Relationship advices: Long-Term Relationships and Marriage

I'm currently on a break with my partner and I'm unsure of how to act.

I experienced a significant burnout that left me feeling overwhelmed by anxiety and depression. The turning point came when my partner expressed how harshly I had been treating them and mentioned wanting to take a break. That conversation happened nine days ago. I returned to my home country to focus on managing my anxiety and depression, and now we're navigating a long-distance relationship. My partner is also struggling with depression, which has worsened since the break. They feel guilty for initiating it and are hesitant to express love or even allow me to refer to myself as their boyfriend, which I believe stems from their feelings of guilt. Despite this, my feelings for them remain strong. I want to show them how much I care and win them back, perhaps by doing some romantic gestures or being more affectionate. I worry that if I keep our interactions too casual, I might lose them completely. I'm uncertain about the best way to handle this break, but I genuinely love them and believe I can mend the hurt I caused. I truly see a future together. What steps should I take to address this situation?

My girlfriend and I, who have been together for a year and a half, are taking things slower.

Hello everyone, I'm new to this subreddit! :) This past weekend, my girlfriend and I had our biggest fight in our relationship, which has lasted a year and seven months. Until now, we’ve rarely had any disagreements—what we previously experienced wouldn’t even be classified as fights. After a few days of limited communication, we finally had an intense conversation about what went wrong and how we can improve. I realized that I made some mistakes, and we discussed our issues openly. During our talk, she suggested the idea of being friends, which really hit me hard because I thought I might be getting dumped. We then acknowledged that we had become too reliant on each other—almost in an unhealthy way. We weren't functioning as our own individuals anymore, so we decided to press the "slow down" button. We're both going to take some time apart to focus on personal growth and independence. She mentioned that she still loves me and has feelings for me, but she needs to figure out if our relationship can work in the long run. I don’t want to get caught in a situation where I’m just being strung along, but I’m determined to not lose her. Is it common to try this for a month or two before deciding on the future, or does this seem like a step in the right direction? Has anyone else faced a similar situation? This is my first long-term relationship, and while I feel hopeful, I also have some anxiety about it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! :)

I (24M) am unsure how to handle my girlfriend's (24F) ongoing emotional distance.

I'm not one to typically seek advice, but I'm feeling pretty conflicted and having trouble seeing the situation clearly. I'm a 24-year-old man and have been in a relationship with my girlfriend, who is also 24, for a year. Lately, I've sensed that something's off, especially since around November. We live apart—she has a roommate— and we usually see each other once or twice a week. Our outings typically involve watching movies, going for walks, or having dinner together. This has been our routine since the beginning of our relationship. I've always found it a bit odd, as my friends and I used to spend much more time together with previous partners. After coming out of a more intense relationship, I thought a change in pace would give me some much-needed personal time. I assumed that as our relationship progressed, she'd become more open. Unfortunately, that hasn't happened, and it's increasingly bothering me. I've talked to her about it, and she cites her exhaustion after work and an unpredictable schedule as reasons for her limited availability. While I understand where she's coming from, I also believe that being adults means we need to manage our time effectively in a relationship. There's nothing especially 'wrong' with her; she's not controlling or prone to starting arguments, which is why I've tried to overlook other issues that have made me uneasy. In the earlier stages of our relationship, we were intimate almost every time we saw each other. However, in the past few months, I can count the number of times we've been intimate on one hand. I’ve hesitated to bring this up, as I don’t want her to think that my only concern is the frequency of our intimate moments. During our last meeting, the atmosphere felt strained, almost like nails on a chalkboard. Conversations seemed forced; when I shared insights from a book I was reading, she just responded with a disinterested “oh.” Although I’ve always felt our interests were somewhat different, I believed we could bridge that gap. I genuinely try to engage with the things she enjoys, but that moment hurt. Additionally, I noticed that she didn't touch me at all, while she used to be more physically affectionate. What really unsettled me was that she had just gotten lip fillers the day before and gave me a quick peck, saying it was because her lips needed to heal and she wanted to avoid complications. But then, she proceeded to vape throughout the evening. I'm feeling lost on how to proceed, especially since my friends have given me a mix of conflicting advice. I'm seeking some impartial perspectives on my situation. Thanks for taking the time to read this!

