(⚠️CW: suicide) A friend I know online may be just months away from taking her own life, and I'm feeling uncertain about how to help her.
About two years ago, I met a girl in a roleplay group chat on Messenger. From our first conversations in the spam channel—I should clarify that these Spanish-speaking RP groups typically have three sections: roleplay, character sheets, and a spam chat for off-topic discussions—I felt a strong connection with her. A few days later, she slid into my DMs to talk about the game, and we started chatting more regularly. Honestly, it was an incredible feeling to find someone I felt so compatible with. After struggling to connect with women for the past four to five years due to some tough experiences, it felt refreshing to develop a genuine bond with her. I knew that losing this connection would deeply affect me, which is a testament to how much I valued it. However, we did experience some friction that led to periods of no contact for a few months. I fully take responsibility for that; I want to clarify that she had no part in it. The real issue arose during a video call several months after we first connected. She confided in me that she had thoughts of taking her own life at a certain age. I can't remember if it was due to feeling like her life was meaningless or if she felt she hadn't planned beyond that point. While I could check our old chats to confirm, I find it too painful to revisit those memories. As I write this, we are exactly three months and three days away from the date she mentioned. While it may seem like a long time to some, it fills me with anxiety. About three out of four times I log into Facebook, it’s just to check on her: Is she online? Did she post something? The worry about her possible decision to end her life is constantly lurking in my mind, and it’s terrifying. She could be in a precarious situation even as I write this. Whenever she started dating someone during our periods of no contact, it gave me some relief—not just because I genuinely want her to be happy, but because it meant she’d have support if things took a turn for the worse. Right now, though, that’s not the case. I know I need to reach out to her; I was planning to do so on May 7th due to a superstition I have about that date relating to numbers I consider lucky. But as the days pass, this situation feels like a ticking time bomb without a timer, and I don’t want to sit idle while it counts down. Life has taught me to avoid taking risks and to avoid getting too involved with others, but now I feel like this could be my chance to change that. I just don’t know how to proceed. Of course, there’s a possibility that her life is improving and she’s no longer considering suicide, but given the stakes, I can’t afford to take any chances. I’m genuinely at a loss about what to do next; I can’t endure this uncertainty for much longer. And for anyone wondering: yes, I have feelings for her, but I would feel this way even without romantic feelings. A close friend of mine once tried to overdose while we were talking, and even though I didn't have feelings for her, the experience shook me. This girl has always been honest with me and treated me with kindness and respect, even when I stumbled. I miss her so much. She's far too young to be facing such dark thoughts, and she doesn’t deserve it.