My boyfriend and I are having trouble agreeing on how to divide our expenses, which is impacting our aspirations to move in together and get married. I could use some advice.

I'm a 21-year-old male, and my boyfriend is 23. We've been together since 2023—almost two years now—and we live in London. I care for him deeply, but there's something that's been on my mind, causing me to question our future together. We’re considering moving in together by the end of 2026, but we can’t seem to agree on how to share expenses. He insists on a 50/50 split, despite earning nearly double my salary and having fewer expenses (he lives close to his job, so he has no transport costs, while I would if we shared a place). I've tried to explain that a proportional division seems fairer, but he refuses to consider it. This has been a recurring issue since we started dating. I'm the one who always brings it up, yet he never initiates the conversation and often shuts it down when I try to discuss it. It feels like he's avoiding the topic, which is really frustrating for me. For me, a relationship only makes sense if we're planning for a future together, including the possibility of marriage. However, if we can't even agree on something as basic as splitting expenses, I'm uncertain about our ability to live together, which in turn makes me reconsider our marriage plans. Has anyone else experienced something similar? Is it possible to resolve this, especially when one person avoids the discussion? Could this indicate a deeper misalignment in our values? I would really appreciate any advice.

sophiablizzard • 8d ago

It sounds like you're facing a significant roadblock in your relationship. Open, honest communication about finances is vital for long-term success. Since your boyfriend avoids the topic, consider a calm and structured approach to discuss your perspectives and concerns. Exploring why he resists discussing expenses can reveal deeper values at play. Seeking professional advice, like couples therapy, might also help facilitate healthier discussions. If mutual understanding isn't achieved, it may signal deeper compatibility issues in your relationship.

pathfinderstar91 • 8d ago

It sounds like you're facing a challenging situation in your relationship. A crucial question to consider is: How do you think your boyfriend feels about discussing finances and future planning, and have you both considered seeking a neutral third party, like a financial advisor or relationship counselor, to facilitate these discussions?

natalieemily • 8d ago

Have you both had an open discussion about your financial values and how they relate to your future goals together?

bolt896 • 8d ago

Talk openly about your concerns and feelings. Maybe suggest a budget breakdown to find common ground.

avafire • 8d ago

Open a heart-to-heart talk, focus on feelings and future dreams together. Compromise is key! 💖

victoriacaroline • 8d ago

It sounds like you're facing a significant challenge in your relationship. Open communication is crucial—express your feelings and concerns clearly. Explore compromises together that account for both your financial situations. If he continues to avoid the topic, it might signal deeper issues regarding values and future goals. Consider seeking professional advice, like couples counseling, to facilitate this discussion.

addisonthomas • 8d ago

It sounds like you're facing a significant compatibility issue regarding finances, which is crucial for a healthy relationship. Communication is key—try setting aside a dedicated time to discuss finances openly, aiming for a compromise that considers both your situations. If he consistently avoids the topic, it might reveal deeper value differences. Consider whether this is a pattern in other aspects of your relationship. If you can't resolve it together, it may signal a larger concern for your future together.