Girlfriend distancing

20F, 20M. Hello, I've been in a relationship for 1.5 years, and while we've had our ups and downs, things took a turn recently. Over the past month, my girlfriend has been distancing herself from me. We live apart, and in the last three weeks, I've been organizing fewer sleepovers as I'm in the process of moving to a place where I intend to live with her. I thought she was excited about this change, but since we visited the new place about two weeks ago, she's expressed second thoughts and has been quite negative about the idea. She tends to be more pessimistic than I'm used to, which I've come to accept as part of her personality. She also experiences mood swings and often shows her affection differently from one day to the next. She self-diagnosed herself with BPD, or at least that's what her high school psychologist suggested. Today, she told me she's losing interest in being emotionally close to me. Over the past month, her texting has become sluggish, and she's fallen out of our usual routines (like good morning texts and saying "I love you"). I might be overreacting at this point. I’m just not ready to let her go; she’s one of my first serious relationships, and I always envisioned her by my side. I'm hopeful that things might improve when she spends some nights at the new place, hopefully next week. I'm looking for general advice on how someone in my situation should approach this.

I'm uncertain whether ending my relationship with my boyfriend will turn out to be a mistake I'll regret forever.

I really appreciate Reddit for its advice, but I'm seeking guidance on a specific issue. Here's my situation: I'm a 23-year-old woman in a relationship with my boyfriend, who is 29, and we've been together for just over three years in the UK. I love him deeply, but we seem to want different things in life. I've always dreamed of traveling and am nearly certain I do not want children, while he aspires for a stable relationship with a mortgage and kids. We've almost ended things multiple times due to this disparity, but I recently suggested I could compromise on travel. As someone with auDHD, I find it hard to meet new people and be away from my family, so I think I would prefer vacations over long-term travel. I want to experience new cultures, but it’s not about the typical "traveling experience.” I also lack the desire to raise children and want to focus on living my life for myself. If I ever decide to have kids, I feel it would be when I’m in my 30s, when I might be ready and have accomplished the things I want. My boyfriend, who struggles with his relationship with his father, seems to want to be the father figure he never had. When we first met, he mentioned he felt if he wanted kids, he would have had them by now. I interpreted that as a no, but since then, our differing views on this have become more pronounced. We came to a compromise where I told him I wouldn’t try for a baby, but if I accidentally got pregnant, I’d go along with it. Recently, he got a puppy, and I’ve been having a hard time adjusting to this change in our relationship dynamics. He works night shifts and we don’t live together due to rental issues, so I only see him two nights a week. When we do spend time together, he’s often exhausted from caring for the puppy. I’ve felt frustrated because our relationship used to be spontaneous and fun, but now it feels stagnant. I worry about whether this is what our future holds. I might have been too harsh when I said I wasn’t willing to settle for this change, especially after I had already compromised on travel and kids. I think he believes breaking up might be best for me, as he feels like he’s holding me back. However, I struggle with PMDD, which impacts my emotions, and I often express my feelings out of anger and frustration. I’m confused about my feelings; I know I love him and we both believe we’re meant to be together. He even suggested I do what I need to do and enjoy life, hoping we might reconnect in the future, but I’m scared to take that risk. If we broke up and he started a family, I would be devastated. I feel uncertain about what I want in life, and though people tell me there’s no rush, I feel the pressure of our age difference. I don’t want him to wait indefinitely as I figure things out, but I also don’t want to lose him. My desires constantly shift, but one constant has been my love for him. It’s heartbreaking to think I might lose the love of my life over these differences. He has said he could make peace with the idea of not having kids, but I don’t want him to regret that decision and resent me later. I would love to hear from others who have experienced similar issues in relationships—how did you reconcile different desires, and did you end up feeling satisfied or regretted your choices? Or any general advice on whether there’s a possibility for us to make this work? We share a simple lifestyle and enjoy our time together, but it’s just about the kids and my uncertainty about my future that provides these challenges. I’m feeling really lost because of how deeply we love each other, and the thought of possibly losing him over these differences is so painful. Thanks for listening.

