I [26F] feel guilty for wanting to sleep at home instead of with my partner [31M].
I know this may seem trivial, but I appreciate you taking the time to read everything. My partner and I don’t live together full-time yet, but we spend the night at each other's places most nights and are planning to move in together soon since we practically share a home already. On Thursday night, my partner, who I've been with for 15 months, experienced what we think is food poisoning. He had severe vomiting and diarrhea that lasted about seven hours. After that, he’s been somewhat back to normal, aside from lingering fatigue, weakness, and a few digestive issues. Unfortunately, I couldn't sleep that night because he got sick in bed, which meant I had to clean everything and change the sheets, only to have him get sick again shortly after. I worked from home the next day to help him and manage the laundry. He’s been really weak but is slowly able to eat again, though he still feels unwell. I really struggle with vomiting—just seeing or hearing it makes me queasy. Cleaning up after him while lying next to him as he kept getting sick was incredibly tough. Every little sound he makes, like a cough or a burp, makes me jump and worry that he’ll be sick again. Even though he hasn’t actually thrown up since Thursday, my anxiety has kept me from sleeping well. I’ve handled things fairly well given my anxiety, but I feel guilty for being jumpy about every little noise he makes. I’m really tempted to go home tonight to get a good night’s sleep before work tomorrow, yet I feel so selfish for wanting that. He’s my person, and I know that as we spend our lives together, there will be times when we’re both sick or when our kids are sick, and I need to be there for him. Earlier, I stepped out for about an hour to go to yoga and unwind a bit, but he started crying because he didn’t want me to leave when he's feeling so vulnerable. He told me I’ve done a great job caring for him and wished I could stay. It's not like he’s alone; his dad is there to help him if necessary. I've been right by his side since Thursday night, except for a brief time Friday evening when I had to run a race, and an hour on Friday morning to change and tidy up a bit. I even missed my friend's birthday party this weekend to be there for him because I genuinely care, but I’m feeling pretty drained and a bit overwhelmed from being in bed all this time. I apologize for the length of this post; I tend to be long-winded. I just wanted to share my feelings and get the full picture across, as I feel like a terrible person, but I’m really near my breaking point with the constant tension over the last few days. I would appreciate any advice or stories you may have that relate to this experience.