Relationship advices: Family Conflicts

My boyfriend's mother is claiming that I'm having an affair with her husband.

My boyfriend’s mother (55) recently cornered me and made it clear that she is aware of what she feels is my true character. I’m a 26-year-old woman and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (25) for about a year. We’ve started discussing our future together, including the possibility of settling down, but I am an immigrant in the United States while he is a citizen and a military veteran. Currently, we both live with our parents. Sometimes I stay at his house, and other times he stays over at mine. I live only with my mother (48), who is fine with my boyfriend visiting. In contrast, my boyfriend resides with his mother, stepfather (50), and his two younger siblings. From the start of our relationship, my boyfriend warned me about his mother. After his stepfather cheated on her, she installed cameras throughout the house, which reveals her insecurities and controlling behavior. Recently, she accused me of trying to use her son to obtain American citizenship. She claimed to have videotapes of me entering her husband's room and suggested that I “hacked” her camera system to erase any compromising footage of myself. She stated that her husband would never leave her for me because, in her eyes, I'm just “a nobody,” while she is the love of his life. She went on to say that she would persuade my boyfriend not to marry me and threatened that he would ultimately leave me. Furthermore, she claimed he is aware that I am a “homewrecker” and that he supposedly promised her he would “shoot me in the head” if given the chance. She even attempted to blackmail me into silence about our conversation. Feeling devastated, I left her home, wished her well, and got into my car. I called my boyfriend and told him everything. He confronted his mother and left the house that same night, expressing his desire to distance himself from her. He apologized for her behavior and admitted, “I told you she was crazy, but I didn’t realize she was THIS CRAZY.” The following day, she called him begging for him to come by and talk. He agreed, and even though I’m hurt, I want him to clear the air with her. We have always had a strong relationship, and I trust him. However, I’m feeling sad, broken, and confused about this situation. I sense that his mother may need mental health support, but I worry about potentially becoming the enemy if I suggest it. Her lies, blackmail, threats, and slander have left me shaken, and I'm concerned she might manipulate my boyfriend or retaliate against me if he chooses to return to her. To clarify, everything she accused me of is false. Her husband told her she was mistaken, and both my boyfriend and his older brother (35) defended our relationship, as he also experienced similar treatment from their mother when he married a Central American woman five years ago. In the end, she assured me that if not me, another woman would try to come between her and her husband and sons, but she would fight to prevent that from happening. I would appreciate any advice or insight on how to navigate this difficult situation.

I’m worried that if I respond to my sister's questions, it will hurt her feelings. What should I do? (W: Abuse)

(References to abuse) I’m a 50-year-old woman and recently shared some negative thoughts about my life on Facebook, specifically regarding my sperm donor (71 years old), whom I’ll refer to as SD. My sister, who is 45, responded by asking why I couldn’t simply “let things go and reconcile.” To give some context, SD has always exhibited classic narcissistic traits, including a quick temper and an emotionally abusive demeanor. To me, he was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive, alternating between cold indifference and outright neglect. Being the older sibling, I felt a strong responsibility to protect my younger sister from him. My sister was viewed as the “golden child.” She thrived in her father’s eyes, engaging in traditional “boy activities” like fishing, hunting, and sports. I remember hearing SD express more than once that he didn’t miss having a son because his little girl more than filled that role. She adored him, almost to a fault. In our upbringing, the difference in treatment was stark. While my sister faced rare instances of spanking or yelling, I endured far worse. I faced physical punishment, slaps to the face, bullying, and constant belittlement, sometimes even being locked out of the house until our mother returned. Academically, I struggled, particularly with tests, resulting in below-average grades. My sister never witnessed the depths of SD’s cruelty. The most brutal incident I experienced occurred when I was around 12. After he falsely accused me of lying and I dared to defend myself, he grabbed me by the jaw and lifted me off my feet, holding me suspended in the air. I remember hearing cracking sounds, convinced he might actually kill me. Once he finally released me, I escaped to my room, living on soft foods for weeks and lying to our mother by claiming the injury happened on the playground. I knew that revealing the truth would subject me to an even harsher reality. Ultimately, a visit to the dentist revealed that he had cracked my lower jaw and partially dislocated it, leaving me with ongoing issues related to that incident. My sister has never known the truth about what I endured. I never wanted her to—she deserves to have her hero. However, she’s now pushing me to reconcile, calling me “self-centered” and urging me to return to the family. I find myself grappling with whether to tell her the truth and risk ruining a relationship she cherishes. Complicating matters further, she has two sons, and SD is a good grandfather to them. Meanwhile, due to SD’s influence, my sister and I were estranged for years, and only in the last seven years have we attempted a reconciliation. Part of me feels that maintaining the status quo, as I have for so long, is the best course of action. I’m resigned to being seen as the “bad kid” to spare her any discomfort and preserve her family life. My own situation feels irreparable. Should I keep my silence and potentially safeguard our relationship, or risk everything by revealing the truth? Additionally, I’d appreciate hearing from anyone who has experienced similar abuse. I’m simply seeking different perspectives. Thank you for your time and insights.