My boyfriend (24) prefers that I (22) don't bring weed products into our future home. Should I just go along with his wishes?

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and are planning to get married next month. He confided in me about his discomfort with my marijuana use, so I made a point not to smoke around him. When he started to complain about the smell, I switched to disposable vape pens. As we spent more time together, I reduced my smoking from 2-3 times every couple of months. Recently, we discussed the prospect of buying a house together. Initially, he expressed that he didn't want any weed in the house. I explained that I would use vapes instead, which produce no smoke and have little odor, and that I wouldn't use them around him. He suggested I keep it in my car and smoke elsewhere, but eventually, he offered that I could have a shed or garage for it. I found this response somewhat unreasonable because it’s vapor and I would never smoke it around him. This situation bothers me because I've made significant changes to accommodate his feelings, and yet he seems unwilling to compromise on this one aspect. I've already reduced my usage significantly, and I feel that if I own a house, I should have the freedom to enjoy it as I wish. Am I overreacting?

What are the best ways to manage a long-distance relationship?

My girlfriend [18F] and I [18M] have been together for about two years, and in six months I’ll be moving away to pursue my master’s degree for the next four years. I know it might seem silly since we’re just teenagers and a long-distance relationship can be tough, but we both really want this to succeed. Unlike many relationships in our generation, we strive to handle our issues maturely and communicate openly—it's us against the world. Still, I can’t help but feel worried and a bit anxious about what the future holds. Does anyone have any advice on how we can make this work? I’m determined not to let go of this incredible opportunity. TLDR: Looking for tips on transitioning from being in the same town to a long-distance relationship.

I want to connect with my boyfriend on a much deeper level.

I'm looking for suggestions on thought-provoking questions and conversations to have with my significant other. I'm a 27-year-old female and he's a 30-year-old male. Lately, I feel like I'm not asking enough meaningful questions, and our discussions often seem to stay on the surface. I want to explore questions that will encourage him to reflect deeply, perhaps ones that could lead him to share more emotional experiences. What types of questions do long-term couples ask each other to deepen their understanding, even after many years together?

I would really appreciate any perspective you can offer. Thank you!

This month marks six years that my partner and I have been together. I'm 41, and he's 45. We moved quickly at the start of our relationship, jumping into a live-in job managing rental properties after knowing each other for only about a month. It was a wild experience, but it gave us valuable insights into how we handle stress, finances, and personal relationships during that time. Fast forward five years: my father passed away in September, just one day after he tried to initiate a discussion about how long our relationship might last. Then, just last night, while discussing a loan for a significant purchase, my partner made a remark suggesting I could take the loan with me if we were to break up. I’ve never had a strong desire for marriage, so I haven’t held any specific expectations, and I tend to live in the moment. I’ve been focusing on becoming more financially responsible and recently paid off some debt. However, I’m starting to feel a nagging curiosity that’s edging toward insecurity, and I want to address that before it becomes a bigger issue.

Tips for Navigating Long-Distance Relationships

I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for two years now. Initially, everything was fantastic; we would talk every morning and night, which felt so special. However, my boyfriend recently landed a job with an American company, and he now lives in another country. He works night shifts based on New York time, so by the time I wake up, he’s already at work. As a result, our conversations have become limited to just brief messages throughout the day. I only get to talk to him for about five minutes in the afternoon during his meal break. During my night, he’s asleep—understandably so, as he works 12-hour shifts. I’m starting to feel quite lonely and am struggling with the timing differences. I often find myself trying to express everything in those quick five minutes, and it’s hard to get my thoughts across. While we do text, it can take an hour for him to respond. I realize I’ve become quite attached to him, and it’s been tough. If only he had a schedule that aligned better with the time zone here in California, things would be so much easier. Unfortunately, juggling his New York hours while I’m in California has made things really challenging. He works in logistics, and I miss him so much that sometimes I feel frustrated with him. What should I do? I'm a 19-year-old female and he's a 21-year-old male.

Here are the pros and cons of my boyfriend. I'd appreciate your feedback and opinions.

