Could I please get some advice? Thank you! X

I've made some edits to respect both my privacy and that of my friend. The crux of the matter is that I felt my friend was prioritizing a party over the event I was hosting. Notably, she mentioned the party just two days before my event. Here's a summary of our conversation from the end of October: K: "Hey, this is a bit difficult for me to bring up because I don't like confrontation, but I wouldn’t say anything unless I felt it was important. I feel like I’ve been pushed aside. I love a party, and I genuinely want you to have fun with your coworkers because I know how much they mean to you. However, I hope you can see it from my perspective. I haven’t seen you in about a month, and we had this event planned for a while. The other week, you seemed excited to attend, and now it feels like that’s changed with the party news. I understand that there can be multiple events going on, and I just wanted to express how this made me feel because you’re an important friend, and I miss you." (On Saturday, November 2) K: "Hey, I hope you’re still planning to come tonight. I’m not trying to pressure you; I also mentioned Sunday. I’m really sorry if I upset you—that was never my intention. I thought we had a friendship where we could be honest and work through things together." She didn’t come and didn’t respond. After some time, I reached out again on November 12: K: "Hey, I’ve taken time to reflect, and I chose my words carefully. I still stand by what I felt, but I see now that you were planning to come. I hope I didn’t come off as controlling. What upset me most were your words regarding the party. It seemed like that was a higher priority to you, and I know that might sound childish, but I really looked forward to your attendance. I put a lot of effort into the event and wanted you there, along with the artist who helped me. I’m not trying to dictate; I just wanted to express how I felt as you have in the past, and I’ve acknowledged and apologized for those feelings." Lastly, while I’m not trying to play the victim, context is important. When I sent that message, I was having a tough week, with an intense mental health appointment. I’ve been struggling for a while, and perhaps my emotions got the best of me. I realize now you planned to attend, but the party news made me sad for those reasons, and I panicked about when I would see you next. I understand if this seems dramatic, but you mean a lot to me. I hope we can use this bump in the road to strengthen our friendship and that it opens the door for you to share any concerns you might have, as I know I make mistakes. M didn’t respond until November 17: M: "It’s fine. I needed some time to cool off. I understand your position and that you were stressed, but you also need to consider that I had a demanding week. It felt like you were accusing me of lying about Mo’s Halloween party, which was actually planned months in advance. The invitation you gave me to the Rose St. Foundry session came just four days before the show, and your tone felt a bit lackadaisical. This made it easier for me to choose between the two events without feeling pressured—our Halloween party is a significant tradition for our shop. I hope you understand that attending your show instead would have meant disregarding that plan. I felt you were coming across as controlling, and honestly, it spooked me a little. You know the reality—we’ve both moved to new cities and are busy with our intense courses. Meeting up isn’t going to be easy, and we need to accept that. You know about my mental health struggles. Maybe we can regroup during the Christmas break to talk this through." My response on November 19: K: "Hey, I’ve been busy with a show, but now that it’s over, I want to express my appreciation for acknowledging my previous message. I agree that meeting up can help us clear the air. However, I’m still a bit hurt that you haven’t said, 'I’m sorry for making you feel that way.' I get that there are different perspectives, but I believe it's important to acknowledge feelings before addressing the issue. Like when I apologized about my past actions, it felt important to address your feelings first. I’ve always tried to support you and understand your stresses, but if you feel otherwise, we can discuss that in person. I recognize that I neglected to mention your stress in my initial message, but I usually do consider that, especially since I have my own challenges. I truly admire how well you’re handling your teaching responsibilities. Regarding the controlling aspect, I hope you know that’s not who I am, and I appreciate your feedback. I want to ensure this incident doesn’t change your view of me because I’m still the same kind person you know. I’m human, and I make mistakes. I’d like to discuss this further in person, as that would be more appropriate for sensitive topics. As for your mental health, I’ve always been supportive. I remember when you started university and I sent you counseling resources. I want to help, but I also understand the importance of giving you space. Know that you don’t need to mask anything around me; I value you for who you are. My door is always open for you to talk about anything, including autism. I’ll be in town for Christmas and would love to meet up. I have some dates available—14th, 15th, 16th, 18th, and 21st. If none of those work, I might be back for New Year’s, but my classes start up again the week of January 6th. Thank you. xx" I reached out again in early December to propose a meeting, but she didn’t respond. On December 20, I dropped off a Christmas gift for her, wanting to remind her that I still consider her a friend and that Christmas is a time for kindness and forgiveness. I received a text from her on Christmas Day: M: "Thanks for the gift. Hope you’ve had a good day." The following day, I replied: K: "You’re welcome! I saw the cat biscuits and thought of you. If you make them soon, I’d love to see how they turn out! Hope your day was lovely and work went well for you. Have a great New Year’s Eve—hopefully, I’ll see you in the new year!" I didn't get a response. I also sent her a birthday card in early January but didn’t receive any acknowledgment in return. I’m feeling confused and upset. I know I made a mistake with my wording, but it seems to have spiraled further than I anticipated. I've given her space, and I plan to continue doing so for the rest of the month. I’m hesitant to reach out again, but I’d like to know where we stand and if we can discuss what was essentially a miscommunication—especially since the Halloween party wasn’t mentioned until the last minute. I value her feelings and appreciate her response, but I feel as though I’ve done something unforgivable, and I’m unsure how to proceed. Should I suggest we talk once our courses are over so we can set things straight? Thank you for any advice you can provide.