about work or other topics. One night, I reached out to him about a schedule change, and he started sharing his frustrations about his day. It felt a bit strange, but wanting to be friendly, I replied with supportive comments. This initiated a lot of texting and more interactions at work. After about a month, he confessed that he had a crush on me. Unsure of how to respond, I avoided the topic and provided vague answers about my feelings. I genuinely liked him as a friend, even though the situation felt uncomfortable, so I kept communicating with him. Over the next five months, I found myself being his emotional support, taking on the roles of caregiver, girlfriend, and therapist. He began referring to me as his “best friend” and expressed that he didn’t know what he would do without me. While I initially enjoyed our closeness and felt empathy for his struggles, it eventually became overwhelming. He constantly sought reassurance that I didn’t dislike him and needed my attention. It started to feel uncomfortable to me. Once I transitioned to college, I realized our relationship was not as healthy as I had previously thought. I felt uneasy every time he would message me. He even wrote me a letter about his hopes for our friendship and how great he thought I was. Our relationship never became sexual or physical, but I worry that if I hadn’t been his employee, things might have escalated. He often found excuses to touch my arm or head, would take sneaky pictures of me, and shared inappropriate sexual jokes and memes. I’m conflicted about whether I was taken advantage of, as I genuinely liked him for a time and even felt a bit of a crush. However, reflecting on it now, I feel embarrassed because I know I wouldn’t be interested in someone so much younger, especially if they were my employee. Looking back, I sense that I may have been manipulated in some way. However, during most of it, I didn’t realize it. My friends are suggesting that I was groomed, but I’m unsure. Could anyone offer guidance?

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