For context, I'm a 20-year-old female, and he’s a 21-year-old male. We're in a semi-long-distance relationship, seeing each other about once a month, and we’ve been together for two years. Both of us are currently in college, and I also work part-time. **Pros** 1. He’s very affectionate and loves to cuddle, which makes me feel desired. 2. It’s clear he’s attracted to me; he expresses a strong desire for intimacy, which I appreciate. 3. He encourages me to be my healthiest self, reminding me to take my medication, eat well, exercise, keep up with schoolwork, and attend classes. 4. He provides comfort during tough times, especially since I live with my parents, who have a tumultuous relationship. My dad's alcoholism leads to frequent arguments that are hard for me to witness. He offers support and has suggested moving in together to help me escape that situation. When I’m upset, he tries to distract me. 5. His loyalty is unwavering. He shows little interest in other girls, and his social media is filled with fitness videos and memes. He doesn’t communicate with any girls apart from me, and I have his phone password, which gives me peace of mind regarding his trustworthiness. 6. We easily connect on many topics, including politics, spirituality, humor (which is vital), future family goals, and our tastes in things like homes and clothing. He doesn’t do drugs or drink often, which aligns with my values. 7. He makes me feel safe and cared for. Once, when I had too much to drink and got sick, he took care of everything, from cleaning up to helping me shower and get comfortable again. Despite my embarrassment, he was nothing but supportive. **Cons** 1. He can be quite cheap. While I understand the value of being frugal, his penny-pinching can become irritating, especially since he isn’t struggling financially. He could easily get a part-time job like I do but doesn’t want to. 2. He rarely gives gifts. Despite knowing how important this is to my love language, he doesn’t offer anything like flowers, love notes, or even a simple candy bar. I’ve expressed my feelings about this multiple times, but he hasn’t changed. He even mentioned he “doesn’t really want to” but agreed to try only after I insisted. 3. He shows little interest in activities I enjoy and won’t even pretend to like them for my sake. If I suggest a walk, he typically declines. It’s rare for him to agree to do something I enjoy, like pottery painting, even though I make an effort to participate in his interests. 4. He often criticizes my spending, even when it’s for him or not extravagant. It’s rare for him to acknowledge anything positively when I buy something. 5. He seems unambitious about his future. When we talk about our life ahead, he appears resigned to a mundane 9-5 desk job, lacking passion or goals to change that path despite knowing he wants more. 6. Although he finds me attractive, his reactions when I model clothes for him often feel distracted or uninterested. He acknowledges me if I'm in something particularly revealing but doesn’t respond as many girls would hope for. 7. He can be very stubborn, believing he’s right about everything, even when I have evidence to the contrary. Admitting he’s wrong or being open to new information is a challenge for him. 8. His stubbornness extends to working through conflicts. It often takes considerable effort for him to acknowledge my feelings and say he’ll work on himself for my sake. For instance, when I expressed my desire for us to walk my dog, he didn’t validate my feelings and instead emphasized his own indifference. 9. Occasionally, he spends too much time flexing and posing in the mirror while I’m trying to engage him in conversation. I find him attractive, but it can feel a bit out of place when I'm looking for connection. 10. I often feel unappreciated. I try hard to engage in his interests, cook for him, and do thoughtful things like having breakfast ready when he visits. Yet, he rarely acknowledges these efforts on social media or in any significant way, which leaves me feeling like my gestures go unreciprocated. While I understand it may seem trivial, it would mean a lot to me if he expressed his appreciation more openly.

My husband (34M) believes that I (33F) idealize him and tend to treat him like a parental figure.

My husband (34M) believes that I (33F) treat him like a parent, drawing from the adult/parent/child dynamic popularized by a leadership figure whose name I can't recall. He feels like I've placed him on a pedestal, and I worry that this is damaging our long-term relationship. I'm feeling stuck in a mental rut. I'm unsure how to change this mindset because I don't fully grasp what I'm doing wrong. Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you overcome it? What strategies did you implement, and what kind of mental shift did you need to achieve?

My partner (24 non-binary) and I (25 female) are considering moving in together.

