I'm a 21-year-old woman seeking guidance regarding my relationship with my 50-year-old mother. Please note there may be sensitive topics related to non-detailed childhood experiences.

I’m 21 and would like to share the beginning of my story. When I was 12, my mother discovered that my father, who had not been in a relationship with her for years, was sexually abusing me. She contacted the police, and the case went to court, but ultimately he faced no consequences due to a lack of evidence—my testimony was the only proof available. After that ordeal faded, my mother rekindled her friendship with him, frequently spoke positively about him, and often encouraged me to reach out to him again despite my distress. She even said things like, “I don’t understand... come on, he knows what he did was wrong. Just get over it,” as if I should resume a relationship with him. My older sister chose to reconnect with our father and interacts with him normally to this day. I, however, have not spoken to him since and have no desire to; the trauma still affects me deeply. There’s more to this story, but it would take a long time to explain everything. This situation strained my relationship with my mother, as I often felt unsupported by her. During my teenage years, I hardly communicated with her, even though we lived together. She frequently expressed her dislike for me, labeling me a narcissist and suggesting I might become abusive as an adult. At times, she would completely shut down communication with me. I recall coming out of my room to find her and my sister laughing together only for them to fall silent when I entered the room. My mother would avoid eye contact and turn away. Being homeschooled meant I had no friends or outside support, leaving me feeling incredibly isolated. Now that I’m 21 and living on my own, I initially distanced myself from my mother. After some time, I decided I wanted to try building a relationship with her, feeling more emotionally secure outside of her home. However, I’m finding it challenging. She has done a lot for me—buying food, gifting me plants because she knows I love them, and helping me install my fridge in my apartment. I appreciate all of this, yet her presence still triggers me. When I’m with her, I often revert to feeling like a bullied teenager, shutting down and feeling ashamed. I also become overly sensitive to her remarks. For instance, after I broke up with my boyfriend last year, she and her new husband sided with him on an issue, which upset me greatly—even though it may not have seemed significant. I struggle with feelings of guilt for experiencing discomfort around my mother, especially given her recent kindness. Sometimes, I find myself snapping at her, feeling anxious and defensive, reminiscent of my teenage years. How can I move forward from the way she treated me in the past?