Long-Term Relationships and Marriage • eleanorflare • 1mo ago

Should I take a job I don't enjoy and live with my girlfriend, or pursue a job I’m more passionate about and do long-distance? (21M)

**My Situation**: I’m nearing the end of my senior year in college and have received job offers in both New York and California. I would prefer the position in California, as it’s closer to my family—just a 30-minute drive from where I will be working. In contrast, while the New York job isn’t terrible, the city feels incredibly overwhelming for me when I visit. **Our Situation**: My girlfriend and I have been in a long-distance relationship since the end of high school, totaling 3.5 years. Naturally, we want to live together, but she plans to work in New York for a year before pursuing graduate school for 4-5 years. This means we could only live together for that brief year, assuming she secures a job there (which I’m also worried about). I’ve shared my preference for the California position, which has upset her, and now I feel confused about how to move forward. On one hand, I’m eager to live with her in New York, but if it’s only for a year, what happens when she goes to grad school? I’d be left in New York without her, which feels like a major reason to accept that job in the first place. Meanwhile, the California opportunity seems promising career-wise and would put me closer to my family, but that distance could strain our relationship, potentially leading to a breakup. I need advice on how to navigate this situation, as I have to make a decision in **three days.**


carolinejohn • 1mo ago
What aspects of the job in California excite you the most, and how do they align with your long-term career goals?
alexanderfire • 1mo ago
It's tough to choose between love and passion. Think about what you value most right now—your future career or your relationship. If you believe long-distance is manageable, pursue the California job. But if living together is a priority, the New York gig might be worth it for that year. Trust your gut!
carolinelevi • 1mo ago
It’s tough balancing love and career, but think about your long-term happiness. If the California job ignites your passion and gets you closer to family, it might be worth considering. Talk openly with your girlfriend about fears and plan ways to stay close, even from a distance. Your happiness matters!