We've been dating for around five months now, and we've both been saving up to move out of our parents' homes. Unfortunately, we haven't had any luck finding roommates, so I decided to take the plunge and ask if they would be open to the idea of moving in together. Even though we haven't known each other for long, our communication is excellent, and we both meet each other's needs so far. I especially appreciate how we reassure one another and express gratitude for each other's support. Feeling truly listened to is new for me, and it's the main reason I'm considering this step despite the relatively short duration of our relationship. We both recognize that moving in together is a significant decision, so we've agreed to have a more in-depth discussion in a few days after we’ve organized our thoughts and any concerns. I'm glad they're receptive to the idea and feel confident about our relationship so far. What topics should we discuss and what should we consider before making this move? Any advice, personal experiences, regrets, or insights you wish you had would be greatly appreciated!

My boyfriend (20M) is eager to marry me (20F), but I'm not interested in getting married.

When I was younger, I never envisioned getting married or having kids. When I met my boyfriend at 18, I made it clear that I didn’t want children or marriage, and that my mind wouldn’t change on the matter. Fast forward to now, and my boyfriend is considering joining the army. He keeps mentioning that if we were to marry, I would benefit financially, but I’ve firmly told him no. I thought that would settle the issue, but he hasn’t stopped bringing it up. He has even discussed it with his friends, who are now calling me hurtful names. My boyfriend believes that my reluctance to marry means I don’t love him, which couldn't be further from the truth. I love him deeply, but marriage simply doesn’t appeal to me, and if I were to marry, it wouldn’t be for financial reasons. He continues to pressure me and make unkind remarks. How should we navigate this situation?

Seven years without a ring.

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend (28) for seven years as of December 26, 2024. I set a deadline for him to propose by April 1, 2025, and made it clear that if he doesn’t take some action by then, I’ll be leaving. I want to have children, but I won’t do so until we’re married. Today, he asked me to extend the deadline because he needs more time to save up. To clarify, I’m not interested in a traditional wedding or reception; I just want to elope, possibly in Las Vegas. Despite this, I stood my ground and refused to change the date because I’m tired of waiting. Now, he’s giving me the silent treatment. I don’t feel like I’m asking for too much—we're both financially secure. I feel disrespected and like my time is being wasted. I need advice because I’m at my breaking point and ready to walk away today!

Is it possible to rekindle my relationship with my partner of 11 years?

**How can I improve my relationship?** I’m struggling to reconnect with my partner (F38) of 11 years, and I’m not sure how to move forward. I don’t want to lose what we’ve built over the last 11 years, but sometimes I feel like she doesn’t love me. I'm not sure if I'm just being overly sensitive or if there’s something more going on. We’re not married, and we don’t have children, and currently, we don’t live together. We cohabited for about four years before breaking up for roughly six months (a decision I made) because I felt there was some resentment on her part. During our breakup, she expressed a desire to get back together and promised to treat me better. We’ve been back together for five years (still not living together), and while things improved initially, I’ve been feeling unappreciated over the past year. Some of her behaviors come across as selfish and immature, but again, I’m questioning if I’m overreacting. Here are some examples: When there’s a shopping bag that needs to be carried, she refuses to do so if it doesn’t contain her items, insisting, “Why should I carry your stuff?” I understand the expectation is that, as the man, I should do the heavy lifting, but it feels like she’d prefer to watch me struggle rather than lend a hand. If I ask for her help, I often receive a snide remark. Societal norms suggest I should be the primary driver in our relationship, but I’m a nervous driver while she is quite confident. She frequently reminds me that she does most of the driving and even uses it as leverage sometimes, saying, “Well, if you want me to drive...” One time, when I was staying at her place, I received a late-night call about my dad's accident. As I anxiously called around hospitals for information, she offered no support or concern—only complained about the noise and the fact that I was keeping her up, waiting until the next day to gripe about it. Since my dad returned home from the hospital, she’s joined me for two visits. Each time, she kept her jacket on and didn’t engage with my parents. If I suggest visiting them, she makes insensitive comments about their home. I feel that, for my sake—someone she claims to love—she should make an effort, even if she finds it uncomfortable. After each visit, she insists I “owe” her for doing something she didn't want to. She seems to expect me to focus on my own activities when she’s busy, but when she’s free, she wants us to spend that time together. I’m not talking about social outings; I mean pursuing my own hobbies. I can’t shake the feeling that she’s unhappy, as her main pastime appears to be mindlessly watching TV. While she talks about “quality time,” that often just means sitting together in front of the screen. If I try to engage in my hobby while she watches, it seems to upset her. When it comes to children, we both felt ready to start a family a few years back, and we even visited a fertility clinic. We were told we needed to make lifestyle changes, which we both accomplished. However, when I bring up returning to the clinic, she declares she’s no longer interested in having children because she feels too old and wants to enjoy life without the responsibilities, which breaks my heart. I’ve always wanted to be a dad, and I’m struggling to understand how her feelings could change so drastically over time. Had she originally expressed this sentiment, it would’ve been a deal-breaker for me. Our sex life is also suffering, likely my fault, as I don’t have much of a sex drive. It’s challenging to feel desire when I sense a lack of love and intimacy from her. Despite being on medication for depression, she has once remarked she would prefer a “crazy and horny” version of me over a “sane but not horny” one. At this point, I feel lost, confused, and hurt. I don’t want to end an 11-year relationship, but I’m uncertain if I can make her happy or if she truly loves me. **TL;DR:** I'm a 35-year-old man in a distant 11-year relationship with a 38-year-old woman. I need advice on how to reconnect and improve our situation.

