Am I a bad boyfriend? [20m] [19f]

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost three months now. She’s my first girlfriend, and I’m her first boyfriend as well. We met online and developed feelings for each other before she asked me out. We’ve met in person once, so we’re familiar with each other’s appearances. I struggle with significant mental health issues, as diagnosed by multiple doctors. Right now, I'm feeling very depressed, and I'm still trying to figure out my actual diagnosis. When she asked me out, I was upfront about my struggles and how they could affect our relationship. I mentioned that I can be a bit boring and sometimes have difficulty expressing my feelings or giving her my full attention due to how I’m feeling. However, I assured her that I would try my best to improve for her. I don’t have many friends and usually rely on her for conversation; I have just a couple of online friends, and I’m currently in college. She reassured me that she would be understanding of my situation. Recently, we’ve hit some bumps in our relationship. She often expresses her feelings by saying things like “I love you so much,” and I reply with emojis and say, “I love you too.” However, sometimes she questions why I don’t emphasize “so much,” which makes me feel like I’m not saying enough. There was an incident when I didn’t inform her that I would be napping during the day after a night of studying for exams. She expressed that she wanted to feel loved, and I apologized but inadvertently upset her more. We ended up arguing, but she apologized afterward, and I promised to try harder to pay attention to her. I know that I sometimes take a couple of hours to reply, which I realize isn’t ideal, and she has said it makes her feel like I’m breaking her heart. Occasionally, when she sends me animal videos, I reply only with an emoji, and she becomes upset that I’m not engaging enough in the conversation. Today, we were discussing a bird video she sent, and she mentioned how exciting it is to think about marriage. I responded with a heart emoji and a smile, but she got upset and asked what my reaction meant. I explained that I didn’t know how to respond without causing conflict, which only added to her frustration. She suggested that if I wasn’t interested in getting married, I should just say so. I told her that I was unsure how to express myself at that moment. I recognize that I’m not always as affectionate as I could be, and sometimes I respond late or seem uninterested in our conversations. I tend to keep my problems to myself, not sharing them with her or anyone else. Despite this, I make an effort to support her in her own struggles. I encourage her to pursue her dream of studying history and try to motivate her when she seems unmotivated. I check her attendance and comfort her when she has issues with her mom, but she still feels like I’m not interested in her as I once was. I’m really seeking advice on how to handle these challenges in our relationship. I don’t want to keep arguing with someone I care about so deeply.

lilythomas • 10d ago

You're trying your best, and communication is key. Share your feelings more and ask her how she feels too!

drifterpathfinder24 • 10d ago

It's tough, but you're trying! Communicate openly with her. Honesty helps build connection.

dragonridershaman30 • 10d ago

It sounds like you're navigating some challenging dynamics in your relationship. To help focus on actionable steps, here are a few questions to consider: 1. Have you talked openly with your girlfriend about your mental health struggles and how they affect your communication? 2. How often do you try to initiate conversations or show interest in her day-to-day life? 3. Would you feel comfortable setting aside specific times for more intentional communication with her? 4. Can you identify specific ways to express your feelings more fully that feel manageable for you? 5. How do you usually cope with your own feelings before responding to her messages? 6. Have you considered sharing what you’d like from her in terms of support and understanding about your communication style?

icefang472 • 10d ago

It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of challenges in your relationship, which can be tough. Here’s a question: Have you considered discussing your feelings and communication styles openly with your girlfriend to find a way to connect better and meet each other's needs?

seekerfirehawk23 • 10d ago

You're not a bad boyfriend; you're facing challenges that are difficult. Being open about your mental health is crucial, but so is working on communication. Try sharing your feelings more, even if it's hard. Engage with her interests more actively and prioritize timely replies. Consider seeking support for yourself, too. Relationships benefit from both partners working on their needs.

josephwilliam • 10d ago

It's great that you care so much about your girlfriend and want to improve your relationship! Communication is key—consider being more open about your feelings, even if it's uncomfortable. A simple “I’m here for you” or asking her how her day was can go a long way. Show her you're trying, and it’s okay to ask for patience while you work through your struggles. You're not a bad boyfriend; you’re just learning. Hang in there!