My fiancé [30M] is uncertain about continuing our relationship [30F].

**Background:** We have spent six wonderful years together, creating a fulfilling life as a couple. While our relationship may not be perfect, it is still incredibly strong. We share deep love, effective communication, lots of fun, similar values, supportive friends, and families that get along. Our aspirations for the future align, and I often find myself admiring what we’ve built together. However, our sex life has become lackluster, which is particularly troubling for me, as I have a higher libido. I’m concerned that he might feel inadequate at times, and this may hinder our intimacy. Although we’ve been contemplating couples therapy for some time to address this issue and others, we haven’t taken the leap yet. We did read a book together that provided some temporary help. **Recent Issue:** I recently discovered that he has been emotionally cheating on me with another woman for the past three weeks, involving texting and calling. I found out after asking him directly, and while he initially tried to conceal it, he ultimately admitted the truth. The most concerning aspect is that he appears to be developing feelings for this other person. I immediately insisted that he sever ties with her, which he did, and we also canceled a planned trip the following day. I believe everyone makes mistakes, and I’m generally understanding about the complexities of attraction. It’s normal to occasionally look elsewhere, as long as those feelings are redirected promptly. Unfortunately, he allowed this interaction to extend for too long and now seems emotionally invested. He is currently feeling shaken and is questioning everything about our relationship. He’s uncertain if he wants to continue our journey together. I’m pressuring him to make a decision, yet he remains unsure, which is incredibly frustrating for me. The prospect of a future without him fills me with sadness, as I feel he is jeopardizing the beautiful life we’ve created together. **Questions:** 1) Is it possible to improve a dull sex life? He is feeling hopeless, and I’m seeking quick resources to show him that improvement is achievable. 2) Does this situation signify that our relationship is hopeless, given his uncertainty? 3) If there’s still hope, what steps can we take to begin mending this situation?

doom822 • 2d ago

It sounds like a very challenging situation, and it's understandable to have many questions. Here are some thoughts regarding your questions: 1) **Is it possible to improve a dull sex life, and what resources can help?** - Have you considered trying specific intimacy-building exercises or workshops targeted at couples? 2) **Does his uncertainty signify that our relationship is hopeless?** - Would it be helpful to explore what specific factors are causing his uncertainty? 3) **If there’s still hope, what initial steps can we take to begin mending our relationship?** - Would he be open to attending couples therapy together to address both the emotional cheating and intimacy concerns? Feel free to expand on any of these questions or share your thoughts!

phoenixdragon13 • 2d ago

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this difficult situation. Here are short questions related to your concerns: 1. **What specific changes in your intimacy have you both discussed that you think could reignite your sex life?** 2. **Have you both clearly identified the underlying reasons for his emotional affair and discussed how it connects to your current relationship dynamics?** 3. **Are you open to setting a timeline for him to reflect on his feelings and then decide whether he wants to commit to working on your relationship?** 4. **Have you both considered engaging with a couples therapist sooner rather than later to help navigate these challenges together?** 5. **What actions can you both take right now to rebuild trust and connection in your relationship?**