How can my boyfriend (44M) and I (25F) determine when the right time to get married is?

This is a bit of a long story with many details to consider, so please bear with me. My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years and moved in together six months ago, and we’re really happy. We’ve talked about our future, including our desire for marriage and kids, despite the age gap between us. Growing up in Utah, we know that a two-year relationship is considered lengthy, especially compared to the typical six months before engagement. This holiday season, we’ve faced a lot of pressure from our families to tie the knot, with repeated questions about our wedding plans. Coupled with the age difference (as he isn’t getting younger when it comes to wanting kids), the pressure feels even more intense. I personally feel ready for marriage sometime in the next year, but my boyfriend expressed that he wants us to be emotionally stable first. I agree with him, but I’m not sure what else we need to work on since I believed we were emotionally balanced. Today, he surprised me by saying he wants to address certain things before we consider marriage. I asked him directly if he still wanted our relationship and the future we had discussed. He admitted that if our relationship stayed the same indefinitely, he wouldn’t want that. However, he believes we can make progress. This was a total shock for me, as he hadn't previously mentioned any dissatisfaction, and I thought we communicated well and understood each other. We had already discussed specific plans regarding marriage and our future, so I felt blindsided. Logically, I know the solution is to continue improving our communication and understanding of one another, but I can’t shake the fear of not being married a year from now. I fear being stuck in a stagnant relationship. Marriage is important to both of us because we both want children. I have so many questions, and I’m feeling lost about what I thought was a solid foundation. I would really appreciate any advice. Thank you!

My female partner (34) isn't interested in marrying. What’s the best way to discuss this with her?

**(Summary: My partner is not interested in marrying me.)** To provide some context, both of us married at a young age and have experienced divorce. We've been in a relationship for three years and share a child together. We are deeply committed to one another and envision a lifelong partnership. Our love is evident, as we express our affection in many ways—except for the absence of a marriage proposal. I've mentioned my desire to marry him three times now, and each time he has expressed that he doesn’t believe marriage is necessary, arguing that a piece of paper doesn’t validate his love for me. He views marriage as unimportant and meaningless. During our last conversation about it, I conveyed that marriage holds emotional significance for me, as well as practical benefits and legal protections. He acknowledged my perspective but responded with a somewhat dismissive remark before changing the subject. I want to marry him not only because I love him, but also because I wish to fully experience life with him, including the commitment of marriage. I dream of calling him my husband, exchanging rings and vows—nothing extravagant, just a simple, intimate ceremony with our closest friends and family. I also worry about the potential implications for our assets in the event of unexpected situations, where legal considerations could complicate matters. Honestly, it hurts that he doesn't want to marry me. If he loves me as much as he claims, why wouldn’t he want to solidify our bond in as many ways as possible? In his previous marriage, he frequently expressed his love for being married and referred to his spouse publicly. Yet, when it comes to our relationship, public displays of affection are rare. I know I need to bring this up again soon and share my feelings honestly, despite how vulnerable it may make me feel. I'm concerned about building resentment over this issue and how it might create distance between us. This is the only significant issue in our otherwise healthy relationship. He treats me wonderfully, has supported me through many challenges, and has brought immense peace to my life as a loving partner and father. It’s just this one matter that weighs on me. Perhaps I am being overly romantic, or maybe I’m fixating on something that isn’t as crucial as I believe it to be. I would appreciate any insights, as I'm hesitant to discuss this with anyone in my life.

