Relationship advices: Dating and Starting Relationships

Dating and Starting Relationships • 1mo ago

How should I handle this situation?

I used to work at a Xerox store, and there was this customer who came in often. He was nice, and we shared some small talk every time he visited. I always felt a bit giddy around him, but that was as far as it went—until I learned my boss was attempting to set him up with another female employee. I figured it was fair game to reach out, as I hadn’t before, assuming dating customers was off-limits. I sent him a Facebook friend request after digging up his name online, and he accepted right away. We started chatting regularly, but he would act like he didn’t know me whenever he came by the store. This was puzzling, yet he continued to visit almost daily, which made me think he might be nervous or something. In a moment of frustration, I jokingly mentioned to my boss and coworkers that he only came in when I was working. They got defensive and pretended not to know what I was talking about, quickly changing the subject. I realized I was being petty, but they had treated me poorly, so it felt good to retaliate a little. Eventually, I quit due to the toxic work environment, and within a week, I landed a much better job. I reached out to him to let him know he’d have to deal with my old coworkers from now on, joking about how strange they were during their interactions with clients. After that, we talked less and less since I was working longer hours, and he was busy with work and college. Recently, I noticed he had unfriended me on Facebook, although he still follows me on Instagram. When I messaged him, he was surprisingly rude. He ignored my question and basically ghosted me. I can't help but think that perhaps my boss or coworkers mentioned my earlier comments to him, which might explain why he became distant after showing interest. By the way, my former boss has been posting about me on the store’s social media, almost calling me out after I had gone above and beyond for that job, even working through my lunch breaks. She’s just upset that I quit without giving a two-week notice. Should I just let this go? I don’t have strong feelings for him—it was still early in getting to know each other—so I’m just feeling confused.


Dating and Starting Relationships • 1mo ago

What’s the best way for me (34F) to navigate my 'situationship' with him (36M)?

I'm embarrassed to be asking this at my age, but I really care about this guy and don’t want to ruin things. So, there's this man I've been seeing—let's call him John, because I think that name suits a privileged guy pretty well! We met at work when he was covering our location for a couple of months. I found him attractive, but since we were colleagues, I tried to keep things professional. Fast forward four months after we stopped working together—I ran into him at a work event, and we were both being flirty. He insisted that I join him and some others at a bar afterward. I had prior plans, so I told him I would stop by if they were still out when I was free. When I got off work at 10:30 PM, I texted John to see if they were still out, and he said, “Yes!” and told me to come to his place. I figured no one else would be there, but I went anyway. One thing led to another, and we ended up sleeping together that night. Since then, we've been in this complicated dating/friendship situation. A couple of months back, he let me know he’s not ready for anything serious or exclusive since he just got out of a long-term relationship and doesn’t want to hurt me. However, I felt hurt that he waited until we were already so close to tell me this, especially after he pushed for us to sleep together. Here’s where it gets complicated: I’m head over heels for this guy, and he has no idea how I’m feeling. At one point, I reached out to see if I was misreading signals since he hadn't been asking to hang out. He reassured me that I’m one of his favorite people but reiterated that he’s not ready for a relationship right now. I recently messaged him to say that I’d like to discuss our situation the next time we meet. To be clear, I would love to have a relationship with him, but I’m worried about approaching the topic the wrong way. Should I wait longer, since it's only been about 3.5 months? Should I lay all my feelings out on the table? Or do I just need to be more patient? The thought of him possibly seeing other people really bothers me. HELP!


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