This entire friendship was a facade.

I apologize for jumping into Reddit for the first time, but I genuinely need an outside perspective on how to handle a tricky situation. For some context, my boyfriend and I met another couple—I'll refer to the woman as M and her partner as K—at my daughter’s school two years ago, and we’ve become good friends. Our kids also get along well. However, M has made some remarks about K that always seemed off, and there were random stories that just didn't add up. Wanting to give our new friendship time to develop, I held off on forming any judgments. Fast forward to this past weekend when M and K came over for drinks. M ended up getting quite drunk and asked me to call her a cab, but since I had only had one drink, I offered to drive her home instead. K stayed behind to hang out with my boyfriend, which was fine. While driving M home, she started getting sassy, questioning why I was taking her home and insinuating that no one wanted to hang out with her. I reminded her that she was the one who asked to leave and suggested she get some rest, offering to pick her up if she wanted to come back later. When I returned home, the guys were chatting, and I decided to spend some time on my computer before starting dinner. That's when K opened up about his tumultuous relationship with M. He shared some hefty claims: she has cheated on him, been physically abusive, struggles with alcoholism, and fails to contribute to their household. Everything I had ever questioned about M suddenly made sense, confirming all my doubts and the odd comments she had made in the past. You might wonder how I could trust K’s story, but there are times you just know. My boyfriend completely believes him as well. The pain and defeat in K’s eyes were palpable, and he also acknowledged his own faults within the relationship, which made me feel he was being honest. He stays with M mainly out of concern for their child and fears of losing custody if things escalate. After dropping K off, M showed up at my place, visibly upset and still drunk. I asked her to leave and told her I needed to process everything before talking again because I was overwhelmed. M then began texting me furiously, saying things like, “I hate when he does this,” and “he lies, remember?” I didn’t respond at first but eventually told her that I needed space to think about the situation. With our kids attending the same school, I’m uncertain about the future of our friendship. M hasn’t even apologized for showing up at my door unannounced, which I’ve made clear is not okay. It’s obvious she needs help, but I’m unsure how to proceed. I've spent the weekend weighing my options, and I'm really lost. K doesn’t want to lose our friendship either, but I’m at a crossroads and need some guidance. Ignoring M feels wrong, but I’m unsure how to move forward from here. Any advice would be appreciated.

How can I prevent disappointing my mum (45F) or myself (26F)?

My relationship with my mom hasn’t always been great, but we’ve grown closer as I’ve entered adulthood. For some background, my parents divorced when I was two, and I primarily lived with my dad. My mom remarried and had two kids (a 16-year-old son and a 13-year-old daughter), but that marriage ended three years ago, and she’s struggled to adjust to being a single mother. As a result, she’s been reaching out to me more, even though I’m living independently and managing my own life. She also deals with a disability and is facing increasing financial difficulty. Recently, she asked if I would join her and my siblings on a vacation next summer. To be honest, I’m not keen on going. She sees this as a crucial opportunity, since starting in 2026, her income will significantly drop, and she’s worried that my brother might not want to participate in family vacations anymore as he transitions into adulthood. I’ve always found it hard to say no, as I don’t want to disappoint her, but I feel that I’ve reached an age where family vacations aren’t a priority for me anymore. My friends are eager to travel together, I want to spend time with my partner, and I have limited vacation days and budget to consider. Plus, I prefer to travel during the school holidays when prices are lower. In summary, I’m uncertain about whether I should go on this family vacation and how to communicate my decision if I choose not to. (For additional context: Both of us have ADHD, and I’m also autistic. Our family has a history of mental health challenges, which can make social interactions a bit difficult.)

What is it that's making me feel sad about this...?

My boyfriend (43) and I (39) have been in a relationship for over five years. He comes from a large family, and I truly enjoy spending time with them. This year has been challenging as my mom has been in and out of the hospital, but she is currently in rehabilitation, and I’m able to bring her home for Thanksgiving. Typically, I go to my brother-in-law's house, which is a four-hour drive, and my boyfriend and I usually spend the long weekend there. However, this year, due to my mom’s health situation, I've decided that Thanksgiving will be at my place instead (my boyfriend and I don’t live together). I have a few family members coming over. My boyfriend just informed me that he will spend Thanksgiving Day with my family, but he plans to leave for his brother's house on Friday and won’t return until Tuesday. For some reason, I started feeling anxious about this. Why am I feeling this way? Should I be concerned about it?

Pages: 1 [2]