My girlfriend (20 years old) needs some time apart from our relationship (21 years old) to focus on her mental health and deal with her underlying depression.

About five months ago, I connected with this girl, and we really hit it off. I got her Instagram, and since then, we've been chatting and chatting on the phone every day. We've been together as a couple for three months now, even though we’re in a long-distance relationship—she's in America, and I'm in New Zealand. We have a strong trust between us. However, recently, she started to talk less, and while I understood it might be due to the Christmas and New Year season, it felt a little off. So, I reached out to her last night, and she opened up about how she’s been feeling. She mentioned that she’s going through a tough time and is afraid of slipping back into depression, something she’s experienced before, and it was really bad. She was very open about her feelings, saying that right now, she needs a friend more than a boyfriend. She wants to take some time to focus on herself because she often neglects that. In the past, when she faced similar challenges, she lost a lot of friends and feared losing me as well. That’s when she suggested taking a break from our relationship until she feels ready to reconnect. I assured her that I completely understand and that I’m willing to wait, as she is the only one I want to be with. While I trust her completely, I can't help but feel a bit hurt. I had hoped we could work through this together, but I realize I’m not a therapist, so I’m not sure if that’s the best approach. I would really appreciate any suggestions on how I can express my support and show her that I’ll always be there for her during this time.

Should I consider getting a cat even if my girlfriend isn't in favor?

I'm a 22-year-old male, and I've been in a wonderful relationship with my girlfriend (21) for the past year and a half. She is an amazing partner—loving, kind, and generally a great person. I care for her deeply. While we don't live together at the moment and have no plans to for a while, she is currently in graduate school, and I've just finished college and started working full-time. A bit of background: I've always had a passion for animals and have dreamed of having a cat ever since I could remember. Now that I have my own place post-college, I'm really looking forward to getting one. My girlfriend also loves animals, but she prefers not to keep them indoors. Early in our relationship, she made it clear that if we were to marry, she wouldn't want pets living in the house. I mostly agree with her—I'm a strong proponent of outdoor dogs—but I believe that cats can thrive indoors if cared for properly, as they are generally clean animals. We definitely differ on this opinion. Now I'm torn about whether to get a cat. I've been bringing it up frequently because I'm really excited, but I can sense that she doesn't share that enthusiasm. Whenever I mention it, her mood shifts and she seems a bit down. She's never outright told me not to get a cat, as she would never do that, but she has expressed concerns about feeling uncomfortable around cat hair. I've reassured her that I would keep my apartment clean to ensure she wouldn't notice any mess when she visits. Part of me wants to adopt a cat just to demonstrate that it’s possible to maintain a tidy home with a pet. However, I don’t want to jeopardize our relationship by bringing in a cat, but I really hope to have one. What should I do? Oh, and I should mention that I live in a one-bedroom apartment without a yard, so the cat would need to stay indoors.

Have I fallen out of love with my husband?

I'm seeking advice from those with experience in marriage or divorce. I'm a 30-year-old woman married to a 33-year-old man for eight years, and we've been together for twelve. We have three kids aged 11, 7, and 15 months. To provide some context, he is an amazing partner—he shares household chores, offers emotional and financial support, and spends quality time with our kids, though his night work makes that challenging at times. We have a strong friendship, often finishing each other’s sentences and sharing lots of laughter. However, I’ve noticed a significant lack of physical attraction for quite some time now. Although we do argue, I believe that’s normal in any relationship. I have struggled with low libido for many years since becoming a parent, and while I've often pushed myself to be intimate, I no longer feel compelled to do so, which is creating issues for him. I really care for him; he’s truly my best friend and has supported me through so much, yet I can’t shake the feeling that I might be ungrateful. It’s hard to describe, but I don't feel that initial spark or that I'm actively in love with him. I often think he deserves someone better because I know I can be emotionally challenging. Is this a common experience after being in a relationship for a long time, especially starting young, or should I consider seeking couples counseling or personal therapy?

Unrealistic expectations regarding a possible proposal

Hey everyone, I’m a 25-year-old woman, and I have this strong feeling that my boyfriend, who's 27, might propose soon. We've been together for over a year and have been living together for about a year now. He knows I feel he’s "the one," and we often discuss marriage and our future. His family frequently hints that they believe I’m the one he’ll marry. He knows my preferences for rings and my size. We’ve talked about proposals, and while he insists he has a specific plan in mind, he refuses to share the details—thank goodness, because I don’t want to know! Recently, though, he seems to be acting a bit differently. It’s not in a suspicious way or anything like that. It started when he mentioned that a coworker is proposing to his girlfriend on Christmas Day. I responded, “Wow, that’s exciting! They have kids together.” He then quipped, “You wish that was you, don’t you?” I replied that I absolutely want to marry him, but we already share a life together, and I don’t want to pressure him. I told him, “When it happens, it happens.” He went quiet for a bit, and in his usual joking manner, he said, “Oh, so you don’t want to marry me…” I laughed it off, but I’m unsure if he was actually offended or just being playful. Fast forward three days, and I had a dream where he proposed. This week has been filled with signs—like seeing couples getting engaged on social media. The other night, while we were looking at Christmas lights, we spotted a big inflatable ring. I’m quite spiritual and believe that the universe gives us signs, and my intuition keeps telling me he’s either planning to propose or has something in mind. Am I being unrealistic or overthinking this? I’m hesitant to bring it up with him because if he’s not planning anything, I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment or put pressure on him. I know that kind of pressure can strain a relationship over time. I’ve never felt this way about anyone else, but my best friend shares a similar hunch—though we like to joke that we might just be a bit delusional!

The other day, my boyfriend (35m) mentioned engagement rings.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now. Although we don’t live together, I spend five days a week at his place, and we see each other nearly every day. Recently, he asked me what type of engagement rings I like, claiming it was just out of curiosity. I truly love him and, for the first time in my life, I feel like I’ve found my soulmate. While I know no one can read his mind, I’m curious—would he bring up such a topic casually if he didn’t have serious intentions? I wouldn’t mind if our relationship moved in that direction, and we’ve discussed marriage loosely before. Is this just a playful comment, or does it hint at something more serious? How might this be interpreted in my situation? Thanks for your thoughts!

My partner and I do not share a common goal.

My partner (F26) and I (F26) have been together for six years. I’ve been open about my desire for marriage and children, but her responses are usually along the lines of “let’s do it now” or “I’m not someone who likes to plan everything, as we can’t predict the future.” Each time I bring up this topic, her replies make me question everything about our relationship. She’s a wonderful partner and my best friend, but sometimes I feel like she’s not ready to settle down with me. This thought makes me feel sad, regretful, and upset that we’ve been in this situation for so long. I don’t want to give her an ultimatum or pressure her into shaping our relationship according to my wishes, fearing it would lead to resentment. I'm scared to end the relationship, but I’m losing hope for our future together.

I love you?

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 13 months, and we've essentially been living together for that entire period. I own a house that has been on the market for 8 months, and we’ve agreed that I will fully move in with him once it sells. He is very caring, and his actions show that he values me, but he has never expressed his feelings using the "L" word. Recently, he referred to us as liking each other, which was a bit disheartening for me. I first brought up this topic in November, and he mentioned that he intended to say it during our trip in October, but it just didn’t feel like the right moment (that trip had its challenges!). It's been five weeks since that conversation, and still nothing has changed. Both of us have been married before, and I understand that the word carries significant weight for him. I worry about investing my time in someone who may not feel strongly enough about me. I’m 39, he’s 38, and I really want to have a child. Should I stay in this relationship, or do actions truly speak louder than words?

Pages: [1] 2